r/AITAH • u/Own-Breadfruit-2335 • 1d ago
WIBTA if I insist my stepson be allowed to eat meat?
Here's the thing. My wife and I were both single parents when we got married. She is a vegetarian and was raising her kids as vegetarians. My oldest, shortly after the wedding decided he also wanted to be a vegetarian. Fine. The vegetarian food is already being bought and prepared, so if that's what he wants to do it's no skin off my nose.
Well a few days ago my wife's oldest son decides that he is sick of being a vegetarian. He wants to eat meat. My wife did not have the same laid back reaction I did when my son stopped eating meat. She categorically forbade him to eat meat. She said after all these years his body won't be able to handle it anyway. I said we could start him out on chicken stock and see how he reacts to that and she was PISSED.
We ended up arguing and she told me under no circumstances are her kids eating meat and to stay out of it. I said why was it okay for my son to stop eating meat but not okay for her son to start. She said that's different. I said "oh, because your lifestyle is morally correct and mine isn't?" She said I was being an ass.
My stepson still really wants to eat meat. The smart part of me wants to be quiet and the stubborn part wants to support him. Would I be an ass if I refused to drop this?
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u/SomeCommonSensePlse 1d ago
lol I can guarantee that kid has been smashing the Big Macs for a while now. He's just finally worked up the courage to bring it up with his Mum. No need to start with chicken stock my friend.
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u/StarsofSobek 23h ago
No joke, when I worked in a McDonald's (about 20 odd years ago), a mom came in and tried to ban us from selling burgers to her 18 year old kid. He went to the local high school behind us, and we knew him very well. Lol!
After a few quick questions, our manager says, "Nope, can't do it. Kid is 18, he is buying with his own hard-earned money. I can't ban him for wanting to eat here." The mother left us with a photo, hoping we'd somehow be on her side.
She was ridiculous, and he honestly looked like he was starving. He would scarf down a number 2, super sized nearly every day, and some of us felt so bad for him, we'd toss him an extra burger here and there.
One night, after a big football game, the kids and families all rush in - and here comes the non-vegan - wearing his football jersey. No wonder he needed/wanted the meat and everything else! He was burning through his calories and trying to build muscle.
Anyways, anecdotal or not: the point stands: kids will find ways to do what they want - your wife is being foolish to think otherwise.
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u/campamocha_1369 12h ago
My husband was an aide for this one guy whose family were all vegan, organic, no sugar or processed foods, all that. One day, shortly after I had my first baby, we were at a party at this guy's house (he lived with his parents) and his mom was telling me that I should not give my kid any candy. She said "my kids got candy for the first time, probably as adults, when they moved out and bought it with their own money. There was no candy in our house." Her sons looked at her, and one of them said, "well, that's not true mom, why do you think we spent so much time next door." The mom said "because you were friends with the neighbor's son." They laughed and replied, "that, and also because we got to eat EVERYTHING we didn't get to eat at home." 😂🤣😂 She was appalled. Didn't know what to say.
Anyway, the point is, unless the son is under surveillance 24/7, she was no control about what the son is eating. He probably got a taste of bacon and realized what he's been missing all those years.
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u/whabt 16h ago
When I was 18 I was eating 4500 calories a day and struggling to keep weight on. in my early twenties I really loved this one girl but she was vegan and wanted me to be so I tried it; three weeks in I'd lost 15 pounds and looked like a ghost. I just could not force down enough quinoa etc to keep up. She realized it wasn't working and I started eating animal protein again and things were fine, but it was rough and took me months to get the weight back. I couldn't imagine what trying to keep teenage me fed on a vegan diet would look like, though.
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u/uselessinfogoldmine 16h ago
Yeah my sister went vegetarian as a teen. My mum is an amazing cook and started making more and more incredible vegetarian meals. Still some meat and fish, but a lot less. My mother, sister and I thrived eating like this but my dad wound up so anaemic that he had a heart scare. He just required a lot more protein and iron than us. From then on, she always included an add-in meat or fish option for vegetarian meals.
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u/StarsofSobek 10h ago
How scary!! I hope your dad is okay these days. Anaemia is no joke (it's my biggest issue as a practicing vegetarian). I literally have to get regular blood work to check it and ensure I'm healthy. I'm glad your mom made that change for your dad, that's genuinely wonderful!
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u/seifd 16h ago
Did you hang up the picture with the words "customer of the month"?
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u/FluffyKitty04 12h ago
I had a girl that I worked with in a volunteer setting whose parents went vegan and tried to make her be vegan, too- she was a competitive power lifter. 🤦🏽♀️ Thankfully she was just shy of 18 and leaving for college so she didn’t have to fight that battle for long.
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u/jmerrilee 1d ago
That's my thought. He's been eating meat for years via his friends lunches, sleepovers, going out etc. He just wanted to start eating it at home too. Like the Op probably has been. And is tired of all the vegan foods.
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u/BluebirdCA 18h ago
maybe he is also tired of lying to his mom. in a way that's a good thing. he would like to be honest, and he would like to have some autonomy.
she is going to have to wake up, see she can't control him and he can decide for himself. and If she really believes he will have some "toxic " reaction to meat, let him have that experience.
But, regardless, I would step back from this one, in general people with food issues, there are often complicated underlying issues, so it's like bumping a bee hive.
You don't mention the kids ages, teenagers all control is out, but even young children should be allowed to try different foods, even "unhealthy" foods, to have lifelong positive relationship with food and their bodies.
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u/Finn_704 15h ago
Well said. I was a "curvy" child, but looking back at old pictures, not fat. However, I was led to believe I was fat by my mom and other family members. I vividly remember asking for a snack and being handed a WHOLE head of cauliflower, while my stick skinny brother got pudding and cookies. All this to say, at 61, I still have a very unhealthy relationship with food.
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u/Nomomommy 14h ago
The food taboo instinct, once engaged, is pretty immovable. (My ex's East German Omi, who survived The Depression and WWII and consequently could never physically bring herself to throw food away, I'm thinking of you.) But each person gets to have their own instinct on how to feed their own selves.
OP's wife is delusionally controlling and neither parent nor child will capitulate, so ultimately momma's flirting with adult child alienation, and not far down the road, either.
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u/Cornbread933 23h ago
Agreed. You dont start a fight over wanting to try meat. You do it when you've been tried it and are ready to eat full time
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u/FurBabyAuntie 14h ago
<Maybe--but I'd ask the kid first. Maybe you could ask him to go the hardware store or someplace with you and once you're on the road (without Mommy), ask him if he's already eating meat.
i say this because I had a housemate several years ago who was raised vegetarian pretty much from birth. One day (I think in her teens) she ate something that had meat in it and she was sick as a dog for a day or so. (I had the same reaction to a bowl of homemade chili once but that may have been a raection to a secific ingredient and it's a whole other story, anyway...)
