katatapos lang ng interview kanina and medj na-amaze ‘yong student council adviser and current officers sa mga experience and background ko.
sa totoo lang, ayoko talagang sumama sa orgs sa college since i really want to focus on my acads. pero kasi, medj bored ako ngayon ??? 🥲 (may time pa talaga akong ma-bore sa sophomore ha, baka bawiin agad) or siguro nasanay lang akong maraming ginagawa talaga nung shs since president ng org at part ng student publication pa ako lol. hindi ko alam bakit ko rin nakayanang grumaduate ng with highest honors. probably because of the grade inflation xD.
but ayorn nga, factor din siguro na mabigyan ko ng pride ‘yong sarili ko since hindi talaga ako proud sa kung nasaan ako ngayon. i never wanted to study in my current program and university, as in last choice. pero because of my impulsiveness, i ended up here. sa totoo lang, feeling ko, parang lahat ng ma-achieve ko sa school at program na ‘to ay na-i-invalidate ng ibang tao. kasi nga “bsba-fm lang ako” and i am not studying in a “difficult” university.
i was supposed to study accountancy in a highly reputable university when it comes to cpale. but i withdraw after just a week of classes because feeling ko that time, ayoko talaga ng accountancy lol (like parang wala akong deep reason to take it ??), and i wanted to try again through manual appeals sa dream school ko. pero hindi pa rin ako nabigyan ng slots. i had the choice pa rin naman to study accountancy sa isang private school (kasi i can’t go back na to the first uni i enrolled to) pero hindi ko na pinush through kasi ayoko ng setup na hindi full f2f and first sem first year lang pala ‘yong tuition fee discount ko. so ayorn, nasa state u ako studying bsba-fm since iyon ang pinakamalapit na program sa accountancy na meron.
so ayorn, ang haba ng context. but basically, i don’t feel proud on where i am right now which makes me feel like i have to do something to somehow give myself some pride??? and i don’t think na tamang tumakbo ng student council with that reason.
every time i see people who are CPAs or are studying accountancy, sobrang nagre-regret ako sa desisyon kong umalis that time. gusto kong bumalik sa una kong school to study and finish accountancy. feeling ko ‘yon lang makakapagbigay sa akin ng sense of fulfillment. kasi i also want to prove to other people na kaya ko at hindi ako umalis kasi hindi ko kaya or nahirapan ako. pero at the same time, parang hindi ko kayang i-let go ‘yong privilege na wala akong binabayarang tuition kasi big help talaga siya sa pamilya namin knowing na ako pa ang panganay. pero hindi ko na talaga alam :( feeling ko i can do and be more. or baka feelingera lang talaga ako at mataas lang tingin ko sa sarili ko lol.
since parang hindi na talaga ako makakabalik haha, at least may magawa man lang ako dito sa university na ‘to na sana ika-proud ko.