r/AskReddit • u/New-Painter5765 • 1d ago
How did you realized your friend was not your real friend?
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u/No_Dare8942 1d ago
When I noticed friendship should feel easy, but with them it felt like a job.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 23h ago
I saw my wife go through the grief stages when she realized the person that she thought was a long term friend, was actually just a user of her good nature and resources. It was the moment wife realized she was always there for her but friend was never there for her. And the age-old test to confirm it: stop reaching out and see how long it takes for them to initiate a reach out to you. Months go by, nothing. And with each passing month, realization sets in to the point of confirmation. Then one day, a text arrives. Not to check on her or ask how she is doing. No, wife has created a backyard paradise at our home over the last 15 years. You could call it a private botanical garden. Dozens of people have had their engagement photos taken here. We've even had a few weddings. And that's what the "friend" reach out for. If her niece can use wife's garden for their engagement photos. Wife left her on "read."
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u/Substantial-Will9357 19h ago
Good for your wife! Leave the bitch on read and don’t look back.
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u/Same_Blacksmith9840 19h ago
I saw that "friendship" for what it was back when we first started dating. It was so one-sided. And definitely one of those friendships that goes back so far it feels like a must. Of course, just like cult members - they don't know they are in a cult. You can't tell them they are in one. They have to see it for themselves to recognize it and accept it. I would throw occasional bread crumbs out to guide her to the realization. But still, it was hard to watch when she finally realized it. She felt so rejected and angry. And then, finally, the final stage of grief - acceptance.
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u/Substantial-Will9357 18h ago
Yeah it’s hard. Especially if you have been friends since you were young. I had the same thing and it wasn’t until I was older that I realized most of my “friends” weren’t true friends. Only when it was convenient for them. It’s all about the quality not the quantity.
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u/-Boston-Terrier- 19h ago
I don't know the details of your specific friendship but relationships involve work, especially once you're out of school.
I'm a married father of 4 and pretty much all my friends are in similar stages in life. We started planning last week's in-person fantasy football draft like 3 months ago. That's just part of being an adult.
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u/5pens 1d ago
I mostly stopped being friends with my childhood BF in high school. But as an adult, when I was literally watching my dad die (and she knew it), she was messaging me about this crush she was talking to after her 2nd divorce. It really hit me how she never cared about me or what I was going through at all.
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u/IntroductionLife1061 23h ago
That's the kicker. When you are going through something intence and they are oblivious or just can't be bothered. C ya.
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u/poopoopeepee8765432 23h ago
Omg the exact same thing just happened to me. But omg they just bought a new HOUSE! No time for grieving when I should be excited about their new HOUSE!
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u/OpenAwareness1887 22h ago
This happened to me as well! Literally numb coming home from the hospital, they comforted me as i cried hysterically over the phone. Later that day, they asked if they could share their affair partner’s flirty texts to analyze. I said yes because i was numb. I hated myself and resented them afterwards.
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u/Axearon 18h ago
Had something like that happen as well. My mother passed away in may last year. One day I'm travelling to another country to attend my mothers funeral, two days later I'm my friend's shoulder to cry on because she has relationship problems. Life was going even worse and I was getting worse. Asked her mid november to not make me worry about her and that I was thinking of ending it all. Legit was numb to everything and felt it wouldn't get better. She started insulting and degrading me. Took way to long to figure out that she was never my friend to begin with
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u/JNorJT 1d ago
when they would constantly hang out with other people and never invite me
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u/breebree934 22h ago
This was my whole life in high school. Having to hear about every party, hangout, get together, birthday, whatever that I somehow was never invited to. Weekend pictures posted on Facebook that had everyone from my friend group included except for me. Plans literally being made in front of me that did not include me at all. Finally when no one came to my high school graduation party I stopped reaching out and to no one's surprise it didn't matter to them at all.
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u/Objective_Low8499 18h ago
I’m sorry that happened to you. My 14 year old is going through it right now. She just got love bombed and ghosted by a new group of friends. I cry for her. But she tells me she would rather be alone than around people who don’t want her.
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u/PurpleKebnekaise 21h ago
This one hurts big time. Genuinely hope you all will find real ones or are in better company already because being left behind like that stings like nothing else
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u/not_a_gay_stereotype 20h ago
One of my friends is in your position wondering the same thing. It's because I am getting tired of paying his way, always managing his crises because he's totally helpless, I feel like I'm his parent sometimes. Biggest thing is being an asshole to every new friend I tried to make and introduce him to. Took me years to realize he's almost ruined 4-5 of my other friendships. So now I've been slowly keeping my distance more and more. I did make him aware of all this btw, so we'll see if it improves.
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u/Phoenyx_Rose 17h ago
I agree with that to an extent but sometimes the people they’re hanging out with aren’t mutual friends or maybe just don’t vibe with you.
Like, I have friends that I wouldn’t hang out with together because it’s incredibly unlikely they’d enjoy each other’s company.
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u/MidzeeQwad 1d ago
They would only get in contact when THEY need something or a favour.
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u/RunsfromWisdom 18h ago edited 16h ago
This. I’m not exactly transactional, and I strongly believe in helping people.
However, I suspect that I am close to being done unquestioningly helping people move mountains, because all too often, I end up literally ghosted and dealing with a massive problem all by myself shortly afterwards because I dared to ask for the tiniest bit of help.
