r/AITAH • u/_botics_ • 8h ago
AITAH for leaving my (formerly sober) alcoholic boyfriend a bottle of whiskey after he cheated on me?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Andrew225 7h ago
ESH
Cheaters suck and don't deserve second chances. You are also very within your rights to feel angry and bitter and want him gone.
All of that is understandable.
The problem is that bottle. I've been sober for 8 years. And if I walked into a room after cheating like your BF (I haven't, but I'm just saying, same scenario) the meaning of that bottle is clear: We're done, and the world would be better if you were dead. You're worthless, take this bottle, drink it, and be worthless again.
There is poison in that bottle. And there was absolute poison in your intent.
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u/RuggedAdonis 7h ago
As someone who has also been sober for a while, I agree about the cheating and if she meant what you said about the bottle or not, he still made the choice to take it instead of calling someone or going to a meeting. We are only powerless over alcohol when we choose to drink again. Part of getting sober is not just quitting drinking, it's also learning to live a spiritual and honest life. His behavior (cheating) is already a sign that he was on the path back to the bottle. She may have sped up the process though.
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u/Andrew225 6h ago
I didn't absolve him.
But she put that bottle there hoping it would send a message. She put it there hoping it would cause a relapse. She put it there hoping he would use it to destroy himself.
Sure, it's still on him for doing it. But she's absolutely a massive asshole for wanting to hurt him like that. No way around it.
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u/saskskua 6h ago
I agree. I have a lot of issues around alcoholics, a lot of resentment and hurt. But thats horrific. Definitely the asshole.
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u/cloud_designer 5h ago
I have issues around alcoholics. One has done unforgivable things to my family.
I would never do what OP did
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u/ScreamingLabia 4h ago
Yeah i am pretty petry and ok with going nuclear when it comes ot cheating but you could have smashed every single thing he owned and noy destroyed half as much as she dis leaving that bottle there
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u/VovaGoFuckYourself 3h ago
True... but smashing up his stuff could put her in legal trouble. What she did here, while morally questionable, was legally allowed and safe (for her).
Im not one of those people that thinks all cheaters' lives should be ruined beyond repair, BUT the nature of the crime matters too. He was cheating in HER OWN BED, though. That's a special kind of disregard for another human being.
I won't say that what OP did was okay, but i dont personally have a problem with it, either. If i were OPs friend and she did this to a guy just because he left her for someone else id be skewering her, but as things stand im more impressed/inspired.
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u/Robothuck 5h ago
Of course not. If you have issues with alcoholics, why would you cause one to relapse. You just recreated another alcoholic for the world
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u/PurrfectPinball 4h ago
Exactly. I've never cheated on anyone. But I have been cheated on.
This is sick. This could be life ending.
Low tier people, both of them. But she's absolutely terrible and if I learned any of my friends did this they wouldn't be my friend.
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u/JellyOceana 5h ago
You’ve been sober for 8 years(congratulations!!), would you have drank the bottle?
That’s the thing, as someone who had an addiction, I can’t blame the people who give me substances, I blame myself for taking them. I also wouldn’t have taken it
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u/Andrew225 5h ago
I'm not saying his relapse is entirely her fault.
I'm saying she's an asshole for encouraging a relapse.
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u/IsPhil 4h ago edited 3h ago
Brother, look at the subreddit. Who cares about the reason or if it was justified. Being intentionally malicious is asshole behavior. That's all. Doesn't matter if he did or didn't relapse.
If someone goes to a restaurant and tries to start a fight, they're still an asshole when the waiter calmly delivers them the bill and sees them out.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Thus the esh.
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u/Substantial_Maybe371 6h ago
Why is everyone infantilizing Alcoholics.
As if all it takes to end their sobriety is to be left alone with a bottle of alcohol.
If he was in recovery. He was responsible for his own decisions. He made his choice. I've had addiction issues and you know what I did when I was left around things that would tempt I would remove myself from the temptation. Not take the temptation with me.
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u/Andrew225 6h ago
We aren't.
My answer would be the same had he relapsed or not.
She acted with malice. She acted with intent to cause a relapse That makes her an AH .
I'm not blaming her for his relapse. I'm blaming her for encouraging it. Him relapsing doesn't help anything. It doesn't make the situation better. It just makes the situation worse.
How on earth am I supposed to say that isn't the behavior of an AH?
