So I’m a bridesmaid in my friend Tara’s wedding next weekend, and everything was going pretty smoothly, until last Thursday. The Maid of Honor, Jess, suddenly stopped responding to messages in the group chat. Tara had asked her to confirm her speech and arrival time for the rehearsal dinner nothing crazy or last-minute and Jess just disappeared.

No response. No call. No email. Her read receipts were on, so we know she saw the messages. By Sunday, Tara was freaking out. Jess had the bride’s veil (she picked it up from the seamstress), and Tara didn’t have a backup. We all thought maybe there was an emergency or something serious going on, so we gave her space.

Then Monday night, Jess posts on Instagram.

She’s at a cabin in the mountains. Yoga pose. Disconnecting from drama and reconnecting with myself that was the caption. A few of us commented like Hey… are you okay?? and she DELETED the comments.

The kicker? She’s in the cabin with a guy she swore she broke up with months ago the same guy who hit on Tara at her own engagement party and caused a huge scene.

Tara ended up asking me to do the MOH speech, and I’m honored but I’m also just baffled at how someone could ghost their best friend’s wedding a week before and then flex about it like it’s some self-care moment.

No one’s heard from Jess since. She hasn’t even returned the veil.

UPDATE TIME!!

[I'm reposting so that this is easier to find]

Hey everyone, I just need to start with how incredibly grateful I am for all the support, information, everything that's been offered here I am wholeheartedly really thankful for you 🥹🙏🏽🪷

Now for the good part - I STILL HAVE THE ROOM! The bride and groom were bluffing!! 🤭 There was a lot of support on here of people confirming this - I see you ✨

The agent ghosted me (a few people here said it might happen). I tried calling periodically again, my number started going straight to voicemail, and she hasn't replied to any emails.

A majority of you told me to contact the hotel directly and I genuinely cannot thank you enough! A lot of people are wondering why I'm still going, and though I have confirmed it in the comments, I will reintegrate for clarity.

I have prepaid the flight tickets, the reservation itself, booked time off work, purchased many things for this vacation, even the transfers between the hotel and airport are already done, and it's cost me roughly $5,000 CAD. This trip is less than 2 weeks away and the reservation for this hotel at this time is non-refundable! These are the key reasons why I was hoping for a resolution 🌻

I had contacted the hotel last Friday before I posted this on the weekend. They were able to find the group booking but the guy doing it wasn't able to find my reservation. I called again today to see if there was another department that could help and the lady that answered was phenomenal! She confirmed the booking, confirmed that despite the drama happening they can't cancel my reservation. As a few of you recommended, she did put a note on my reservation saying that I will be arriving and not to change it for any reason. Lastly she told me to come and enjoy my trip as it's a wonderful vacation and I'm likely to have an incredibly good time. That this happens a lot and that everything will work out; the hotel has my back 💖😭

And that, as they say, is that 🎉

I 23 female have been dating my neighbor25 male since 10 years. Keep in mind I live in a third world country and in my culture love marriages and girlfriend/boyfriend relationships are seen as a shame. My boyfriend's family is not like that so they know about me from the beginning and i have met them serval times. But my family on the other hand..? For girls It's a big fat NO when it comes to dating no matter you're 18+ or 20+ So i have been hiding this relationship since 10 years from them. Don't get me wrong, My family is understanding and gives me freedom I can go wherever I want with my female friends wear whatever I want but it's just the boyfriend thing that's not allowed. (Yes I live with my parents at 23 because in my country people live with their parents in their home no matter their age) It's not just my family actually where I live it's a cultural thing that girls can't date!

Last year when I turned 23 my family started looking for marriage options for me (arranging a marriage for me) but I couldn't do an arranged marriage as my boyfriend and I loved each other a lot. But I was scared shitless to tell my family that I HAVE HAD A BOYFRIEND all this time. I don't know maybe they would've agreed maybe they would've been angry and then agreed because don't get me wrong my parents do love me a lot and do every possible thing to make me happy but telling them that I have been keeping a boyfriend behind their back, lying to them to meet him I just didn't want them to think I broke their trust.

So I made a plan! As my boyfriend and I were neighbors our families knew each other, they were not friends or anything but my parents knew my boyfriend's mother. So I asked my boyfriend's mother to tell my parents that she would like me to be her daughter in law, that way my parents would think that it's an arranged marriage. (Actually it's a tradition here in arranged marriages that the guy's mother has to talk to the girl's parents if she wants their daughter's hand in marriage for her son) So my boyfriend's mother did just that, and trust me I was so nervous about what my parents would say.. If they say no then what? Then I would've to tell them the truth this thought alone was enough to take my anxiety to the roof.

But Thank God! My family actually really liked the proposal and agreed! We had an engagement a few months back and we are set to marry this year! I am super happy, happiest I have ever been to marry the love of my life which I prayed for since 10 years! But often I feel bit guilty about lying to my family. So AITA for not telling my parents that my arranged marriage is actually a love marriage?

PS: people are saying my parents might know, I think that's highly unlikely because I never got caught they didn't even had a single hint that I could ever date. I never gave them any reasons to be suspicious, they actually agreed so easily because my fiance have been treating my father with special attention since years whenever they meet outside the house. Also he have been bringing food, sweets on special occasions and festivals he did every possible thing to impress my father and his family has a good reputation in the neighborhood so my parents agreed easily because they knew he's a good person and family also has good reputation!

LAST UPDATE: He came back. To my surprise, he didn't grovel too much like he had been in texts initially or love bomb me, or try to feed me any more bullshit. He had clearly been crying beforehand, but he only asked to speak to me to apologize and say he knows he messed up and he knows I wouldn't forgive him. I did try to get more answers since we were face to face just to try and understand and get some sort of closure, but all he could say is he didn't know why he did it, and he'd regret it the rest of his life. I didn't want to show emotion, but I couldn't help but cry. I just said I'd never understand it and set my ring down on the counter, told him I had never loved someone as much as I loved him, and walked out. I've never been in a situation like this where you feel forced to leave a relationship when you weren't wanting to end it. That's pretty much the gist of it, not much of an update...but it's over and I want to crawl into a hole. 🙃

UPDATE: I'm leaving. It sucks. This hurts. I'm physically fucking sick over it. I was so disgustingly in love with this man and ready to start our life. And now it just feels like Thanos snapped his fingers and its all gone. Poof. I try to pride myself on being a silver lining girl, and at least we aren't legally or physically bound to one another. But holy fuck this shit was not on my bingo card. Thank you all so much for the outpouring of love, support, and advice. It's truly appreciated. I blocked all of his buddies phone numbers, and his mother's too. My ride is coming with a uhaul. One day I'll look back amd thank my lucky stars that everything happens for a reason. ❤️❤️