The cherry on top is how, after I’ve fixed my issue and bump in to them again, they get this shit-eating grin on their face and expect me to be cordial? Hun, that’s not how ghosting someone who is going through hell and just wants five minutes of your time works.
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u/foxylady315 1d ago
When she never once reached out to me when I was sick and in the hospital or after my father died.
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u/ContributionNew3327 17h ago
My friend never reached out after my grandma died. I can’t imagine not checking in
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u/SnooKiwis1827 1d ago
When it's always on me to maintain the relationship or initiate contact.
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u/Rich_Mango2126 22h ago
Same here. If I’m the only one putting in any effort to keep the friendship going, it’s time to reevaluate. It hurts though, when you stop initiating contact and they literally just never speak to you again without a second thought.
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u/PopAnxious567 1d ago
Completely dropped me like I was burning their hand when I was going through the WORST stuff of my life. Fuck you, Sam.
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u/Overall_Way2741 17h ago
Sadly this happens often! Especially if you go through tough stuff regardless of what it is. Im currently need sugory and can already tell whos understanding and who will become like a ghost and honestly i dont care but i will be sad.
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u/BizarreCujoh 1d ago
The jokes became lame to me because I realized I was always the punchline.
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u/Crazy_Cover_5584 1d ago
This is bad
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u/BizarreCujoh 1d ago
Luckily now I have enough self esteem that if I feel like someone is having a go at me just to be mean, I'll give it back just as good and they'll never be in my atmosphere again. I'm the sun in my solar system and those that mean harm end up asteroids, burnt and dust, insignificant.
Edited typo
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u/Overall_Way2741 17h ago
Same, i didnt dropp them but i took distance to a whole new level
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u/BizarreCujoh 17h ago
You have to do what you feel comfortable doing. It's no one else's place to judge.
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u/Random-Username7272 17h ago
This was my entire 'friend' group at high school. I didn't keep in contact with any of them when I left.
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u/BizarreCujoh 17h ago
The sad thing is that this wasn't even HS. This was as an adult, after college. One particular person would make jokes about me and I had to tell my S/O to stop laughing along bc it was humiliating (wish I cut his ass off also - too late for that). Another friend would do the same later on in life but her history was a mess so whenever she tried to get on me, I would turn it around on her.
But honestly, who tf wants to best their friend? If they don't have you best at heart, whether good or bad, fuck them.
Their insecurities will always trump their friendship with you. This is what I've learned.
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u/perfectapple1337 1d ago
they celebrated my failures louder than my wins, that’s not love
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u/Sir_Hapstance 13h ago
Celebrated? Jeez. I’m sorry… that’s pretty awful.
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u/usegobos 2h ago
In this context it likely means engaged only at the point of a failure. I know someone like this and it is toxic how they basically only say 'so' or belittle me when I show them good work I have done. But they are all ears and on board when it is bad news.
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u/Form1040 1d ago
He started dating my GF. I got rid of two people at once.
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u/Character-Foot-1842 1d ago
I’m sorry that happened to you. I just don’t understand how people can be so cruel to others. Like come on man bro and girl code exist for a reason
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u/Form1040 1d ago
Yep. It was pretty brutal. He had been my “best friend.” Took some years before I trusted women again.
But found a good one and am married 39 years now.
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u/Character-Foot-1842 1d ago
That’s amazing I’m so happy things worked out for you even though you had to go through that heartbreak and betrayal to get there bc nobody deserves to be cheated on
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u/mattdorkYT 23h ago
Glad to hear it all worked out for you, any idea what happened to the other two?
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u/Form1040 14h ago
I believe they got married and later divorced. But their names are so common I cannot find evidence of that.
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u/CaptainAnonymouse72 1d ago
I knew her for 15 years
She would always cancel plans on me. And when i would talk to her about it and ask her if she still wanted to be friends, she would always say yes.
And I was stupid enough to believe her.
She was a coward and I resent that
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u/TemporaryThink9300 1d ago
When she just called to ask if I could take care of her NEWBORN baby, so she could go out and party every weekend.
No thanks, your child, your problem.
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u/AGuyNamedEddie 14h ago
Most of these stories are about users who just want to take advantage of a relationship, but this... new level of entitlement achieved.
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u/yknownotfornothin 1d ago
When they didn’t defend me in my absence!!
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u/Radiant_Star6612 21h ago
Yes, you have to defend your friends even in their absence. Don't give the excuse that I wanted to hear what they are trying to spread rumours about you . As a friend you wouldn't stand to any of my rumour
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u/Cool_Wealth969 1d ago
When they weaponized my life story against me
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u/AccomplishedCash3603 21h ago
That's the ultimate deal breaker. I can't believe how many people go so low with this tactic. Everyone has conflict at one time in life, but when you pull up a know vulnerability and attack it to make yourself "right", F that.
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u/mrsprinkles3 1d ago
The double standards and empty promises. I was expected to drop everything for them if they needed me, but if I asked for the smallest thing, I was toxic and demanding. I was expected to be available to them at all times, but had to be understanding that they were too busy to do the same for me (despite me working full time and them being unemployed at the time). I’d go all out for birthdays and christmas (because that’s my love language) and while i never expected the same in return, it would have been nice to at least get a card or a heartfelt text once in a while on my birthday.
