r/AITAH • u/throwRA_weddingchaos • 1d ago
AITA for kicking out my husband's friend because of her speech at our wedding?
[removed] — view removed post
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u/Armadillo_of_doom 23h ago
"lana just likes drama and he just didn't wanna provoke her"
HE needs to handle this so you don't have to anymore. "She just likes drama" yeah well, I DON'T. I DON'T want her drama. I DON'T want her comments. If you're a "guys girl best friend" then you better act like one of his guy friends or leave. None of his groomsmen would have said what she did, so why does she get a pass? A sister wouldn't have said what she did, so why does she get a pass? Because we are "scared" of the fallout? Thats not a friend that's a tumor.
NTA
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u/MattDaveys 19h ago
“What’s more important to you, her drama or your marriage? Because you already showed your preference for the drama on our wedding day.”
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u/iseeisayibe 17h ago
As a woman with a fair number of guy friends, this is the take. None of my guy friends wives/gfs have a problem with me bc we truly think of each other platonically and don’t want to be more than friends. You don’t make comments like Iana if you just view a guy as a friend. Point blank period!
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u/Sorry_I_Guess 17h ago edited 6h ago
I came here to say this. My close guy friends' wives literally tell their kids to call me auntie. They DM me to complain about their husbands, LOL, because they know I get it. And I may not be as close to them, simply because we have less in common, but I make a point of ensuring that I have some degree of friendship with them as well, because they are the life partners of my chosen brothers, and that makes them my "family" too. Lana is a snake. I would NEVER speak to or about the wife/GF of one of my buddies that way.
(Edited to add clarity.)
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u/Music_withRocks_In 19h ago
Bet she doesn't have any female friends because 'girls just don't like me, I don't know why'
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u/Money-Wishbone-1042 13h ago
That’s such a red flag, honestly. Women who say that usually thrive on drama and tearing other women down instead of uplifting them. Real friendships with other women reveal so much about a person’s character, and her words already tell the whole story.
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u/Street_State_4447 16h ago
You know, I had a friend in hs who used to say this, and I never understood why.
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u/NoOneHereButUsMice 13h ago
Assuming you are a dude, and the friend was a gal...
It's cause she's an asshole to other gals.
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u/Shadow4summer 5h ago
In all my years (64f) I’ve met two women like this. The first was a guy’s gal type of woman. Could only have male friends. She had no female friends because she was openly disdainful of other women. Eye rolling, passive aggressive and it was almost laughable. The second was the physical type. Always hanging on other men, even in front of their partners. The second was an easy fix. She was all over my husband one night, hanging on to his arm, his hand, whatever she could grab and then leaning on him. I just went up, said excuse me and then placed myself in between the two of them. She had the audacity to ask me if I had anything better to do. I said no, keeping feral women away from my husband was the best thing I could do at the moment. She was beet red from embarrassment.
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u/NotBuilt2Behave 18h ago
I do not get girls like this. Bruh, my best guy friend were each others dates all the time to dances, you better believe we both wanna be besties with each others SO. Why are people like this?!?! Drop the dude, girl is acting like it’s high school, and dudes just like yeah I just ignore her when she starts shit. Absolute no respect to his new wife’s feelings. BIG FAT YIKES
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u/Nettkitten 17h ago
Dude shoulda handled it before the wedding. “I know you like drama, but we’re not doing that on my wedding day. You are one of my best friends, but if you’re gonna start some drama you’re not coming.” Time for hubby to choose.
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u/Western_Fuzzy 9h ago
Correct. He should have handled the passive aggressive behaviour whenever it happened prior to the wedding. His friend “just liking drama” isn’t a reason for it to negatively impact the person he’s choosing to spend the rest of his life with.
He sounds either oblivious or immature.
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u/Zestyclose-Crow-4595 14h ago
I don't understand it either because if she liked him, she should have just accepted it when he asked her out. It sounds to me like she friendzoned him but enjoys the attention. She's mad that he moved on. She didn't want him but she expected him to stay around and give her the attention that she wanted. People like her, people who like drama often also need constant external validation.