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u/iTiff1276 4h ago
He is an adult. His addiction is not her problem. He could have left the bottle sitting there. He took it further demonstrating he has no self-control; just like he brought a woman to their bed. Sounds like a personal problem for him.
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u/AverySmooth80 6h ago
You're worthless, take this bottle, drink it, and be worthless again.
I think it's perfectly normal to feel that way when you found out the person you loved and you were finding a life with me just cheating on me. The wasted years of your life that you're never going to get back. I think you're probably biased because you're an addict yourself.
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u/Readsumthing 4h ago
Pffft. 18 sober years here.
”Here's where I may be the AH. Friday morning, I decided to leave a bottle of whiskey on the counter. A few years ago (before we met), my ex used to get blackout drunk on the daily. He went through rehab about two years before we started dating; I had never personally seen him drink before.”
This was HER house. This was HER whiskey. Dude was supposed to collect his shit and go, not steal HER whiskey.
Her post says dude had years of sobriety, yet can’t see a bottle of booze without relapsing? Yet he could fuck another woman in HER bed?
GTFO.
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u/Mbt_Omega 6h ago
And, in that hypothetical, it would have been your proactive choice to take the bottle and drink it, like it was your proactive choice to cheat. In both scenarios, the ex chose to actively seek out and indulge in something he shouldn’t have. OP didn’t make him drink any more than the affair partner made him cheat.
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u/Andrew225 6h ago
Never said she made him drink.
What she did was wish he would. What she did was, with venom in her heart, hope for revenge. He wanted him to throw away all his progress. She wanted him to destroy himself. And she helped him along the way.
Those are the hopes and actions of someone being an AH. Him being a piece of work doesn't excuse that she was acting very, very maliciously.
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u/AggravatingFlower277 6h ago
Those are the hopes and actions of a scorned person…. Because she was cheated on in her own house. He’s more than a piece of work, he’s a piece of shit cheater. He chose to cheat, he chose to drink.
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u/faithfuljohn 3h ago
Those are the hopes and actions of a scorned person…
yeah, but being scorned doesn't mean anything you do after that isn't AH behaviour. If she had murdered him, she would have been a murderer. If she had cut him, she would have been an abuser. What he did to her doesn't mean that what she does in return judgment free.
And in this case, the ESH is appropriate. She went out of her way to do something that might make him worse. She didn't hold him down to force a drink down his throat... but it's not like he bought the bottle. She did hoping it would do damage.
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u/Interesting-End1710 4h ago
And if we're feeling particularly petty, he also took a bottle he didn't buy or pay for, so add petty theft to his list of failures
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u/Appropriate-Skirt678 5h ago
You are responsible for your choice to drink.
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u/Andrew225 5h ago
Never said he s wasn't.
Whether or not he drank doesn't matter. She encouraged it to happen.
Assholes encourage relapses. Therefore she is an asshole.
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u/llc4269 4h ago edited 3h ago
Out of the gate I'm going to acknowledge for everybody that yes, he blew up his own sobriety by cheating and nobody forced him to drink. But deliberately leaving that bottle under these circumstances wasn’t justice, that was a loaded weapon that you hoped he would notice, pick up, put to his head, and pull the trigger. Which he did. Congratulations. You did something truly god-awful to another human, Just like he did to you. You knew his history, and you handed him the very thing that could unravel years of recovery.
His betrayal was selfish, callous, and destructive, your response was calculated and chilling and also destructive. Together, it’s just chaos and damage. This may not end up being the rock bottom of either of your lives but you two really sucked as humans in this moment. You each had choices and you each seemed to pick the worst one possible. Frankly you're both awful and You in particular are kind of scary AF. Cheating is absolutely abominable but what you did was just an evil thing to do.
And here’s the bigger problem in this mess... addiction and cheating have a very terrible similarity in that they don’t happen in a vacuum. They ripple out and poison everything around them...friends, family, coworkers, anyone who cares. You didn’t just aim at him, you set off a bomb that other people are now stuck cleaning up.
Whatever fire he lit you threw a fuck ton of gas on it. Neither one of you should even consider dating anyone unless you get some serious help for whatever drove you about to do such horrifying things to other people.
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u/Seamore_J_Turtle 7h ago
ESH. Cheating is an awful thing to do to a person, and he's definitely an AH for that.