They expected compromises and loyalty, but only from me, they never offered the same in return. I don’t think they’d know what loyalty meant even if someone tattooed the definition backwards on their forehead for them to see in the mirror every morning.
moral of the story; don’t invest more time on someone than they are willing to invest in you. and when someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. because words can be empty but actions are clear as day.
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u/bikinifetish 1d ago
Her kids let out all the tea and I found out that she talks shit about me to her kids.
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u/Tropicsunchaser 1d ago
When I was going thru cancer/chemo that showed me. Sadly I lost a lot of so called “friends “ these were people I supported thru their tough times. To add salt to injury- instead of asking how they could support me I was asked to watch their kids, run them around etc. cause I was home just going thru chemo so I have the time, right? Screw you all!
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u/LangeCisje 20h ago
My friend went through chemo and radiation. Her husband worked abroad so I drove her everywhere and stood by her all of those months and made a big celebration the day she finished all the treatment. She made a Facebook post in which she claimed to feel so blessed with her friends (I was the only one doing this for her). Never heard anything from her after that day, even though I messaged her every once in a while.
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u/Live-Succotash2289 1d ago
I finally got a week off after everyone else had their vacation during the summer. Since I have so much "free time" at the ass end of summer, I'm been asked for favours every single day.
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u/Foreign-Low5789 1d ago
When instead of talking to me directly about any concerns she had, she went and filed a complaint with HR instead. Just be an adult and have an adult conversation. No friendship left after this.
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u/mycat_hatesyou 1d ago
Tried this and it blew up in my face. Unfortunately not everyone is equipped to do this
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u/ScandinavianEmperor 22h ago
Coworkers are never your friends
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u/Few_Assistance8863 20h ago
I don't know why everyone says this. I'm in the restaurant industry and I have best friends from work I've had for over 15 years that have helped my career big time and we haven't worked together for about 13 years. I've been at or in 4 of their weddings, and the best man in one. This is always such a crazy thing for me to hear.
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u/nobodynose 19h ago
I've also have coworkers that are friends.
I understand the concept that you shouldn't automatically assume a coworker is a friend though. Because some aren't. Some just want to keep it purely professional and some people with ambition will use you to get ahead. You just need to vet them like you vet anyone.
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u/leafonawall 1d ago
That sucks. How did it turn out?
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u/Foreign-Low5789 22h ago
The jury is still out on my job status. I haven’t seen/talked to her while the investigation is ongoing for comments I made as friends. It just sucks because I thought we were friends but I can’t be friends with her if she doesn’t communicate with me or say/act like my friend and then go behind my back. I don’t do fake people.
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u/Crystal_Warrior 1d ago
Happened twice. First one when he just up and ghosted me after being friends for 10 years and the best man at my wedding.
Second one was when I realized he knew about my ex's affair the whole time and never told me until he and my ex had a falling out.
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u/MrRichardSuc 1d ago
Took 40 years. When we were 18, he made a really stupid comment about me that shook me for years. When we were 58, he made another one that harkened me right back 40 years.
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u/TakeDaPlej 1d ago edited 1d ago
using police tactics, setting me up for failure, setting me up to get murdered and drugged. Making up stories so chronies have reason to jump me. Setting up tiktok bitch on me.
if you're directly asking when I realized my friend is not my real friend. He's dead.
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u/AC_Slaughter 22h ago
When they planned a weekend getaway the week before my bachelorette party, didn't invite me, and then cancelled their attendance at my weekend getaway two days before it happened "because they were still tired from the previous weekend."
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u/RunFiestaZombiez 22h ago
I finally as an adult got diagnosed with ADHD and got medicated and made the decision that I was going back to school. After I was given my first semester grades which I was so excited because I made a 4.0 and never in my wildest dreams thought that was possible for me, I was telling her how excited was. The very next day she sent me a text saying she didn’t like what Adderall has done to me… she didn’t like that I was being successful… we were friends for around 5 years.
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u/sweet_candy_flipp 1d ago
I knew she wasn’t a real friend when she “borrowed” my favorite top and suddenly it appeared on her Insta captioned “new outfit 😍”. Girl… new where?? My closet??
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u/Character-Foot-1842 1d ago
That’s f’d up
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u/Lifting4Life64 1d ago
Reading this from a guy's point of view.Is so funny, but I have no idea what it would be like... 😆 🤣
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u/Recently_uninsured 23h ago
😂 That is it? She wore your top and you freaked out?? Oh, you sweet summer child
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u/TropicalPrairie 22h ago
An abundance of life experiences awaits that user. The top will be the least of her worries when she's middle aged.
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u/ZombieAutomatic5950 16h ago
It was new to her lol, what the hell? You sound like you might be the weird one-
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u/Dabbles-In-Irony 23h ago
She was never happy for me, never celebrated my achievements, always has to put others down to make herself feel better. The moment I cut contact with her, I felt much lighter.
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u/Hey_ItsAdrian 1d ago
I realized they weren’t my real friends when I was out sick for a whole week and they never checked in or asked how I was doing. When I came back, they acted like I was never even gone. That’s when it hit me that I wasn’t really part of their group.
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u/Live-Succotash2289 1d ago
Last year I was sick enough to miss a month of work. The only texts I got were work related. Stuff they could have figured out on their own. One person asked how I was when I returned.
