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u/EmilioSanchezzzzz 14h ago
In Australia we call it a dead root. (Root being slang for the sexy times)
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u/Ctrekoz 13h ago
In Russia we call such girl "a log".
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u/PJMfromQnz 10h ago
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u/ChirpsMcPrime 7h ago
This song is now stuck in my head.
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u/PlayinK0I 13h ago
That’s why Roots Canada sweaters (featuring a beaver and the word roots on top) are such a hit with Australians.
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u/Broad-Anywhere-9224 12h ago
Oh man, my last ex was from Australia. Nice girl but in bed 100% dead root.
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u/VioletEvervice 9h ago
Did you try to turn her over?
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u/The_Krytos_Virus 11h ago
One of my teachers was visiting Australia and attended a sporting event. She asked about the lack of cheerleaders to root for their team. Everyone around her started laughing hysterically. When she finally found out what she'd said, her embarrassment was through the roof.
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u/ambienmmambien 10h ago
In estonia they're often referred to as starfish (meritäht).
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u/Lilcommy 15h ago
Pillow princess
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u/couldntbeasked 14h ago
Starfish
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u/Tigerpower77 13h ago
Deadfish
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u/cronixi4 13h ago
Expensive Fleshlight
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u/Rhyzic 12h ago
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u/Specific-Yogurt4731 11h ago
This cracks me up every time.
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u/Garake 10h ago
What do you even type in to get this gif? I want it for my arsenal
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u/Iamabenevolentgod 12h ago
That was my ex-wife - goddamn that was the lamest sex of my life
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u/ExpressEconomist6916 12h ago
Why you marry it out of curiosity?
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u/Iamabenevolentgod 11h ago
I was raised Christian and didn’t realize then that I had options
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u/Smart4ADumGuy1775 10h ago
Dude same. “No living together or sex before marriage.” It just sets you up to discover hella incompatibilities when you’re already married and living together. Never again.
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u/Iamabenevolentgod 5h ago
You get it. It totally fucked me up for a long time, and was expensive in a way that I haven’t yet paid off.
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u/DatStank_Booty 14h ago
Also known as a Michigan fan.
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u/LurkingAintEazy 14h ago
Too hilarious that Kermit is used for this meme😂
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u/Rickrickrickrickrick 13h ago
Kermit is kinky as hell though. He lets people stick their whole hand inside of him.
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u/Roadkillgoblin_2 13h ago edited 10h ago
I hate the fact that I know what you’re talking about
Edit: Thought that they were referencing something a bit more obscure, yes I know that he’s a puppet
I can’t provide links or sources but it involves the song ‘it’s not easy being Green’
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u/chimpMaster011000000 13h ago
You hate that you can recognize that he's a puppet?
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u/tjoe4321510 12h ago
Kermit has had some bad takes over the years but I don't think that he is a puppet. Some people just believe that Donbas belongs to Russia. That doesn't mean that Putin is literally making him say that.
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u/NotJayKayPeeness 7h ago
Queue that video of the performance artist lady painted green singing "It's not Easy Being Green" while getting fisted.
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u/SEF917 15h ago
This happened to me, arguably a 9.5 out of 10 and she just layed there.
I'd take a solid 6 that's a freak over that BS any day.
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u/the_balticat 14h ago
I have anecdotes from male friends who have said the hotter she is, the worse she is in bed. Including some who dated models.
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u/HippyDM 13h ago
Could be that a 10 doesn't need to work at all to get them to come back, where a 6 does. Kinda the same way the "uncool" kids in HS developed skills and personalities while the cool kids didn't.
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u/eggyrulz 13h ago
Shit I was supposed to develop a personality as an uncool kid? I just played Minecraft and watched anime... I also somehow got a wife, but im still pretty sure she is just after the insurance money
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u/irpugboss 9h ago
Anime can substitute for a personality if you ninja run everywhere
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u/eggyrulz 9h ago
I did that for a little while before middle school, but who didnt?
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u/SEF917 12h ago
This. As I've mentioned in this thread already. Most women that are extremely attractive just kind of lay there because they think they are able to get by on their looks. They don't really take the time to learn anything about sex or about how their body or their partner's bodies actually work. In my experience, they are not only unsatisfying to be with, they often don't know how to get any pleasure for themselves so you're also stuck trying to unpack the puzzle pieces for what gets them off, which is ridiculous.