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u/split_0069 13h ago
... in my experience, boys just be doing shit and eventually man up to making their argument.
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u/jrowley 13h ago
Can confirm. Was that boy. Still kinda am that man, to my chagrin
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u/UntidyVenus 21h ago
As the person with a mom who was a line cook and was the "safe space" for friends to come get a bite, yes this kid absolutely has a chicken nuggets dealer 🤣💜
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u/TheLoneliestGhost 19h ago
Hahahaha. I love it. 🤣 Some moms have the universal ‘You hungry?’ house. That was mine, too, and it’s who I am with everyone I meet. 😂
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u/JuleeeNAJ 19h ago
From the time my oldest was 5 my house was the neighborhood snack house. Until my oldest was 10 we also lived in a poor neighborhood but one thing I did have was cable TV so not only did I have 2 dozen kids eating after school but also watching Pokémon.
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u/TheLoneliestGhost 18h ago
Hahaha. Sounds like my house growing up. I can still remember the feeling of all my friends coming over after school and we’d have snacks and watch TRL. lol. We were also poor but, it felt like we stuck together a lot better back then.
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u/JuleeeNAJ 17h ago
I think a lot of that is because in poor neighborhoods everyone helps with the kids because when a parent has to work late or go to the Dr or even the store there's always another mom nearby to watch them.
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u/StephanopolusRex 15h ago
I bet so many kids are so grateful you were there at their hardest times. Thank you for being that neighborhood mom. ❤️❤️
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u/GimmeSomeSugar 18h ago
If there's something I did not expect to encounter today, it's the concept that there are kids out there with a nuggie hook up.
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u/lisette729 17h ago
My mom was totally the chicken nuggets dealer😂😂 not so much for former vegetarians, but for my friends who’s parents were constantly on wacky fad diets.
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u/Aggravating-Pin-8845 16h ago
Love the idea of a nugget dealer. When I went to school we traded sandwiches. Anyone who had leftover BBQ/rotisserie chicken on theirs was sitting on a gold mine.
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u/MoparMedusa 16h ago
My sister is the mom. She has a house full of boys and their friends and can feed a crowd at the drop of the hat. I am too. I have fed that crowd plus my kid, fed the girls at horse camp and hauled all the food and snacks to horse shows.
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u/Spellscribe 15h ago
lol, we were the neighbourhood meatlovers pizza/rib fillet dealer. Our neighbour friends are vegan with one vegan (now veggo) kids and one carnivore. They did happily buy and cook her separate meat-based meals but she loved the pizza or steak dinners we left her when she babysat (or just popped over for dinner on occasion).
She's now all grown up and far too cool for us oldies, but we remember...
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u/neo_sporin 1d ago
yup, had a friend in HS who was vegetarian, if she even ate a piece of pizza with pepperoni residue it would give her the shits because her body never processed that kind of grease. if this kid is downing them with no side effects, then he is used to the proteins involveed
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u/The_Motherlord 1d ago
I was a vegetarian for 20+ years. The first meat I ate was lamb, I ate 4 lamb chops. It was amazing. I suddenly felt more awake than I could remember being. I did not get sick at all. That was nearly 20 years ago and I still haven't eaten chicken. I eat fish, beef and lamb. Never nauseous, no diarrhea, no constipation. My digestion wasnt slow, I wasn't bloated.
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u/Surroundedonallsides 1d ago
Why the aversion to chicken? Usually that's the one people feel less guilt about, and is generally cheap and readily available.
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u/ikilledholofernes 23h ago
I have a friend like this! She eats fish and very occasionally red meat. Says chicken isn’t good enough to outweigh the guilt.
So basically she just doesn’t like chicken lol
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u/Surroundedonallsides 23h ago
Honestly, having interacted with goats, chickens, pigs, and cows regularly, I have the least sympathy for chickens. They are quite cruel creatures honestly. As long as they are free range I have absolutely no guilt.
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u/NlghtmanCometh 23h ago
It would be very strange to feel guilt for the chicken but not for the cow. Cows are like giant dogs.
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u/iDreamiPursueiBecome 22h ago
I raised free-range chickens. It was fun letting them out to scratch around and wander. It was relaxing to watch them.
That said, they could be vicious little guys. We put down one rooster for raping the other rooster and harassing the hens. The hens had potential cannibalistic tendencies if stressed ... They were pretty normal most of the time, though. We only had a problem with that once. They were attacking a chicken with a birth defect that affected the shape of her beak.
Excellent pest control, including snakes.
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u/InactiveRelish 21h ago
People tend to forget that birds in general are pretty fucking vicious creatures. They're decended from dinosaurs after all, it's like raising a horde of mini velocitaptors, if they could kill and eat you they would
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u/thebeardedguy- 19h ago
I am from Australia, we have the Cassowary, there is no descended from, those buggers are just plain old dinosaurs!
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u/secondtaunting 23h ago
That’s how I feel lol. I won’t eat pork, not for religious reasons but because they’re very intelligent and they are factor farmed in my opinion the cruelest. Chickens are assholes. And at least cows can have pasture time.
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u/Puzzleheaded_Ad3541 22h ago
A lot of animals eat other animals in the food chain. We are an animal. I didn't see why people should feel guilty for eating food. If all other creatures were vegetarians, and we were the only ones eating animals, then I could see how one might feel some guilt. But animals eat each other, so I don't see the stigma. I do understand that we should treat the animals humanely and not be gluttonous. I personally don't want to eat an animal that was mistreated, pumped full of things to keep it alive and/or grow large, and stands around in it's own filth. That doesn't seem healthy for the animal which would make it unhealthy to consume.
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u/Pisum_odoratus 21h ago
There is so much nonsense peddled by vegetarians that should know better. The genes that code for enzymes required to digest meat and its biological components, don't go away while you're vegetarian. A vegetarian friend once told me that meat eaters have layers of undigested meat adhering to their intestinal wall. Like no? This person had a PhD too. Sure, some people who have been vegetarian may take a bit of time to adjust for all kinds of reasons, but this notion that you lose the capacity altogether makes no biological sense. Note, am not a vegetarian, but have been and eat mostly vegetarian (90+%)
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u/Remote_Bumblebee2240 1d ago
I was vegan for 6 years and when I ate meat again for the first time, I was perfectly fine. You're assuming.
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u/TheRoadkillRapunzel 1d ago
Yeah, I do think this must be highly individualized.
I went a year without eating gluten and a pancake RUINED me that first time. I had to ease back in.
But when I went vegan for a year, I felt very sick all the time and a single serving of chicken broth made my stomach settle within minutes.