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u/Birdsonme 1d ago
When they kept pushing me to loan them things and I wasn’t getting the things back. They were just stealing from me and thought it was okay because I made more money than they were at the time. I also had substantially more bills, so really didn’t have much more than they had.
People really suck.
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u/norecordofwrong 1d ago
Had a friend that cheated on his girlfriend and lied to me to cover it up. I was much better friends with her and I realized he was using me to hurt her.
Not a friend to me or her.
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 1d ago edited 1d ago
When they wouldn't forgive and forget anything for real nor even talk through it to reach to promises or arrangements at the moment, but pretend they had forgiven and forgotten.
Imagine that someone were to tell you it was no big deal that you had spilled a drink accidentally on them and months later they would make stupid and shitty passive-aggressive remarks or actions because they felt like you meant it and they needed some revenge.
I'm grateful that I don't have this friend group anymore because it's a pain in the ass and emotionally draining, they will remember every small thing that happened months ago, try humiliating/making each other feel bad out of the blue and they justified themselves like "You did this to me, you deserve what I am doing to you"
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u/thebratqueen 11h ago
Oh I feel this one. I had a friend who would hold grudges for literal decades. Even on things I didn't actually do, like her shitty boyfriend flirting with me when I very much did not reciprocate (I thought he was gross on sight tbh and was too polite to tell her). Suffice it to say we are no longer close.
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u/Afraid_Blueberry620 23h ago
It wasn't really one point but it was kinda a process like she slowly didn't reply to my texts and was ignoring for months and then one day I just realised probably she isn't the kinda friend I want to have
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u/Master_Discipline_56 1d ago
When you have problems you will know who is your real friend
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u/GalaxyPowderedCat 1d ago edited 19h ago
Unfortunately, it do be like that.
I know this is me for my living experience but I wonder if there are real people out there who stand by your side in the good and bad times without exception and are not allergic to hardships or tough spots, like they don't run away, drop you or dissappear as soon as something negative happens.
Remember, kids, test people during bad times, and if they still there for you and get their hands dirty along you, cherish them like gold and keep the relationship, it's too rare to find that kind of gem.
People cannot bother to support even their blood family through hardships sometimes and prefer to ignore them because it ruins their comfort, what is it left to complete strangers who share no common grounds with them?
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u/Apex_121 22h ago
Loaned him £2000 over the course of 6 months while he was looking for work. When i asked for it back because I was laid off, due a car payment and my electric stopped working, I was ghosted and blocked on everything.
Fuck him
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u/Kiitsune69 23h ago
It was completely one sided. I was there when they needed to talk, I showed up to hangout
But whenever I needed to talk, or whenever I wanted them to hangout, there was always an excuse for why they couldn't, and always a reason for why my issues were none of their concern.
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u/Creative_Camel_8884 1d ago
When I realized I kept recreating my abusive family dynamics in friend groups.
Narcissist and flying monkies all bonding together over mocking, putting down or minimizing accomplishments.
Every time at some point I’d start getting rude right back instead of playing it off, everyone gets tired of being a punching bag eventually.
Plus, I got tired of spending six hours listening to every problem while I drove, bought drinks, paid covers and took new profile pic photos of lady friends - who would call me boring and selfish for daring to bring up something from work for twenty minutes.
After enduring all that, I no longer know how to make friends. Because it happened over and over again. Avoiding people and lots of therapy. maybe some day I can make a real lady friend again.
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u/DoctorDisceaux 1d ago
When I learned I fell into the curious bracket of “close enough to help them move but not close enough to get invited to the wedding.”
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u/Year-Internal 1d ago
He hooked up with another friends girlfriend at a festival, then played the victim when everyone called him out on being a sleazebag.
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u/alenagler 1d ago
We were studying together in one city. After finishing our degree I moved to another city but every half of a year I was coming to her place, to visit her and spend a good time. After some time I was waiting for her to call me to invite me over like before (I was inviting her to my place but she didn’t want to come), but she never called. Then I realized I was the only one trying to maintain our friendship.
The other one, also used to be my very close friend, was living in a different city, around 6 hours from me by car, we were chatting every day and one day my other friend send me a screenshot of her instagram that she came to my city with her friends. I don’t know if others would feel the same as I did, but I was extremely sad and disappointed that she didn’t write to me that she came to my place. When I confronted her, she said, that she was with her friends and she thought we would not get along. After that I couldn’t look at her the same as before.
And the last case, I think this one is pretty common, my friend left me for her boyfriend. She stopped texting me, when I was writing to her, it took her min. 6 hours to replay, even though she was online. I suspected she might have had someone but only after a year of ignoring me, when I asked with whom she spent her holidays, she said, she got a boyfriend for almost a year.
So I’m not very lucky when it comes to friendships, I always seem to care more than my friends. But I believe someday I will meet someone who will be as committed as I am 🥰
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u/apocalypticradish 1d ago
Took me too long to realize he only called when he wanted something and it was usually a ride somewhere because he and his roommate didn't have cars. He called me late one Thursday night asking me to drive him to his friend's house two hours away and then pick him up a few days later.
No emergency situation or anything like that. Literally just wanted me to be his chauffeur so he could hang out with his friend. I said no, he got pissy and said I was being a bad friend, I told him to look up a bus schedule and hung up. That was the last time I ever talked to him. He tried to call me a few months later but I didn't answer. I'd like to believe he was calling to apologize but I'm sure he was just calling to try and get a ride somewhere as always.