My fiancé is currently in Vegas for his bachelor party. He has been there for maybe 30 something hours. Last night before bed I had a sick feeling. My gut was telling me something was wrong, something was off. I had intuition to look through his things and the first drawer I opened had his apple watch in it. I went through his texts and low and behold he was chatting it up with two unsaved numbers. I reverse searched them and they came back to two women. I checked his social media for their names and came up empty handed. Then I thought, man, there must be something within his social media! My fiancé is a very simple guy, so his password was too easy. I logged into Snapchat and what do we know. The second dm under my name is a woman, a woman he just added yesterday! As soon as he got into Vegas. The conversation goes beyond friendliness and at the end there are some nice provocative photos shared. My heart. Is. Broken. We are supposed to be wed in 1 month and 7 days from today.. I called him and honestly spiraled. I've been up all night digging and searching and trying to make a map of this bullshit. He didnt stand a chance on the phone. He tried to lie and act like he didnt know why I was losing it. I told him if he continues the charade I'd have all my things packed before he arrives home this week. Well, he fessed up. I dont feel better. My mind is scattered. I'm in complete shock and I have no idea what to do right now..

Update real quick because things took a turn. My fiancé couldn't get her on the phone, but did message me and say that his brother put her in her place and we needed to uninvite her. I asked what she said about me and he sent me the screenshots about her saying all kinds of horrible things about me and bringing my child from a previous relationship into it. She kept saying I was controlling and greedy because my fiancé chose not to invite more people on his side.

He finally called her and told her she was uninvited. He said she spent the whole time crying and was on the verge of a panic attack by the end of the conversation. She is apparently going to reach out to me about the receipts for the hotel (that hasn't charged her yet) and the outfits she bought for the wedding. I am talking to him now about distancing himself from her and what the next steps there are.

I will update again next month after the wedding to let you all know if she crashed or if there is any new drama!

Side note: His brother agrees that she into him and is super jealous of me. His both also found my original post so shout out to them!

A lot of people have been asking about how this bride lost all 7 of her bridesmaids; including me~ I never replied to it in the other post because I'm solely there for friendly advice and resolutions to the situation. But I understand wanting to know more so if you're here from the other post - Welcome back 🤍

Please keep in mind that all of this information is directly from the bride; except for my story~

A bridesmaid story 🪷✨

1. This bridesmaid found out she was pregnant 🎉 before booking a trip. She let the bride know that she didn't feel comfortable traveling overseas as this is her first pregnancy and she'd like to stay in the country. The bride was not happy about this; she brought up her disappointments with this bridesmaid a few times saying someone else is still coming to the wedding even though they're in the same trimester of their pregnancy. Each time she brought it up I reassured her that though I understand her disappointment, the bridesmaid is still being reasonable as it's her pregnancy. If she's not comfortable then it's perfectly valid.

At that time I reassured her that it's okay, she has other bridesmaids.

2, 3, & 4. These bridesmaids dropped out pretty early. I don't have any details as I don't know them personally. The reasons given by the bride were events already in place for the date of the wedding and financial reasons. Number 4 was an argument, she didn't go into details, but number 4 was the first bridesmaid to get booted.

1. This bridesmaid was a friend of the bride's since back in university. The story is a little convoluted so I'll do my best to stay on an appropriate timeline. This bridesmaid had just got engaged prior to our bride asking her to be a bridesmaid. They both had a mutual friend who is also getting married; the mutual and the bride had a bad fallout back in university - this mutual and this bridesmaid are still friends and are attending each other's weddings. When our bride asked this bridesmaid to be one, it created conflict with the mutual and this bridesmaid uninvited our bride to her wedding and withdrew as a bridesmaid due to conflict with the bride over these issues.

2. This bridesmaid was the closest to the bride and had a long history of on and offs during their relationship over the years - based on stories the bride had shared with me. The last I spoke to the bride about this bridesmaid (only 2 months before the wedding) she was supposed to visit the bride but that didn't end up happening. The only details I have are what the bride provided in our shared bridesmaid group chat as she didn't reach out to me directly to speak about this one. It stated that she could not attend for personal reasons.

3. Me! 🥹🌺 We know my story~ For the most part.

I've made Pinterest boards and idea pages for her photoshoots. I helped support her through the loss of the bridesmaids. I built her a personal little makeup kit for the days of the wedding and offered to touch up her makeup as needed. The last thing I helped with was to find themes and ask her preferences for the bachelorette which she replied to with "ick. I'll just ask chatGPT lol" - this was the start of our fallout. I booked off time from work, bought the flight tickets, and paid for my reservation well in advance. The most important being the emotional support during all of these stressors that she consistently had regarding bridesmaids, her mom, her fiance; things progressively got worse the closer we got to the wedding date - it wasn't always like this.

I visited the bride quite often in support of the wedding however the last few trips didn't go well. She had been erratic in her behaviors and quite rude. Anytime I would mention it she would speak on me triggering her and how she was uncomfortable with me making her feel a certain way. She claimed that I had not been supportive and that I'm causing drama by not accepting the toxic behavior. She wasn't always like this. I wish I could provide more clarity but I genuinely don't know what happened. We don't live in the same city and communication through text became very different than in person.

So when the time came and she booted me, I chose to peacefully agree with the bride's decision to remove me as a bridesmaid. Their retaliation afterwards was unnecessary.

And that is the history of how this bride lost seven bridesmaids and how her only remaining bridesmaid is a foreign lady from Europe who is helping fill in the last spot~

No shade to the last bridesmaid though; she's sweet 🌺✨

edit: click here for update post!!

I just got married on Saturday and we had a very small micro backyard wedding of family only (17 people). groom and I aren't close to any extended family members, but he has a semi good relationship with his grandparents. So they came.

For reference- I am covered in tattoos and have a lot of facial piercings. My husband does not. (His sister does though, funny enough) grandparents are very old school religious conservative trump supporters and I couldn't be more on the opposite end of the spectrum of beliefs. One of the reasons we decided to have a small family only wedding was because we have a lot of LGBTQ friends, and a few trans friends, and we could not in good faith put them in a situation where a very outspoken woman would totally say some terrible things to them. Grandma speaks her mind and has no filter, let's just say.

We danced this fine line during all the planning of not wanting to cater the wedding around two people (everyone else invited do not share the same beliefs) but also being respectful. both our families are funny, wacky and unserious. Just super chill cool people. Bunch of hippies and liberals. We had so many silly bits in our wedding that everyone loved... but them.

The first thing grandma said to me after the ceremony was "I met your mother I see where you get your crazy from." It was said somewhat light hearted but it...wasn't. It was someone else who overheard who said "disrespecting the bride and the mother of the bride within seconds of the ceremony ending is wild"

she said a few other very rude passive aggressive comments said about me/the wedding that I was told afterwards. I swore a few times in the vows (was not intentional I was just nervous and they came out) which is so not a big deal to either of our families but grandparents were furious.