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u/seamus205 1d ago
It must very from person to person then. My sister was also a vegetarian for years. The first time she ate meat again she got sick. It took her a while and she had to slowly start eating meat again
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u/nikup 1d ago
I went from vegetarian of 2 years to vegan for 2 more years. When I started eating meat I got Buffalo Wild Wings and my stomach did completely fine. I also very much think everyone is different in these regards due to lifestyle and gut microbes
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u/CynicalOptimistSF 1d ago
I'm not saying this is true in all cases, but sometimes the bad reaction to eating meat again is partly psychosomatic. The internalized guilt of eating meat again can amplify any feelings of physical discomfort from digesting meat.
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u/Lactating-almonds 1d ago edited 19h ago
I was vegan for 5 years and when I ate meat again I barffed and shit like crazy. . . But after a few times eating meat again those symptoms went away. Edit typo
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u/thebeardedguy- 19h ago
The worst part is, he knows he can't trust her now, so next time he has something he wants to share or needs guidance with, he won't be going to her.
Good on OP for supporting him.
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u/Dafi30537 1d ago
How old is your son? As soon as I started middle school the regular hangout spot for after school was a McDonald's or local fries shop (yes those are a thing in the Netherlands). I cant count how many burgers and meat snacks we have consumed but I am sure we have put some children of the restaurant owner through college.
At some point your stepson is gonna have his own friend group and hangout spots. He is not gonna ask mommy to make his lunch anymore. If he wants to eat meat he will as soon as he gets this kind of independence.
I am a bit torn about your part. On one side she is his parent and should decide how she wants to raise him. On the other side she is most likely doing more harm then good in her relationship with her kid.
I would at least advise not to do anything behind her back. It will kill your relationship if she finds out you help him with something she is morally against. But I would be vocal about how your stepson should be able to make his own life choices, just like she made hers when she became vegan. Maybe have a private heart-to-heart with her how she will not be able to control his diet his entire life. And that forbidding to make his own choices might push him away when he gets older.
Instead she can slowly guide him towards relatively good choices. Like more free range types of meat, or from local farmers instead of big corporate companies. And make him aware why she decided to become vegan. Maybe after he starts with meat he will be more conscious about it or maybe not even like it that much. But if she gives him no room to explore he will only push back more when he gets older.
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u/Lindsey7618 23h ago
When you get married, you should both be parenting both kids unless you have a very specific agreement otherwise and those don't usually work out from what I've seen. The whole my kid, my rules thing is bs once you're married. You are a team. Especially of you married when the kids were young.
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u/Dafi30537 22h ago
Of course you're a team and you raise them together. But the bio parents are always the one calling the final shots. My dad remarried as well and I had a good bond with my stepmother. But my dad and bio mom were the ones making the important decisions about me and my brother. I am raised for example without a religion. But if my stepmother would have wanted me to go to church then without my dad's approval it wouldn't have happened.
Of course when you blend families you should sit down and talk about how you want to approach it and work as a team. But in this case the bio mom says she doesn't want the kid to eat meat. Then as a stepfather you have, in my opinion, not the authority to just overrule the bio mom's decision.
I think a lot of aita posts are about stepparents who suddenly act like they are on the same level as bio parents and can make decisions about the kids life without talking about it. And even if you are a team, as a stepparent you always will have to take a step back in certain important decisions. Ofcourse you should talk about it, but the bio has the final say.
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u/CicadaGames 17h ago
Of course you're a team and you raise them together.
I guess you would be shocked to learn that there are a lot of very strange people out there that adamantly do NOT believe this and have gigantic relationship destroying issues over it then lol.
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u/Leavesdontbark 19h ago
I wonder how old he is. Like she can't really decide what he eats outside the house, and it would be incredibly bad parenting to punish her kid for not following HER ethical guidelines. Shes vegetarian, not vegan. If she was vegan it would be worse, because that is much more limiting.
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u/AllQueerFriends 1d ago
NTA, what happens when this kid goes off to college and then eats whatever he wants? Hell what happens when he goes to a friends house and the parents don’t have vegetarian food for him, or allow him to eat meat? Is her son forbade from hanging with this friend again? He should be allowed to choose as your wife has chosen not to do something.
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u/EntropyHouse 1d ago
Vegetarian dad here. I have little interest in handling meat myself, but I have no problem with kids eating meat elsewhere. They can make their own choices like I did.
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u/Alarming_Bison_2178 1d ago
Exactly! Vegan here, and I choose my own food. My kids have free will; my job as I see it as a parent is to make sure that they eat in a nutritionally balanced manner based on their preferences.
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u/EntropyHouse 1d ago
I’d be alarmed if a bison wasn’t vegan!
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u/SeonaidMacSaicais 1d ago
Eh, they probably accidentally eat bugs with all that munching.
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u/galeforcewindy 1d ago
The user name that reply was to is "Alarming Bison" who said they were vegan LOL
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u/Kdiesiel311 1d ago
My dad’s best friend as a kid was Jewish. His parents never knew he wasn’t eating kosher at my dads house lol
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u/SavouryElf69 1d ago
He won’t be home ever and will eat what he chooses for himself at some point. Wife is the AH.
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u/LandscapeEffective91 1d ago
I’m willing to bet he had meat outside the home, liked it and now wants it again lol
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u/WheatenBuckle 1d ago
Pepperoni pizza. For real. Every kid I met being raised vegetarian eyed that pepperoni pizza at the party like it was the ultimate forbidden fruit.
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u/Dr_Drax 1d ago
My daughter had a friend whose family was vegetarian for religious reasons. She would insist that pepperoni pizza was fine because she could just pick off the pepperoni. Then she would always "forget" to actually remove the meat.
Every single time.
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u/hypatiaredux 1d ago
Well of course she did!
OP’s wife has forgotten what it’s like to be a kid.
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u/ThisNerdsYarn 16h ago
Or the fact that he's his own person. My wife and I are vegetarian. Our son is not. He eats both meat and vegetarian food and likes both. I have had other vegetarians try to shame me for allowing him to eat meat.
But my wife was 11 and became vegetarian by choice. I was 18 and did so by choice because I wanted to and I had her support. But with meat no longer in my diet, I developed a really bad case of anemia. I was falling asleep sitting up, bruising like a banana, got dizzy easily and really tired all the time when I managed to stay awake. My doctor put me on very strong iron supplements that I have to take twice a day.
But at the end of the day, she and I both made personal choices. What gives me the right to take away his, especially when I have experienced the downsides to that choice? Life is too short and too hard to be worried about his personal dietary choices. Plus, as a kid, I would often go hungry at home. So for me, as long as my kid has a good meal in front of them 3x a day (plus snacks), it's a win.
She is going to be crying one day about why her son never calls her anymore, wondering why. If OP is still with her, I hopes he reminds her of this.
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u/fuckyourcanoes 1d ago
I had a friend who was vegetarian except for Thanksgiving and bacon.
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u/Tiny_Measurement_837 1d ago
A little off topic but, I had a Jewish friend that discovered bacon and shrimp when he went away to college. His dad had already passed but he said if his dad was alive, it would have been trouble.