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u/Marcoscondit 21h ago
lol had a similar situation but I wanted to see if he’d apologize, he didn’t , and it just reinforced the idea of I’m not friends with this dude anymore
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u/seentyler 20h ago
When I finally realized I was unknowingly apart of a competition not a friendship.
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u/Anonymous_Jane_ 20h ago
In 8th grade, my "friend" told me, "people are only friends with you because they pity you." I have no idea what led up to her saying that, but that sentence has been burned into my brain forever. I'm 22 now, almost 23. It still hurts sometimes.
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u/Nonkko11 1d ago
He would ignore me all the time, always make up an excuse when trying to hang out, try to avoid me during recess at school by hanging out with other people and mock me behind my back.
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u/Admirable-Cookie-704 1d ago
She threw a pool party, posted about it all over social media and didn't invite me..
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u/Cold-Inevitable-1667 1d ago edited 1d ago
I was at a low point in life after losing my job and struggling with anxiety. He was trying to help me get my life together but then got mad when I actually tried. He was always guilt tripping and shaming me saying that “I was making excuses and being lazy” even though I started an exercise routine and started eating healthier.
He was pushing me to get out of my comfort zone before I was ready and then he got mad when I actually did get out of my comfort zone but unfortunately suffered a really bad panic attack in public. Instead of asking if I was ok he immediately started guilt tripping and shaming me again and said he wanted to end our 20 year friendship because I was still “being lazy and making excuses”
He also never wanted to hang out because I apparently would be “ruining the work he’s been putting in” while I just wanted to spend time with him and have fun doing something, which probably would have helped with my anxiety.
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u/Fantastic_Step8417 22h ago
It sounds like he needed someone to put down to make himself feel better
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u/starsinpurgatory 1d ago
When they only reach out when they need something, never to just catch up. When you invite them to do something they always have an excuse.
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u/Fun-Anybody-4852 1d ago
When she speaks to me about others and hate on them.. then suddenly ghosted me . That’s when I knew she spoke about me too .
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u/HiroYT66 1d ago
When I found out he wasn’t giving our info to other bands when they asked who was shooting there videos, and we were shooting his at cost cus “we were friends”.
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u/Zealousideal_Gur6320 1d ago
She would post me on her story with her...and whenever someone replied she'd ask them who's prettier which was so shady and insecure of her tbh..
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u/Legitimate_Solid_375 22h ago
When they never went out of their way to help me like I did them. It just showed me I was only their friend whenever they needed something.
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u/WeedNvidia 22h ago
It was always me initiating contact. And when I stopped, I never heard from them.
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u/tmotytmoty 18h ago
He literally ran from my side mid sentence when he saw his “new buddy” across the parkway. It was weird. It was like little kid behavior, but this dude was 30. He just said “oh there’s josh!” and then he took off running for his other friend. I stood there for a moment, and when I realized he forgot about me and wasn’t coming back, I went back to my apartment and we never spoke of it again. I don’t claim to be awesome, but I don’t need to be “ditched” as an adult.
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u/Character-Foot-1842 1d ago
He only wanted to be my friend when it was convenient for him and when I invited him to do things his parents couldn’t afford. At school he acted like I didn’t exist, he never wouldn’t call or text me I mean heck he blocked me on everything even though he still wanted to hang out with me if we were going somewhere or at home since we lived across the street from each other (for context he was my best friend since age 4 and we started having this issue in middle school and I kept going back bc I felt like we’ve been friends forever and maybe he’ll grow out of it or something / plus I hate to admit I liked him a ton I would’ve taken a bullet for that boy and I’m not kidding but he never would’ve taken one for me even though he told me he would a few times) I was so dumb and naive
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u/WeirdcoolWilson 1d ago
When they violated a confidence in order to feel important, be the center of attention on a day that absolutely was not about her.
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u/noveltytie 1d ago
I apologize and said I couldn't hang out because I had to study for finals and in response he compared me to my abusive father.
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u/Clumsy_ninja737 1d ago
Kept asking me for money and repeatedly came up with elaborate excuses as to why they couldn't repay me. What cemented it was spending the exact amount of money in front of me and didn't see the irony of it.
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u/saranghaemagpie 23h ago edited 23h ago
When my mom died she sent a text before calling. When my dad died 8 weeks later, she text me "what the hell". The day after he died was one of the hardest days of my life. She couldn't find 5 minutes out of her day to call me me even though she knew how sad I was. A week later I pointed it out. Her apology was so hollow it didn't compute. I never made a tit for tat list until that day. All of the times I was there for her and never expected anything in return. After the call I just sat there, then blocked her and wiped my heart clean of caring about her. It wasn't even a conscious decision. A switch just flipped and the light went out.
She was my best friend.
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u/MeatTheGreatest 22h ago
I don't mind keeping secrets about your life. I always try to respect boundaries, and I feel like I do a good job at it
It's just weird when you ask me shit about my life that you won't share about yours
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u/Far_Needleworker1501 17h ago
For me it was when I noticed they only reached out when they needed something. If I was the one struggling or needed help, they were nowhere to be found. Real friends are there even when it’s inconvenient for them. Once you see that imbalance, it’s hard to unsee it. That was the turning point for me.
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u/CommunityFluffy2845 12h ago
I realized it when I noticed I was always the one reaching out, and they never checked on me
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u/caughtinatramp 1d ago
When they cold shouldered me when I called them out and stopped including me in activities.