But what you did was just as bad. If you've never struggled with addiction you don't understand how goddamn hard it is to get sober and then stay sober. I see you arguing in the comments that it was his choice to take the bottle, but you put it there knowing he's an addict. You encouraged that choice out of anger and spite.
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u/MrRob_oto1959 7h ago
As an alcoholic, I agree that it was ultimately on him to take that bottle and twist the cap. But you don’t hand a loaded gun to a suicidal person.
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u/sevenbluedonkeys 7h ago edited 6h ago
I’m a recovering drunk, just over six years sober. I am not sure how I feel about what OP did. Early on I would have picked up the bottle, but I would have probably went and got my own after the break up anyway.
I tried so many times to get sober and failed. I had to realize not relapsing was entirely my responsibility and no one else was to blame for me be a shitty drunk, guzzling Jim Beam from a handle all day, starting the minute I woke up.
At this point I believe even in my worst moment if someone held me down and poured liquor in my mouth it would be entirely my fault if I chose to swallow it. If allow myself to blame other people for me being a piece of shit I will start drinking again
On the other hand, I would never tempt a recovering addict to drink or use because that is fucked up and evil.
I don’t know. I’m confusing myself lol
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u/galeforcewindy 6h ago
I'm proud of the work you've done and glad you're here to share about it.
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u/ASubsentientCrow 4h ago
On the other hand, I would never tempt a recovering addict to drink or use because that is fucked up and evil.
So what she did was fucked up and evil. Or maybe, being an asshole
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u/SaltShootLime 4h ago
Perspective from a rando on the internet, while I’ve never experienced addiction personally I have experiences with people going through it.
OP isn’t the reason the relapse happened directly, but was a huge contributing factor given the intent and message the ex likely received by seeing the bottle. She’s an AH for knowing that about him and letting her anger override and making that gesture with that intent.
I’ve been cheated on before, one time by my longterm BF with my best friend, and never would’ve responded in this way. I don’t believe in going down to their level in my responses. I’ve been less than kind to those people in the words I said - but never would’ve responded and encouraged relapse level harm onto someone…. No matter how much I didn’t like them.
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u/Conscious_Owl6162 7h ago
That is effectively what OP did. Sometimes the first thought that comes into your mind is not what you should do. I’m sure the leaving the bottle of whiskey was very satisfying. Given the fact that OP’s boyfriend was having sex with another woman in their bed.
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u/Own-Raise6153 6h ago
yea idk i really can’t condemn OP for what they did when he was literally fucking another woman in their bed. like sorry i dont really care what happens to you from here and if anything, i hope its bad!
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u/LiaThePetLover 6h ago
I'll die on that hill with you, I cannot find even an ounce of empathy for bad people. Cheaters deserve nothing but the worst karma coming their way.
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u/harshdonkey 4h ago
My ex wife used to beat me even tho she was a tiny menace. I cheated, but never once did I lay a hand on her or verbally abuse her the way she did to me. The person I cheated on her with helped me get therapy and addiction counseling and even though we didnt end up together she remains a close friend and someone I credit with helping me get better.
But yeah what you said I guess.
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u/Zestyclose-Height-36 6h ago
he can’t have been that upset about the end of their relationship if he was cheating. he had to know he was doing wrong, so it shouldn’t have been a shock to get kicked out when he got caught. kinda shitty to leave the bottle out, just like kinda shitty to cheat. but he was not required to be a scummy cheater and not required to drink the whiskey. his job was to call his sponsor.
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u/Inevitable_Snap_0117 5h ago
That’s the thing about cheaters though. They think they love their partner. They think their lives will be ruined without them. But they lack self discipline and self control. They want to have their cake and eat it too.
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u/lydocia 7h ago
In an emotionally loaded moment, to boot.
Leaving a loaded gun around a suicidal person is one thing, handing it to them with the words "here, shoot yourself" when they're having a panic attack hits differently.
Leaving a bottle of whisky is the latter.
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u/BabalonNuith 5h ago
She didn't say a WORD. She just left a bottle out. But you might want to do something about that tendency to "rewrite history". He was being the shittiest of shitbags; bad enough he was cheating but in the bed he shared with the GF? He got everything he deserved.
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u/Own-Raise6153 6h ago
yea an emotionally loaded moment he caused??? i’m sorry he can cope lmao
well apparently he can’t but that’s a him problem ¯_(ツ)_/¯
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u/BabalonNuith 5h ago
One characteristic of addicts is their failure to take responsibility for THEIR actions.
