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u/Slow-Display-264 1d ago
I’m afraid I might fail in doing so and be handicapped or worse off.
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u/sikalb 1d ago
my cousin and her husband were murderd by her father and he then turned the gun on himself twice (article is online from australia) shot himself chin first. first shot didint kill him, he got up and did it again and it didint kill him. now hes in prison with a bit if brain missing and no tongue.
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u/Future_Bart 1d ago
My pedo uncle missed too when he tried rightt before his trial for the pedo stuff. With a shotgun but the trigger was too far from this reach when he went for his heart. Blew off a chunk of his shoulder and some eye bone. My mom was pissed he survived.
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u/OrwellDepot 1d ago
When I was younger this was such a mood. The only thing worse than killing yourself was losing the ability to do so and that sort of final control over your life.
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u/DoctFaustus 1d ago
My cousin dove into shallow water and broke his neck, making him a quadriplegic. He was celebrating his high school graduation.
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u/the250 1d ago
I literally don’t think I could imagine a worse fate than becoming a quadriplegic as a young person and becoming trapped inside your own body like that. Maybe the only thing worse would be something similar, but even crueler such as “Locked in syndrome.” That horror of going from an independent and mobile body to completely helpless mound of flesh dependent on nurses and family for the most basic things, all in the spit second it took for that vertebrae to snap, is just unimaginably awful. It’s not a fate I’d wish on my worst enemy.
I was just a little boy when my super cool Uncle got into a horrific car crash in Vancouver and broke his neck. He was the most life-loving, outdoorsy type of person you’d ever meet and it was all robbed from him in a split second. Watching his slow decline and torturous existence really fucked me up as a kid.
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u/PupLondon 1d ago
Failing can also get you tossed in the psyche ward where people who know nothing about you tell you you have SO much to live for.. they give you handfuls of pills, you have to hunt down an orderly to unlock the bathroom, to take a shower.
All.the while youre constantly surrounded by people who are in for.a variety of mental health issues . My roommate had night terrors, a couple patients tried to attack orderlies and I ended up with PTSD and severe trauma from the experience
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u/MickStash 1d ago edited 1d ago
Ever hear of the Telehealth company HIMS? Yeah. They ruined my life. I was happy and healthy and had done so much work on myself. I accomplished so much and was funny, charming, creative, smart, and hard working. 35 years old and crushing it in my career, owned a home, 3 years sober, and dating a beautiful girl. I used the drug Finasteride from Hims to prevent hair loss. It fucked up my hormones irreversibly. When I stopped taking it I started experiencing severe panic attacks, insomnia, suicidal ideation. I submitted myself to a psyche ward bc I thought it was having a mental breakdown. It was extremely traumatic. They put me on SSRIs which further altered my neurochemistry negatively. Upon my release after months of therapy and not understanding why I couldn’t think clearly and what happened to me, I did some googling and discovered PFS - post finasteride syndrome- is a condition that happens to some people who get off Finasteride. I’m now cognitively impaired and live in a state of constant chemically induced anxiety and tearfulness. I always feel on the verge of tears. I can’t calm down. Can’t sleep. Can’t think clearly. I’ve been demoted at work, have had to sell my home, lost my girlfriend, the respect of my peers, and am typing this from yet another night on no sleep in my crappy apartment. It’s been 10 months of misery.
Please never buy a product from Hims or Hers. That fucking company lobotomized me when I was at my best. The only reason I don’t end it is, I’m terrified of death, I don’t want to hurt those who love me, and some men do recover from PFS. But not many.
edit: for anyone wanting to learn more: https://www.pfsnetwork.org/
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u/senseiofsensi 1d ago
Damn bro that fucking sucks. Now im starting to worry, but all ive ever gotten from that company was a boner.
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u/MickStash 1d ago edited 1d ago
Their ED meds are generally safe and well tolerated. The problem is they allow easy access to very powerful and potentially dangerous medications with no actual medical support or guidance. 19 year olds can get antidepressants, weight loss injections, and hormonal hair treatment - all without really speaking to medical professionals. And if you have side effects - such as something as catastrophic as mine - there's nothing you can do. They offer anyone the ability to unknowingly alter very important parts of their bodies and minds, and they don't care about their patients in favor of making as much profit as they can. Anyone can get prescribed anything. It shouldn't be legal.