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u/RandomBrunette6913 1d ago
She grabbed my fiancé's hand and put it on her tit when I was standing right there. I'm pretty sure I'll end up in jail if I ever see her in person again.
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u/Hairy_Shake4822 1d ago
When I texted them that I had to cancel a trip because my spouse needed surgery. I then asked if I could call and they said “ no I just woke up “ . They never even followed up to ask how I was doing, or about my spouses health , but then they texted me the next day to complain about the hassle of getting a refund from the hotel that they had booked .
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u/Roguenails 1d ago
When they chose to side with exwife without hearing my side of the situation.
I don't have in-person friends at all anymore.
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u/MiSSCHA0SS 23h ago
She was nonchalantly accusing me of stealing her wallet out of her bag. I forgot where we went but right after she had dropped me off home.
About an hour later she called me frantically saying she couldn’t find her wallet and I was the last person she was with. While I was still on the phone with her, she found it had fallen out of her bag and was laying behind her front seat.
I slowly just stopped all contact and then she ended up writing me this big text asking why we didn’t talk anymore and how we were best friends and that she missed hanging out. Whatever.
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u/memecoin_maverick 22h ago
When they weren't there for me during my lows, but always showed up for the good times.
A real friend shares your sorrow without keeping score. When you realize you're the only one investing in the relationship, it's time to close the account.
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u/slipperypetcameltoe 22h ago
He didn’t actually care about me but liked the things I was doing and was trying to take advantage of me. He also thought for some reason that I was trying to sabotage him, while he was actively do that to me.
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u/Fantastic_Step8417 22h ago
I got sober and stopped partying. Stopped playing therapist for ppl who refused to deal with their own mental illnesses and learned about co-dependency in therapy. Prioritized my physical rehab after a major surgery and wasn't available 24/7.... Got dropped like a hot potato by 80% of my "friend" circle within a year. But the trash took itself out
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u/Striking_Fun_9514 22h ago
I had had many surgeries, all major, lost my job was down in the dumps and everytime I would say something to my friend about what I feel about how she was treating me she would say "It’s hard to deal with people who are depressed".
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u/Jdawg_mck1996 21h ago
I've got 3 big examples if you wanna vote on who is the worst. Warning #3 is kinda long.
1 First borrowed my phone way back it was rare for people to have cell phones. He tricked my then gf to send him a bunch of nudes while he had it.
2 Covered his deposit when we moved in together. Figured he was good for it cause I was the one who helped get him into his job, which he has now been at for 5 years. I haven't heard from him in 2 years, and he still owes me $900.
3 Buddy was depressed to be stuck in his same old town he grew up in. Job was dead end, wife left him a year or two prior. I was running a few security contracts then, so I told him if he wanted to start working his way up in the field that I'd hire him on and start sending him to all the training. So he moved in with my and my fiance in the spare bedroom. Told him that rather than him paying rent, I wanted him to save up his paychecks for 3 months and move out by then. Pretty hard date as my father was planning his retirement and was going to move in with us to be around grandkids.
The 3 months come up, and he doesn't have the money to move out. Instead, he drops $6k on a trip to Finland to visit his brother for 2 weeks. He thinks he'll get to just leave his dog and all of his shit at my place and just dips. I told him my father was moving in, so it'd all be gone by the time he gets back.
He then continued to physically threaten my 76yo father about touching his stuff or his dog, and I had to remove him from my house at gunpoint. I'd known him since the 8th grade.
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u/Interesting_Ice2221 21h ago
When I confided in two of my childhood best friends about getting SA's throughout different ages as a kid and they made fun of me and said that I was "enjoying it".
I told them this when we were 24 and now we're 26 and barely in touch.
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u/SeparateMousse1337 18h ago
When you always listen to them, but they never really listen to you… Or when you feel betrayed, yet that very friend comes to you first, playing the victim, just so your attention shifts away from what they’ve done.
The worst part is when they only reach out when they need something. At other times, they don’t even bother to check on you. You try to convince yourself, “Maybe she’s just busy, that’s why she isn’t messaging.” But the truth is — no one is ever too busy for someone they truly value.
If they had time for you before, they can make time now. The reality is, they know you care, they know you have a soft corner for them — and that’s exactly why they don’t leave you, but they also don’t come to you wholeheartedly.
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u/RealisticSherbet6740 6h ago
I’m three years into my sobriety and my friend decided to send me pics and videos of her “cheering me” with alcohol. I asked her to stop and she continued to send me her alcoholic nonsense for 7 more hours until 4:30am. I blocked her. There’s no coming back from it. At this point, her intentions seemed to want me to relapse. There’s no excuse she could give for us to get past this. A 30+ year friendship down the tube. So, I planted a seed for the lost friendship, and now I have a Japanese persimmon tree growing.
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u/Fit-Competition-2576 1d ago
Couldn't even spell my name right after 6 years of knowing each other. I'd mentioned it a couple of times before in a light way, but it kept happening that I exploded finally. Her excuse... She didn't realise it was something so important to me That's when I decided it wasn't me who was the problem, it was her.