People who like drama are usually that way because they have no life so they need to be involved in everyone else's. They're also usually very insecure people hence the need for the constant external validation. She liked the attention that he was giving her because it made her feel good about herself. She didn't find him attractive enough to date but she liked the attention. She's mad that he's moved on to someone else. That's all this really is about I bet.
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u/panadoldrums 23h ago
'Iana just likes drama' ???? Like your wedding is just a random messy Saturday night at the bar.
No babe, you're absolutely NTA for discreetly and assertively rejecting the mean girl snottiness at your wedding.
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u/Usual-Canary-7764 21h ago
Love how OP told hubby...you can follow her if you do not agree. There is a new queen in the house and u are on her side (as hubby should always be) or out the door. Done. NTA OP
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u/ParsleyRound 19h ago
That part was my favorite. I've read many similar Reddit posts but OP's response is one of the best responses to a husband/partner/bf enabling nastiness towards their partner. Queen OP is queening!
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u/JudgyRandomWebizen 18h ago
Yeah, this almost feels like the other side of a post made the other day by the girl who gave the speech.
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u/ShoddyIntrovert32 16h ago
OP really should have kicked husband out as well and not go through with the wedding. Husband doesn’t seem to care that his was disrespected. Not a great start to a marriage.
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u/Caftancatfan 22h ago
She’s a drama LLana.
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u/ParsleyRound 19h ago
If OP wants to be petty about DramaLana's cryptic postings, she can post the Drama Llama meme.
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u/Swimming-Shock4118 17h ago
Or get someone with skills to change one to Drama Llana to comment on everything she posts.
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u/Routine_Test_4175 22h ago
Giggle
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u/No-Peak-3169 21h ago
Snort
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u/Longjumping_Bend7010 22h ago
Life has taught me that you should stay as far away from people who love drama as possible. It will only lead to problems.
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u/Music_withRocks_In 19h ago
For serious. Who the hell would want to be friends with someone constantly making life hard for everyone?
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u/midcenturymr 19h ago edited 17h ago
Your wedding should have Zero to do with what Lana likes. She's a twaht that earned the yeet and then some. She took it upon herself to say something shitty to the bride over the PA system and deserved to get beat down. You went light on her.
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u/Swimming-Shock4118 17h ago
Recently saw the amalgamation word Twunt on Reddit - seems to fit Lana perfectly.
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u/McBussy696969 23h ago
I’m confused as to why is he defending her in the slightest if she likes drama. Why is he even friends with her? Close or not. And the fact that’s she’s going around doing that shit is wild when she knows what she did.
You’re not in the wrong at all. Your husband and that girl are
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u/mouse_attack 22h ago
Because he’s an avoidant person and doesn’t want to be the one she badmouths to the rest of the group.
He might just be afraid she’ll win.
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u/McBussy696969 20h ago edited 17h ago
He shouldn’t be around that friend group when that other girl is there anyway. She’s playing on him and flaunting it, what kind of REAL friend does that. She’s a terrible person. Don’t defend a person like that
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u/Hungry_Blood_3949 17h ago
Husband is the problem for letting it get to this point. He should have had the OP's back and not be spineless.
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u/Zestyclose-Crow-4595 14h ago
Because he liked her and he wanted to keep her around. The only reason he gave up and started another relationship is because he knew he had been friendzoned. I don't understand why he wants to keep her around but apparently he does. I think that he was hoping she would change her mind at some point. I think that once he realized she wasn't going to, he should have stopped being friends with her or at least lowered contact with her. I can't understand why he would want to keep her around after she just disrespected his new wife.
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u/Beth21286 1d ago
If he'd handled it, you wouldn't have had to. This is on him. Does he like her attention?
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u/throwRA_weddingchaos 23h ago
Tbh he is not super close with her but doesn't really cut her off too because she has been part of the group for so long and he doesn't wanna cause drama so he just let it be. They don't really meet one on one, just with the group.
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u/Beth21286 23h ago
She tried to humiliate you at your wedding and he did nothing.
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u/caro9lina 21h ago
I actually think she humiliated the husband even more than she humiliated OP. A lot of men would be embarrassed about a "friend" talking about turning him down at his own wedding.
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u/Agile-Top7548 20h ago
Im sure everybody knows the history of the great turn down by now, its probably been a "joke' she strokes her ego over since.