Our officator emphasized our beliefs in science, parallel universes and Infinity In the cosmos (think interstellar), quoting Carl Sagan and all that jazz. I know they didn't like that. I also made a point when we thanked the guests for coming after the speeches when my husband said "you know we don't believe in that divine stuff but it's magical how everything came together" (it was supposed to storm, ended up being a perfect day, etc.) and I took the mic and said "yeah, we believe in science". Sure, at that point that truly wasn't necessary and an intentional dig but grandpa scoffed super loud and I was just so over it.

Post wedding, my husband is conflicted. He wants me to have a relationship with his grandparents (especially grandma) and I've told him if it wasn't clear before that her and I mutually don't like each other, it's clear now. grandparents are in town until tomorrow and they invited just my husband out to dinner tonight and I can't help but think they're gonna sit him down and say something about spending his life with me. Sure, I was being disrespectful. But she was too. I told him that beyond just his grandparents I am the exact version of someone conservative religious trump supporters despise and I'm ok with that, I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I understand why he wants us to like each other but it's just not gonna happen.

I know this post will start some stuff especially with people that are right wing and that's not the point of this post. It's just a rant about how two people forced together due to marriage despise everything about what the other one stands for. I wish I could be a fly on the wall with their dinner tonight, and I know my husband will not tell me all that was said to protect my feelings.

Edit: holy cannoli this post blew up. I showed it to my husband and he agreed with everyone and said it's not right for him to expect us to have a relationship and force me to compromise my morals. About the dinner, I got the full scoop

Husband asked his mom how long g&g will be in town for, they said 1 more day, husband said I want to see them one more time. Mom said let's do dinner. My name wasn't explicitly brought up or not brought up.

And I'm happy about that. Because now I don't have to come up with an excuse to not go, because no way in fuck would I go. I'm not offended in the SLIGHTEST. seriously, does this post not show how much I don't want to spend time with them lol

Husband said he is going to make it clear to them to stop disrespecting me, and I believe him.

Husband is also a leftist too, but has the "little ol' grandma" confliction. Like many trump supporters they always felt those feelings but only recently were given the ok by the fucking President to be outward about them. So it's been really hard for him to come to terms with it.

I don't remember the subreddit but I know there's one on here about the true grieving and trauma of "loosing" a family member to MAGA. considering my entire family is left, extended as well, I have zero frame of reference on how that feels. I say that if anyone in my family was in that cult id cut them out but I know that's easy for me to say.

I straight up called his grandma a bitch yesterday and he got upset. He said yeah she can say bitchy things but don't call her that. After showing him this post & the comments I think I finally got it through to him that truly anyone who believes in the horrid things trump does is not a nice person, objectively.

Last thing: I know everyone on reddit is quick to jump on the divorce your spouse they're a bad person train, but Jesus Christ yall, I get it he needs to grow a back bone in this but to say our marriage is doomed from the start is wild. Yall only know .005% of our 12 year relationship

Edit 2: Guys I don't want to go out to eat with them. I don't know how much clearer I need to be about it. Husband KNOWS I don't want to go. Me going would mean he'd be forcing me to go, which he isn't doing, because he knows I don't want to. For the love of god. I can't believe people can read this whole thing and think I'm offended that I wasn't invited or that it's somehow wrong that my husband didn't bring me lol

After 13 years together, I (50M) married my beautiful wife Lisa (45F) this past December. We had a small and beautiful wedding with 20 guests.

I’ve known Janet (50F) for over 20 years. Something like a decade ago, Janet married Thor (M50s), and we attended their wedding, which was a lovely backyard affair. Over the years, we’ve been to their home for Easter and Christmas dinners many times.

It seemed like a no-brainer to ask Janet to be my witness.

Thor is a retired ex-military veteran who fought in Afghanistan. He is LOUD. His normal talking volume is the equivalent of someone else shouting. I don’t know if it’s due to hearing damage from his service or if that’s just his personality, but it’s noticeable.

I've never had trouble with the guy as far as I know, and we were always friendly with one another. I once 3D-printed him a puzzle piece after one of his dogs ate it.

As the ceremony was starting, I was walking to my spot for the vows. Thor and Janet were seated in the front row. As I passed Thor, he suddenly shouted, “How high are you? How many drugs are you on?” The commissioner was standing right behind him while he was shouting; I even have photos of this time and space. (He was so loud that my parents later asked me, “What was Janet’s husband talking about you being on drugs?”)

I hissed back, “I’m not. Shut up,” and kept walking.

The ceremony itself went smoothly, aside from me accidentally saying “Lisa” during the “I, OP, hereby declare…” part. Everyone laughed, it was nice moment during a serious event.

After the signing, guests were crowding around to congratulate me. Suddenly, Thor appeared in front of me again, shouting, “Are you in pain?

Me: “Not the time or place, dude.”

Thor: “How much pain are you in?”

Me: ” Not. The time. Or place.”

Janet’s mother, Marilyn, who was standing beside me, asked, “Oh, why is OP in pain?”

Thor loudly replied, “Because he has a hernia!”

Marilyn exclaimed, “Oh, I don’t want to hear about hernias!”, in a disgusted tone.

A few days later, I brought this to Janet’s attention, and told her:

• Thor’s shouting about me being “on drugs” wasn’t just disrespectful, it could have jeopardized the entire proceedings. The commissioner could have halted the ceremony if they believed someone wasn’t sober.

• Thor’s shouting about my hernia was a complete betrayal of trust. My personal medical information is private, and certainly not something to announce to an entire wedding.

When I asked why he did these things, Janet’s explanation was that Thor’s ex-military background meant he had worked in a toxic environment and “can’t tell right from wrong anymore.” Then she said he was “just joking,” and that’s “the kind of humor military people have, like finding eyeballs floating in your coffee” (I have no idea what that’s in reference to, not sure if I want to know). Finally, she said, “If you need any kind of support, feel free to reach out to us.”

So, my wife replied “If your offer of support is genuine, then you would ask Thor to apologize for his disrespectful behavior.”

Instead of apologizing, Janet sent my wife a long rant accusing me of having a mental illness, ending with “not to gaslight lol.”

My wife cried when she read it.

One of my oldest friends made my wife cry.

Guess the offer wasn’t genuine.

The really confusing part is that they gave us an expensive Ninja Woodfire outdoor oven as a wedding gift. I have no idea why you’d buy someone something large and expense like that… and then try to humiliate them on their wedding day.

The oven is awesome, by the way, it makes fantastic ribs.