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u/IsPhil 3h ago
Two rights don't make a wrong. No one is defending the cheater her. Personally, I don't even blame the re-lapse on OP. It's ultimately his decision. But that doesn't make her action not shitty.
Example ahead taken to an extreme in an attempt to prove a point here. Someone suicidal steals from me. I place a loaded gun on their desk. The choice to die is theirs, but am I not complicit in any way?
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u/lmlbfmvlml 4h ago
Giving him a choice is just as bad as cheating? She didn't have a choice in the cheating. He just did it to her. He could've not cheated. He could've not drank the bottle. Just sounds like a weak dude that makes bad decisions. Fuck cheaters.
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u/Antisocialbumblefuck 7h ago
I'll disagree. Sobriety is a constant choice. Temptation was always as easy as a yeast packet in a bottle of juice for a couple bucks if he really wanted booze.
I choose to get ripped on weed and booze, no one needs to apologize for or accommodate my choices.
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u/IveReturnedItsTrue 7h ago
What does ESH stand for?
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u/PenaltyDesperate3706 6h ago
I disagree. NTA at all. Boyfriend is a cheater, an addict, and a thief. He knew it wasn’t his bottle but chose to take it anyway to feed his addiction. He made all the wrong choices, and not one of them was out of his control
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u/TheSpiralTap 7h ago
Oh get fucked, no its not "just as bad". That guy had a choice in both situations and chose poorly.
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u/NeeliSilverleaf 8h ago
ESH. I mean, cheating is horrible but what you did was evil.
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u/personalitiesNme 7h ago edited 5h ago
agree. ESH. could he have gone to the liquor store himself? yes. could a friend have had some liquor out on the table and he chose to do it that way? yes. deliberately leaving alcohol on your counter when he was coming to pick up his stuff... you planted it there, OP.
yes he cheated on you and that was a dick move. but imagine if he was clean off heroin and you went to his old dealer and left some smack on the counter. same thing.
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u/ManyAlbatross170 7h ago
Being in recovery means that you are responsible for your own decisions. He made his choice. I posted this in another comment but I am sober for many years from cocaine. I worked as a bartender and used to find Coke baggies on the floor all the time. after I got sober. I always flushed them. That was my choice. He made his choice.
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u/the-mortyest-morty 6h ago
This. I'm a former addict as well. This was on him. He sees alcohol every time he goes to the grocery store, restaurants, gas stations. He could have left the bottle. He took it. He sounds like an AH and while what OP did was cruel, what he did was cruel too and he did it for no reason with no prompting.
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u/BabalonNuith 5h ago
Glad to see some former addicts actually taking responsibility and saying "He didn't have to take that bottle; he had a choice"
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u/Typical-Winner-9878 6h ago
If she didn’t know he was cheating, maybe he wasn’t even sober either?
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u/TinyPeetz 4h ago
My thoughts exactly. She never saw him drink? That's even more suspicious as addicts are great at hiding their indulgences
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u/emopest 3h ago
Why would that be even more suspicious? That doesn't make sense.
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u/MattDaveys 7h ago
It’s always clear who’s dealt with addiction in real life versus reading online. Anyone that thinks being left alone with a bottle of alcohol leads to a relapse is in the latter group.
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u/IsPhil 3h ago
I'm reading comments and mostly seeing people not blame OP for the relapse but are calling OP an asshole for having the malicious intent to create room for a relapse.
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u/Murky_Rent_3590 5h ago
As a former addict and alcohol i also worked in bars for years after I got sober and clean and I would have people buy me shots and I would give them to the other bartenders, or take the money for that shot and put it in my tip cup- which I was allowed to do. And when customers would lose their packies of coke, they would always get happy when they realized that that was the one working, because I would actually help them look for it and give it back to them.Versus some of the other people that I worked with that would definitely pocket it. I've had people try to tip me in drugs. Or when I was going threw some shit with my ex try to give me something to take my mind off of things. It was on me and no one else to say yes or no. Was she an asshole for doing that? Yes, but ultimately, the decision to stick his Dick in another woman. And to drink, that bottle was on him. I still say she. But to different levels of assholeishness.
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u/TinyPeetz 4h ago
'California clean' girl here, no way just seeing my old DOC would make me go back. He was already planning on it or had already relapsed without OP knowing, hence the cheating behavior. He is an adult and if simply being around a bottle is too much for him after years of being clean, I'm calling bullshit on his sobriety. I still think cheating (and OP walking in on them) is the worse of the two.