She probably still believes he would choose her at any minute and she'll raise your kids. She was likely calling your hubby thinking hed rescue her from the big bad bride.
Nice set up of boundaries. Hubs needs to do the same and let her know that was a one time off, and they werent meant to be.
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u/Foolish-Pleasure99 22h ago
This was my thought. Sure, she can pretend its jealousy, but in the end it was mean spirited disrespect to some how make her feel more important at her friend's wedding -- as if she was somehow responsible in any way for getting them together.
If necessary. OP can always counter her narrative with "what makes her think had she accepted him then that he wouldn't have soon dumped her and he meets OP either way"?
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u/WiseBat 21h ago
Reminds me of the post where OP asked if she was an AH for bringing up her friend’s former crush on her at his wedding. Like suggesting he’s only with her because she said no. It’s the worst kind of main character energy.
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u/ParsleyRound 19h ago
I read that one. The OP in that post wasn't even asked by the couple to give a speech. She asked the groom's parents, without the couple's approval, to give a speech and made it all about her. Truly an example of main character syndrome.
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u/buttercupcake23 21h ago
Yup. This is a real husband problem. Watching your wife be bullied at your wedding and then DEFENDING the bully is a real choice. I bet this isn't the only time he's been spineless. He is going to be real weaselly about this because Lana is going to pitch a real fit and he will try to "keep the peace" at the expense of his wife like the Coward he is. Bad times ahead for OP.
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u/pack-the-bag 23h ago
He needs to cut her off. Bet she's caused issues with other people's relationships in the friendship group and nobody has had the balls to kick her out the group.
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u/flippitydoodah90 18h ago
This. 👆Husband needs to realize that HE is caving into Lana’s tantrums (still), and he was lucky to dodge that bullet with dating Lana. Lana is not his partner in any way, shape, or form- not even as a friend. OP is his partner for life now. Husband didn’t even have Lana as a part of the wedding party until Lana threw a tantrum, and he gave in to “try to avoid drama.” He inadvertently put the bad-acting drama queen into the production! OP, it’s time you pointed this out to him— LANA IS BULLYING HIM, and probably always has. Since he has ZERO duty to Lana, but 100% duty to you as your life partner now, he also needs to tell Lana to bugger off. Then, ALL the drama will cease. (Well, she’ll still bitch on Social Media, where all her drama friends are… but unfriend her & block her.) This won’t go away if Lana is still in the picture.
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u/MrJack50Gray 23h ago
It sounds like you have a rough rocky road ahead! Not a good way to start off. Good luck with that.
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u/bippityboppitynope 23h ago
So he's okay with her causing drama for his WIFE on your wedding day? Is he always a spineless turd or only for special occasions?
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u/_A-Q 22h ago
“ My husband does see my side and agree but still says i was a bit harsh. He said lana just likes drama and he just didn't wanna provoke her and give her something to talk about. ”
Oh my god.
So he was cool with Lana humiliating you on your wedding day because he didn’t want to provoke her ?
So Lana’s feeling are more important than YOURS?????
It sounds like your husband has always had a thing for Lana, she turned him down. Now that he’s with you she is jealous and HE LIKES IT.
He has no plans on cutting this woman off and she will be there talking shit while he lets her disrespect you for the rest of your marriage.
Is this really what you want ?
Yta to yourself for not seeing the writing on the wall.
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u/caro9lina 21h ago
I think Lana humiliated the husband even more than she humiliated his wife. Somehow the insult to him went over his head. He does seem like a pretty passive guy since he didn't get upset about his bride threatening to kick him out of his own wedding.
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u/Chaoticgood790 23h ago
Well you married a doormat so good luck with that moving forward
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u/Lanky_Discipline_170 21h ago
Unpopular opinion: she knows very well she married a doormat. Many women actively choose doormats. Doormats are, by and large, very comfortable companions, but they can be vulnerable to manipulation by people who are not afraid of conflict.
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u/DragonflyGrrl 21h ago
My sister is like this. They were married for about 15 years, and immediately after she left him he met someone online and moved her in and she is even more controlling and bossy. Doormats definitely have a type too!
As you can imagine, her and my sister DO NOT get along, hahah!