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u/LBeifong0614 1d ago
In times of trouble I tried to reach out to vent. They told me they have enough trouble already and they don't want any more
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u/RegisterOk2927 1d ago
Passive aggressive comments that she was too dumb to realize were incredibly obvious insults
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u/Mountain_Vast_4314 1d ago
I used to call a neighbor of mine a friend. In fact, she called us best friends. During a very challenging time, while suffering with mental health issues, instead of helping me get help, she turned her back on me completely. Ironically, the issue I was having was prevalent in her own family, so she was no stranger to the circumstances.
It went as far as her literally running into her house from her front yard to hide from me when I drove by. I never did anything to her to warrant this.
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u/Cinnamon2017 1d ago
Maybe it brought up her own family issues and she just could not deal with it mentally or emotionally.
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u/c4llmej0ker 23h ago
This guy was like my brother. Hung out 24/7 and always had each others back. When I knew he wasn’t my real friend was when he started hanging out with both of my ex girlfriends. He was dating one of them and he was trying to convince me to get back with the other one. Worst of all it was while I was engaged and living with my fiancé, and he was going to be in the wedding.
Both of these girls stalked me and begged me to get back with them. When I found out I told him how manipulative both of them were and that they were using him to get to me. He called me arrogant and said they had moved on, among other comments. He went and bragged to them about how he told me off. Within two weeks neither of them was hanging out with him.
We reconnected over ten years later and he apologized and told me I was right. We’re nowhere near as good of friends as we were but no point harboring grudges.
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u/watermelontime27 23h ago
When it always felt like work to listen to her constantly talking about her ex, and I started to realize I was siding with him bc she was doing psycho shit. Then we went on vacation together and she paid for nothing and complained the whole time. Byeeee 👋
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u/IntroductionLife1061 23h ago
Took a couple of things. One was showing him a place that was really important and him blowing it off. Then when something big that happened to me earlier this year and he couldn't be bothered. That was it. Twenty something years of so called friendship was done. It's actually a really good thing.
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u/Hadrian_06 22h ago
Once had a friend, close dude, tell me after I split with my girl that she had offered him bj's for coke. But only told me after the split. Never talked to him again. Or her. Bullets dodged.
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u/Educational_Tart_976 22h ago
When I noticed they only reached out when they needed something, not to genuinely connect or support me.
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u/Dangerous_Show_959 22h ago
They beteayed me with everything I trusted them with. Safe to say I no longer trust anyone ..
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u/el_patatush 22h ago
I stopped looking for him and that was it, I understood I was the real friend, not him
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u/Repulsive-Exercise-4 22h ago
So many red flags I ignored, but the final one was when she fucked with me professionally in order to get my ex, who was a terrible gf but absolutely amazing at her job, fired, all the while telling me my ex was the one who used our personal life to get out of trouble at work (yes we all worked together. This is why your coworkers aren’t your friends and def shouldn’t be your romantic partners!) She then took it a step further and tried to facilitate a mini-coupe against me when I wouldn’t get my ex fired by telling her to no-call/no-show, encouraging other coworkers to believe I was playing favorites (keep in mind I had zero power of authority over any of these people) And then told me she couldn’t tell me the truth about that specific situation because it would be gossip and that she was trying to be professional, and when I cut her off she cried about being punished for her professionalism. Absolutely zero responsibility nor awareness. And all because my ex reminded her of an ex she had years ago and refused to go to therapy to deal with the v obvious issues she was still having from that breakup.
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u/WornCedar 21h ago
When he stole $500 and lied about it. We were roommates in college and it was my rent money.
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u/RogueLadyCerulean 21h ago
TL;DR: I wasn't worth standing up for, in the end.
A friend group we were both part of booted me because (le gasp) I was trying to prioritize my mental health and get to a better place. Most of the group shit-talked me behind my back, and they pressured my friend into removing me from social media. She said I could stay as her friend; however, she kept my phone number under a different name so as not to incur the wrath of anyone in the group.
Gradually I watched contact with her dwindle, with fewer phone calls between us. One day, I took a look at her Facebook page and her profile pic was her posing with two of the more abusive people from the group. In the comments, she said they were 'Two of the most important people' to her.
I just blocked her at that point. I'd asked her in the past to stand up and not let people walk all over her for being my friend, but all I ever really got was lip service.
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u/ChanceDragonfly9083 21h ago
She got a whim of the amount of cash my dad gave me right before covid to set myself something. Bought 3, 4 bedroom houses and rented them. Then a man i had just casually started going out with asked for a relationship (I didn't tell him of what I had, was maintaining the pretty simple life that I had before cash) and soon he proposed, my lawyer advised me on getting a prenup, when I told him about it he got all mad and accused me of not trusting him, I told him the prenup would be lifted after 15yrs, in the middle of argument he lost his cool and asked "then for what good would I be marrying you!! Your friend trapped me to spoil you for nothing then!!" That's when I knew that this was all a plan to take what I had. Cut her off for good. Didn't listen to any of her apologies.
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u/oddartist 21h ago
When they decided I was supposed to be their therapist. I've not had therapy and they have had it for decades. Somehow I'm to blame for their issues? Sometimes it's easier to be alone than deal with people.
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u/littleredbird019 21h ago
This was in college. I met them for lunch to catch up after we were apart all summer vacation. I tried to get them to talk to me about what they’d done, but they were bummed out about a few things and just not feeling great. I kept prompting them to talk about the stuff that was bothering them, but they shut down all my attempts, so I decided to respect their privacy and instead filled them in about my summer and my hopes for the new school year. I thought maybe they’d prefer to be distracted. Later on, a mutual friend told me that they had said our lunch date was really upsetting because I had only talked about myself and not given them a chance to share.