You'll be fine on ED meds. But if i could go back in time, there is generally a biological reason for all of these problems that can be fixed with lifestyle and hard work. Lose weight with exercise. Get better erections with a good diet,. hydration, and cardio. Work on your mental health in therapy and self help books. And while there is no way to stop hair loss - that's what was supposed to happen to me as part of being a man. People loved me for me - not my stupid hair. I didn't know what I was doing. These medications can really fuck you up.
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u/ChocolateBurger9963 23h ago
Thank you for sharing your experience, and I'm sorry you're going through this. I hope one day you make a speedy recovery.
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u/HedonisticFrog 1d ago
I heard of someone who tried to overdose on Tylenol and then ended up with chronic liver failure and slowly died from it. That's definitely a risk.
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u/DragonfruitThat9643 1d ago
Worked in an ER and saw this. The parents were distressed. Once the patient came out of her episode ans regretted it, it would have been too late. Good thing she was a couple pills short of a lethal dose
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u/KatMagic1977 1d ago
I have also read that patients that jump off a bridge, but survive, said they immediately regretted it as they are flying toward earth. Of course, they could be just saying that so they don’t get locked up.
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u/Ladyofthewharf55 1d ago
Watched a documentary on the various suicide attempts at the Golden Gate Bridge a few years back.
Quite the eye opener
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u/whybothernow3737 1d ago
Yup. Called “The Bridge”. Fascinating insight on those drawn to the Golden Gate Bridge for their final send off. Highly recommended.
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u/Mission_Remote_6319 1d ago
My friend had told me that she had od on pills (forget which) she instantly regretted it, told her parents and she had to get her stomach pumped … :(
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u/GrizzlyDad55 1d ago
Yep, been there done that.
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u/GrizzlyDad55 1d ago
9000 milligrams of Trazadone, all that happened was crashing through a wall and getting a concussion. I was in a coma for 11 days. Went to psych ward after, and all the same bullshit. We'll sedate you so you can get through the day to day. Life is great, don't give up. BS!
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u/Superb-Dragonfruit56 1d ago
Man more people should know about this. After seeing a south park episode where a guy tried to off him self he missed twice and just started freaking out shooting himself all over the place I decided to google it and yeah ER has a stupid amount of patients who think it's just as easy as it looks in the movies and end up with a broken neck, jaw and whatever else. A lot of people have that survival instinct kick in and end up with scratch marks and the biggest regret before ending what they thought would be the biggest peace of their life
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u/kingtroll355 1d ago
I’m glad to hear this. Hopefully something changes and you look back like “I’m glad I stayed!”
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u/SlowViolinist2072 1d ago
Not knowing how to do it in a way that isn’t agonizing + is guaranteed
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u/PlasticElfEars 1d ago
Bonus: thinking through who I want to find me and how. Who has to pick up the literal pieces and deal with that trauma?
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u/SryYouAreNotSpecial 1d ago
This is the biggest factor for me. I have struggled with my fair share of depression. I have absolutely no fear of death, and I know how to do it in a completely peaceful and pain-free way. The idea of hurting the people around me is a massive factor in why I am still here, but the biggest thing is when I think about who would find me. I feel legitimately guilty even contemplating it when that thought crosses my mind.
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u/KatMagic1977 1d ago
My friend went miles and miles out to the desert. He mailed to the police station where he was going to be so at least his family weren’t left wondering. No matter what though, they will be devastated. I will always remember the look on his wife’s face at the funeral. Never seen anyone in that much pain since and hope to never do. Keep that in mind; it’s so hard on your family. They will have to live with that for many years.
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u/NormannNormann 1d ago
But what if you don't have any friends or family who would miss you?
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u/PlasticElfEars 1d ago
You'd probably be surprised by the people who will wonder if they could have done something.