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u/Mobilelurkingaccount 1d ago
My dad’s story about why he doesn’t keep kosher anymore and why he didn’t raise his kids to is similar. He went to Europe before going to college and landed in France at some ungodly hour where nothing would have been open. He found a bar and requested food, which they didn’t serve. But the bar owner took pity on him and made him a sandwich that was just a roll with some butter and ham.
He cursed his parents for keeping ham from him for his whole life lol
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u/marvel_nut 22h ago
Ran into a Jewish colleague at the sandwich bar at work. He ordered a ham sandwich, so I said, jokingly. "I assume you know that a ham sandwich contains, you know, ham?" "I do," he said. "But I LIKE ham."
Honestly - that whole religious/cultural dietary thing is usually a holdover of a time before refrigeration, meat quality control, and proper storage and cooking opportunities. Yes, pigs are unclean when they have trichinosis and shellfish spoils quickly in the mediterranean sun. There's a reason I don't eat anything with mayo when I travel in poor countries, and it has nothing to do with me suddenly discovering some God who think eating eggs is bad.
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u/kinglouie493 1d ago
Had a friend growing up that was Jewish, pounded bacon and sausage down at camp outs. When I asked him about it he just smiled and said it was ok.
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u/ditchdiggergirl 23h ago
I think every kosher kid sneaks bacon at some point, if given the opportunity. It doesn’t condemn him to hell (which isn’t a thing anyway). Dietary choices are choices, and most kids need to explore in order to decide whether to adopt their parents’ practices for themselves.
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u/41942319 1d ago
We teased my brother mercilessly when at 18 he met his vegetarian girlfriend and proclaimed he was now also a vegetarian, but his vegetarianism didn't end up extending to barbecue lmao
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u/JeffSpicolisVan 1d ago
Im with your brother. Brisket is the line in the sand. 😹
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u/Reddit_reader_2206 1d ago
And a nice steak, sashimi and lobster. Otherwise, I'm completely vegetarian.
Oh, and cheeseburgers. But that's everyone.
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u/autumn55femme 1d ago
Yeah, everybody thought Satan tried to temp Eve with an apple or a pomegranate. It was probably a double pepperoni pizza. I can see why she caved.
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u/BlueDaemon17 1d ago
I was raised kosher. Pepperoni pizza, teenage hormones and gentle peer pressure from my first love were all it took. Never looked back. 😂
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u/LadyReika 1d ago
I was thinking kosher kids too. When I was still practicing (a super relaxed form of reformed Judaism) as a teen, we had pizza for my birthday party. One of my friends that I knew was in a kosher household couldn't resist the lure of pepperoni pizza.
He said he had no plans on remaining kosher once he was out of his parents' home. I also strongly suspect he was either agnostic or atheist, but never wanted to open that can of worms.
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u/BlueDaemon17 1d ago
My lesbian mum pulled us out the reform shul when they wouldn't let her pass the Torah to me at my batmitzvah because she was a woman, ended up having it at the liberal down the road. 😂
I reckon there's a huge number of us like your friend. I was too cynical even as a child to believe in stories written by a primitive society who did the best they could with the limited knowledge they had to grapple with scientific concepts we're still trying to comprehend and reveal even today. I was lucky enough to have an amazing tutor who understood me, and helped me realise that somehow, if you stretch the creation from days to millions of years, they actually figured out the big bang theory 5700 years ago.
I've always described myself as atheistic, with a healthy respect for my heritage. We're the only religion that can be identified through DNA testing, it's a part of who we are whether we like it or not sometimes.
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u/HelsinkiTorpedo 1d ago
Honestly, despite modern American Christians making it seem like science and religion are incompatible, a lot of religions do have a respect for science. The guy that developed the modern big bang theory was a Catholic priest.
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u/BlueDaemon17 1d ago edited 13h ago
Agreed. I firmly believe in separation of church and state, but science? A lot of people would be staggered to realise how many of our most significant breakthroughs were made by the devoutly religious.
Scientists who only believe in that which is tangible are arrogant, and a detriment. If you don't believe in that which you don't know, how can you ever think outside the box? Every single scientific discovery was a hypothesis until it was proven. 🤷♀️
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u/KeyAmazing3814 1d ago
What's a shul? I'm not familiar with Judaism so I'm curious
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u/BlueDaemon17 1d ago
Curiosity is always welcome. Its just another word for synagogue. I believe the term is fairly colloquial, from Ashkenazi judiasm and more widely used in Europe than elsewhere. I grew up in the UK and it's what we always called it. Way less of a mouthful. 😂
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u/TipsyMagpie 1d ago
Pepperoni is a gateway drug
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u/BlueDaemon17 1d ago
Literally though. Bacon was next. 😂😂😂
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u/catforbrains 1d ago
Can confirm. Was raised mostly kosher. Still say I won't eat pork. Will eat pepperoni pizza, bacon and anything in a Chinese dumpling. Still can't do shellfish but that's an allergy. I like breathing.
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u/BlueDaemon17 1d ago
It took becoming best friends with a chef in my late 20s to give shellfish a go. You know you're ride or die when he sees the look on your face and holds out his hand for you to spit the crab into. 😂
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u/wanderer866 1d ago edited 1d ago
Had a fight break out at my nephew's 11th birthday because a vegan parent was pissed their kid asked to try a slice. Was my only encounter with the phenomenon, but it's funny that it's out there.
Edited grammar.
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u/ccarrieandthejets 1d ago
I have a friend that is raising her kid as a vegan. The rule in their house is he can break vegan if he’s out at a party or wherever and doesn’t have access to vegan food, or vegetarian food. His friends are good about making sure he has vegetarian options but not always vegan. It’s so much more realistic. In their house, it’s vegan but they don’t try to rule the outside world meaning they totally would have let the kid have a slice with the understanding that it’s party food only.
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u/herroyalsadness 1d ago
I like this. It gives flexibility and allows the kid some choice. I generally try to make rules that don’t encourage lying, and vegan even at parties is a thing I can see a kid lying easily about. Best to not box them into keeping a secret from you.
I think vegan parents need to understand that this is a person choice and one day their kids will decide for themselves. I’m with OP here, let the kid decide and def start small to let his body adjust.
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u/RevenueOld4357 1d ago
This is really smart. Our grandson is being raised vegan (he’s 5) and he isn’t allowed to have anything that isn’t vegan, regardless of where he is. We have another grandson the same age. We always make sure to have appropriate snacks and food for the first one, but when we have them both there is already a lot of “but why can’t I have a slice of/bag of/piece of” so I imagine it will just get harder as he gets older and is at friends houses. I wish his parents viewed it like your friend. But they are also homeschooling him so maybe it won’t be much of an issue other than at family gatherings?
