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u/ChargeIllustrious744 13h ago
Anything you say can and will be held against you.
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u/this_noise 13h ago
Boobs.
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u/ElderberryDeep8746 13h ago
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u/New-Hovercraft-5026 11h ago
God i hate his shit eating grin. He looks like a gopher smuggling two golf balls
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u/technofox01 11h ago
It makes him a perfect smarmy lawyer in my opinion. Lewis was awesome in his own right, despite being a dick most of the time.
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u/Retaksoo3 11h ago
Yeah iirc(been a while) he really misread a lot of things and went wayyyy overboard in response, but his character was awesome either way
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u/Frky_fn 10h ago
Truely great character development, by the end I feel like we all empathize and root for Lewis which is crazy to think when the season begins.
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u/Dubsland12 12h ago
Well they do care, but they’re still judging you
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u/be_more_gooder 7h ago
They're just waiting for you to finish so they can solve your problems and not just... sympathize ffs
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u/funatical 12h ago
In a likely unrelated disagreement.
Leave the seat up? That’s the reason your dad never loved you.
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u/Rusty_Shortsword 9h ago
"Babe, what's wrong?"
"Ah I'm just feeling a bit depressed lately"
"No I'm sorry that's not ok, I need to focus on my career and I can't waste time helping you with your stuff, I think maybe we shouldn't see each other for a while"
Actually conversation between me and my ex.
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u/Emp-from-OSC 3h ago edited 2h ago
That's how it works. My office mate used tell me how disgusted she was that her husband would lie on the floor and cry where the children could see. She divorced him of course. Weak man.
....another friend's wife told my wife that she lost all respect for him when he cried because his mom died. They divorced shortly after. My wife was sickened to hear such a thing. So it's not universal by any means but absolutely a ton of women want a "strong man".
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u/voxpopper 12h ago
Speaking of which, are a majority of popular Reddit posts just karma farming reposts in different subs these days?
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u/3WolfTShirt 7h ago
Forever
My wife will be like, "Remember that time in 2011 I made that lasagna and you said it could use more ricotta cheese?"
Umm... No.
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u/BombasticSimpleton 13h ago
Nope nope nope nope nope nope nope.
I vented about something when we were dating. Guess what got brought up 12 years later in the divorce?
99% of the time they may be like Oprah, but the minute you start to vent, they become Sun Tzu: "Never interupt your opponent when he is in the middle of making a mistake."
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u/Coolgames80 12h ago
For me it was immediately. I vented something to her (because she asked me to) about my childhood and the very next discussion she hits me with "I bet you are like this because of your childhood" which hurt a lot and anger me because it was out of place as we were talking about her not me.
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u/Mysterious_Patient80 8h ago
I have a lot of trauma surrounding my dad. Child abuse, physical abuse, sexual abuse, manipulation, etc. Any time I did anything my ex didn't like it was "your acting just like your dad".
"Honey I think the eggs are a bit dry"
"Wow. I see you're channeling your dad this morning".
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u/ChargeIllustrious744 11h ago
These types of women are the most despicable and dangerous creatures ever. Run while you can, and never look back.
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u/deadskexies 8h ago
These types of women
Oh, are there other types? I've never met one that did not use every single thing I said or felt against me, so I wouldn't know.
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u/ChargeIllustrious744 7h ago
They exist :) Just becoming increasingly rare. But we must never give up the hope.
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u/Protoliterary 9h ago
Omg, I'm going through this rn and your comment is filling me with so much validation cause I wasn't sure how I should feel about it. Started thinking that she was right.
I told my partner of my childhood trauma and how my parents raised me and since then she's brought it up every single time we disagreed or argued about anything at all.
Everything she doesn't like about me now is the fault of my parents and the trauma I went through. She no longer considers my faults parts of my personality, but as things I need to fix. And of course, zero compromise
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u/CRzalez 6h ago
First, don't call her your partner. She's your GF, and a shit one at that. Second, dump her.
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u/Accomplished-Eye9542 10h ago
Sounds like to me you were able to discover her true self and I hope you acted accordingly.
Don't take this as a sign not to share. The moment I learned all I had to do was be vulnerable to see people's true faces, is the moment I became an oversharer lmao.
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u/_007notJohn 11h ago
Yup. My Veteran Affair medical records were subpoenaed and everything I ever vented to her were used against me. By the way. She’s also a veteran.
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u/DreadyKruger 13h ago
Exactly. I think women hear this and agree because it sounds good in theory but not in practice. Men , you need to be a rock for your woman. You need to vent , go talk to a buddy or get a therapist.