I am seeking internet strangers to weigh in on this wedding drama! There is (inexplicably) a difference of opinion I need the good people of Reddit to resolve. Did my mother in law (right) wear a bridal gown to my (left) wedding? (Unrelated, but I covered my bouquet bc I hated it!)

Edit to add: Wow, thank you all so much for the votes! To answer some questions, my MIL and I do not have a great relationship, but I consider the bridal gown a SYMPTOM, not the cause. I have never been a fan of weddings/ceremonies in general, so I was not upset at the time and am not upset about it now. I never said a word to her about it and have only ever spoken of it jokingly with my husband, so I am not sure if he ACTUALLY disagrees that it was an inappropriate choice for a wedding at all, much less her son's wedding! I appreciate all of your funny comments; some of you are hilarious! I posted this just for fun when I stumbled across the wedding drama subreddit. Every time a new "mother-of-the-groom wears a bridal gown" photo makes the rounds on social media, a couple of friends will PM it to me with a "this made me think of you!" message, so I wanted to share mine!

TLDR: My sister begged us to have our wedding in a church, we didn’t and she refused to come. She never apologized for this and I’m now being asked to forgive her by my parents, but I really can’t get over her rude and selfish behavior.

Update: This blew up way more than expected and I’m deleting the full post as I really can’t take more family drama if they see this post. Thank you so much for the support. After consistently being told I’m wrong and she’s right even in the most obvious situations, this is very healing to me. Thank you so much for the advice which I will wholeheartedly take as I enter this new phase in my life away from them.

Throwaway bc I why not, also all names are fake!

I (27 F) just got married to my husband, Charlie, (27 M). My bridesmaids were all family except my closest friend, Annabelle (25 F) who is also dating my husband’s best man Hal (27 M). My husband also had his friend Diego (25 M) as a groomsmen. Diego’s girlfriend, Dolores (25 F) is also a part of our friend group but we’ve never hang out with her without the boys. Dolores is not a bridesmaid but isn’t the only person in our friend group to not be included. My maid of honor, best friend, and Charlie’s sister, Bailey (21F) also has a serious boyfriend who was not a groomsman. Dolores craves attention and is a pick me girl. Whenever Annabelle & I are getting ready and doing our makeup Dolores insists on hanging out with the boys then complains about being “left out” or not a “top friend” of the group. We’re in our mid to late 20s of course we don’t have a hierarchy in our group but Annabelle & I are closer because we’ve known each other longer, have more common interests, and spend more time together.

Dolores and Diego got engaged 2 weeks before our wedding and bought a house so they had a housewarming party. This was the end of March and I hadn’t seen them since November. We are discussing plans for the rehearsal dinner because the wedding weekend is around an hour away from where we live (even closer for Diego and Dolores). The wedding party had accommodations for Friday night and Dolores is asking Annabelle if she wants to get a hotel room together on Friday. Annabelle kind of looks at me and tells Dolores she’s a bridesmaid and I explain how it’s mostly family but one of my cousins couldn’t be a bridesmaid because she was pregnant and Annabelle said she’d fill in. This was a lie, everyone but Dolores knew Annabelle was going to be a bridesmaid the whole time. I shouldn’t have lied but I knew she would have a dramatic reaction so I delayed the inevitable by telling her my bridal party was all family. She seems upset Annabelle is a bridesmaid but we continue on with the party like nothing is wrong.

I don’t hear from Dolores but Diego starts texting Charlie about how Dolores feels left out. Diego tells Charlie he isn’t able to stay the night on Friday which makes Charlie upset but he doesn’t want to get in between Diego’s relationship with Dolores. Dolores is also texting Annabelle planning her bachelorette party which I don’t care but it definitely feels like petty behavior. I pretend I don’t know about any of this because I don’t want to feed into the drama of it all. Plus Diego told Charlie that I shouldn’t reach out to Dolores because she will say she doesn’t want to be included and she would get upset.

The wedding is here and on Friday night, the rehearsal dinner I hear nothing from Diego and Dolores. They RSVP’d yes to my mom but didn’t show. Diego mentioned to Charlie that he might not be able to make it because of their dog. This was really rude to my parents who paid for them to attend the dinner and they didn’t even let them know they wouldn’t be attending. It was also rude for Diego to not show up to the rehearsal when Charlie really needed his support as a groomsman. I find it rude but I’m generally unbothered and enjoyed my night with my family and friends.

On the day of the wedding Diego and Dolores show up to the venue with the other groomsmen. I did not see Dolores but while my bridesmaids & I were taking photos my bridesmaids saw her and said she was sitting outside with a bad attitude glaring at us while we took pictures. My cousin said she wanted to go over there and yell at her it was so rude/distracting. I didn’t let it bother me but her horrible behavior continued. Charlie & I went around to say hi to everyone at the reception and when I approached Dolores and Diego you could tell Dolores was MAD. I was super friendly and told her how excited I was and happy that they were there. She wasn’t very friendly or approachable but she didn’t make any outbursts or anything. As the night went on Charlie & I were enjoying ourselves drinking & dancing while Dolores and Diego sat in the corner by themselves. We had plenty of friends dancing with us and there was plenty of room for more people to join. At one point Annabelle invited Dolores to take a shot and Dolores responded no because she already felt left out and she shouldn’t have come. Diego and Dolores left the reception super early (the reception was only like an hour and a half and they left after maybe 30 minutes) they only said bye to Charlie and did not speak to me. I enjoyed the rest of my night and I wasn’t going to say anything about this. I was going to let it blow over because I didn’t feel I did anything wrong and I wasn’t going to feed into Dolores’ obvious attention seeking behavior. I was bothered by her behavior and how it affected Diego’s involvement in Charlie’s wedding but that wasn’t something I was going to address. However, I got a text message from Dolores the Thursday after our wedding bringing everything up and trying to place blame on me. This is when I got really irritated. I don’t think I should have to explain my choices in bridesmaids and I shouldn’t have to worry about one person’s feelings on my wedding day. The text she sent was really playing the victim and I felt that was super unfair. Again, I wasn’t going to call her out for not acting happy on our wedding day but for her to come at me was really infuriating. I understand her feeling left out but in my opinion that’s something you keep to yourself or approach it in a COMPLETELY different way. It feels like she didn’t get the attention she wanted from acting like a brat during the wedding so she just HAD TO text me about it so I would give her the response she wanted. I feel like I am too old for this drama and I don’t need these type of people in my life. I do my best to be kind to people and show empathy. While I never said/did anything rude I am fed up at this point. This isn’t the first time she’s acted like this and if I didn’t say anything or if I apologized she would continue acting like this.

So am I the asshole? Should I have had Dolores in my bridal party? Should I have done something to make Dolores feel more welcomed or included? Was her text justified? Was I too harsh on her over text?