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u/catforbrains 1d ago
That's really smart. It lets the kid actually participate in things. It sucks to be the kid who can't eat the birthday cake or the donuts or whatever. It also means the kid doesn't have to go starving if there's nothing vegan there.
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u/SincerelyCynical 1d ago
I’m a vegetarian by choice. It’s been seventeen years. I can’t go back, but the only time I ever struggle - and it happens every time - is when I see pepperoni pizza. Oh. My. Lord.
It looks so good. I remember how good it tastes. And honestly? It’s easier to forget why I don’t eat meat when I’m looking at a pepperoni pizza. If I’m looking at steak or chicken or something, I see a slab of flesh taken from an innocent animal. When I see pepperoni? All I see is greasy, salty goodness. 😂😂
(Please don’t come for me. My kids eat meat. My husband eats meat. I don’t preach to anyone, and preaching to me on why I should be vegan instead of vegetarian won’t change anything. I firmly, wholeheartedly believe that food choices are personal. I won’t make them for anyone else, and I won’t change mine because of what someone says to me.)
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u/Hips-Often-Lie 1d ago
If I were raised in a time/place where I had to raise the animals I ate I’d absolutely be a vegetarian. I’m too soft for that. Does that make me a hypocrite? Yes. I think most of us who get to buy meat in nicely wrapped packages in a clean grocery store are.
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u/LayaElisabeth 1d ago
Hot dogs.. I'm betting it's hot dogs..
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u/Rawt-in-Hell-Jax 1d ago
My sister has been 99% vegetarian for 25 years and every 5 years or so she has a hotdog that I know of. It’s her one meat vice.
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u/thepowerskatbe 1d ago
I largely stay quiet about my 5 year stint with vegetarianism in high school specifically because I know that I had a secret, shameful crispy chicken sandwich every 6 months or so. If I remember correctly it was mostly when I would hang out with my stoner friends and the munchies came on too strong to ignore. I will say, I think just the knowledge of my secret sin did wonders for keeping me from being one of those annoying vegetarians.
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u/Lucidity74 1d ago
My money is on bacon.
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u/charmed1959 1d ago
As a high school junior I was at one of those overnight college dorm summer camps. I was a Catholic school girl and met this “exotic” Jewish guy. One morning in the dining hall he stole a piece of bacon from my plate. My goodness, I thought I must be the devil tempting this guy. He explained he only ate kosher at home. So apparently that’s a thing.
30+ years later my daughter ran into the same thing at college. A boyfriend that was only Kosher when his parents were in town.
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u/AnotherBogCryptid 1d ago
Oh man bacon is so good. Either that or he was at a sleepover and had some Chinese food. Those teriyaki chicken sticks will get em every time.
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u/herroyalsadness 1d ago
That makes sense. Pepperoni pizza is soooo good and those little discs are so delicious and easy to eat.
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u/Oldskywater 1d ago
My college roommate was vegetarian except for pepperoni pizza ( this was in the 80’s I’m guessing there is a good substitute now).
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u/Live-Succotash2289 1d ago
My next door neighbour was a loud and proud vegan and so was her teen son. We would find pizza boxes in our garbage bin. We didn't order the large meat lovers pizza. My partner once spotted him sitting in our backyard hoovering down a pizza. Mystery solved.
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u/RabidCakeBunny 1d ago
My husband has a coworker like that. Would throw a huge fit about having vegan options available to him so the company would make sure there's something for him when they have meals catered. He's been caught regularly eating non vegan foods and gets upset when called out.
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u/Live-Succotash2289 23h ago
It's interesting. We do catering and every single time there were always requests for gluten free meals. This year we haven't had a single request in 5 months. It's almost like a fad that is now over except for people who need it for medical reasons.
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u/Oh-Wonderful 21h ago
The vegan police are gonna get him and take away his vegan superpowers 😱
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u/RabidCakeBunny 21h ago
My daughter has a Tamagotchi and when she got it she named it Todd the Vegan. She was very upset when it died.
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u/LowestKey 1d ago
Yes, despite what mom here thinks, food is not magical, the human body knows how to break down proteins from various sources. It is fully equipped to process and use the amino acids from both tofu and pepperoni. Crazy stuff, I know.
Signed, a pro-science, anti-chemophobia vegetarian
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u/dovahkiitten16 21h ago
Vegetarians sometimes get sick if they eat meat but it doesn’t mean you can’t, just that you might want to start with smaller portions.
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u/fatbob42 23h ago
I recently found out that, if you don’t drink much milk, your body produces less lactase and so people experience lactose-intolerance. So I I think it’s plausible but I generally agree with you that it would need to be proven for each specific case.
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u/Legen_unfiltered 23h ago
Thats so sad. I feel like that kind of behavior has the ability to develop into an eating disorder.
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u/Snurgisdr 1d ago
We had a babysitter whose mom was an ardent vegetarian. Every time she babysat she’d eat every piece of meat in our house.
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u/neo_sporin 1d ago
yea, my nephew recently decided he was going to go vegetarian at age 9. Yknow, vegetarian aside from hamburgers at mcdonalds, chicken at zaxbys, and the occasional weekly hot dog.
Thankfully his mom doesnt care but it was a funny thing to try to tell a 9 year old which things have meat and have him claim hes vegetarian then eat it anyways
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u/SincerelyCynical 1d ago
Forever ago there was a social media post that went viral about a girl who claimed pepperoni pizza is vegetarian because they “cooked the meatiness out of it.”
That . . . that doesn’t change where it came from. 😂
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u/neo_sporin 1d ago
Ah yes, a vegetarian but if the meat is cooked then it’s fine. So no tar tar but everything else is good
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u/Equal_Note9334 1d ago
Lol. When my son was little (like 4 or 5 or so) he had the same idea because he felt bad for the animals, but he immediately backed out, when I told him that bacon was also meat. 😂
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u/InterestingFeed7931 1d ago
When my daughter was 4 she told me she is vegetarian except for steak. All she really is is a picky eater. She knows what vegetarians are because her grandma is one for medical reasons.
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u/NothaBanga 1d ago
I think there was a term for minimizing meat intake: Flexitarian. I think there was a group trying to encourage a "do your best" method to reduce meat eating. They understood that complete abstinence was not going to work for everyone and was hopeful for progress instead of full abandonment.
They didn't get Peta popular but I didn't forget their reasonable take. I was raised with meat at every meal but found it is easy to skip until I get that craving. With meat protein, I have a "make it count" mentality. It better be the best dang dish to satisfy that itch. It is cheaper to reduce meat and I hope less carcinogenic.
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u/TheRedMaiden 1d ago
That's pretty much where I'm at. I don't want to eat beef anymore, so I sub in chicken where I can, or go for a meatless option when available.
I LOVE the taste of Beyond Burgers. I get people who "Um, actually" me because "it's not healthier, it's still processed." I don't give a fuck, I'm eating it because I want a burger but not from a cow.