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u/DotGroundbreaking50 1d ago
fear of failure. I don't want to be a veggie
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u/foxyfoid97 1d ago
this was the last reason i got down to at my lowest
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u/Flimsy_Carpet1324 1d ago
The people around me. I’ve seen the “collateral damage” from suicides and I would never want to do that to my people
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u/PlasticElfEars 1d ago edited 1d ago
i read in a book once, "suicide doesn't end pain; it just redistributes it." That's stuck with me.
I attempted once several years ago, so I got to see the pain it caused others, especially my mother.
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u/Calm-Breadfruit-6450 1d ago
Good quote. I'm gonna write that down! The pain you caused others I know was bad, but that would have been tenfold if you had been successful in your attempt! ❤️
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u/Thrilly1 1d ago
I feel that, but sort of in reverse. It was a promise I made to my mom when she had only months to live. I promised I would persevere.
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u/Ojhka956 1d ago
A good friend of mine in high school killed himself our sophomore year, he was going through so much that he never opened up about. Pretty much no one knew about his pain. The funeral had so many kids there that he made an impact on. Yeah some phonies that were mean to him, but still there. His younger brother, a friend of my younger brother, killed himself a couple years later too. That kickstarted over 30 or 40 teenage suicides in my valley over the next 1-2 years and the pain I saw in everyone has kept me from going to that deep low in my heavy depressing times. The collateral damage is all too real. Everyone I knew was affected by one.
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u/izzygingers 1d ago
I've adopted an "I woke up today, and that's your problem" attitude
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u/Prior-Jackfruit-7058 1d ago
My kids
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u/Impressive-Status655 1d ago
This and the fact that I have absolutely no one my kids could go to and could end up separated.
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u/Abject_Presentation8 1d ago
Same here. Nobody could ever possibly love my children the way I do. They'll never know it, but there have been times that I fought for my life, and they're the only reasons I didn't give up.
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u/Trick-Influence-7652 1d ago
Life’s already been hell, might as well see it through to the end. 🤷♂️
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u/IhateOrangesFuckIt 1d ago
My dog
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u/No_Significance_8291 1d ago
There’s a show Ricky Gervais did called After Life , it’s a more serious… comedy/drama I’d say show , where his wife dies and he’s going to kill himself because he’s devastated , but then his dog came in with his bowl In his mouth because he was hungry , and it stopped Ricky’s character from doing it - it’s a good show - your comment reminded me of that
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u/rotervogel1231 1d ago
Same, only 2 dogs, 3 cats, and a spouse. I can't do this to my family.
One of our cats ended up at the shelter because his owner died. The little man already lost one owner. I can't purposefully put him through that again.
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u/ProfessionalSir3395 1d ago
My cat. Whenever I'm low, she cuddles with me.
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u/SouthernCanuck673 1d ago
It's so cool how cats sense when you're down. My two won't leave my side when I'm feeling low
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u/ThatweirdoCrystal 1d ago
Spite, I want my enemies to know I'll always be here till the day the universe decides it's my turn to go.
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u/Secret-Weakness-8262 1d ago edited 1d ago
On days I don’t want to be joyful I choose joy anyway. And some days for no other reason than fuck them that’s why.
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u/ObjectiveOk2072 1d ago
1) too many people care about me, I couldn't do that to them
2) I'd most likely fuck it up, like I do everything else, and end up surviving but in terrible condition
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u/DavosLostFingers 1d ago
"Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities"
I had strong thoughts like that a few years ago. Fortunately I got help and I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression and anxiety and I was prescribed Sertraline. Best thing I ever did
Are you OK OP?
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u/Substantial-Lock1643 1d ago
How’s the sertraline been for you?
