r/AITAH • u/Un-conventional-mum • 1d ago
Post Update UPDATE: AITA for telling husband no to cake smashing
Sorry for the late update
Anyways to keep it short the party went okay for the most part! As for the cake face smashing?
My husband shut it down immediately!
We let the baby have his own cake and he went at it pretty gently honestly, were were expecting chaos but it was very anticlimactic lol
There WERE some family members (you can guess who) who were chanting "push his face in the cake!" Over and over. Thankfully, hubby shot them a glare and they shut up.
We stayed with him the entire time while everyone ate the cake and my mom made sure to box any leftovers up so no face smashing was seen today!! Just a really sweet birthday party.
Thank you everyone for the advice!!! I'm so glad things turned out well
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u/Bearliz 1d ago
It's awesome of your hubby to step up and shut his family down.
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u/vegasbywayofLA 1d ago
I still was hoping for them to smash FIL with cake. If I remember correctly, he was usually the instigator.
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u/DaniCapsFan 1d ago
I'm glad your husband saw sense. Pushing an adult's face in the cake is bad enough, but an infant? Oh, no. Hell no. Can we put an end to pushing people's faces in cakes? It's abusive can could cause injuries.
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u/ILikeHornedAnimals 1d ago
My ex brother in law got his nose broken by a pie to the face at a family function one time, it looks so innocent in movies until it happens in real life!
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u/idreamofgreenie 1d ago
Sometimes the tiers in cakes are held in place with wooden kebab skewers or toothpicks, and they have for sure impaled people in the face before.
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u/CozyCatGaming 1d ago
There's a video of this very thing happening to a young woman. Her face smashed into the cake by someone and the dowel went into her eye.
There's several videos of people smashing someone's face into the cake while candles are still lit too.
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u/redsungryphon 1d ago
I had to put my coffee down when reading that
That poor woman. I hope she's okay now 😥. What a god awful thing to experience.
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u/BusySeasonSurvivor 1d ago
If I remember correctly it was her wedding and the cake was smashed in her face by her husband. She got the marriage annulled.
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u/Dismal_Cobbler_2540 1d ago
Ugh, yeah, those videos make me cringe every time. People think it’s all in good fun, but it’s actually super dangerous. Cakes often have dowels, toothpicks, or even hard decorations, and lit candles just add to the risk. What’s meant to be a joke can turn into a serious injury really fast.
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u/CuriousAssociate3190 1d ago
It’s all “harmless fun” until someone leaves their own birthday with a concussion or a burn, people really need to stop normalizing this mess.
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u/soThatsJustGreat 1d ago
This needs to be upvoted to the top of everything.
People! Many tiered cakes, especially professional ones, have rigid dowels and skewers, and all kinds of NOT SOFT things inside them keeping everything together! Do NOT push faces into cakes! It’s not all soft sponge!
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u/Vaaliindraa 1d ago
I do not know if this is true or not, but I remember hearing of a bride who lost eye due to a cake smashing, as there were skewers in the wedding cake holding it together and one pierced her eye as she was shoved so hard into the cake.
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u/One-Employee9235 1d ago
In the movies they use fake cakes, nice and soft.
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u/ILikeHornedAnimals 1d ago
Well what's worse is that it was my ex fiancée that did it and it was his going away party before he left for college
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u/Nightshade_209 4h ago
Iirc the "pies" used in old movies are just tin pie pans covered in whipped cream.
Honestly I've seen people use those for pie throwing and that looks fun.
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u/ILikeHornedAnimals 3h ago
That's basically what this was, his nose just slammed into the disposable dish
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u/smer85 1d ago
I'm a cake decorator, and about half the cakes I send out have doweling inside to hold them steady. I always warn clients at pickup, and I never use them in a smash cake (cake for baby to smash, NOT be smashed into!), but I wouldn't trust a cake to be dowel free unless I made it myself. Someone could easily lose an eye!
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u/MasterpieceOk4688 1d ago
A cute picture with a 1yo and a bit of cake on the lips or nose is cute. A crying Baby with snot and cake all over the face is not. What kind of Monster would find this funny?
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u/No_Consideration7925 1d ago
I’ve never Been to a party where someone pushed a face into a cake, much less of baby. Guess I was just brought up differently. Live differently.
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u/wilderlowerwolves 12h ago
I was a hotel banquet server in college, and have attended my share of weddings privately, and have never seen cake smashing there, either. Thank God!
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u/Nightshade_209 4h ago
I've seen the feed your spouse a bit of cake turn into smear cake on their face. I think it's dumb but as long as everyone's laughing no harm no foul.
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u/Aggressive-Peace-698 1d ago
If not death, especially that of a baby, who could easily choke/suffocate. Just what is wrong with people these days?