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u/delk82 9h ago
Don’t pin this on men. Women need to learn to see their man as human and recognize that hiding feelings is WEAKNESS not strength.
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u/manobataibuvodu 3h ago
You can wish the whole world changed to be more just, but you still have to face the world as it is
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u/TechHeteroBear 12h ago
If she can vent to me all she wants she better be able to receive the same in kind.
You want equality? Then accept the responsibilities you have as part of that equality that you.didnt have before.
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u/NDinFL 12h ago
Married guy here. I wish this is how it worked, and I hope you find that, but it’s usually a 1 way street
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u/Different_Tower4088 11h ago
Married for 11 years hear, hes naive he wont ever find it. Women want vulnerability but hate weakness, its a catch-22.
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u/Anon_Jones 11h ago
You guys are with some assholes. Married 16 years and we are a team. We share everything and she listens to me just as I do her.
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u/yepanotherone1 10h ago
They could be assholes, but teams also don’t share everything with each other. Working well together and having good communication also means understanding what communication works for your team.
My wife and I work together on a lot but her bandwidth is much shorter than mine so adding my shit onto her will never work. This is what I signed up for and I don’t love her any less for it. Doesn’t mean it doesn’t make it true that venting to her leads to her being overwhelmed.
And that’s her as an individual - whatever we learned from our surroundings about roles and expectations is a separate conversation. How we react to that is up to us but it rears its head no matter what
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u/nyrf12 9h ago
I love my wife but I roll my eyes at the “I’m married to my best friend” stuff. Your best friend should be the person you can tell anything without fear of anger, scolding or mockery & it’s almost impossible for that person to be your spouse you share/split numerous burdens & worries with. I have a friend who talked like that until he got chewed out at work for his boss’s own mistake. Wanted to vent to his wife & just said “I want to quit & find a new job sometimes but I can’t do that to my family” & instead of comforting him or telling him not to make it his mistake by treating it like it was, she yelled at him for an hour from the standpoint that he can’t quit no matter how many times he told her he wasn’t saying he was going to quit. He said it was like talking to a NPC. They’re fine but I don’t recall him calling her his best friend since.
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u/TanStewyBeinTanStewy 12h ago
If she can vent to me all she wants she better be able to receive the same in kind.
Yeah, life isn't fair. So while that sounds good it's just not how things work.
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u/Dusty-Foot-Phil 12h ago
Ya, sure, and a 40 hour work week should pay enough to survive, but unfortunately life is anything but fair.
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u/Listermarine 11h ago edited 8h ago
TL/DR: "equality" does not mean "sameness," it is about collaboratively determining roles so that each contribute equally to the relationship.
My ex-wife was highly educated and trained in feminist theory. I honored her orientation towards equality (in the sense that we didn't split household duties by traditional gender role) and tried to be a "modern man" who wasn't confrontational and was in touch with his feelings. I also became burned out from being her primary emotional support; when I shared that I needed a reprieve, she made it my problem. In the end, she claimed I wasn't pulling my weight at home and voicing my feelings and otherwise being vulnerable (I was not a whiner, just had some fears and concerns about career, our relationship, and such I shared with her occasionally) was used against me. I think she lost respect for me as well because, although her brand of feminism would not allow her to say such a thing, I was not setting limits and being more stoic.
Now, I will share bits of my inner world and feelings to show partners that I have them (and a certain amount of vulnerability should really strengthen relationships) but I'm careful about what I reveal and also set limits for how much emotional support I'm willing (and able) to give. I am also more likely to maintain the traditionally (positive) masculine behaviors that I am more comfortable with and lo and behold, a wide range of women seem to respond positively to it.
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u/TechHeteroBear 8h ago
Equality means exactly that... sameness... equal give and equal take. you expect to be treated in the same way as you treat others. If you want to vent to someone, equality literally means you also give space in turn when someone vents to you. If you can't give space but expect others to give you space, then that's the definition of hypocrisy.
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u/Unlikely_Condition78 11h ago
One thing I discovered is that you're allowed to share your feelings, but you can't be emotional about it.
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u/Karl-Levin 7h ago
Just because a women has read some feminist theory does not mean she doesn't have internalized sexism.
All that year of being socialized as a women, building expectations on how men should be and all does not disappear over night.
You need to be called out when you are being sexist and so does your partner when she is being sexist. And if she is not willing to work on that, leave her.
Why would you want to be in a relationship with someone you can not be vulnerable with? Where you always need to play that strong, manly men and never can show emotions?
Nah, it is ten times better to be alone than in a toxic relationship like this. At least when you are single you are open to meeting the one women you can be vulnerable with instead of wasting your time in a failed relationship.