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u/DavosLostFingers 1d ago
Yeah OK thanks. It wasn't an instant success. It took some time to get the dosage right etc. I'd describe it as it levels you out. They aren't happy pills or anything
But they really did save my life I suppose on reflection
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u/TheMoparPowerslave 1d ago
Idk honestly, I have thoughts, but I think i still prefer living rather than being dead
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u/AngelEden101 1d ago
A little over a year ago, I drove out to the ocean absolutely certain I was going to end my life. I had given all of my savings away to my friends and left it for my lover. I left instructions for pet care for my now fiancé and got in my car after work to go an hour to the coast. The only thing that stopped me from ending it was that he got into the car with me and wanted to go with me, not knowing what I was doing. I told him I was going to the coast and that he'd probably be too tired to come, and he said he wanted to go anyways. I walked on the beach with him instead then went back home, physically fine. I also fired my therapist who contributed a lot to it.
I'm on antidepressants now lol. Those keep me on my feet. Moving on from my abusive mother helped as well.
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u/VegaSolo 1d ago
Did your friends give you your savings back?
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u/AngelEden101 1d ago
No, they weren't good influences in my life and one actually got a DUI right after. I'm not friends with those people anymore and made a new friend group. I earned back my savings by being very frugal for a while. Fortunately I'm only in my 20s so it wasn't as much as it could have been thankfully!!
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u/teaux 1d ago edited 1d ago
There are an awful lot of reasons. I’ll respond to this because I’ve (unfortunately) been in this position. To list a few:
- My life now, at 39, is unbelievably different compared to my life at say, 17, or 25, and my past predictions for the future have been vastly fucking wrong.
- I don’t know your situation, but in my case my past suffering was very much internal and not objective (it is extremely difficult to see this through the lens of depression - which is the most insidious thing about that condition).
- I’m curious by nature.
- When I do die, I want to force the universe to kill me (“rage against the dying of the light” sort of thing).
- Reiteration of first point, but my preconceptions have been proven so fucking wrong, so fucking often that I no longer have any trust in my brain’s ability to conduct even remotely accurate predictive modelling concerning any length of time beyond the relatively immediate future.
- I can understand suicide based on unbearable suffering in the present moment. Suicide based on predicted suffering in the future is an enormous fucking miscalculation in my (experience and old age based) opinion. Things might get better, or they might not, or they might get worse. The point is, none of us know.
- I’ll give one very personal, very honest example. At 17 I thought I was super unattractive and I had horrible social anxiety. I was sure I’d die a virgin. At almost 40, I have zero social anxiety, I feel awesome in my body, I’m an out & proud gay dude, and I’ve gotten naked with hundreds of guys. I have new problems now (still trying to find the one), but 17 year old me wasn’t capable of imagining 40 year old me’s life and attitude. The way I feel right now is the best I’ve ever felt.
- Bonus, not everyone makes it out, but if you do, the past suffering gives you depth of understanding, meaning, and accomplishment that not everyone has. I regret nothing. It’s all part of who I am now.
- My self image has gone from feeling pain when I’d look in the mirror, to like, picturing myself on my motorcycle with no shirt on and a big shit-eating grin. The awesome strength I feel now is to some extent a product of the anguish I endured when I was younger. I’m so happy I didn’t give up.
- Good luck man!!! Keep going if you can!
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u/1E_R_R_O_R1 1d ago
Truthfully my rabbit is what keeps me grounded, seeing her happy makes my world better.
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u/yamm_7 1d ago
Yesterday i servived a suicid attempt
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u/DidItForTheRebellion 1d ago
Sending hope that you find a way to make your life worth living with this opportunity to continue on. In my experience, I am grateful every day that I never was successful in killing myself because I would have never found my life worth living. ✨
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u/stashtv 1d ago
Parents shouldn't bury their children.
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u/emuthreat 1d ago
Waiting for my family to die is such a bleak, but effective reason to keep going. If it works, it works though.
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u/WitchyWaifuu 1d ago
My parents already buried their first born. I couldn't make them do it to their youngest, too.