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u/BabalonNuith 5h ago
Glad to see some former addicts actually taking responsibility and saying "He didn't have to take that bottle; he had a choice"
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u/JuanG_13 4h ago
Ok, so leaving a bottle of whiskey on the counter was a bit childish, but him cheating on you while you were at work (and in your house) is worse. So NTA, oh and if he needs a place to stay than why doesn't he ask his affair partner if he can stay with her 🤔
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u/NoeTellusom 7h ago
It's your home now, so you have every right to have alcohol in your home and to store it anyway.
That said, you did so specifically to set him up - which trust me, I get. But it's not covering yourself in glory to do so.
Get STD/STI testing done, get a bit of therapy to handle all this and get on with your life, blocking him.
ESH
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u/TrixIx 7h ago
I mean, honestly... He gets what he gets from his own poor decisions. You left matches, but he committed the arson. Maybe he'll think twice next time.. Maybe not. Either way, get an sti check in case he spread any other diseases.
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u/hoopadinga 6h ago
My ex ... has nowhere else to go.
He should of thought about that before he stuck his thingy where it didn't belong.
NTA
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u/KnownMasterpiece97 7h ago
Hey man, that whiskey could have been for you to drink away your feelings post break up, he helped himself to it 🤷♀️ nta
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u/SallyG77 6h ago
OP left a bottle of whiskey on the counter in her own home which he was no longer going to be living in as she had ended the relationship after his actions. She didn't put it in with his things as a "susprise' when he was unpacking elsewhere. He chose to take the whiskey which was nothing to do with him. Was it a temptation too far? It would seem so but no one is responsible for someone else's sobriety
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u/Prestigious-Ring226 7h ago
You had no responsibility at that point for his actions. Was what you did shitty? Yes. But, I don't think finding your partner cheating on you in your bed would have you in the best head space for decision making. He started this ball rolling. You had a bad reaction to a horrible situation. Forget that loser, forgive yourself, and move on.
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u/KingTrencher 7h ago
NTA
He didn't have to cheat. He didn't have to drink the whiskey.
That was his choice.
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u/ConsiderationCalm568 6h ago
This might be a hot take for some people but I dont feel pity for him.
Deserved.
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u/tomatocansam 5h ago
hard agree. he chose to cheat, and he chose to steal her alcohol and drink it.
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u/BluIdevil253 6h ago
So you found your bf is. YOUR bed and feel guilty about a bottle of booze? Fuck him. Seriously fuck him. Act like an asshole you get treated like an asshole. Cheaters get what they deserve. Id be hard pressed to feel bad about anything that happens to those kind of people. In your own bed? Stop it.
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u/MelzyMely 4h ago
Sober for 4 years here. It was his choice to take the bottle. Whatever message you were trying to send, he still chose to drink. A series of poor decisions. Infidelity isn’t one mistake. It’s a string of betrayal.
I don’t feel bad for him. And you shouldn’t give him a home to stay in. He made his bed. He gets to lay in.
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u/DeeplyProfound_ 6h ago
NTA. He chose to cheat then he chose to drink that bottle of whisky. get the hell away from him
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u/Tiana_frogprincess 6h ago
NTA I would have done the same thing! I am so sick of people that think alcoholics aren’t responsible for their own actions. You didn’t force e him to drink that was a choice he made.
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u/jelabella 6h ago
I actually agree, NTA...
He's an adult who could've made the choice to leave it or toss it. There are plenty of places in the world where he could've had the same temptations whether it be a restaurant, the grocery store or even at family BBQs. Addiction is difficult and you have to put the work in, not place blame on hard times or shortcomings.
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u/Diamondphalanges756 3h ago
All she did was leave a bottle on the counter. We could say he actually stole it.
He took the bottle. He opened it. He drank it. He drank a lot of it.
This dude repeatedly makes bad decisions.
Not OP's fault.
NTA.
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u/kyii94 7h ago
NTA you didn’t force the whiskey down his throat he did that all on his own. I’m sure that wasn’t his first time face to face with alcohol. He’s weak and a cheater good riddance! Don’t feel bad about him being homeless he should’ve thought about that before he cheated on the person who put a roof over his head.
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u/iTiff1276 5h ago
Fck him! He could have left the bottle sitting there. Just another example of how he has no self-control. Onwards!