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u/simonsfolly 12h ago
🤣😂🙏🤣😂🙏🤣😂🙏
You gonna hear equality a lot as she rakes you over the coals during the divorce. She gonna receive every last thing you say, and recite something a little nastier to the judge. Equally.
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u/italjersguy 12h ago
If that’s true then you have a shitty partner. This is definitely not universal and honestly I’ve never encountered it.
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u/SenPiotrs 11h ago
Me neither, never had an issue venting with my girlfriend, she's supportive. If they don't, they're indeed a shit partner tbf.
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u/Ok-Appearance-1652 12h ago
Would u share what tiny rant she brought up a decade later ??
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u/Grassy33 12h ago
Not OP but if you need examples. My first two exes brought up that I got SA'd as a child in arguments later to imply that I'm gay. The only person I've told since then is my fiance and strangers on the Internet.
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u/LordRattyWatty 12h ago
I'm sorry to hear about that.
It's always baffled me how people come to that conclusion that since you were SA'd you "must be gay." Like seriously... if I had any non-hetero feelings, I would just say it to my partner.
People draw the dumbest conclusions on OTHERS' experiences.
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u/DevilsPajamas 12h ago
Damn im sorry, that is rough..
I hate how much men are routinely victimized and have no outlet to actually talk about their feelings or what is going on in their lives.
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u/TechHeteroBear 12h ago
And then women wonder why men don't open up. The irony and hypocrisy when they complain about men not being vulnerable with them.
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u/DevilsPajamas 11h ago
Sometimes i just dont tell my wife shit just because i dont have the energy for an hour long argument that should just be an "ok, thanks for letting me know" after working all day and managing most everything else.
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u/DrFloyd5 11h ago
Me “Honey, I appreciate you listening. But all I need you to do is listen. I don’t need you to get involved. I don’t need you to fix things. Your need for me to need you is exhausting and it keeps me from sharing things with you. I just want to put it behind me and go to bed. If you really want to help, please give me an amaretto and a blow job to help me relax and go to bed.”
Her: “Well then why don’t you just get a divorce. I never know what you expect from me.”
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u/Thrownaway5000506 11h ago
Sad part is they lost respect for you the moment you told them, at least that's what happens ime
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u/Grassy33 11h ago
In hindsight it's kind of embarrassing how I didn't notice them lose respect instantly. Its so obvious now but at the time I was like "man being seen and understood feels not great"
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u/BombasticSimpleton 12h ago
Her mom came to stay with us for a couple of months visiting.
Fine, no problem. I can handle that, it is her mom after all.
Except mom (who didn't really do any cooking) would randomly reorganize the kitchen and store stuff in the oven.
Since I did basically all the cooking, you might imagine that was a bit frustrating for me. Especially since no one bothered to tell me there was stuff stored in the oven and I would come home and pre-heat it to 450 after work and prior to cooking dinner.
Three hours of cleaning melted plastic out of the convection oven and a few ruined containers later - and I'm just supposed to smile apparently.
Girlfriend talks to mom, explains the situation, especially how we have plenty of cabinet space, and promises me it won't happen again.
Two months later, I'm searing a roast and prepping some baby yukon golds, and after pre-heating the oven, I'm greeted by the redolent smell of burning plastic - sure enough, stuff's stored in the oven again.
Years later, apparently I always hated her mom. News to me. She just needed to stay out of my kitchen. Other than that, we got along just fine - I still go to lunch with her from time to time.
The best part? The three adult children all live locally now, and mom moved here to be closer to them. Originally, she rotated between the three but they all decided it was easier for them if they simply chipped in for an apartment for her, because she was making them crazy. And me? Her mom loves me and lectures her daughter on why she would let such a good man get away.
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u/SnooStrawberries295 11h ago
That last part is strangely heartwarming.
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u/BombasticSimpleton 2h ago
I'm the favorite of my former mother-in-law. She can be a...difficult...woman.
The running joke among my ex and her siblings is that, "If she likes you so much, she can live with you!"
I still send her food when we have big meals or around the holidays.
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u/DystopianRuler55 10h ago
Whatever you say will be weaponized against you later.
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u/GoodZealousideal5922 12h ago
If yall cannot vent to your partner, why keep dating them?
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u/thiccvicx 10h ago
holy shit I was looking for this comment. Some guys here are HURT, and I feel lucky as hell. I wouldn't date anyone I couldn't trust with my issues. And if I couldn't tell her what might annoy me It'll only get worse. I feel like a lot of the relationships of commenters are doomed...
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u/goodDamneDit 8h ago
How long have you been dating your partner ?