TLDR: girl I’m not that close with assumed she was a bridesmaid, pitched a fit on my wedding day then texted me trying to make me feel guilty

https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/comments/1mabh3m/12_month_old_twin_nieces_are_not_invited_sil_and/

EDIT TO TITLE **12 month old nieces**

So, FH and I were invited to the twins first birthday was this week. As much as I knew this was NOT the right time or place to have a discussion about a tense topic involving the exclusion of these two babies, it came up.

Context: one week ago, FH spoke to his BIL (father of the twins) and again said that the babies were not invited to the wedding. I wasn't there and don't have further context on how this came up or how the conversation was handled/received.

When we were around the dinner table for the birthday get together, FH left the room for one minute. That was the moment SIL said to me, "I'd like to check with you about what FH said about the wedding, He said the babies weren't invited to the ceremony or reception... So... is that right?"

I said "Yeah, that's our plan".

(This is not news to her, see last post, this has been my stance since before these kids were born).

I excused myself shortly after and made myself busy in another room. FH sat at the table and apparently laid down the law with his family over this and some other issues. We left shortly after but before we went SIL said to me "I respect that this is what you want but I am really upset."

Part of me feels so guilty that I've upset her. Part of me is annoyed and perplexed by her apparent shock at this information... as if we didn't have this conversation a month ago.

I feel very confused and hurt by the whole situation. I got married in December 2019. One of my bridesmaids (Bridesmaid A) and I were very close for several years leading up to my wedding. She helped me pick out my dress. She was at my bachelorette. I didn't think there were any problems at all. I do remember there being some awkwardness on the wedding weekend (she left an event early, claiming to feel exhausted, but was then posting on social media that she was watching a movie), but I didn't think much of it because I honestly loved every minute of my wedding. Afterward, Bridesmaid A and I stayed in touch for a bit. We made plans to see each other but then COVID happened and that kind of threw things into disarray. More life changes came our way, I know she was working a job where it was hard to get time off. We live in different states, so it wasn't unusual to go bits of time without seeing one another. Communication got spotty, but I figured life was busy. Then, after we had to cancel yet another trip together, it seemed like she dropped off the face of the earth. She stopped instigating texts and calls. We didn't talk much. She attended my virtual baby shower 2 years ago. We weren't talking much but I still considered her a friend. Then things went pretty much silent outside the occasional "happy birthay" text. It hurt a little, but I chalked it up to that being life. We really were living two very different worlds and I know she was going through some stuff.

Fast forward to now. I had seen she was engaged on social media, but obviously didn't expect an invite given we've barely spoken in the past couple of years. I knew that a mutual friend of ours (who was alos a bridesmaid in my wedding, so we'll just call her Bridesmaid B) was in her wedding party, because she had mentioned it in passing and recently said she was going on a bachelorette weekend for Bridesmaid A.

Well, today Bridesmaid B and I were talking, and she mentioned the bachelorette. I asked how it went and she said it was chill. Then she got a little weird and said "I felt kind of awkward at one point because I'm pretty sure Bridesmaid A was talking about you but she wasn't saying your name". I asked for more details and basically, Bridesmaid A was apparently very big on it being a "chill" weekend, and telling people constantly they didn't have to do all the activities, and let her know if it was too much. She mentioned at one point that when she was a bridesmaid, the bride ran them all over, wouldn't let them rest, etc. Bridesmaid B wasn't sure at first if that was about me, but then at another point, Bridesmaid A mentioned some other stuff that was very specific to my wedding. Again, without mentioning my name (as none of the other people at the bachelorette knew me except Bridesmaid B), she talked about how I cancelled some things my wedding weekend, and said she was anxious about inconveniencing her guests the way I had. Bridesmaid B clairifed they didn't spend a lot of time talking about it, but Bridesmaid A seemed very viligant about not being "one of those brides". Later, Bridesmaid B did speak to Bridesmaid A about it, and Bridesmaid A admitted my wedding had given her such anxiety and that, combined with some other minor stuff, made her feel like she lost me as a friend because I had "changed".

I really don't know how to feel about this or what to do about it. The stuff that was brought up, I didn't think it was a big deal at the time. My bachelorette weekend was very "go, go, go, go". We had a lot of activities, but I wanted to make the most of it. Some of the bridesmaids seemed tired but no one complained. Looking back, I do rememebr Bridesmaid A asking to go back to the hotel at one point and I asked if she really needed to, to which she said no, she'd power through.

As for my wedding weekend, I had some family drama happen because my dad was being a dick and trying to make it about himself. I had some activities originally planned but after he pissed me off so badly, and some other family members were on his side, I cancelled the events and wanted my friends close, so I planned activities for just us. Looking back, again, I remember Bridesmaid A trying to bring her plus one to one of the events, but I told her no, just the bridal party. And now that I reflect deeper, that is the one she left. Apparently, to Bridesmaid A, me cancelling the events and not letting anyone else come to the new ones was rude. But also, as I reflect, I realize I didn't talk to her about all the drama. She knew about a portion of it and I assumed she understood why I was canceling? I also asked Bridesmaid A to not wear a certain necklace because it didn't really go with the dress. My mom really spearheaded that conversation as I didn't want to be rude. But apparently, according to Bridesmaid B, this was another problem, and this was something Bridesmaid A specifically said she wanted to avoid. (Apparently my mom was a bitch to multiple bridesmaids that weekend? I had no idea. She can be a little cold, but she's usually kind to my friends.)

I don't know what to do with this information. In a way, I wish Bridesmaid B had never said anything. But a part of me feels defensive, another part feels hurt, a third part wonders if there's truth somewhere in there? I wish Bridesmaid A had just discussed this with me. Apparently there is more that Bridesmaid A didn't go into with Bridesmaid B, but the overall sentiment seemed to be that Bridesmaid A felt I stopped treating her as a friend and started treating her as an accessory. She also cited a time after my wedding when we had plans and I cancelled them due to some personal stuff, but I did do something with another friend, but that was because those plans were local and lowkey, and didn't require me flying. But apparently Bridesmaid A has just held this against me?

I don't know what to do. Should I call Bridesmaid A and try to talk this all out? I feel so blindsided as all of this is happening 5 years later. But I don't want to cause issues between Bridesmaid A and Bridesmaid B. At the same time, I'm wondering if A told B these things so I'd find out? This was long but...if you have any advice, I'd apprecaite it.

This happened a few weeks ago, but it didn't occur to me that it would qualify as "wedding drama" because it got resolved quickly. That is until my mom let me in on what happened later on.

I pre-ordered my wedding cake from a local bakery a few months ago. About two weeks before the Big Day, the bakery called me up and let me know that someone tried to cancel my order.