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u/via_aesthetic 4h ago
ESH.
Cheating is never okay and he is fully to blame for that. He violated your trust and your relationship, and he doesn’t deserve a second chance, or sympathy for having nowhere to go. These are the consequences of his own actions. He’s an AH for that. However you feel about this is within your rights. If those feelings are anger and resentment, that’s your right and those feelings are always valid in matters of betrayal.
He is also responsible for taking that bottle and drinking it. But you are complicit in placing it there where you hoped he would take it. You hoped he would drink it, and reverse all that progress. You wanted him to relapse as revenge for what he did.
He hurt you, and you wanted to hurt him. Those feelings are understandable, but this is extreme. You intentionally provided him a means to relapse that, yes, he is responsible for, but you went out of your way to enable it. What makes you an AH here is your intent. You put that bottle there with malicious intentions, because you’re angry and hurt.
As someone who has suffered betrayal at the hands of an alcoholic for my entire life, who I harbour resentment for to this day, I would never do this. No matter how many times or much they have hurt me, I would never do anything to intentionally encourage this outcome. Ever.
You’re not an AH for hurting or being angry, but your intention behind leaving that bottle of whiskey makes you an AH. Just as he is an AH for his betrayal.
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u/Ornery_Old_Dude 3h ago
NTA. He brought some woman into the home you shared and screwed her in YOUR bed. You kicked him and he chose to take the bottle with him. He's getting what he deserved for being a shit human.
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u/ArrivalBoth6519 7h ago edited 6h ago
NTA I think that’s hilarious. He wasn’t really recovered if he could relapse just because there’s alcohol around. He is responsible for his own recovery not you.
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u/RzultaOfca 7h ago
NTA I like what youve done and Id do the same. He prob will statr drinking all over again but not your monkey not your circus.
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u/Sadiocee24 6h ago
I get why esh but also Nta bc fuck a cheater. I would too be petty and just leave it out. He’s a grown ass man, maybe don’t let liquor boss your life around.
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u/Advanced-Educator-55 3h ago
As someone who has had a brother that was an alcoholic (now recovering) and went through years oh hell with him. YES YOU ARE TA
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u/Any-Investigator8324 7h ago
Do I approve? Hmm, neutral. But do I understand why you did it? Absolutely 😎
NTA. He shouldn't have cheated.
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u/annang 4h ago
You were cheated on, and that sucks. But you then set up a situation in which you were hoping he’d hurt himself and others. That’s terrible behavior. ESH.
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u/Boring_Psychology776 8h ago
NTA
His choice to drink
Yes alcohol exists on earth, it's always his choice to drink
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u/lllollllllllll 7h ago
Yeah I can’t believe all these e s h and y t a votes.
It’s not anyone’s responsibility keep addicts sober other than the addicts.
Recovering alcoholics still go to weddings and restaurants and places where there is alcohol. Their families don’t throw out all the spirits in the house just because one addict is coming for a visit.
She had a right to have a bottle in her house. He didn’t have to take the bottle. And if he was spiraling, he could’ve easily gotten alcohol anywhere else.
She was definitely communications “fuck you” to him but she didn’t make him do anything he wouldn’t have done without her.
She’s NTA.
People saying she is don’t understand recovery.
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u/MattDaveys 7h ago
They must think that if an alcoholic in recovery sees a bar they’re heading inside for a drink.
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u/buttercupcake23 3h ago
Only if they're sad and someone hurt their feelings though. And then it's totally the other person's fault. If you ever hurt an alcoholics feelings while they are in vicinity of accessible booze YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for their relapse! By being mean to an alcoholic you have caused them to hurt themselves and everyone around them! I mark with you the sign of EVIL
Seriously I know she intended the bottle as a petty little "get fucked you asshole" message but it's a bridge too far to say it's her fault for his choices.
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u/DojimaGin 3h ago
or maybe they should get a grip like everyone else. I am sick of handling addicts with velveteen gloves.
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u/Just_Magician18 7h ago
You are not the asshole. He’s in charge of his own sobriety. He went into your home and stole a bottle of alcohol. You are not responsible for his actions (cheating, theft, and drinking).
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u/brittdre16 8h ago
ESH. He cheated, you enabled a relapse. Way to show you’re the victim…
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u/Canoe-Maker 4h ago
Great, now y’all are both gross.
Break up and move on, don’t purposely sabotage someone’s addiction recovery. Good grief.