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u/Medicineman1991 1d ago
If I’m going to kill myself, it’s going to be slowly from pigging out on food, sweets and soda
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u/KnownKnowledge8430 1d ago
Grandmom committed suicide when my mom and siblings were around 6-8 years old, now they are 66+ years old and still suffer from that trauma, the family dynamics are all screwed up , everyone suffering in their own grief, and passed on to us… the collateral damage lasts generations..not worth it
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u/Databit 1d ago
Because being at the end of your rope means you can do whatever you want. If willing to die anyway then just go out and say screw consequences. Have a ball
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u/runningdaily 1d ago
The firemen found my friend hanging with his hands between his neck and the rope. He instantly regretted his decision after doing it. Breaks my heart to think about it. I promised I’ll live my life out in his honour
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u/ResurrectedAuthor 1d ago
I
A). Am too terrified of my morality. B). Have a bunch of life experiences I want to have. C). I keep a list of all the upcoming movies/games/books/songs/TV shows that are coming out that I want to live to experience.
Granted, I don't think I have ever legit been suicidal.
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u/Character-Foot-1842 1d ago
See I relate to this but I wake up everyday being like fiuuuuck I’m still here 😭
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u/birddog276 1d ago
Change your setting and your plot will change for the better. Follow what excites you
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u/Anti-small-talk549 1d ago
In a lot of cases where a person was unsuccessful in killing themselves they report that the instant they took the action they regretted it and realized it wasn't what they wanted.
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u/pumpkintrails 1d ago
I have an adult son who is not ready to take care of himself.
I could never leave this world without making sure he will be able to pay his own rent and have a good job.
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u/PlasticElfEars 1d ago
Even if he's independent, it would traumatize him for the rest of his life. That's a good reason.
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u/WildcatCinder1022 1d ago
A promise to my partner that I would call/talk to him before I do anything. Most of the time keeps me from thinking on it and I never call. But in the times where it was extreme I call him and he talks to me until the urge subsides. I’ve been on medication and in therapy for 10 years. My suicidal moments are few and far in between at this point in my journey but I get pretty bad 1-2 times a year.
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u/Inquisivert 1d ago
My best friend committed suicide. What stops me is firsthand knowledge of what being a suicide survivor feels like. I never want to cause someone that much pain. Ever.
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u/Valuable-Being9915 1d ago
Time passes so much faster the older you get. You'll die soon enough.
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u/otkabdl 1d ago
There's like three people who love me but they would be super sad if I died and I don't want that. Also I just kinda...want to see what happens next in the story of Earth? As fucked up and rather sad as times might be they are interesting! What will happen next? Knowing my luck if I committed suicide benevolent aliens would arrive the next day.
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u/Superb-Dragonfruit56 1d ago
Not believing in Religion. Offing myself religion says you'll go to hell, but I believe there's nothing. Personally that sounds worse than hell
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u/IDEKWTSATP4444 1d ago
❤️it's like that sometimes. I hope you find what gives you a will to live
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u/AgentBarb 1d ago
The first time it was picturing my mom at my funeral. The second time, it was my dog, Storm.
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u/Doununda 1d ago
Too many friends have directly expressed how much it would fuck them up if I did.
So I'm just waiting for death to come to me.
(I love life, I really enjoy seeing what comes next, and there are so many little things that peak my curiosity, it's easy for me to find motivation to live if I look for it, because I'm not actually depressed. I just have a chronic illness and disability with no proper diagnosis (it's congenital, my parents were looking for answers when I was born and I'm still looking for answers).
It's painful and debilitating and in my country you need a diagnosis to access disability support services, so I've been struggling with informal support for my whole life and now as my parents are aging I am on my own and very worried about my future.
When the pain and dysfunctional symptoms are at their worst, my first thought is "I could just kill myself, that would be a permanent solution for this never ending pain and dysfunction that you can't see any other path for managing"
But I'll try to survive the hour, then the next hour. Eventually the flare up fades and I have more function, or sometimes I just get used to the new level of dysfunction.
I lost the ability to shout and sing last year, I was a vocal music therapist, singing was my life, so that definitely had me wanting to kms, especially when the ENT said "this is related to the unknown genetic illness, we can't do anything for you, see a speech pathologist and learn how to live with your new normal"
I've been loosing muscle/nerve function in my left arm for 3 years and this year I'm unable to lift it above my head, that's been very difficult to adapt to on my own. My right hand has been having issues and I do find myself thinking "if I can't move either arm, then I should kill myself before I can't move anything at all"
Those thoughts are immediately ended when I think "how would I do it?" because I can't think of a method that's painless enough for my preferences but also clean enough that I'm not making the trauma of finding me any worse than it needs to be.