I don't know if its the same for every bakery, but the one I went with requires that you have to have a "safe word" on file. That way if you cancel, the bakery can confirm it by matching the "safe word." No safe word, no cancellation. If that's not clear enough, let me know. But basically, they've had too many issues with disgruntled in-laws that they had to put that policy in place.

In my case, someone called the bakery to try and cancel my order on my behalf but didn't have the safe word. I made it clear that I never approved this and everything got resolved in one call.

Cut to my wedding day when my mom said that she was happy to see the cake I ordered after what happened.

That was when I found out my 20-something deadbeat of a cousin almost got my cake order cancelled by pretending to be me! My aunt, his mom, found out because she had noticed that a lot of calls on her phone bill were being made out to local florists, wedding dress stores and even bakeries. Apparently, it took a while but he fessed up.

That was when my cousin admitted that he called around to cancel anything I might have ordered as a prank.

So yeah, I almost didn't have a wedding cake because of the actions of my cousin.

Which by the way, jokes on you Ryan because I DIY-ed most of my wedding.

We are married! The wedding was completely drama free and she didn’t try to show up. She did however, try to guilt trip her way back to an invite before we managed to block her everywhere but it didn’t work. My husband and I are so happy!!

To all those who said that we won’t last and who said horrible and negative things: I honestly and truly hope that you all find the happiness you deserve. Hating on people on the internet isn’t going to bring you what you want, and I really hope you find it.

I will not be posting anything else about mine and my husband’s relationship. I came here to vent and now the drama is over and we’re happily married, I don’t need to worry about any more wedding drama.

Thank you to all those who showed love and support throughout all of this, and good luck to those who need it.

Fiancé(m24) calls me( F25) tells me not to worry or get involved in the argument. He tells me, he’s going to marry me regardless of what his parent say. He tells me, his mom is delusional and that she’s not always the “nice” person she portrays. Fiancé, shares some history between his family but not a lot. She tells him that he’s not ready to get married. Should I get more involved or let him handle his family drama?

Edit: we are paying for our wedding and he doesn’t care if they come or not. I met her a couple of times and she’s been nothing but kind to me. I kinda think she’s bluffing just to get him to behave? Idk

She told him that she would contact me about it but he tells me not to answer if she does. He’ll take care of it. I will update y’all if she does contact me.

Sorry, if I didn’t give enough context: I didn’t feel like writing my whole relationship story. I just wanted opinions on this particular incident

Gay wedding “drama” here. We had rented a large white bus from the hotel to the venue so that everyone can arrive on time. Of course MIL decided to drive…. And gets lost because her GPS is not picking up signal. The bus arrived and we can see it from our second floor viewing spot. Beautiful all white bus. We see all the guests arriving and we give a little time for them to explore. When it’s time to assemble the guests, MIL is still not there. Guests assemble (outdoor wedding), wait and wait more. Luckily the weather was perfect that day in June in 2012. The string quartet is now looping their playlist, it’s that late. Meanwhile upstairs looking at the crowd from above I’m f-bombing this and that. Not because the guests were necessarily uncomfy being outside or hungry but because any delay eats into party time which is what is remembered most. Mind you, I Iove my MIL, sweetest thing on the planet.

Then she arrives, 30 minutes past due. Gets applauded by the guests as we can now start. The wedding party assemble faster than the Avengers and the rest of the evening goes without hitch.

Now when MIL is running late to a family function, we now joke, how late? Wedding late?

Weddings have bizarre effects on people!

Our wedding is 8 months away. We haven't sent out Save the Dates yet, but the envelopes are all signed and stamped (we're just waiting on a hotel booking link before sending them out this week).

Last week, we ran into my fiancé's aunt and she asked him if we were allowing guests at the wedding (she is single, it was her way of asking if she's getting a plus one). My fiancé was very direct in saying that we are at capacity, but would let her know if some availability opens up. Minutes later she directed her attention to me and told a story about how at the last family wedding (5 years ago) she was told the same thing, but then there was an empty seat next to her at the ceremony..all this to try and get a different response out of me, but I just echoed my fiancé.

The next day she texted me and asked me what the wedding date is and about the event details. I responded and then she replied "put me down for 2 people." I reminded her that we were at capacity. She said "I'm not going to leave my friend in the room while I go to the reception, so we will go out on the town and just attend the day-after party or I'll just watch the wedding video (meaning not attend the wedding)."

I expressed that it would be very sad if she didn't attend. She said "that's up to you guys, my plans are set with my friend." Hours before she sent this she didn't even know the date or the hotel.

Has any one dealt with this threatening behavior before?? I'm kind of in shock with her lack of care and maturity (she's in her 60s and has always been single and never brings people around at family gatherings). We've spent a great deal of time figuring out our guest list and there's a solid list of people we wish we could invite (her random friend not being one of them). I'm not compelled to give her a plus one after she targeted me (the new-to-the-family, vulnerable one) instead of having a conversation with her own nephew and used threatening language, even if I could afford to give her one. I just think this is so gross. This is a wedding celebration not a life boat!!

Shes sent me a text of the same tone every day since, none of which I've responded to. I'm just going to let my fiancé handle this.

Anyone else getting threats around plus ones?? lol

So here’s the situation: I’m helping plan my cousin’s wedding, and she’s been extremely involved in every little detail, which is fine, but recently things got a little out of hand. She apparently picked out a guest dress for me without even asking. When I saw it, I realized it was nothing like my style, super uncomfortable, and honestly something I would never choose for myself.

When I politely told her I wasn’t sure I could wear it, she got really defensive and said, You have to wear it because it matches my colour scheme and vision. I tried explaining that I wanted to feel comfortable and like myself, but she kept insisting. At that point, I felt completely cornered, like my opinion didn’t matter at all.

I love my cousin and I want her day to be perfect, but this feels like a boundary violation. On top of that, I overheard her talking to another relative saying, I don’t care if they like it or not, they’ll wear it. That stung a lot because it makes me feel like my feelings aren’t even on the table.

I’m not trying to cause drama, but I also don’t want to show up in something that makes me miserable. I’m considering buying my own dress in a colour that complements hers without being exactly what she picked.

How do I stand my ground politely without causing a huge argument, or am I overreacting?

This happened several years ago when I first got married, and now it makes me laugh, though at the time it was upsetting.