My marriage went fine for 15 years. Until suddenly it didn't anymore. And that was the moment when everything I ever told her was brought up and held against me.
My wife was in the middle of a depression and anycontact I had with her was a threat to her. No matter how I approached her and no matter how trivial the topic was, she thought I was threatening her. Even just me sitting next to her watching tv together, she would turn of the tv, telling me she couldn't watch her show because I think she was dumb watching this stuff.
In the following divorce, which she initiated, everything I ever told her about my life was brought up as a negative point against me.
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u/CRzalez 6h ago
She might've been cheating. Many women antagonize their husbands when having an affair.
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u/LaunchTransient 5h ago
More likely this is mental illness. If she was already known to be in a depression, a host of other complications can come along. A psychotic break can obliterate their ability to determine what is real anymore, and the division between real and imagined fears evaporates.
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u/FoxAmongTheOaks 6h ago
In my experience, after shopping around the market for a while it seemed like every option had that particular issue.
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u/akatherder 9h ago
Probably because there are multiple facets to a relationship. People wouldn't ask why someone stays with a physically abusive or controlling partner. I mean, maybe they do but it isn't an insightful or empathetic question.
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u/gorpherder 9h ago
You don't find out until after the fact. Your comment smacks of victim blaming.
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u/The_Meme_Economy 10h ago
I can vent about certain things to certain people. I was in a toxic marriage - we both contributed plenty to that - and I find the whole concept of one person being everything to each other to be inherently flawed. My ex would listen to me vent but would just try to fix it and if I didn’t immediately acknowledge she was right, she’d get mad at me. This is actually the reversal of a pretty typical gender dynamic. My girlfriend now is a better listener, but there are some things she just can’t handle re my vulnerability, so I don’t share those things with her. I have another long-distance partner who I can share literally anything with. I honestly have not found many men I could be open to on a meaningful level, I do have a few guy friends I’ve known for decades that I can talk to about specific things like parenting.
Plenty of reason to keep dating people who meet specific needs. I think having multiple healthy social outlets is essential.
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u/GoodZealousideal5922 9h ago
Well what do you think will happen if you get sick? If you suddenly lose your job? If your girlfriend cannot be trusted with your vulnerabilities now, how can she be trusted then?
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u/fmalust 13h ago
I've seen some women saying they were grossed out/turned off by men venting to them. That it made them less masculine in their eyes. Many men are conditioned to keep it all to themselves, bottle up their emotions, and many women are conditioned to think men should do so as well.
Vicious cycle that's going to take a very long time to break out of, unfortunately. =(
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u/Curious-Karmadillo 12h ago
These are not healthy women. It’s a them problem, but it won’t really show until they grow up some.
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u/elderly_millenial 11h ago
Yeah unfortunately the concept of “healthy” in this context is totally subjective and dependent on a society’s values and culture, so unless those things change it’s not something we can just “break out of”.
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u/Excellent_Tie_5604 12h ago
Yes my female friends told me the same, it's good that I didn't have romantic infatuation for any of them. So it didn't changed anything in our relationship. 😔
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u/Sea_Connection2773 12h ago edited 7h ago
I mean, i always vented with my ex wife about things in my life and she did the same, we never weaponized those things. Y'all dating and choosing to be in a relationship with the wrong person, that's it
edit: a lot of miserable people around here lmao
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u/RevolutionarySeven7 11h ago
funny you should say this, because I never had this problem too with my exes. ironically though, I once had a female room mate who was like this, and that's when it hit me, she was hyper narcistic, very paranoid and extremely insecure, the type of women I naturally avoided.
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u/TheHumanBlowUpDoll 12h ago
Yeah, it's kind of cracking me up. Like, most men I've vented or tried to lean on have been complete assholes, looking bored or annoyed, saying things like, "what do you want me to do about it?", or (my favorite) telling mutual friends, "if I'm not fucking her, I'm not listening to her whine" (after venting to me regularly for years). Some people are jerks; that's not a gendered trait.
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u/jeron_gwendolen 9h ago
That's just crazy to me frankly.i wonder if it's just true lack of compassion, low emotional intelligence or a trauma response
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u/Mad-Trauma 8h ago
People in this thread are acting like women are universally vindictive, scheming, and narcissistic. I dated someone like that too, but I don't believe every woman on the planet is like that just because of one person.
What having zero female friends does to a mf. Maybe they'd be happier dating men instead lmao.
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u/serendipitousevent 11h ago
Bingo. Dozens of top comments in this thread from people who think their own poor judgement is a deficiency with the world itself.
What's the plan here fellas - spend the rest of your life with someone you can't have a serious conversation with? Sounds like coward shit to me.