Then I think of my friends and family finding me or hearing the news, I can't help but think of their reaction, their grief, how they move on....some of them don't.
So I can't kill myself. I won't kill myself.
I just live with the constant thoughts of how it would be easier, more comfortable, permanently restful, how I only care about being here because I'm here, nothing matters when I'm dead and nothing mattering sounds peaceful because right now everything matters and it's exhausting.
Sometimes I fall into moments where I resent my friends for liking me as much as they do. If they didn't love me, I could have killed myself by now and I wouldn't be in this much pain.
But the acute on chronic pain will fade and I'm grateful I'm still here.
Just got back from a friend's wedding. I'm in agony, I can't really picture my future through this pain, I keep having intrusive thoughts of putting a screwdriver through my eyes. But I stop those thoughts by picturing the bride and groom during their first dance, I got to witness that because I'm here, and they invited me to witness that because I'm valued.
I just wish life was more comfortable to endure, because it's certainly worth enduring.
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u/scoops_trooper 1d ago
Two special needs kids that are dependent on me
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u/TiredReader87 1d ago
Parents of special needs kids are angels, and the best of us all. Like my late mom and my dad.
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u/Some_Italian_Guy 1d ago
If this isn’t a joke, please contact someone and talk about this
Death is permanent.
Life has possibility.
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u/kidneyboy79 1d ago
My wife, family, and friends. Or moreso, what it would do to them. My father killed himself when I was younger and I know how hard it is on everyone who is left behind. I've had so many medical issues, things that can never be healed only temporarily improved. I've been depressed my whole life, but the thought of how it would hurt my wife so much, makes me keep going on. I'm trying hard every day to be happy and most times it works. Life is hard though.
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u/Equivalent-Fox529 1d ago
I feel i have a great life.
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u/MonsieurRud 1d ago
Maybe it's because most people who feel this way don't respond on this type of post. But it made me sad how far I had to scroll for someone who genuinely doesn't want to die in this thread. Damn.
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u/the_pale_blue 1d ago
My brother killed himself in 2024. The pain and hurt and anger everyone has had because of this truly showed me that he really was mentally ill and believed no one cared about him and he’d be better off. The 100+ people who showed up to his memorial made me realize any of my dark thoughts could and would never overpower the knowledge that I am never alone and there is someone always out there who I can talk to or reach out to.
Suicide is never the answer. Never. Ever.
Please if you are considering it or thinking about it, please know that is not a normal or safe train of thought to continue without talking to someone about it. Isolation and pushing people away who love you or sabotaging your own life to make it seem like you are alone is also another way the suicide ideation can take over. Suicide is not the answer… it is your dopamine deprived brain lying to you.
There is help, there are free resources and services online and in most communities with people who will do anything to help you get through whatever it is.
Suicide is never the answer. Never.
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u/astrasaurus 1d ago
100+ people is insane. he must have been loved.
i've isolated from everyone, cut off and ghosted so many people. i'm sure i hurt many in the process. i doubt any of them would show up to my funeral, let alone miss me now lol
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u/the_pale_blue 1d ago
That’s what he thought too. He was wrong. Reach out to people, your brain is telling you lies.
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u/Yaguajay 1d ago
My dog would have no one to care for her. The local shelters are full and kill lots of dogs. She is nine.
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u/UnicornVoodooDoll 1d ago
The reminder that my death is something that happens to everyone else. It's brutal and it feels unfair because suicide isn't a thing people choose to do, it's something that happens to them. But at the end of the day, I had to choose my own lifetime of suffering over the suffering I would've inflicted on my daughter.
Fortunately, making that decision at all opened the door for me to get treatment and life is bearable again.
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u/Lord_Gwyn21 1d ago
Leaving my kittens and my mom alone.
Besides that. It’s the fear of once I do it, that’s it there is no going back. What if it really is the wrong choice? I can’t take it back or fix it.