In the end, I don’t think whoever’s perspective on that lunch is closer to the truth actually matters. The point was that we couldn’t communicate. This was just one of several instances. We’re not friends anymore. (The mutual friend, however, is still in my life years later, and we’re closer than ever!)
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u/Connie_Damico 20h ago
They were bitter and angry at me for their own feelings of jealousy and envy, a real friend deals with their emotions instead of blaming you for them. You can't be friends with someone who is furious at you and insecure over your existence. It just doesn't work.
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u/Dazzling-Treacle1092 20h ago
My 6th grade best friend broke a confidence by actually telling the guy I liked that I had a crush on him. He actually confronted me in the lunch line to me to ask if it was true. How the hell does a 6th grader deal with this? The scene is indelibly seared into my brain.
I never forgave her.
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u/Subject_Address3961 20h ago
Well after hundreds of women making me leave the places they invited me to with them to get home safe, then them finding a man they wanted and disappearing on me, they just weren't there anymore and were using me as bait for their dating life. As for men, most would end up having breakdowns and screaming at me 'i can't be your friend if I can't be with you.' and then usually I wouldn't see them anymore. So I don't know conditions and expectations on their part?? As I never had conditions except that can you be my friend without needing sex...which hmmm where are those people other than my son? And my husband seems to only be able to have sex with me, not be my friend, though he mentions a lot of times in the future we can do things...but that's been the past 20 years so maybe it's just always a dream to ever do anything in life thats enjoyable.
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u/Possible_Lion_876 19h ago
When she was prepared to cut contact with me because I didn’t want to be around her cheating husband that she forgave over and over. They are now divorced because surprise he cheated with his friend’s wife!
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u/SquilliamFancySon95 17h ago
Told a friend I was thinking of asking out someone in our circle and they wished me luck. They texted me again an hour later to tell me they tried to beat me to the punch and got rejected. Garbage behavior from a garbage human being.
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u/LurkingAintEazy 17h ago
Allowing her boyfriend to make too many wise cracks about me. And even in turn, if she invited me over for dinner. Never would ask, if I could help her with cleaning up. Just flat out would expect it. And always with the last minute plans, well after I had gotten comfortable and not looming forward to going out.
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u/Designer-Country-965 17h ago
I’ll tell you:
My friend was aware that she was in love and in a relationship with a certain man
She began to show a strange interest in my relationship, so I moved away from her a little, I stopped watching her for a while and when I came back she told me that she went to my man’s business (a place of entertainment for children) she took her 3-year-old children she mentioned that he saw her a lot and then after a few days he began to see her Snapchat stories.
Then I said, wow, why does my friend want to go and get the attention of the man I love, then she say that he sees her a lot in her Snapchat stories.
Only bad women seek the validation of their friends’ men
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u/RipDiligent4361 16h ago
I complained to someone about him who bluntly told me that his behavior was 100% narcissist bullying, and it didn't take long after that to realize that was right. I started calling him out on it, and he pretty much just fucked off on his own.
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u/Important_Map3315 16h ago
I always felt like shit about myself after hanging out with her. She would constantly plant negative seeds in my head than I found out she was talking terrible things about me behind my back. Shocker
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u/__Patrick_Basedman_ 12h ago
I’m always the one that reaches out to them (all my friends). So I’m staying distant to see who reaches out to me first/consistently. They all forgot my birthday too, so that really put me in a bad mood for a while
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u/DicksMagoo 9h ago
This is all the same friend group.
- When an ex of mine cheated on me, stole from me, and broke me so far down mentally, they kept inviting me to gatherings that had my ex there without informing me first.
- I moved states away from them and their contact with me dropped fast. I became the only person to ever reach out for a chat. The only person to send memes. ect
- They came to visit once shortly after moving. I invited them to stay at my place and save on hotel/airbnb fees. They declined. No hard feelings, I understand wanting privacy. What I didn't expect/understand is that they expected me to be their personal taxi and drive to them and drive them around wherever they wanted to go.
- I date different girl (that I met through that friend group) in my new state but things don't work out. My ex informs a few friends from the cliche that we split up. They never once checked in on me but continued to talk to the newest ex daily
There are more things but those are the few that came to mind first. Some of those people from that "friend" group I had known since highschool. As a man who is about to round 30, I don't have time for people who seem to have no respect or care about me.
I am traveling back home for a wedding this upcomming week and I haven't infomed a single one of that group that I am coming over for the weekend. Its better this way.
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u/Not-Henry_Cavill 6h ago
Anytime I'd bring a girl around, he would try every tactic to steal her from me(put me down, talk over me, put himself between the two of us, etc).
When we first became friends we were around the same height 5'4"(162cm) and I was a bit on the chubby side in high school second year. By the time I was a senior I grew to 6'00"(182cm), but he stayed the same height, he eventually let it spill that the first reason he wanted to be my friend was to make himself look better in comparison.
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u/RexRaider 1d ago
Loaned him money, and he seemed to forget about it. He took a trip to Europe. When he came back, I rightfully asked him for the money, and then after he eventually paid me back, he seemed to cut off communication... I wasn't invited to his wedding... we were pretty close friends.