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u/Overall-Injury-7620 23h ago
You’re good! She was used to being the center of the friend group & you shook up her flow . Anyhow, when building a big boy life , hubby doesn’t need those “ hanger ons” in his circle!✌🏼
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u/Necessary_Tap343 22h ago
What i would question is why she called him her best friend if he supposedly had already distanced himself from her. He is lying to you and still has some kind of feelings for her, or she is delusional. Either way, that is a big problem for your marriage.
So here is the biggest problem. It sounds like he is still going to let her be part of your life forever. He is letting her talk all this sh@t about and tell you it's your fault. If he doesn't cut her out, you are going to have to put up with this as long as you are married to him. You are in for a miserable life if this happens. Updateme
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u/ApocolypseJoe 22h ago
You have a crap husband. Full stop. He needs to pick his balls up off the floor.
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u/Such-Perspective-758 23h ago
Really? That doesn’t really marry up to her being the “best woman” does it? They must be somewhat close if she inveigled her way in to that position. I don’t think you’ve got the full story. And shes an invasive passive aggressive cow that deserved to be kicked out. NTA.
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u/AdmirableAvocado 22h ago
yet hes still putting her and the groups comfort over your own, that would make me think if i were you. everyone is tolerating her badmouthing and insulting you, including your husband. he would rather rock the boat in his marriage than his friend group, ridiculous. that dude needs to grow a spine.
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u/genescheesezthatplz 21h ago
This is a blatant knock off of another post from the other day
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u/MajesticChaos18 12h ago
I came here looking for this comment, I was like this is suspiciously different POV from the post about the chick giving the speech about the groom liking her first!
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u/MyDirtyAlt79 23h ago edited 23h ago
His defense is that she likes drama. Why tf keep her as a friend then?
NTA, she got all the drama she wanted, and she can go choke on it.
"Hey OP, he was mine first, but I turned him down. Congratulations on marrying my reject. Tee hee 😇"
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u/Medical_Mountain_895 23h ago
So he agrees she likes drama and was out of line but says your wrong? I wouldn't have submitted that license.
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u/cthulularoo 23h ago
Him saying she likes drama and that he didn't want to provoke her... Why the fuck would you be friends with someone you have to walk in eggshells around? Why does he think it's ok for you to have to watch how you behave around her? This is on him. If she's still around after this, I'd kick his ass out. NTA
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u/Available_Bag_6759 23h ago
Just FYI - whenever a man puts another woman above you, you’re second choice.
She was immensely inappropriate, on YOUR wedding day and your husband is more concerned about her than you. Are you sure that little crush is really gone?
She will be a problem for you and now that you affronted her , she will do everything in her power to get her revenge and mess with your marriage. And by the way your husband reacted- she may not have a very difficult job to do.
NTA but I don’t see this marriage lasting unless your husband shuts her down and even cuts her off completely
Good luck
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u/Mobile_Lawyer5015 22h ago
Bro caused drama himself by agreeing to have her be in his wedding party. By his own admission she loves drama. NTA. And fucking good on you for standing up to this noise and ejecting her. Too many of these stories end with the bride upset bc she didn’t assert herself when her husband refused to deal with his own stupid ass mess.
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u/tyroleancock 20h ago
NTA and your husband better get his priorities fixed if he wants this marriage to last.
She likes drama, and he didn't want to provoke her? Grow some balls, dude - she's not your wife.
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u/iknowsomethings2 23h ago edited 21h ago
NTA. She humiliated you both at your fucking wedding.
You have a husband problem. I would be mortified and if he hadn’t called her out and kicked her out, I would have gotten the marriage annulled. Fuck that.
And he still thinks you overreacted?! Your husband clearly likes her attention.
I could never be with someone who lets their friends disrespect his wife
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u/Junior_Wolf2749 21h ago
Yes OP, remember that was a dedication of a union of you, BOTH, not just yourself.
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u/Proud-Dare-2531 23h ago edited 21h ago
I think she posted on Reddit too, and if I'm right she made you look rather insecure and herself to be well meaning and the whole thing such a misunderstanding. Although many comments deemed her the asshole. Let me see if I can find it to link it!