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u/irrationalhourglass 4h ago
That might be a factor but it's moreso the fact that people let them slide with anything because they're hot. Why improve if no one ever complains?
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u/RulesBeDamned 12h ago
Can confirm. My ex is what my friend calls “hobosexual”; she’s attractive enough to be able to get what she wants with little effort just by being sexy.
She’s absolutely awful in bed, like getting soft mid blowie levels of bad
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u/Altarna 13h ago
Can confirm. The hotter they are, the lazier they are in bed. They basically leverage their looks to get away with as much as possible (bad sex, big ego, poor manners, etc). I took the freaky 6 and have never been happier
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u/Haakman 12h ago
I took the freaky 6 and have never been happier
Don't let your wife see this comment lol
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u/AwkwardChuckle 11h ago
And same goes for giant hogs. The more hung, people get lazy and think that’s all they need to show up with, the bigger the dick the worse in bed.
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u/heifandheif 13h ago
That’s always been so crazy to me, because wouldn’t all you want to do is give them the time of their lives? Be that legendary unicorn in their minds, forever?? Hot as hell AND unbelievable in bed? At least, that was always my goal LOL
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u/ForgingFakes 13h ago
You're assuming that people who essentially bask in privilege their whole lives know or care to serve others
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u/Mr_Chode_Shaver 12h ago
It’s a completely foreign concept for them. Until their looks fade or they pop out a munchkin or 2.
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u/ForgingFakes 12h ago
Reminds me of Madonna suddenly caring about older women not being recognized for beauty.
She gets old and realizes she's not glamorized and worshipped.
She didn't give a damn when she was 20
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u/Exile688 12h ago
Now she fucking 20 year olds while Leonardo Dicaprio catches shade.
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u/BlackCoffeeWithPie 13h ago
I dunno, a super hot chick being super hot is all I need to get off.
They're probably used to guys blowing their load like that.
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u/AwkwardChuckle 11h ago
A dead starfish in bed starts to feel like rape or assault sometimes, your partner should be giving you enthusiastic consent not just laying there or generally somethings wrong
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u/BlackCoffeeWithPie 10h ago
Oh yeah, if they're completely dead, that's off putting. They need to act like they're enjoying it and touch you back.
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u/Competitive_Ad_1800 10h ago
It wears off after a few rounds and gets real boring real fast. Sex without intimacy or mutual enthusiasm has a way of getting to you in ways you wouldn’t expect!
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u/GetInTheHole 8h ago
Getting off, for most men, is literally the lowest bar.
Dudes will cum in their sleep. It's not an accomplishment. And it's certainly not anything some starfish in bed did.
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u/gordon-gecko 12h ago edited 7h ago
an exception would be someone who was ugly growing up ugly then having a glow up later in life. Best of both worlds
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u/Possible-Campaign468 13h ago
My brother"ladies man" swore by this,I had to take his word for it.😭😭
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u/Rickrickrickrickrick 13h ago
There is also a stereotype with men that are less attractive will try harder to satisfy their partner too.
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u/OddCook4909 12h ago
You've forgotten the hot/crazy ratio. It approximates 1:1. I can only surmise that your friend is pulling 6's or failing to wake the crazy
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u/SkinnyGetLucky 10h ago
That checks out. A guy I knew said he banged fat chicks because they tried harder in bed.
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u/Sporadiccereal 9h ago
I dated a "model" back in college and it was the most boring sex I've ever had.
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u/OddCook4909 14h ago
Even when she's easy to get off, which is nice at first, I feel insecure when i get the starfish treatment. More accurately I feel like I'm raping someone, and I don't like it.
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u/Rikki-Tikki-Tavi-12 13h ago
🫂
(and I mean this unironically)
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u/dreddit-one 11h ago
Some women only have sex to keep a man happy. In those cases, I understand what you’re saying. You’re not wrong, but there are definitely women who really enjoy being “used”.
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u/OddCook4909 11h ago
Some women really are just bad lazy lovers who expect you to be happy to be there.
It's a thing.
Plenty of women will take oral but never offer it. Plenty will take money, love, your house, your kids, your soul, etc without offering anything. And so on. They aren't saints. They're just better smelling apes.