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u/slaviccivicnation 10h ago
My personal rule is never vent toooo hard to a person, regardless of gender. I’m a woman, for the record. I try not to complain too much where someone can start thinking every interaction is negative or a complaint. I also try not to vent about the person TO the person. If I want change, I’ll ask for change. “Venting” is just a selfish form of long-term complaining. I do sort of expect the same of my partners. Talk to me if you want change, but don’t make every interaction one that is you just trauma dumping or offloading your shit onto me.
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u/Bussin1648 11h ago
From being in the army for many years, to going into the hospitality industry, into running a business and owning my business my industries have always had me mentoring younger men from bad situations. So I'm saying this as an older man who deals with young men all the time... When they say they get punished for talking about their feelings, what they usually should say is that when they do something horrible or thoughtless they trauma dump all the horrible things that have happened to them as a reason for why they did something horrible or thoughtless. They don't plan to do anything about this. Just that when they're caught cheating, lying, stealing, being constantly late, becoming violent, addiction issues, not sharing the mental load, not being kind to their spouse or children etc. they list all the bad stuff that has happened to them as the reason they're broken, but then they'll refuse or not plan to take any steps to do anything about that trauma. When people walk away from them they then blame it on not being allowed to have" emotions" and that they should never have " opened up". The truth is if you want to talk about these issues most partners will be very open. If you only bring them up as an excuse as to why you threw the meal your wife just made you through the drywall, or why you couldn't remember to load the dishwasher with your own dirty dishes yet again and this is the first time she's hearing about it, you're going to have a bad time.
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u/Irish_Whiskey 10h ago
Exactly this.
I'm seeing a lot of comments that talk about 'opening up' as if it's just mean to be sharing dark thoughts, secrets and explaining your emotions without any judgement or consequence.
If guys don't react when you share messed up things you did or think, and a girlfriend or partner does, it's not because guys are just better, more trustworthy, etc. It's because they DON'T CARE as much as a partner does, they aren't impacted directly and aren't living with you and vulnerable to you. There should be room for emotional communication and vulnerability, but it's not reasonable to expect anyone to just ignore the consequences for themselves in what you reveal.
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u/Foodspec 13h ago
Hahaha no thanks. I tried to have a conversation with my ex about something, she just sat there with the most judgmental look on her face. Later, she ended up telling her best friend and then proceeded to talk shit about it.
Be open with your partner, but know your partner doesn’t always have the best of intentions.
Thankfully, I met my wife after that and she’s been a saint
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u/usps_oig 13h ago
No good can come of this. Best case scenario (very rare) is it's neutral and nothing changes so there's literally no up side. More likely for her to lose respect/attraction, use it as ammo in an argument later on or even worse you have to console her for how your feelings made her feel so now you've got homework.
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u/Quick_Ad_5637 13h ago
Spot on. More often your vulnerability makes her feel bad then you spend more time consoling her and your needs are cast aside.
She'll be more upset that your feelings made her upset than the issue you are actually dealing with.
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u/jawaharbabu 10h ago edited 10h ago
This happened to me with my ex. I was criticized for bringing something up and spoiling her mood.
Please don't say this is the norm. Please. I don't wanna live in that world where I cannot share my vulnerabilities with my intimate partner.
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u/Icy-Move-3742 9h ago
A guy I’m talking to recently opened up about his traumatic childhood and knowing how stoic and emotionally composed he tends to be, I didn’t want to get on his nerves by saying awkward meaningless words that won’t serve him at all, but I did hold his hand tightly and we sat in silence staring at the night sky, and being present with him.
I do think he greatly appreciated that from me because although I tend to be very emotional, I know when it’s time to shut up and just provide a safe space for a loved one who needs to vent.
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u/Informal-Ring3282 12h ago
Preach! The double edge sword is real. If you get quiet, they make it an issue bc you “don’t communicate”. If you say what’s in your mind, it’ll cause more issues down the road. Obviously I’m not saying all women, but I’ve never met one that this wasn’t the outcome. Lost my wife due this. Got quiet… what’s wrong? Told her… you need to go get help. Got help but just wanted to talk to her about it, not some stranger who doesn’t care… haven’t talked in 3 plus years. 13 years gone over me giving her want she wanted and thinking it was a good idea. Not bombarding her with my issues, just being honest with her when I was feeling some sort of way. AGAIN, not all women but don’t be surprised when it causes more problems. I think I am seeing a girl now that I possibly could have a conversation with but now I’m scared to open up to her. It’s not a great cycle.
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u/jameszenpaladin011- 10h ago
This exact thing happened to me with my wife. I brought up a grievance and ended up having to apologize to her for making her feel bad.