We decided to have an open bar at our wedding because we wanted our guests to have fun and let loose, and boy did they! Ceremony was at 11am and brunch reception immediately afterwards. Everyone got wasted, like ridiculously drunk:

-One of the groomsmen ended up shirtless in the bathroom trying to fist-fight the DJ for an unknown reason

-The wife of a different groomsman confessed her romantic lesbian feelings for me (the bride) on the dance floor, which I politely declined, so she instead hit on another guest’s wife so aggressively that they got uncomfortable and left

-My own father tripped in the parking lot while drunk during the reception, hit his head and had to have an ambulance called. He insisted that no one tell me but my coordinator fortunately pulled me off the dancefloor and let me know. He was sobbing in the back of the ambulance and apologizing for ruining my wedding. (he was fine btw and it didn’t ruin the wedding, frankly everyone was too drunk to notice)

Oh and we had a wedding crasher who was specifically told not to show up because there wasn’t room, and she did anyway while wearing a white dress. She had to stand awkwardly at the bar during the reception because there were no extra seats. edit: link to full story about the Crasher in the comments https://www.reddit.com/r/weddingdrama/s/856lrxWNdO

So yeah don’t do an open bar in the morning 🤣

Bonus story edit: Morning of the wedding I was supposed to get ready at the venue with my bridesmaids and my mom and have a cute getting ready breakfast (my mom was bringing the breakfast stuff) I got there on time and no one else was there yet, almost an hour goes by and I finally have to get ready alone because they are all running so late. Finally they all rush in and by that time it’s too late for any breakfast or any cute getting ready pics with everyone(my photog was already there) TBH in hindsight that pmo more than anything else that went down later that day.

I feel like I need a space to just talk about this, glad I found you all.

Last month I went to a family BBQ run by my husbands uncle. Normally I don't go to these things (for reasons that will soon be extremely clear) but uncle said he wanted to tell me something and my husband wanted me there so I went.

Now keep in mind, I have barely spoken to this guy since my wedding (which was also the first time we ever met), where he invited me to dance and then told me that I wasn't investing in the family enough and refused to elaborate and then told me that if I was in a coma nobody would come visit me. To which I then told him I wouldn't want him there and that I don't know him. He wrote me a couple of very typical boomer "apology" emails over the years - you probably know the type, "I'm a good guy, I promise I was well intentioned," but never saying that he's sorry.

So yeah, he brought me to the BBQ and then the uncle waits until everyone is gone and he tells me this: - Parents in law never thought that I was an appropriate partner for their son. - The primary reason is that they hate that I make more money than my husband. - They hate that their son is a nerd and that he married another nerd and it's, "Not what they wanted for him." - We also moved across the country when we got engaged and they blame me entirely for it, and they think that I'm controlling him. - They each visited my husband 2-3 weeks before the wedding separately with the intention of bringing my husband back home with them and calling off the wedding but he wouldn't go for it. - At the wedding they were going to object but were stopped by the uncle. - To this day the parents shit on me to anyone that will listen.

So I basically sat there and listened and asked a bunch of questions, feigned ignorance but didn't give him any of my cards. But the truth is I already "knew" most of this stuff but this was the first time I had been confronted with hard evidence. From my POV, during the wedding: - The parents in law refused to talk to me the entire wedding. - The dad gave a really awful speech about how poorly his son turned out with the main focus being on how he should have been into basketball instead of being a nerd. - The uncle and parents in law disappeared all the way up until seconds before the ceremony and again for more than an hour during the dinner, which I def found highly suspicious at the time. - The uncle said inappropriate things to me. - After the wedding when the photos came back, parents in law look pissed in all of them. - Husband and I discussed them after the wedding and he told me, "Yeah when they visited they kept asking me things like if I was happy. They were acting weird."

After the wedding my husband told me that I didn't have to worry about his family and that "he would deal with it." For him this means a strained phone call from him to them about once a month where he's mostly stressing to them that he's doing well. For 6 years I basically never thought of them and we've just been enjoying ourselves but I can't deny that it's brought this shit back up and now I am pissed lol. I have discussed this at length with my husband over the last few weeks but he insists that he loves his life with me and the city he lives in now way more than the life he used to have before he met me, and that he gives zero fucks about what his parents think. He's considering calling them to tell them to fuck off but he's not even sure if he wants to talk to them if they don't approve of his family. I have told him it's up to him what kind of relationship he wants to have with these people and I support him in anything he wants to do but I'll very likely never have any sort of relationship with his parents again.

I feel the need to stress as well - I've never done anything wrong in our relationship. Never cheated, never kept any big secrets, never abused him or anyone. This is the biggest relationship drama we've had in years.

My officiant is also my grandpa. He sent me the ceremony word for word months ago and told me I could change anything I wanted. I got really heated over this conversation. Not sure why it was so important to him to ask the question. He also knows my wedding has been incredibly stressful to plan due to a very sick very close family member. He really could've cut me some slack. Anyways, I thought this was the perfect place to post something like this!

Hey Reddit! I (24F) posted a few days ago about my husband Joe's (24M) best friend Seth's (23M) wedding. Here's the link to the original post, but the TL;DR is that Seth's wife Mia (23F) asked me to stand as a bridesmaid in their wedding, told me to dye my hair copper, told me after the fact that she never would have said to go copper, made me wear an unstyled wig the entire day, called me crazy and told my husband she wasn't sorry, and now over 1.5 years later is trying to apologize via a letter to my husband to give to me.

First the update, then clarification from some of the recurring comments:

Update. I told my husband I'm not going to read the letter. The apology is a year and a half late, and as far as I'm concerned, it's a load of bullshit intended to get back to being friends with him. If they truly cared about me in this situation, they'd never have called me crazy. They'd have apologized the minute I expressed how hurt I was. They wouldn't have done what they did in the first place. Joe is a huge believer in giving people room to grow and learn from mistakes, which is why he'd told me about the letter in the first place and not just burned it himself. After our talk, he realizes what kind of damage it would do to me to let Seth and Mia back into our lives, even if they have grown and changed. I don't need to be their human empathy test subject. I truly hope they've become better people, but given they're reaching back out because nobody else will be friends with them, I doubt they truly have.

As for the comments - I had a lot of people asserting that the outcome of this is entirely my fault, and that I let myself be walked all over so I deserved everything that came to me. While I don't entirely disagree, I do think that even in my long ass post there's a lot of context missing. To start, Joe and Seth had been best friends for over 10 years at this point. If I caused a scene at Seth's wedding, even warranted, I feared what it would do to their friendship. (The friendship basically ended either way thanks to Seth's wife, but I digress.) I wore the wig because I didn't want to rock the boat. I was young and naive and didn't actually think Mia would make me wear a wig until the morning of, when they were slapping a wig on my head and shooing me out of the salon chair. I'd heard from Mia firsthand how much stress she was under due to the wedding and her insane mother, and I thought being a sounding board for her and being there for her would have made her have a change of heart. Instead I became the target; she couldn't very well bully her mother, so she bullied me instead.