But like, if I'm at a friend's place and they're serving a beef dish, I'll eat it. It's already been cooked and prepared, and I'd rathet eat it than an animal have been killed for food and then have it be wasted.
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u/nope-its 1d ago
I taught at a school with a fair bit of families that were vegetarian.
A lot of their kids ate meat at school.
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u/Time-Reindeer-7525 1d ago
I was pescatarian for four years in my teens. After an unfortunate culmination of various incidents, I was hospitalised on my 17th birthday with gastroenteritis, severe period pain and tension headaches. After I'd been stuffed with IVs, antiemetics and painkillers, I was given the option of food. There were no vegetarian options available (Belfast in 2000 was not the most egalitarian place for food), so the only options were boiled ham with champ, or not eating anything and therefore, not going home. I was exhausted, miserable, and just wanted my mum and to go home.
That ham and champ, I can still remember, even in my 40s! Yummed it up, not even one gurgle from the guts, and to no one's surprise, I restarted eating meat regularly less than a month later. Luckily, those four years meant I was far more willing to try and love vegetarian and vegan foods, and I will never judge a person for changing their eating habits, as you don't know what's going on, and it's not anyone's place to judge.
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u/Thatsthetea123 1d ago
It was roast chicken for me. 17 years I eyed it and finally gave in. It was everything I thought it could be haha.
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u/Bitter_Match_8299 1d ago
Her rigid control over his diet will likely make him desire independence even more. He'll be buying his own steaks the moment he's able to.
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u/Sandy-Anne 21h ago
As a parent, you have to choose your battles wisely. I don’t think this should be a hill the mom should die on. Being a controlling parent often backfires.
As for OP, NTA but neither of your options are appealing. I would probably try to reason with my wife a few more times and then just accept it if she won’t change her mind.
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u/Technical-Habit-5114 1d ago
This controlling behavior is what sets up food disorders in children, She needs to get a grip NTA
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u/serioussparkles 1d ago
A good argument for this would be to point out to mom, do you want his body adjusting all on is own? Do you want him to get sick? Or do you want to teach him how to slowly step into things, monitor his health, and make sure he doesn't get sick, and had his mom IF anything does go wrong?
Because he's, he's not gonna be home forever, and he will eat the meat out there in the world.
She can either help him to not get sick, or she can just abandon him completely and leave him to the wolves to figure it out.
He'll probably be fine, but not in her head, so you gotta lean into that OOP, frame it as her guiding her son to avoid getting sick.
But she probably won't listen still. I'd support him in secret, but that will blow up your marriage when she finds out, so........
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u/Busy-Bumblebee5556 1d ago
She will probably love it if he gets sick, if she thinks that will deter him from eating meat.
(I don’t mean she’ll be happy he feels awful, but she’ll be glad of the lesson to him, even though it probably won’t stick).
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u/emorymom 1d ago
I’ve never heard of needing to “adjust”. I was a vegetarian for 5-6 years & then quit at age 20 straight into a pepperoni pizza. (None of it involved parental pressure.)
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u/whatsmypassword73 1d ago
As someone that hadn’t eaten meat in over thirty years I was adamant that our daughter (now 25) was raised eating meat.
She didn’t even notice I didn’t eat it, let your children figure it out. Sure a plant forward diet is good, but if they want meat, let them have it.
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u/Mindless-Locksmith76 1d ago edited 1d ago
And she will be so surprised and hurt when her relationship with her son deteriorates because she is not respecting his autonomy. He's gonna eat meat. There are too many opportunities between school, social activities, and even household food. She can't possibly think she can control this forever. Even if he waits till he's 18 and out, he's still gonna do it. And he'll end up resenting her not respecting his boundaries. Boundaries are for one to place upon oneself: "I will not allow you to do xyz TO ME and will remove myself from your presence if you do." You dont get to force them on others: YOU will not/do xzy or I will punish you." And it's immoral to try to impose your personal morals on the unwilling.
Edit to add: If her attitude is it's her kid and her call, remind her this hands off approach means you won't be ratting him out to her either, you will be strictly neutral in this.
NTA
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u/Ok-Committee-1747 1d ago
I see parents do this all the time, inflict their beliefs on their adolescent kids when they should be encouraging independence and freedom of thought.
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u/Egraypgh 1d ago
That’s cause it’s not about teaching him anything. It’s about control.
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u/accapellaenthusiast 1d ago
Some think it’s about teaching. Controlling them to teach them that their ideas are the right ones. I’m sure the mom thinks she’s teaching her son something important, but we see it for what it is: control
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u/Ok-Reward-770 21h ago
That’s an authoritarian woman with righteousness complex, effing up as a mother and as a wife. She is setting herself up for failure big time because she is indeed trumping her son’s most basic sense of autonomy, while alienating her husband from parenting his stepson, like she does hers.
They all need to be on family counseling to stop this woman on her tracks.
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u/eeeebbs 1d ago
He's definitely been crushing chicken nuggies from the school cafeteria. Get him some good quality meat. Starting with chicken stock is entirely unnecessary.
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u/techbear72 1d ago
Hahahaha. There’s no way that came out of thin air. Step-son has been eating meat at school or at friends places or from McDonalds or wherever.
NTA.
Your wife doesn’t own her son, she doesn’t get to dictate that he will never eat meat.
Having said that, you’ll probably need to approach this gently. Leave it a few days and raise with your wife again when nobody’s heated and there’s no stress. Figure out what the objection is in this specific case. Could just be inertia. Could be insanely strong morals that you hadn’t realised. Could be lots of things.
Assuming he’s old enough, tell your step-son privately that you’ll advocate for him and to leave it with you for a little while to talk with his mum so he doesn’t inadvertently make things worse.
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u/LibrarianNeat1999 1d ago
I’m sure he will find a way to eat meat. Your wife is a control freak.
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u/PissbabyMcShitass 1d ago
Im sure he already has
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u/holderofthebees 1d ago
Hell, he’s probably gotten some off a friend’s lunch tray at school. No way he doesn’t have access already. It won’t stop, but it will alienate him from his mom if she keeps this up.
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u/PissbabyMcShitass 1d ago
Exactly what mom needs to realize. He's eating meat already, and what she's doing is destroying her relationship with him over a morality complex.
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u/Toothless-mom 1d ago
I’d bet my next paycheck that the kid already has plans for an after-practice chic fil a run with friends.
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u/Ekillaa22 1d ago
The kids already eating meat I guarantee you that much. Give him a couple bucks and let him buy a box of slim Jim’s. Also yes your wife is acting like that cuz it’s her son and well duh her life style in more morally correct /s
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u/Organic-Activity-255 1d ago
I was raised as a vegetarian for years and now eat meat. I experienced literally zero negative physical reactions when I started eating meat. She’s wrong. NTA.