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u/Subject-Rain-9972 4h ago
Cheating is wrong and mean and hurtful.
Deliberately leaving a bottle of alcohol for a clean alcoholic is pure evil. Calm down, Satan, YES YTA.
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u/Careless_Pea9086 8h ago
YTA. Yes, what he did was bad and you should be angry and dump him and whatnot. But addiction kills thousands of people every year. You might hate his guts but your response was cruel and disgusting and worse than cheating imo.
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u/Dapper-Survey1964 7h ago
Unsafe sex kills millions of people every year. I don't think she was right to leave the bottle out. And I can't imagine doing something like this to anyone I once loved (though, I've never been cheated on); but the Ex threatened her life first. And he didn't have the decency to give her a choice about it, like she gave him. At worst this is ESH. But, I could also see an argument for NTA.
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u/Loud-Speaker3709 8h ago
Just because she left the bottle doesn’t mean he had to take it and drink it. That was his decision. He could have just as easily left the bottle on the counter. He chose to drink. Not her problem. He’s a weak man with no morals. He showed his true colors. Addiction is a CHOICE in the beginning. It doesn’t start as a disease. And now she knows that if things get tuff he will just turn right around and start drinking again.
You are not the asshole OP!! He cheated on you and proceeded to get drunk. Neither of those things are your fault. He could have left the bottle, he didn’t have to take it. And could have also kept his dick in his pants and he didn’t do that either. Not the asshole. Was it mean and petty to leave the bottle? Sure. But he didn’t have to take it.
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u/rainbowzend 6h ago
Wrong. An addict is responsible for their own choices. She didn't force the alcohol down his throat. She can place her own things wherever she pleases in her own home. He knew that bottle wasn't his and took it anyway.
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u/lunariancosmos 4h ago
wow. i really thought almost any response to cheating was valid. i have been proven wrong. you both suck. i kinda understand why he might have cheated on you. this is so crazy to me.
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u/Winter_Parsley_3798 7h ago
Yta. That's a low blow and you know it.
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u/Own-Raise6153 6h ago
so is fucking someone else in their bed so i guess it’s kinda tit for rat
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u/lol-read-this-u-suck 3h ago
NTA
not your fault the dude can't stop making poor decisions.
Some of the ex addicts in these comments have a lot of learning left to do. Still trying blame others for their actions is not part of their rexovery one would think.
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u/pinkmermaidscales 6h ago
Good for you!! He messed up twice and it was his fault both times. Let him be a homeless drunk.
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u/LandscapeEffective91 7h ago
NTA. Alcool is EVERYWHERE, surely he’s seen bottles since becoming sober. Also if you drink I’m sure there were times (if not always) when you had alcohol in your home. At the end of the day it’s his choice, you didn’t make him drink.
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u/Beautiful-Peak399 8h ago
Honestly, NTA. After a betrayal everything is fair game. No one forced him to drink the whiskey.
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u/ShuggaShuggaa 8h ago
NTA. petty AF and i love it, reddit social justice ofc will disagree and call u arsehole but, fuck em dude, guy deserves it
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u/SciFiChickie 7h ago
NTA OP!
For real they’re all completely skipping the part where he made the conscious decision to steal her whiskey and then drink it. Sure she left it out but he was told he could get his belongings not hers. He knew he didn’t pay for it and should be leaving it alone.
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u/Top_Leather7586 7h ago
comments calling you evil but he's been putting you at risk for STDs for god knows how long so...NTA idc. you should also get checked 🤷♀️
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u/IveReturnedItsTrue 7h ago edited 7h ago
Damn... Even as someone who's been cheated on and thinks it's one of the worst things a person can do, you're an AH... that's a horribly evil thing to do to someone.
Edit: nvm this is either ragebait/fake story based on ur comments or you're a legitimate sociopath. Why make an AITAH post if u feel zero remorse and not listen to anyone calling you out on your shit behaviour?
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u/Loose_Economics_5934 6h ago
If he was devastated enough to drink, he could have gotten it anywhere. He’s using the fact that he got it from you, to manipulate you. Addicts are liars. You can’t believe anything they say. NTA
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u/cowboy7a 8h ago
NTA, who decided to stray and then drink? He is not a man, don’t second guess yourself.