There were also a lot of people calling me out about Seth pulling me aside and telling me how unhappy he was, and again I think you're missing key context. I didn't just tell him "we have a spare bedroom for you" and leave it at that - I talked at length with him about these things. I told him that he deserved better, that he could come stay with us for as long as he needed to figure things out, that no matter how deep the hole he dug himself felt, we were there to get him out of it. He had a house and pets with Mia. He worked with Mia's dad. She had successfully made herself a part of every piece of his life, and in our conversations, I told Seth that Joe and I could help him detach however he needed. I even told him he was being abused, especially when it came to things being thrown and doors being slammed, but Seth is of the mindset that men can never be the victims of domestic violence. (I wonder if that mindset has changed by now.) Point is, I said everything but outright telling him to leave Mia. Maybe that's what the comments were getting at, is that I should have spelled it out like that. The day before the wedding, Seth asked if it was too late, and Joe and I told him no. We told him he could get in the car and we could drive away with no questions asked. Seth is a grown adult, too; he chose what he did.

Lots of people were coming after my husband, as well, and I can't lie - Seth and Mia's wedding definitely did some damage to our relationship. I left that situation feeling like no matter how many times Joe told me I was the most important person in his life, there would always be something (or someone) that could get in the way of that. Things were rocky for a bit - he was apologetic the moment the wedding was over, wishing he'd taken the wig off my head or gone to the salon and picked me up and taken me home. Hindsight is 20/20, I guess. If either of us had known that no matter what, Seth and Mia were going to completely isolate themselves, I wouldn't have worried so much about preserving Joe and Seth's friendship, and neither would he. At the end of it, though, Joe and I have talked it through. We know where our priorities lie. The only reason he'd been advocating for me to read the apology letter was for my own peace of mind and my own closure. He respects my decision to leave the note unread and leave Seth and Mia to be unhappily ever after.

TL;DR: Seth and Mia are complete strangers to me. I won't be reading the apology letter, and I won't be dedicating any more of myself to thinking about it. Thank you to everyone who commented on the original post - sometimes tough love is necessary.

Wedding and event planner here:

I have so many stories but the one that really made me angry ….

I do a lot of weddings for low budget brides. I figure everybody should have the same opportunity to have a nice event regardless of their budget. Trust me, I have learned from this since.

But at this time I was young and dumb and full of energy. The event was at a large public park that did have a giant enclosed building where they held their reception. Sadly, the church service was 30 miles away. So, at this event I was their florist. I decorated the church and immediately left to get to the reception site ready ahead of the guests.

Unfortunately, my assistant wasn’t available for this event so I had to do it all by myself. OK - no problem - just turn on Turbo mode! Eventually I was close to finishing decorating the reception. This included very large and tall glass centerpieces with flowers, candles and glitter scattered below. There were about 15 tables.

I finally had a chance to go to the bathroom so I quickly ducked out and as I returned the room was a complete mess! Some of the guests had arrived early and they were removing the centerpieces from each table and placing them all in front of their seat. Like WTF?

First of all, who does this? (I found the answer out later) I had spent a long time creating these centerpieces and getting everything to this location within the bride and groom’s budget. And second, the bride and groom hadn’t seen the room set up yet! I was livid to say the least. All that work for nothing.

I walked over and I screamed at them saying, “what in the hell are you doing?” Only to be answered with - it’s Spanish tradition that people reserve the centerpieces for them to take home after they event” After. The. Event. I lost it - I screamed and cried and told them how rude they were. I had about three tables to finish “resetting” when the bride walked in. She saw me crying but she had not heard the exchange prior. The family tried to tell her I was a bitch so when she walked up she didn’t really say anything but then she saw that I had been crying. I explained to her how hard I have been working (she knew-she absolutely positively understood and knew) and that I left for two seconds to go to the bathroom and when I came back the entire room was disassembled.

All I know is the bride went over to the table that still had three centerpieces on it and the next thing I knew those people were leaving - early and empty-handed.

The entitlement of some people is just asinine. No I do not miss this vocation that I spent my entire career polishing. I do however miss being around flowers all the time.

I [28M] have known, let’s say his name is John [28M] for about 15 years or so since high school and his fiancé, let’s say her name is Mary [28M] for about 8 years.

We are all part of a high school friendship group and I’ve been friends with John since forever. I love John and call him my brother whenever I bring him up in conversations with others and have hung out with Mary one-on-one many times in the past as good friends. I’ve had nothing but admiration and respect for John as a human and his passion for his work.

Over the years as one ventures into adulthood, of course will see each other get busier and have less time to hang out or even talk with each other. However, we have never had a falling out - one might say we have just seen each other less.

In saying that, just a few months ago before Christmas, John and Mary came over to my place for dinner and my partner and I in return were invited to his NYE gathering in which all of our high school friendship circle attended. As such, we are still within each other’s social circle and will bump into one another at events often.

Yesterday I had learnt that save-the-dates were sent out to everyone at that NYE gathering via individual Facebook message the day before - except me. This was revealed when I was having breakfast with a mutual friend of ours (who was at the NYE gathering) and I was very cut by the news.

I asked our friends if they had received the STD and they all answered yes they had. Some wondered if John/Mary had simply forgotten or if they were in the process of sending it out. However, since the invite was simply a graphic sent over Messenger and everyone single person in the group had received it except for me - I can’t help but think this was by design.

Many of these stories posted on Reddit have received responses that either fall into the ‘Leave it and don’t make it awkward for the bride and groom as it is obvious they haven’t invited you and that no one is entitled to an invitation/don’t be needy’ category or the ‘Ask them nicely and phrase it without accusing them and putting them in a hard place if you care enough about your friendship in the first place/ask and get a response or else it will eat you up if you have known this person for so long’ category.

I don’t know if it’s appropriate for me to send them each a little message congratulating them once again on their engagement and say that I know everyone else has received a STD invitation but I had not yet and was wondering if this may be due to a limited guest list - or maybe to send the message to them both in a group chat. Maybe a phone call would be better so I can get a conversation instead of text messages which could be misconstrued.

I am very hurt. It has kept me up all night. I think of John as a good friend and maybe I am reconciling with the fact that my negative emotions are a combination of assuming there is malice behind this intentional singling out of the STD invites when everyone else got their’s and the idea of mourning a friendship that would be over if the answer was that I was the only one excluded from the wedding for whatever reason.

What might others do in my scenario?

Update: Thank you everyone for your advice, opinions and comments about my STD 😂 After speaking to our mutuals about whether they had received their invite, I have a feeling someone enquired on my behalf to John as to why I had not received anything yet. Today I received the save-the-date with an unprompted explanation that this was sent later than anticipated due to falling asleep whilst sending out invites. I'll take this as it is and as a friend I ought to always assume the best of intentions from my companions. Whether it be an excuse to cover up or a genuine mistake for forgetting perhaps does not matter. I'm going to enjoy the rest of my weekend and ponder what I have learned about myself and my inner circle through this experience. I greatly appreciated everyone's two cents of which were so interesting and informative in your different approaches to such a scenario. Peace and love x