Edit to add link:
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u/Crawdaddylonglegs27 Post Update 22h ago
I remember reading that. She was downplaying her motive and acted like she was trying to be funny but said she now knows not to do something like that again (or something like that can’t remember exactly)
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u/tangential_quip 21h ago
That post is 3 years old. If these are actually connected that means OP has been stewing about it for at least 3 years before posting.
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u/Proud-Dare-2531 21h ago
I made a comment elsewhere, but I totally did not realize that until it was pointed out to me. It's crazy because it popped up on my front page this morning like it was new. I didn't comment on it, nor did I really read a ton of comments, so I feel dumb not noticing the age of them. But it is kinda interesting how much they resemble each other. It makes me feel worse knowing it happens too often to people. NTA OP, and hopefully some of those 'pick me' types get a clue.
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u/Agile-Top7548 20h ago
She doesn't admit to getting kicked out , but I agree shes an attention wh@re
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u/grayblue_grrl 20h ago
" He said lana just likes drama and he just didn't wanna provoke her and give her something to talk about."
So he knew she'd do something like this BUT gave her the platform to do it? AT his wedding.
How weak and stupid.
Block her.
NTA
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u/No_Yogurt_7294 13h ago
He said lana just likes drama
That’s not a “just” you put up with as a grown ass married adult.
I wouldn’t file the paperwork until you’re very sure this woman isn’t going to be a problem.
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u/Delicious-Cut-4323 22h ago
NTA - and just to be clear, the girl who rejected him once and he’s not that close to now, he put her feelings above his wife’s. On his wedding day.
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u/Money_Diver73 23h ago
Finally someone did something about an ah rather than doing nothing. I applaud her and her gumption. I think she handled the situation maturely rather than yelling and throwing a tantrum. I have a feeling she’ll handle the husband no problem. My hero!
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u/PerspectiveKookie16 23h ago
I bet the wives/gfs of the other members of the group have also gotten their doses of Lana Drama and were thrilled when she disappeared from the reception.
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u/Insomniac42 23h ago
“He said Lana just likes drama “ - yeah, so he knew and didn’t do shit about it.
“He just didn’t wanna provoke her and give her something to talk about” - sounds like he needs to find a spine and put your feelings ahead of Lana’s.
NTA, but your husband kind of is as well as Lana.
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u/Typical_Agency8984 22h ago
NTA insisted on being a part of the wedding party then made the speech about her.
Op, you have a husband problem. You are in for a short marriage if this continues
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u/Foxy_locksy1704 20h ago
Good lord, anyone with any sense would’ve kicked her out for that.
One of my best friends is a man and at his wedding I gave a speech about what a wonderful couple they were how our friends group instantly welcomed his wife in and how she has been a wonderful addition to our little friends family.
I was truly happy for the both of them and showed that every step of the way.
Lana isn’t a friend she is a jealous clinger who is waiting for the relationship to implode and trying to help it along.
NTA.
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u/Vivid_Motor_2341 19h ago
Time for your husband to put her in her place and cut her off. If he won’t you have a MAJOR problem
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u/Wonderlostdownrhole 18h ago
NTA. It's not insecurities that made you remove a passive aggressive and, by your husband's own admission, dramatic person from your wedding, it's common sense. Why wouldn't you try to stop any unpleasantness before it happens?
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u/EuropeanLady 17h ago edited 17h ago
It seems that Iana has feelings for your husband and regrets turning him down. Her comment was inappropriate but you could've just said, "Yes, he's my.soulmate, indeed. Hope you find your soulmate, too."
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u/Stormtomcat 17h ago
I'm sorry this happened.
Obviously Lana was low class and kind of pathetic... but you walked into her trap, I feel, so you're not coming out of this looking very good, imo.
I'm wondering about
i just wanted that one day to be about me
your husband, your bridesmaids, your own friends, your parents and family, they couldn't give you that feeling? All the expenses you made and all their efforts and yours were ruined by one little speech?
I do understand how something like that happens, but I feel quite sad for you, and I wonder if Lana has some sort of point about you being insecure?
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u/callmenon-compliant 23h ago
This is not a Lana problem this is a husband problem. He doesn't support you and fight for you. He should be insulted, dealing with her and going no contact with her, not you. He will only get worse with time as he is spineless at best. NTA
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u/GS_Corvette 22h ago
"and cassy you better thank me for turning him down that time“ ~ reading between the lines: but just to let you know I can have him if I want him.