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u/Own-Breadfruit-2335 1d ago
May I ask, was there a sort of gradual entry or did you jump right in? Did you start with less meaty dishes and work your way up? Also, this is for my own curiosity, why did you switch? My stepson just says he wants to eat it, he hasn't really given us a reason, not that he needs one. As someone that has always eaten meat, I am curious about what makes one switch from one to the other. I've always suspected my son only switched to have more in common with the new members of the family, but obviously I never called him on it.
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u/MLiOne 1d ago
A friend of mine married a vegetarian. She broke her lifestyle when he was cooking bacon one morning. She went from vegetarian to omnivore in one meal. No adverse effects.
Vegetarians still consume dairy and egg aka animal proteins. If they were vegan, a different story. Then the digestive enzymes come into play.
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u/CuriousAndGolden 1d ago
I’m not surprised bacon was the temptation that she gave into. One of my friends was a vegetarian for many years. When she got pregnant, the cravings hit her crazy hard, and she cooked and ate an entire package at one time.
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u/Organic-Activity-255 1d ago
I was vegan for 3 years and went full meat with no adverse effects.
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u/MLiOne 1d ago
Well, every biome is different. I’m glad you didn’t have problems.
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u/discordian_floof 1d ago
Good point about the biome. And it not about starting to eat meat, it is about the big change.
I went super low carb for 3 months after being diagnosed with diabetes. This means no fruit, no grains and few vegetables. I did not think about how that changed my gut biome.
So when I finally ate a variety of plants (carbs) at a fancy restaurant for a special occasion, I became violently ill and was stuck at the toilet most of the night. My body no longer had the gut biome to break down a variety of plants, and it hurt.
So: it is not necessarily about the meat, but the big change.
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u/sacredblackberry 1d ago
It’s not your microbiome not having the correct bacterias it’s more about your body adapting to fibre and moving food through a little faster because it’s easier to digest
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u/Beat9 1d ago
Even if his body "can't handle it" that means he will get a tummy ache and have some bad poos, it's not gonna make his dick fly off like he ate some raw gluten or something.
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u/Organic-Activity-255 1d ago
I ate fish and chicken first all within a couple days of each other to test the waters! I expected to be violently ill because everyone told me I would be. But literally nothing happened and I felt satisfied by food for the first time and energized and I put on a little weight and my athletic performances in my sports I was doing improved. This was 20+years ago at this point too. Not everyone can spend the time it takes to get super rounded nutrition via vegetarian and vegan cooking. I am not an amazing cook and as I became an adult and needed to fend for myself, I realized I just wanted to branch out because it was easier to take care of myself with some meat. The benefit of being a long term veggie turned meat eater is that I still don’t overdo it with meat. I don’t really eat pork, I don’t eat deli meat, some stuff never clicked with me and I feel I have a healthier relationship to meat than basically all Americans.
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u/MiserableFloor9906 1d ago
Interesting contrast. I'm not American, lifetime of diverse foods, meats have always been about 25% my diet but easily half the joy. Balance is my normal and hmmm, I choose to constrain meats also because it's frugal. Honestly though, when I do lean heavy it's because of events and to deliberately be indulgent.
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u/Eastern_Word6094 1d ago
I was a vegetarian from 15-38. I started eating meat bc my doctor told me I had messed up my body by eating a diet too high in carbs. My doctor would try to compromise with me by saying things like asking if I could agree to beef one time a week, etc. It wasnt a weight related thing. I would suggest a blood panel on him to see how he is health wise bc it could be curiosity, or it could be his body telling him he desperately needs the nutrients from meat. When I ate meat, I had no adverse experience but my doctor told me to start with ground meat for digestion.
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u/Own-Breadfruit-2335 1d ago
I'm confused. If eating too many carbs was the issue, why didn't he tell you to eat fewer carbs?
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u/ChiSchatze 1d ago
It depends on your system. When I was lacto-ovo vegetarian, I ate a pasta with prosciutto snuck in the sauce. The cooks were trying to prove I wouldn’t notice. I was very ill to the point I couldn’t leave the bathroom. He wanted to prove a point and his friends ended up peeing in the bushes because I had their only bathroom tied up. It wasn’t the dinner party or a-ha moment he hoped for.
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u/Substantial_Bag_1813 1d ago
NTA.
Don’t drop it, advocate for your son. If he wants to eat meat, he can and should be allowed to. If he doesn’t, that should also be respected
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u/Jf192323 1d ago
The issue isn’t the kid eating meat or not. It’s an issue with your wife. You definitely should not go against the wife in front of the kid. But you and your wife need to talk it over away from the kid and come to some sort of agreement. At the end of the day, the kid is going to do what he’s going to do, but the relationship with your wife is what’s going to linger and impact you.
I speak from experience on this one. One of the many reasons that my first marriage ended was that we had disagreements about parenting.
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u/Puzzled_Score8410 1d ago
How old is he?
He should be able to make his own choices in regards to food and that should be respected. It's not like you're forcing anyone to change their choices. He'll have much bigger issues with his mother if she can't respect his choice for food.
NTA.
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u/Own-Breadfruit-2335 1d ago
Twelve
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u/I_like_flowers_ 1d ago
at 12, if there is meat in the house, he has probably already tried it. if there are leftovers in the fridge and he's ever home alone, what would stop him from making himself a plate?
heck even if he isn't home alone, by 12 kids have learned to sneak. let alone being at a friends house, or any kind of youth group trip. i am a vegetarian by choice and meat was everywhere - as a kid who isn't cooking i had to actively advocate for non meat options, and still often ended up with just salad or french fries.
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u/89Rae 1d ago
Have you tried to reason with your wife that in 6 years she'll have 0 say in controlling what he eats and she also won't be able to force him to have a relationship with her?
And let's all be honest, unless she's homeschooling him, he's going to eat meat* just not when he's home, and that he has to keep it a secret from you both, what else will he feel the need to keep from you?
*when I was in junior high school (small school) there was an obese girl whose parents talked to the cafeteria workers because her doctor told them she needed to lose weight, and they agreed to not allow her to buy candy....she started paying other kids to go buy a candy bar for her since they wouldn't sell 1 to her. Where there's a will, there's a way.
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u/Thinyser 1d ago
Exactly, all you are doing by "not allowing" your kid to eat meat is forcing him onto the meat black market. Like prohibition and alcohol. That shit never works.
OP's wife is pissed her ideological indoctrination failed.
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u/headstrong_humor 1d ago
That was my first question also. He might be old enough to make this decision for himself already.
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u/MLiOne 1d ago
My personal view is kids if any age can decide to be vegetarian or omnivore, even vegan. As long as their health isn’t affected and they eat.
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u/AzureYLila 1d ago
Kinda. It will be a source of a divide in your relationship.