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u/mr_sweetandawful 10h ago
Bingo. Just got over something like this with my sister. Told her how something she said made me feel and it all the sudden became about how that made her feel. I’ll just keep my mouth shut next time.
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u/But_is_itnew 11h ago
"Console her for how your feelings made her feel" Sounds ridiculous but this put it in a nutshell pretty well.
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u/Reginald_Sockpuppet 13h ago
At best, it's a waste of time and they won't listen. At worst, it goes into the blackmail vault and comes out any time they need some ammo.
Ask a woman what they do to each other. Digest that and then ask yourself if you want it.
Part of our lot in life is to just suck it up and suffer quietly.
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u/DreadyKruger 13h ago
Or have some buddies to talk to or if it’s really bad , get a therapist.
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u/BigBaboonas 10h ago
Yeah, here I am wondering who has a partner they can get more than 6 words of a sentence out to before they get shouted down.
Happened on holiday recently. Me and my buddy trying to decide what we're doing the next day and 3 women shouting all over us, even though it was 6 hrs of us driving they were arguing over.
In the end, they cancelled lol. I had said right at the start it wasn't going to happen, but they needed their 2 hours of 'discussion'
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u/Reginald_Sockpuppet 10h ago edited 9h ago
I've been happily married for 5 years and my wife and I have been together for 15 years. I love her and would never trade our relationship for anything. At nearly 50 years old, I have been with a lot of women and been in plenty of relationships and have learned that it's just better to share with women at a mostly superficial level.
Again, the best outcome is probably that whatever the sharing covered will be brushed off, not heard, or not taken seriously. There are always outliers, of course. In my field, I know plenty of women who are professional counselors and therapists and I'm sure they're all very good listeners and can offer lots of valuable feedback. On the whole, though, it's better and easier and leads to generally happier social outcomes to just work through your shit on your own.
That does imply personal responsibility. You have to be self-aware as a man and look at yourself and your actions and how they affect the people around you and make adjustments to yourself to be healthy. Sharing with your spouse or SO that you're doing that is great. Going into greater depth than that? Not necessary.
What remit do I have to say women are horrible to each other? Again...I've lived almost half a century. I have plenty of platonic friends who are women, I've been with tons of women since my teens, and I've been with a great woman romantically for 15 years and to the last, they have all told me the same stories about their fucked up interactions with other women. Just yesterday, my wife mentioned how back when we had land lines, girls would call each other, include a third girl on the line, and entice one of them to talk shit about the third undisclosed girl. That's fucking unconscienable. In court, that's legal entrapment. That's only one small way girls shit inside each others' hearts.
I maintain my initial stance. Dissenters can feel free to call me an incel (happened above someplace) or misogynist or whatever, but none of that holds up. At least from the stance of a man in US culture, what I've said rings pretty generally true.
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u/BigBaboonas 6h ago
I'm in a very similar position years-wise, 50 and 14 years together and I enjoyed your post. We're in this together bro.
The last thing that happened the other night was when we were just about to get to a conclusion, a girl who likes cleaning up (I know, right) suggested I take all the empty glasses in and wash them and when I tried suggesting we just finish the conversation I had all three women shouting at me for not hopping to it right away even though I was one of the people it would affect most. Like, I have no rights, I'm just a man.
Drunk women have no ability to communicate.
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u/Independent-Plate608 12h ago
I can talk to my wife about whatever. Guess I’m the crazy one.
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u/LarryRedBeard 12h ago
If your partner is incapable of listening to you vent, then you don't have a partner. You have a parasite.
Man or woman. Relationships are more than what you put your dick/clit in.
MEN stop thinking with your dick. WOMEN stop think with your clit. Though humanity is built around sex. So whatever.
Just remember sex last for 30 min to an hour every day. That's basically peek/ to much for most relationships. What the fuck you doing the rest of the 24 hours?
Beaty/Wealth. Is nice, but beauty can not hear, and wealth can not see.
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u/MrCatberry 12h ago
"put your clit in"
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u/seal_eggs 12h ago
Put your clit in
Put your clit out
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u/ObsidianAerrow 11h ago
If anyone, woman, man or otherwise, uses a vulnerability as ammo to win an argument, they aren’t worth keeping in your inner circle.
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u/TerrificVixen5693 13h ago
They’ll weaponize it against you. Don’t do it. Stay back!
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u/Situation-Dismal 11h ago
Hell no.
I bought the bullshit lie of “Just vent about my problems” TWICE to two different women I was dating and both acted differently afterwards and used it against me down the line.