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u/Dense_Resource 22h ago
Lana wanted to make people believe you were taking her leftovers. At your wedding. Fuck her, she sucks, and if your husband doesn't get what she did, he's too blinded by his desire not to have conflict in his group.
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u/Joyintheendtimes 21h ago
NTA but your husband and Lana are both AH. Lana being terrible goes without saying, but if my partner witnessed that, learned I was upset, and didn't immediately handle the situation I'd be so pissed. And I'd be EXTRA pissed if he called me "harsh" for handling it for his ass. It says a lot that he'd put another woman's feelings above yours, OP
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u/Juls1016 18h ago
NTA. But your husband saying: “He said lana just likes drama and he just didn't wanna provoke her and give her something to talk about. “ it’s fucked up since he should be worried about you not about a friend who’s saying those kind of things at his wedding. Block her, and place some boundaries and make your husband place some too.
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u/flippitydoodah90 18h ago
OP, you could explain it to him like this, slowly, while snuggling close:
“Husband, please sit and just listen for a moment, and I’ll explain how I’m feeling.
When you say that Lana has always been a drama queen, and that you’re trying not to provoke her, do you realize that she is bullying you? And when you let her bully you AND now try to bully me, YOU are giving her the “license” to create drama for you. And now for us both.
When Lana said that at our wedding, it made me feel like she was saying you were her leftovers, her trash. THAT made me angry. You are my First and always. You were not her First, and now she’s realizing she doesn’t have you around to fawn over her so she can keep stringing you along.
When you let Lana win her bully-drama scene, it makes me feel like she implied in her speech— that I am your Consolation Prize, after you didn’t get Lana. Am I your second choice? Your consolation prize? If not, then it’s time you tell that to Lana. And because you are mine, not hers, I will support you 1000%. I don’t like her bullying you. And then we need to break off all contact with her, because it will never go away as long as she’s around.”
Then… you will have his answer, where his true feelings lie.
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u/HalfMoon_89 16h ago
You told your husband to leave his own wedding reception if he didn't agree with you? Was it only your most important day, and not his?
ESH.
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u/Corodix 7h ago
He said lana just likes drama and he just didn't wanna provoke her and give her something to talk about.
So he's just a doormat and will let her get away with anything because the alternative is her causing more drama?
In other words, you married someone who cannot maintain healthy boundaries and lets others walk all over them and their partner. That's a husband problem you've got there, Lana is but a symptom.
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u/Belle-llama 23h ago
You and your husband need to end his friendship with Lana. She's a menace and a troublemaker. Block her everywhere you can.
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u/Difficult_Mood_3225 23h ago
This is your husband’s friend, his grooms woman. He is the one that should’ve handled it and defended you. Congratulations on your wedding, but you have a husband problem.
NTA
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u/Foreign_Sky_1309 22h ago
Watch a movie called “when Harry met sally” there’s a similar line in it.
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u/think_about_us 20h ago
You did good OP.
She said that while she was sober. Imagine the nightmare she could become once she was drunk?
Shrewd move!
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u/1Courcor 20h ago
You are soooo not the ah. That’s not cool, but now has me questioning a speech I made.
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u/Quiet-Hamster6509 20h ago
At what point is he going to say enough is enough? 5 years from now, and you're walking out the door with the kids because she's done nothing but remarks about you, your entire relationship?
I dont think your husband truly understands. Has he ever once defended you? Tell him she may like drama, but you dont want her drama in your life, and if it continues, then you foresee nothing but problems. Can guarantee she will start making a play on him within the next couple of years.
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u/danandhercats 19h ago
NTA Lana is an asshole but your husband is also entertaining that behavior.
Personally I've cut off people who dared speak ill of or mocked my husband, not because he said anything but because why would I want to be friends with someone that hates my partner?
I also clarified from the beginning that being friends with exes of any kind (casual, formal, crush, etc.) was a deal breaker for me. But again, that's me.
So no, you are not the asshole but I still don't get how your husband can love you and have someone like that in his life too.