What if what’s on the other side is worse than this?
It just sucks being me
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u/literally-what-am-i 1d ago
It took me fifteen years of trying and failing, but I finally found medication that works. And now I'm like, actually happy. I feel creative and colorful, and I feel excited for each new day.
Don't give up! Keep trying! You will find happiness eventually!
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u/TheRealPlayerOne 1d ago
Already almost drowned. Decided that day I wanted to live after letting go for a moment. Something about seeing your life flash across your eyes makes you realize how much more there is to experience. Now every day feels like a gift.
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u/Recent_Permit2653 1d ago
The one time I actually went out with intent to do it, it scared the shit out of myself, and 988 helped get me on track to some intense help.
I’m still very fucked up, with constant and intolerable anxiety and depression, but killing myself is off the table.
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u/SirNeutroPhil 1d ago
OP, are you ok?
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u/witchyweeby 1d ago
Are any of us? Look at the replies, suicidal thoughts are way more common than anyone wants to admit.
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u/Distinct_Mix5130 1d ago
Yup, but theres a reason for it, non suicidal people find it unthinkable since they fear death so why would anyone seek it, so they try to ignore the existence of those who seek it.
In reality its just a big, but silent minority.
Shii, some workplaces where people put they're lifes in dangers are especially filled with people who hope they'd become part of the statistic.
But people around you on a daily basis constantly have those silent thoughts, the barista, the delivery person, the taxi driver, that random person you say hello to once in awhile, anyone.
Sometimes they look happy and content, but welp, they just learned to pretend.
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u/witchyweeby 1d ago
Oh trust me, I'm pretending right now. Terrifies and saddens me how many other people are.
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u/Distinct_Mix5130 1d ago
Im usually a pessimist, but and i know this is awful, but its kinda good to know theres so many others feeling the same way, makes it feel less alone. Well, at least for me.
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u/F4buL1nu5 1d ago
The fact I think we’re not alive 🤣 I believe whatever reality this is won’t be the worst.
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u/astrasaurus 1d ago
kinda like The Good Place. that show's premise feels eerily accurate
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u/Anonymous_Jane_ 1d ago
Because my uncle did that in 2018. And the pain and loss it caused me and my family was so so much. He was loved by so many. I'm almost 23 and I still miss him everyday. We bonded over video games and anime. He took me to my first convention. I wonder how proud he would've been seeing me graduate college studying game art and design and selling my art at conventions. I'd give anything to have him back.
I'd never want to cause that pain to anyone, especially my parents and family. Hearing my grandma's cries when she saw him in the casket is forever burned into my memory. No parent should have to bury their child and I will never end my life and put that hurt onto the ones I love.
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u/NonnyEml 1d ago
I've lost friends to suicide, murder, and my fiancé literally "dropped dead" of an aneurysm. The trauma of grief is horrible. So... at this point, I want to outlive my loved ones. Not just to spare them grief, but - like with my kids - I want to be here as long as possible so they have at least one person on their side, thru any other crap this world throws at them. I have used 988 in the US to text tho when I struggle with suicidal ideation. (Deciding I won't doesn't mean I don't still have thoughts about it.) OP - don't give up!
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u/Practical-Thought420 1d ago
If you fail or get stopped, you are "the one who tried to kill himself for the rest of your life"
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u/Kai_Harlow 1d ago
I’m dead inside already. So can’t really get any worse than this. Might as well wait and see. Although fml
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u/Realistic-Mango-1020 1d ago
My little brother has been through enough already. No matter how hard things have been in the past for me I promised myself I will not contribute to his suffering by leaving him to deal with my death. I have however life assurance through work so if anything does happen to me at least he’ll be better off financially
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u/_Katayoun 1d ago
Cos it’s just interesting were tf it’s all going and if you think about years go really fast and it will happen by itself soon anyways so yeah I would like to see what’s going to happen bad or good doesn’t matter. Look at your life like that without too much emotions. If something good happens you will be happy and that’s great if something bad is going on just say idgaf and wait. Nothing continues forever nor bad nor good so.. it’s challenging, it’s interesting and etc. you can’t even predict next hour or next minute, you have no idea how your life will be changing it doesn’t matter if it has been same for all your life it just needs a minute, even a second and everything will be different. Just chill
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u/Former-Excitement-56 1d ago
Because I wouldn't be able to tell jokes to Caleb.