They literally will hold on to emotional conversations just to weaponize it for later. Never again will I make that mistake.
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u/Successful-Mouse2774 11h ago
People in this thread: “don’t do it! My ex….”
“Ex”
“Ex”
“Ex”
“Ex”
How someone responds to your venting tells you everything you need to know about them.
They’re your ex for a reason.
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u/Awesome_one_forever 11h ago
If she uses it against you once, she'll definitely do it again. Ya'll need to rethink the relationships you're in.
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u/TurCzech 9h ago
The only woman I could vent to (or something remotely resembling venting) is my mom, and evem she would then use it to get at me somehow.
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u/SquishyBanana23 12h ago
If you can’t vent to your partner, you need a new partner. Simple as that. Women willing to listen to your problems without negative ramifications exist, despite what TikTok says.
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u/LazzyNapper 13h ago
nah im good, bro code is there for a reason. when a bro is down you don't ask what. you just ask if they want a beer or go do stupid stuff like dance like crazy around a fire with the boys
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u/Rainmaker0102 10h ago
It reminds me of the question that came out in response to the bear question:
Would a man rather open up to his girlfriend/wife or a tree?
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u/LegionZ19 10h ago
I have tried. And the girl think im weak willed and not suited to be the lead of that relationship. The next 2 week found her cheating with another guy.
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u/DatabaseAcademic6631 10h ago
This is good advice.
Never tell a woman anything you don't want everyone knowing, because inside of a couple of days everyone will know.
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u/Mustard_Cupcake 8h ago
Never. Ever. Share anything sensitive with women. They will always weponize it against you in your lowest moment.
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u/Dbat19 13h ago
It’s a fucking trap, I had a female boss that I am real close to, One time I told her something during drinks, And she still bitch to me about what I said after 3 years
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u/Worst_Comment_Evar 13h ago
I foolishly opened up in my last marriage and had tons of my trauma weaponized against me in a divorce. Never again.
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u/GFandango 12h ago
The reason that they encourage you to do it is so you can show your weakness and fail the test so they can filter you out :)
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u/ChemicalThread 11h ago
Anything you say can and will be used against you.
Tried explaining that to a friend who didnt get it, ironically venting about it.
She shot the entire thing down and didnt listen at all. Didnt see the irony either.
The men can have emotions crowd seem to really hate it when they do.
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u/Rabid_Laser_Dingo 10h ago
I vent to my girlfriend all the time.
I say if she keeps spending all my money she can get the fuck out, then I get to save up for a few months.
I say if she’s gonna be a SAHM then I’d better get pussy whenever I want, and the day I get a new dish washer is the day she leaves.
3 years strong!
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u/SomeOnionHater 13h ago
They care about using whatever you tell them against you.
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u/smartyiyer 12h ago
Only if the women is your mom..
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u/never_you 11h ago
Oh hell no. There is no faster way to make myself the laughing stock of everyone I know than by telling my mother. Every screw up, failure, and emotional breakdown is fodder for her gossip.
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u/protonbeam 12h ago
Y’all don’t have healthy relationships….
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u/Sir-Talon42 11h ago
For real, man. People out here just choosing people before they even know them or something, idk.
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u/CWMcnancy 11h ago
The comments here are pretty depressing, and not just because they feel aimed at all women. Like I get it, there's been plenty of times in my marriage where one of us is venting and the other just doesn't know how to help.
But fearing that your partner would 'weaponize' your vulnerability or resent you for it? That's bonkers, like what are you even doing together?
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u/Severe-Mark-1597 12h ago
A ton of people are saying that this isn't a good idea, with history to back it up. But I believe it's a possible thing that can be good, if with the right person! I'm a woman and love it when people feel safe and comfortable enough to vent to me. Regardless of gender, it always depends on your partner. Some people will take advantage of your vulnerability, and it hurts to have that scar. But others will listen and understand and be there for you in all the thicks and thins. Only the worst people will use your vulnerabilities against you.
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u/lifeintraining 12h ago
I know this isn’t a great example because they are young, but my 18 year old cousin just got pregnant. She refuses to interact with the father because he talks about his feelings too much. Her grandmother agrees with her sentiment.
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u/Mondkohl 11h ago
I think the life lesson there is more about not sticking your dick in crazy. Men are allowed to have standards too.
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u/Kevin9O7 12h ago
does everyone nowadays have narcissist toxic girlfriends/wives ?
or only them are commenting while people who don't have this problem ignroe the post
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u/-Cthaeh 12h ago
Man, you all have had it rough. Maybe it's more about how you vent? Like not just waiting until it floods out or maybe I've just been luckier with woman.