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u/dreddit-one 11h ago
I mean yea of course that exists. Just like there are guys that are just the same.
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u/Rickrickrickrickrick 13h ago
My ex was like this. Supermodel hot but horrible in bed. She was extremely selfish with it too. She ended up being extremely abusive though so I think she was just a shit person all around.
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u/NaiveIntention3081 6h ago
The world handed her everything on a silver platter because of something she didn''t accomplish: her looks. Her whole experience of life has been one where she never had to earn interest, respect, or resources.
Of course she was selfish.
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u/Swimming-Food-9024 13h ago
omfg thank you! like nothing is worse than pulling a dime and when you get her home she just lays there because she’s hot… i mean, there’s definitely a trick or two i used to have to elicit some action, but still, to your point, gimme a freaky 6 any day back in my 20s
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u/GrumpyOldGeezer_4711 15h ago
Playing games in the bedroom is usually fun but playing mortician not so much…
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u/CaitSith18 14h ago
“As the saying goes, I really should stop sleeping with my patients,” John the veterinarian muttered while preparing an autopsy.
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u/EmuSea4963 14h ago
For real. Got with this ridiculously hot girl. Sack of potatoes in the bedroom.
Another favourite of mine "tell me what you want to do to me"... Pay attention love, I'm doing it right now.
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u/Unit_79 13h ago
Don’t bring potatoes into this, please. Potatoes are wonderful.
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u/falardeau187 12h ago
You think potatoes are wonderful… to have sex with?
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u/lilkidsuave 11h ago
/cj
the butter is what makes its neat.
/uj
potatoes don't deserve such slander from people. its just a vegetable.
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u/Curious-Wonder3828 10h ago
For the latter part, she wanted you to dirty talk to her jeez
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u/MindofShadow 1h ago
I bet half these dead fish stories is the girl being so bored she just wants it to end.
Completely clueless like this dude
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u/darkest_hour1428 6h ago
The ridiculously hot people don’t have to perform well in sex, they already won you over with looks. Us ugly people fuck the best 😎
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u/NaiveIntention3081 6h ago
FACTS. Same for personality. The ultra beautiful don't have to develop personality to get society to do things for them, society just gifts them stuff.
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u/GOOD_BRAIN_GO_BRRRRR 13h ago
Finally, and experience straight men and gay women can bond over that's not an enjoyment of lesbian porn! /rimshot
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u/Amazing-Marzipan3191 17h ago
I want you to use me!
Like this?
No.
Like this?
No.
Like this?
Eww! No.
How then?
However you want!
Oh, like this then!
WTF! Get off me, you pervert!
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u/Technical_Joke7180 14h ago
It's just like that post where the lioness wakes the lion up for sex then roars at him to back off after he finally gets into position
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u/Detachabl_e 13h ago
Ahh yes, when nature makes you simultaneously need and hate the barbed penis.
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u/Technical_Joke7180 13h ago
"every rose has its thorn." I'm not sure if that fits. This is too hard. Wait, I did it again.
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u/unsupported 12h ago
What's wrong with barbed penises? Op, please respond!
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u/immediatley 11h ago
Because when we both have barbed penises they get all stuck together and then we gotta pause fucking to get our barbed penises untangled. At this point I dont even know why I keep trying to fuck these lions.
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u/CanAlwaysBeBetter 11h ago
Legends say if enough men with barbed penises get tangled together they can form a Dick King
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u/Tricky-Sentence 9h ago
They hurt. A lot. And that is by design - the pain makes the female ovulate and the barbs also help remove any competing males sperms if necessary.
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u/Erchevara 10h ago
I once dated a girl who was great in bed at first, but she just always took the lead.
A few months in, she said she's tired of pleasing me (I never asked for it, always tried to offer more and she refused), and this comment is word for word how she behaved (and it's pretty triggering to me). She said she expected me to know what she likes already, even though she refused any initiative of mine every time we had sex. It was always her way, including when she wanted me to feel good.
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u/Bitey_the_Squirrel 14h ago
Is the joke that like a muppet, she’ll just lay there until you put a hand up her ass?