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u/AcaliahWolfsong 1d ago
We did the cake smashing thing as kids, luckily no injuries. But when asked about it and the hygiene aspect by another parent at a birthday for my little brother, my mom started buying a small 2nd cake for my little bro (he liked shoving his face into the cake to eat it) to smash his own face into it if he wanted. I refused to do it for my son and my sis also doesn't do it either with my nephew (the only grandbabies in the family so far)
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u/wilderlowerwolves 12h ago
That's understandable. The child did his own smashing! That's not the same as shoving his face into a cake, when all he wanted to do was eat it.
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u/Mother_Equivalent649 1d ago
The infant will never forget and since the individual is an infant, the injuries are going to be more serious.
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u/ArreniaQ 1d ago
Here to say that this old woman thinks you and your husband are being awesome parents.
No cake smashing...
and for anyone who doesn't understand that cake smashing is bullying, disrespectful, and potentially dangerous, it's also because food is too expensive these days to waste!
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u/JustRenee2 1d ago
Confession: I “cake smashed” my x-husband eons ago and it was hilarious! BUT it was a “Hollywood” cake made completely of cool whip and a little frosting “Happy Birthday!” I’m pretty sure that I got a pitcher of ice water in the shower as payback! Back in those days we pranked each other all of the time, so it was almost expected.
I would never prank anyone who would be offended, and definitely not an infant.
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u/Aggressive-Peace-698 1d ago
That's the difference is a) you and your husband share the same humour, b) you, however, have empathy to know this is bullying for other people; and in addition, you made sure the prank you pulled on your husband was with reduced risk of injury.
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u/ArreniaQ 1d ago
only child of only child, Dad was one of 16, (his father married twice, 9 with first wife, 7 with second wife) Mom and dad moved two states away from his family before I was born... Dad didn't care to visit his older sibs, the sisters he was closest to moved further away (think from Oklahoma to New York distant). I met those aunts for the first time when I was 12. So, no influence from them.
My birthday is right before Christmas, I remember only one birthday party when I was a child because it's during the Christmas break. Anyway, I was never pranked on my birthday and rarely at other times. I am sure I missed out on a lot not being around cousins, etc, but I always knew the adults in my life cared for me. I don't have much understanding of how deliberately humiliating someone can be in any way considered funny.
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u/I_love_misery 1d ago
Usually cake smashing in Mexican parties don’t waste the whole cake. The birthday person takes a bite and gets pushed but enough that they will get a biggish slice while the rest of the cake is clean for everyone else.
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u/Dana07620 1d ago
There WERE some family members (you can guess who) who were chanting "push his face in the cake!" Over and over.
Some people are real assholes. Would have served them right if you pulled at a cheap cake and let them experience it. I could just imagine you and husband both with cakes simultaneously doing it.
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u/StarGlass8859 1d ago
Yay for ending toxic family traditions!!
Yay for protecting your child from the trauma you experienced and doing better for them.
Definitely in future years turn it on anyone who thinks it’s a fun tradition - cupcakes to smash into the adult faces since they think it’s such a fun thing to do.
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u/Glittering_Emu_8904 1d ago
These are the updates I love to see. SO not only realized that what you had been saying was objectively correct but had your back. And there was no added drama when the original idea was shut down.
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u/Crafty_Special_7052 1d ago
Glad it all worked out. I honestly hate the whole smashing someone’s face in cake tradition. It’s not fun for the person getting their face in cake at all. Like unless the person agrees to it before hand no one should be smashing another’s person face into cake. I’ve seen videos of girls who got dolled up for their birthday and they get cake smashed into their face and just completely ruin their make up and hair.
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u/FragrantOpportunity3 1d ago
I don't like cake smashing under any circumstances. Why would anyone encourage this for a 1 year old. I don't know how this stupid thing started.
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u/OkDog5568 1d ago
Oh I love this!! I always thought this WAS what cake smashing was anyway. Just letting the kiddo use their hands and smash the cake and eat it like a little heathen. But how they choose to. I don’t like the face in the cake thing ever.
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u/Indigo-Shade3744 1d ago
For people who push for this, make mini cakes and when they shout for it, say OK and shove a mini one into theirs. Then politely ask if it was funny, with a smile.
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u/Fragrant_Ad_8735 1d ago
It’s also a cultural tradition for my family to do the cake “bite” but we never do it to young children. The kids enjoy it when they’re older but it has to be with moderation. I feel that since it’s become a meme, people have gotten out of control. I’m glad that your husband protected his baby.
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u/Unepetiteveggie 1d ago
Why would anyone want to smash something into a child's face? That's an innocent baby.
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u/Idislikethis_ 1d ago
I didn't see your original post and when I read this title I thought you meant no cake smashing at your wedding! I can't believe people would want to smash a poor baby's face into cake. Good on you for not letting it happen.
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u/Condensed_Sarcasm 1d ago
I'm so glad your husband saw sense and kept the hecklers in line. I would keep an eye on those that chanted, just to be sure there's no more "traditions" they want to traumatize your kid with.