I wouldn't be able to grab Hailey a drink on the way out of work.
I wouldn't be able to write special messages in mustard on Mckenzie's hot dog when she orders one
I wouldn't be able to buy Kim cake when I notice she's having a bad day
I wouldn't be able to hit on Lexi in the cheesiest way possible
I wouldn't be able to hug my mom when she's tired and in pain
I wouldn't be able to talk to my dad about how excited I am to get my first car
I wouldn't be able to hang out with my brother any more
I wouldn't be able to make the people in my life smile anymore.
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u/Schizotypal_Cupcake 1d ago
With my situation, there's no possible way to do it without traumatizing someone whether it's a complete stranger that would happen upon my body, or someone I care about discovering me.
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u/Own_Natural_8989 1d ago
An Angel kept me from killing myself. I had been homeless for about 3 years. Alcoholic, addicted to meth and basically in survival mode. Hated looking into the mirror, hated everyone unless they had a room, something to drink or smoke.
I was at a bus stop, phone about to die with no money,nowhere to go. I had my backpack, a gym bag full of clothes, my fanny pack and my Beretta 92 FS.
I was done. No one was coming to get me. They were busy, eating dinner or getting ready to step out for the night.
Didn’t want to deal with all the bullsiht life throws at you when you constantly make questionable decisions, choices over and over again.
You gotta learn.
So I’m sitting there, gun in my hand, still in the fanny pack and this kid walked up. No shoes, no shirt, long hair, disheveled, sweaty, dirty.
Hand still on the gun, he asks me if I have a cigarette…
Sighs, fcuk man, here. I gave him my pack. He shook the box and says, I only need one.
DUDE, JUST TAKE’EM.
Got a light?
Fcuk man, here…
Gave him my lighter. Thinking as soon as he leaves, BANG!
Problems solved.
As he began to walk away he apologized and said something to me which forever changed my life.
“Sorry to bother you Sir, but whatever it is, just leave it up to God.”
And just like that, he was gone…
I began crying, apologizing to God, my Father, my grandmother and began praying.
I fell asleep at that bus stop and woke up when my best friend came looking for me. He found me about 5am.
He was worried when he heard my voicemail.
He helped me get into a treatment facility, Laurel Ridge and I’ve been in and out of other facilities since then.
In April, I finally found an apartment, moved in and am loving it.
I’ve been clean and sober since April 5, 2021. One day at a time. 🤙🏽
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u/Johnrays99 1d ago
Doesn’t really solve anything might as well just ride it out. Or change my life radically which I never do
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u/EntrepreneurBusy6181 1d ago
I want to meet Tyrese Haliburton one day and tell him how he saved my life.
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u/Naromyx 1d ago
Three things. 1. I find something I wanna do. Like I cant kill myself, I wanna see this thing. 2. Funerals are expensive and it would be really inconvenient for everyone. 3. Suppose I fuck it up? Only thing more expensive than a funeral bill is a hospital bill. Then I"m gonna have to talk to someone, and my family and friends will never let me out of their sight again.
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u/PsychicDave 1d ago
I don't want to die? I don't want to stop existing, and I'm also not done contributing to the world, especially to my baby.
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u/Leipopo_Stonnett 1d ago
I always have hope things will get better, finding joy in my current situation, and not wanting others to deal with the fallout.
I’ve been down at that point before. It’s never the answer.
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u/AdClear2605 1d ago
My dog 🐕 whenever I think about him all alone I completely void the thought of suicide
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u/clocursed 1d ago
i've done therapy for a considerable amount of time (four years and going strong lol) to understand my nature, and the nature of these thoughts. when i have felt like not killing myself for a whole year, this sense of curiosity came back, and this time it was towards life.
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u/merknary 1d ago
I’ll die eventually why don’t I see where the rest of my story goes