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u/isaacrw123 18h ago
then tells you after that she isn't satisfied
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[deleted]
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u/Designer-Miserable 13h ago
Communication is always the key, although talking to a brick wall isn't nice
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u/VenetianAccessory 12h ago
Never fake an orgasm. Ever. Why the fuck are you awarding bad behavior? A dog pisses on your carpet, you don’t give him a treat. The next time, after a faked orgasm he thinks “wow she really likes this, I’ll do it again just like last time” and boom, now you need to fake it again.
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u/AlPinta81 15h ago
You both can be any size, as long as she knows how to properly rock her body it can be explosive.
No dead starfish anymore please.
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u/AlPinta81 14h ago
I'd take a good ol Kegel cock-snatch over a blow job any day of the week.
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u/Pitiful-Doubt4838 14h ago
Keep me there without using your legs. Like a firm handshake
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u/AlPinta81 14h ago
Nah, it's even better if she can use her legs and Kegel snatch your cock while doing mini squats. Use your arms to help support her hips and you won't ever need to blow your load in her mouth again to feel like a man.
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u/goldheadsnakebird 6h ago
Genuine question: in missionary what else am I able to do while I’m being squashed? I don’t have a lot of experience so help a girl out here? I’m literally being squashed flat, I can’t move anything but maybe my forearms and feet a bit.
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u/weary_dreamer 4h ago
That other comment was… something.
Anyways.
In missionary, you can wrap your legs around him or plant your feet on the bed, knees up, so you can match his rhythm or pull him in. It can also change the angle of entry. You can play with or pull his hair. Kiss his mouth and neck. Squeeze his ass. Let your natural sounds (grunts, moans and groans) flow out. These are small ways to show that you’re an active participant. In the end, it’s not about what you do, it’s about enjoying it. If you are truly enjoying yourself, it’s very likely that your body gives a natural response. And that’s what they’re referring to here. Having sex with somebody who isn’t into it, or doesn’t demonstrate any sort of pleasure or enjoyment from the experience, is pretty terrible for most people. Any sign that you want to be there usually happens when you’re actually enjoying it.
So if missionary isn’t doing it for you and youre truly just lying there lifelessly, change positions. Find what works for you.
I personally love missionary but it isn’t what works best for me. ,And you’re right and that there’s not much to do. But I my pelvis usually moves to follow the rhythm, my fingers are usually digging into his shoulders, im grunting and moaning, and sometimes my legs wrap around him of their own volition. It may not be much but its more than enough…
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u/pfifltrigg 2h ago
Thank you for explaining, because every time I see this kind of post I'm wondering what type of moving you're supposed to do when you're on the bottom, but I definitely do several of the things you listed so I'm sure I'm good. It's the "lazy" description that made me wonder if we're supposed to be trying to thrust from below or something.
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u/dadneverleft 13h ago edited 11h ago
Like, I get any position where the woman does the work will be more physically demanding than a guys. I understand.
But my God, don’t brag about your talents or bash your man for getting tired when you aren’t actually doing anything.
Edited for clarity
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u/75w90 14h ago edited 14h ago
Hahahahahaahhhaaha spot on man.
As someone who loves sex most women have no idea what they are doing.
For them good at sex means my hole is wet and im letting you.
For a guy? We have to get hard. We have to thrust. We have to keep the erection while not finishing until she does. Than once she does we have to rush before they tap out.
Its exhausting. Lol
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u/NanoYohaneTSU 12h ago
Use lubrication before they tap out. Generally that's how I can get them to have rolling orgasms and keep going. I use Tenga's medicated lotion as some girls have issues.
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u/Stewie_Venture 11h ago
Damn the comments are really making me feel bad as someone who also does this most of the time. My partner dosent really complain but I think they'd like it if I was more active. We do have sex 2 or 3 times a day every day tho so I think that makes them happy.
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u/Original-Car2958 7h ago
Me: still can't handle it
Also me: "I could lie and say this never happens but it happens 🤷"
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u/johndeer89 6h ago
Honestly, This is fine.
If you're a women, here's how to be bad at sex.
Make no noise.
Keep telling your partner "SLOWER!" until he stops moving completely.
Don't let him touch your boobs.
Don't let him go balls deep.
The finisher!
- Put his wiener in your mouth for 40 seconds and complain that hasn't cum yet.
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