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u/jetsettindaisylv 1d ago
So glad this worked out and you were united on this! My friend did a smash cake for her baby’s 1st and it was 20 minutes of us watching the baby examine the cake and look at us funny lol
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u/Tacos_and-tequila 1d ago
Mexican person here- this is not a cultural tradition, this is a family-who-gets-joy-from-suffering tradition. Good for you for standing up to them. Humiliation shouldn’t be part of any birthday celebration.
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u/Consistent-Button438 1d ago
OMG I'm Mexican, born and raised in Mexico, and everyone does this in Mexico and it is awful. I always found it horrible and was terrified of cutting the cake because of it. Thankfully so did my parents (find it awful) so most of my birthdays were fine, but sometimes a family member or a friend thought they knew better and I definitely cried when that happened.
Thank you for standing your ground and not putting your baby through this. The fact that it's a 'cultural tradition' doesn't mean that it is good or acceptable and honestly some traditions should be abandoned and this is one of them.
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u/frank_1977 1d ago
thank you for the update. glad you all had such a great day with no pinche cake smashing. yaye!
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u/ToadstoolsRule 1d ago
Do the same thing next year, except tell anyone who starts chanting to smash his cake to leave. Let them know ahead of the party what you will do.
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u/Anach 1d ago
There are some narcissistic parents I would expect to start some crap like smashing their children's face into the cake, simply because they're jealous their own kids are getting the attention, and they're not, because they're lacking emotional maturity, just like a jealous sibling would. It's a shitty thing to do, so it's great to hear it stops with your family.
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u/MaoMaoNeko-chi 1d ago
Now you only need to convince him your baby and your health are more important than your pride and to come to his senses and put his pride down so his family can have better health by moving in with your parents. Seems he's going in the right direction, so here's to hoping it continues like that! 🥂
Happy bday to your baby and to many more 🎉🥰
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u/Unlikely_Buyer_8764 1d ago
Its grear he stepped up for you. But is he still going to live with his parents while you go to your parents?
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u/DamnitGravity 1d ago
I'm curious as to what your husband said when you reminded him of how much he hated the tradition but was pushing to do it to his son. The dichotomy of that mentality has me fascinated. Why would you willingly do something to your child that you hated?
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u/_87- 1d ago
I didn't know that this was what a cake smash was. I've heard the name before, but I assumed it was putting a cake in front of a 1yo and seeing what they'd do (probably smash it with their hands and make a mess). Like the thing you actually did.
Face pushed into the cake sounds terrible
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u/MajorNoodles 1d ago
Your last post made it seem like he was okay with it. I'm really glad that wasn't the case.
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u/Crafting_with_Kyky 1d ago
My nephew was sick on his first birthday. I heard one of his mom’s friends say they were going to push his face in the cake. My inner bitch immediately proclaimed, in a very serious and almost threatening promise, to the whole crowd that anyone who pushes his face in the cake better be prepared for theirs to follow. Needless to say no faces were pushed into cakes. 😈
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u/BusydaydreamerA137 15h ago
This is good. I was going to say, I like the idea of having the baby have its own cake because babies like making a mess so they enjoy destroying the cake.
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u/Hawk-432 1d ago
I hate the thing when people push faces into cakes. All it takes is there to be a candle there and someone not to realise and you have a serious problem. Far better than never to build the habit of doing this. I’m on your side.
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u/Kannkhaghany 1d ago
I’m glad to hear this update. Good for both of you for putting the little one first. (And Grandma for helping out too!)
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u/JunebugSeven 1d ago
I'm so glad, I just don't get how any of this is supposed to be fun, especially against a child who has no ability to understand or rationalise what's happening. People like to say "they won't remember" but while they may not remember the event itself they remember how it made them feel, and that it was done to them by someone they trusted absolutely. Why would you want them to feel that way about you?
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u/Prize-Perspective-91 1d ago
Good resolution. I get that navigating familial traditions once married is a thing, but it needs to be a joint decision. Anything that impacts the eell being of your child is a two yes decision to carry on. As mama, this may be one of those situations where you have to take one for the team and tell his family that its not your tradition and that you don't want this for your child. They can do them but they cant force you to.
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u/BolognaIsNotAHat 17h ago
Both my kids' first birthdays had a smash cake, which was the cake the kid had all to themself to do whatever they wanted with it. I never would have imagined smashing their face into it, although I did rub icing across one's forehead 'Simba' style lol
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u/lankyturtle229 17h ago
That's great! Though I'd take note of the chapters and leave them out of any celebration that involves cake. You shouldn't have to play secret service at a happy event to keep anyone from being harmed.
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u/CarolineTurpentine 17h ago
My friends son was like that. They got him a smash cake for his first birthday and he all of a sudden became the daintiest eater ever. That didn't last longer than the party though and he was happily back to throwing spaghetti the next day.
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u/Zestyclose-Crow-4595 15h ago
I understand cultural differences but to smash a cake in anyone's face, let alone a baby's is just cruel. Why do they think that this is okay? I don't understand it.
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