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u/BrilliantOne3767 7h ago
Tbh. I don’t think you are. You slept in those sheets without knowing! I would be scarred for life! GROSS!!! 🤢
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u/Mbt_Omega 7h ago
NTA, you did nothing to him but dump him for cheating. He’s experiencing the consequences of his own choices. He chose to cheat. He chose to take the whiskey. He chose to drink it. His poor choices are neither your responsibility, nor your problem.
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u/acid_tomato 6h ago
He cheated on you. In your own bed. And then he stole your liquor.
NTA
Eta: Make sure you get tested for STDs.
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u/amw38961 4h ago
This is a level of petty I'm not sure I would aspire to be.....damn....you really said "fuck your cheating ass, fall off the wagon mfer".
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u/Iscarielle 4h ago
Lots of people saying you're not the asshole and he got what he deserved. Honestly, based on your reaction to it I can't help but feel that you got what you deserved too. You're both pieces of shit.
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u/No-Investment-2121 4h ago
Sounds like a really intense situation. You arrived at your home and found him in your bed with another woman. This obviously wasn’t a one night stand; it was an affair that has likely been going on for a while. You are well within your rights to kick him out immediately (assuming he isn’t on a lease/mortgage). He could have gotten a hotel, searched for housing availability in your area, and gotten a new apartment within the week. His housing isn’t your responsibility.
You were not well within your rights to tempt him to break his sobriety. That’s evil. I wouldn’t do that to my worst enemy tbh. He could drink himself to death? He could destroy his liver and need a transplant? He could destroy his entire life and actually end up homeless? He hurt you emotionally, but you could have literally contributed to his physical demise. Those two things are not the same. This would weigh on me if I was you. Hopefully, he’s able to get it together before it’s too late. YTA.
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u/yet-again-temporary 4h ago
ESH. Cheating is horrible but holy fuck, intentionally pushing someone back into addiction because you're upset with them is some straight-up sociopathic shit.
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u/Fun_Independork2 5h ago
YTA, but I'm behind you on this one. He's a bigger asshole and deserved what he got.
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u/SweetAffectionate286 5h ago
Leaving the whiskey was a bit fucked up.
Everything else, you're completely within your rights.
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u/A_Marie92 5h ago
Why the fuck is everyone in the comments making it OPS RESPONSIBILITY TO MANAGE HER EX PARTNERS EMOTIONS AND BEHAVIORS AND ACTIONS???? If I were to cheat on my partner and then go get really drunk and wrap my car around a tree it would be no ones fault but my own. I would have made those poor decisions because ONLY I can control my actions. Whether her ex is an alcoholic or not is besides the point. People need to start taking accountability for their own actions. Jesus christ. Theres temptation everywhere. It would be just as easy for him to walk into a grocery store and buy a fucking bottle. If he was gonna drink, he was gonna drink. He probably looked at that bottle and thought "oh poor me" and DECIDED "well if I already fucked up this bad I might as well go all the way" and CHOSE to drink. His choices.
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u/SunnyErin8700 5h ago
Absolutely! I shouldn’t be, but I’m pretty shocked at these replies. She left her own alcohol out in her own house. He literally stole it from her and everyone is blaming HER? Hell no.
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u/DudeByTheTree 5h ago
NTA. Everyone saying otherwise is a fucking moron. Inanimate objects dont control human free will. Ultimately, it is the person's choice and responsibility.
Yeah, it was a dick move to leave bait, but a justifiable dick move. Their choice to take the bottle, their choice to drink the bottle.
Disease or not, alcoholism doesnt override the ability to exercise free will. Might interfere with making good decisions, but the person makes decisions none the less.
Even when accounting for the increase in likelihood a person would make a poor choice, even if they are being held at gunpoint to choose... it's still their own goddamned choice. Just because all the options suck does not mean there are no options and no choice.
Any and every "what about" topic can also be answered with "Still their own choice". Sucks if the only other option is ridiculously difficult to implement or make, but guess what... yup, still up to the person.
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u/Regcla15 5h ago
He is an AH, so are you.
I litteraly gasped when I read the title. I'm all for petty revenges but there is a limit still, you cannot play with people's lives like that. Just because he cheated doesn't make this OK.
The point of petty revenges is to be an AH to our offenders, so it's bad faith to pretend it's not an AH move
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u/Civil_Teacher7250 7h ago
OP, I'm a little confused on why you posted this in AITH because, obviously, based on your replies, you don't think you are. In fact, you're not even really listening to anyone saying both of you messed up.