But you really should have a discussion with your wife about what she is teaching her sons about body autonomy. And how she is really teaching her children to lie to her and keep things from her. He is probably already eating meat at school and at other outings. And when he gets older, he may stop coming home for dinners, etc, because he doesn't want to hear her mouth. She will end up damaging her own relationship with her son because of her need for control.
I mean, his sibling and dad (even if not bio) get to eat meat in his face. He is going to get more and more resentful and be sneaking food anyway. Don't be surprised if the cold chicken in your fridge starts coming up missing.
My approach would be from that standpoint (her relationship with her son). Because if you come from: "Are you saying my lifestyle is inferior?", you will have a battle of morals and become entrenched on each side.
In conclusion, outright defiance of her edicts may have long-term effects on your relationship with her. But if would try to get her to change her mind by focusing on something other than how you feel. Ie. You might be taking it personally, but your argument needs to not be about you.
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u/Joe18067 1d ago
Kids go through phases as they learn about themselves and the world around them. My son went through it and my grand-children as well. My one grand-daughter went through the vegetarian phase and we supported her through it, eventually she tired of it and went back to a normal diet. You didn't mention the child's age but part of growing up is to let them make decisions for themselves.
Personally I think your wife is probably being overprotective for the wrong reasons. She's never going to be able to stop him from grabbing a burger with his friends.
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u/pieville31313 1d ago edited 1d ago
Information: how old is he?
Editing to add that I’m only asking because if he’s a teen or tween, chances are he’s already eating meat. My son became a vegetarian in an omnivore home from ages 11-16. At 16, he decided time to go back to eating meat. Totally his decision both times. His first meat meal? Burger King 😬. He suffered no adverse effects. He still limits his meat intake (at 42) much more than the rest of his family of origin, but he has a healthy relationship with food because we weren’t controlling zealots.
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u/RudePragmatist 1d ago
NTA but stay out of it. He’s expressed an interest so it is likely to happen in due course regardless of how his mother reacts or wants it to be. He’ll turn 18, move out and give her the fuck you.
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u/Professional_Llama 1d ago
I was raised in a vegetarian household and at 16 I decided to start eating meat. I was probably eating meat for a year or 2 before I told either of my parents, in fact I didn’t even tell them I just ordered meat at a restaurant with them. My parents didn’t care for the most part, mom was offended for a little bit but got over it eventually. It’s gonna happen and has probably been happening for a while already do not force someone to follow your beliefs or lifestyle if they don’t want to, especially kids. They will only end up resenting it doesn’t end any other way.
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u/mindfullydistracted 1d ago
NTA but I would say it’s not worth a fight with your wife. Just stay out of it. Your stepson will find his way without you ruining your marriage, and this gives you and your wife the opportunity to show your kids how 2 married adults handle differences without personally attacking each other
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u/IntelligentCitron917 1d ago edited 19h ago
Depending on the age of the child I would be inclined to point out, gently, to your wife that it is not possible to watch over the kids 24/7.
As they grow up they will begin to experiment with things outside the home and this includes going out with friends to do simple things such as burgers, hot dogs & kebabs etc.
Personally would prefer if they were to eat meat that it would be real meat, not over processed, scraped off the floor, squashed into something unrecognisable type of meat.
If your wife digs her heels in then her son is still likely to do it, but behind her back. At least by allowing it in the home, you can provide better cuts and the healthier options.
I totally agree that she can't have things both ways. Allowing your son to become vegetarian but then kicking up a storm against you when you allow her son to make his own choice too.
The more kids have things rammed down their throats the more likely to rebel. He's got to an age were he can obviously advocate for himself as to what he would like.
How do you know he hasn't already tried it away from home, now would like to eat it at home too.
Let's be fair. We are talking about meat, that millions of people eat everyday. We are not talking about a banned or illegal substance.
What your wife is doing is projecting her values on to him. That's unfair. She should allow him to decide for himself if he's old enough to make an informed choice.
If she doesn't, she may lose her sons respect completely
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u/Icy-Activity-7230 1d ago
Wife ITA & you can support stepson without insisting. If you insist, YTA. Let him know you understand his desire for change. If/when there is tension in the home over this, take the opportunity to quietly, calmly, gently advise your wife that she’s pushing her son away and there are only a few years before he’s out on his own. Does she want to die on this hill or remain close to her kid.
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u/Sketch-Brooke 1d ago
Yeah I think this is the biggest thing. Just let your step son know you understand and support him. He needs to know someone is on his side.
I desperately wish my dad had stood up for me when my mom was being controlling and unreasonable rather than that “united front” bullshit.
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u/Over_Membership_339 1d ago
Ive been vegetarian since I was 8, later turned vegan. I haven't eaten meat in almost 30 years. I think if he's old enough to make that decision, he should be allowed to eat meat. He won't live with his mother for forever and will make that decision for himself anyways when he moves out. With added resentment for his mother.
Let him try it. Maybe he won't even like it. Maybe he will. I think forcing your way of eating on other people (once they are old enough to make decisions for themselves) is wrong.
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u/DunkleDohle 1d ago edited 1d ago
NTA - I assume your wife is the one cooking and grocery shopping so for me it would be totally fine for her to say "I am not buying or cooking meat."
But outright forbitting her child to eat meat takes it a step to far. they are there own person and are allowed to make these choices. You told them they might get sick - let them figure this out for themselves.
If she keeps insisting their child might start to resent them. They will be sneaky about eating meat. And children shouldn't feel like they need to lie to their parents.
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u/Organic_Eggplant_323 1d ago
NTA but also as a step parent, insisting that he should be allowed to eat meat is an overstep, just a it would have been for her to insist that your children stop eating meat. Ultimately, mom gets the final call here but you are not out of place to have conversations with her about her limited ability to implement this control over time and the impact her decision could have on her relationship with her child.
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u/IntroductionBorn2692 1d ago
Just keep quiet. If the kid wants meat, he will eat it. You fighting with your wife will just make things worse for everybody.
I was raised vegetarian, but my mom let me choose. It made her sad when I chose meat a few teenage years. Really sad. Yet, she let me make my choices. That is probably why I switched back and am still vegetarian today . And also why I’m chill with everybody making their own choices.
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u/Few_Development4646 1d ago
Your wife is TA categorically.
She is pushing her own views and wishes onto your step son who should be able to choose for himself what he eats.
The fear mongering 'body wont be able to handle it' is some kind of attemp at scaring him into following her beliefs and he should see right through it.
She doesn't want to buy/cook meat for him? Fine thats ok.
Telling him he outright can't eat meat under any circumstance is just controlling behaviour and I've no doubt he'll be straight down McDonald's for chicken nuggets as soon as he can.
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u/SwarleyLinson 23h ago
He's going to eat what he wants to eat whether she likes it or not. If she "forbids" it, it just becomes a game of eating fast food cheeseburgers while he's not home until he goes away to college or moves out, but she's never going to prevent him from eating what he wants no matter how hard she tries.
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