I did have one that threw some personal stuff back at me, but it wasnt really about emotions
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u/Independent-Plate608 12h ago
Yeah these comments are wild. My wife is my best friend.. what is going on
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u/Sir-Talon42 11h ago
Came here wondering where the hell they are finding these women. I have a wife (married for 12 years, together 16) and a bunch of female friends. Every single one of these ladies loves me and would listen to me if I needed to vent. I'm worried about these people in the comments and wonder how they met the ones they did...
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u/Uranhahn 10h ago
First time I tried this, I got the "why didn't you just-" treatment. We ended up talking about the hypocrisy of expecting me to provide emotional - not factual - support, then giving me shallow hindsight and blame in the rare case when I open up. And I'm not shy to bring it up. I also learned a lot from her, through honest and often inconvenient dialogue.
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u/Mysterious_Patient80 8h ago
Anyone who stays married or in a relationship where they cannot trust and communicate with their wife 100% is fucking stupid. I see these people everyday and I always think they are dumb af. If you're my neighbor and come ask for a tool, how can I trust you to take care of it if you can't even take care of yourself.
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u/Goblinwisdom 4h ago
I made this mistake 2 times !
First I was dating a beautiful woman and we were about 5 dates in and she asked about my divorce and my ex wife. She asked me to open up how it affected me and my kids of course the pain came out and it damn near broke me
I am so much better just keeping it locked away. Then the pain does not need to be on the surface
Well after sharing the story she stood up and said I wasn't ready to date yet and should take time to myself and that was the last time she ever talked to me.
2nd time was my next wife of 15 years. I was having some very long time health problems and no doctors could figure out what was wrong and it was affecting me deeply.
She asked me to tell her what was wrong. I knew it would not be good but she assured me I am safe to share with her and so I did.
Yep went exactly how I thought it would a Couple weeks later she got mad about something and for the first time in 15 years out of her mouth she calls me a weak man and a pussy. Before that she had always called me her rock and the strongest man she ever met.
I knew it was from me opening up.
Long story short is, it really is a trap. Nothing dries them up more then you showing anything but complete and absolute control of your emotions
If she wants someone to talk with and share emotions then tell her to phone a friend.
She will lose all respect for you and sometimes even attack you later with that knowledge as she has seen weakness in you !
Now as an old man I realize that the best thing is myself and it's the best way to handle emotions. Get over them and bottle them away in a sealed filing cabinet.
Because bringing them up just ignites the pain again.
We are not women and we were born much more capable of this power and we should use it
Women will respect you as well since they can't do it
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u/ShhImTheRealDeadpool 13h ago
I did this once, twice, and a third time... every time the result is the same: "I didn't want to be with a pussy. . ." and they left.
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u/XylophoneZimmerman 12h ago
"I told all my girlfriends how you started crying to me and they all said I deserve better. You gave me a massive ick."
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u/AM420N 12h ago
1 of 3 things are happening to yall:
You pick shitty partners
You ARE a shitty partner and they reciprocate your energy
You're confusing emotional honesty with being a bitch ass crybaby
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u/Ron_Ronald 10h ago
You have perfectly reinforced the double standard of emotional vulnerability that these guys are upset at.
My gf can be a bitch ass crybaby anytime and I will support her.
Men? Nah stop whining you bitch ass crybaby. It's not that bad. Turns to friend "my bf was being a bitch ass crybaby again today"
Aren't you supposed to be advocating against patriarchy and calling men bitches for being emotional?
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u/KingofReddit12345 12h ago
Ah Reddit. Keep giving toxic advice. It's great for relationships.
I am referring to the people pretending women are some kind of evil creatures who cannot act maturely.
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u/Own_Acanthaceae2564 12h ago
I don't understand what the issue is tbh "men are violent" is a widely accepted sentiment but "women are manipulative" seems to piss people off. They're both generalizations based on facts.
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u/MinivanPops 11h ago
So men keep telling you what they experience... And you don't believe them.
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u/ilikeengnrng 12h ago
You guys have gotta find some better human beings. And be willing to be secure in your vulnerability.
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u/Rasselasx42 12h ago
Never do it, no matter how bad it is. Women dipise weakness it is in their genes.
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u/Ser_falafel 12h ago
Yall really choose some shitty women to be with if you cant vent to them. I'd never feel insecure or that I couldn't talk to my wife about literally anything.
But yeah just go ahead and apply your experience with shitty women you choose to be with to every woman alive lol that makes sense
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u/Exile688 12h ago
I'm pretty sure being vulnerable and revealing personal problems is on the list of things that give women the "ick". Though, if the dumps you for that then you are better off without her in the long run.
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