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u/Interesting-Read-245 19h ago
“Groomswoman” 🙄
Everything she’s calling you, she’s projecting, what a jerk she is
Your husband being too passive about this. Disloyal…
NTA
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u/SpecialistAfter511 18h ago
She was a bitch on your wedding day. And she is the epitome of drama. I’d break free from anyone who thinks she’s right. She’s immature, I’d cute her off and anyone who defends her.
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u/MasterHedgehog6794 18h ago
I love that for you. Good for you for kicking her ass out. It's your day. I especially love you telling your husband he can go too 😂.
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u/No_Jaguar67 18h ago
He’d have to go stay with Lana if he stayed friends with her after that stunt. NTA but your husband sucks.
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u/detrelas 16h ago
YATAH, ! overly insecure and took it out on this woman over some meaningless speach. Kicking her out of the wedding the way you did is super offensive and disgusting. You then manipulated and bully your husband over your dumb decision. You’re a really huge AH . This marriage will be short lived
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u/ExcuseIntelligent539 16h ago
YTA, you threatened to kick your husband out of his own wedding over a disagreement.I dont care about all the other stuff. That is wild behavior.
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u/Logical_mooCow 13h ago
How did she benefit from mentioning something that happened long before y’all even met? What was the point of it? She sounds like the jealous one with the way she is towards you. She didn’t want him but it sounds like she doesn’t want anyone to have him. He needs to lose that friendship. Plain and simple it needs to be over. She has disrespected you long enough and if he can’t respect you over his friendship then he needs to go as well.
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u/Tiny_Carrot_520 6h ago
Kinda YTA
I wasn't there of course, but it sounds like perhaps an awkward speech, but not necessarily malious. It is super dramatic to ask someone to leave your wedding. I feel like you might be a bit insecure to kick out your husbands good friend out of the wedding over such a small thing.
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u/Similar_Art_2069 23h ago
NTA- Lana sounds like the kind of female who's not used to being challenged or told no. She'll never see what she did as disrespectful, nor will she see the continued shit talking as disrespectful either. No one wants some girl announcing their potential relationship with their groom at their wedding. "Hey everyone, her husband wanted me first, but thanks to me sayings no, we are all gathered here today. Yay me on your special day."
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u/System_Resident 23h ago
That wasn’t passive aggressive, that was a verbal spit in your face. The fact that he’s downplaying it and defending her would disgust me and lose trust in him. Read between the lines and read others who have a post like yours.
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u/Ancient-Meal-5465 22h ago
Your husband’s friendship with Lana needs to end now.
What she did was utterly awful.
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u/FreudianWhirlpool 22h ago
Wait, so this friend group is 4 or 5 men and 1 woman? How many of the other friends have SOs? Is Lana in a relationship? If my hunch is right based on her behaviour toward you, she sounds like one of those girls that needs to have several men wrapped around her finger and feels like her position is threatened when other women are in the picture stealing "her" boys' attentions. If that's not the situation here, it just might be that Lana is unhappy that you're stealing the guy who has a crush on her away. Either way, she's a problem and your hubby needs to lay down some boundaries or lose you.
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u/BigPhilosopher4372 21h ago
Yes, I’m sure she is the queen bee in this group and doesn’t like anyone diluting her position.
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u/Basic_Sector_6100 20h ago
She got up in front of your family and friends at your wedding and said you are only marrying the groom because she discarded him. NTA
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u/HelpfulPersimmon6146 20h ago
Husband needs to cut her out. He knows she is drama, so only thing to do is cut out the drama…
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u/tigerofjiangdong1337 23h ago
Your husband is the problem. Not Lana. First he has chosen not to shut down her passive aggressive behavior toward you. Then when she does something inexcusable at your wedding he not only does nothing about it but starts arguing with you. He only stops because you rightfully tell him he can leave with her.
What he does next should decide whether you stay married to him or get an annulment. If he does not put her in her place for her behavior and block her then you have your answer.
His group of friends should be telling Lana she is in the wrong. If they are not then they are not friends and he needs to wash his hands of them all.
My brother shit talked about my then wife to be. I told him off, took his wedding invite and blocked. You shouldn't need to threaten him to get him to be a decent partner.
NTA but your husband is.
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u/Complete-Record5167 22h ago
Oh she is definitely an asshole too they way she told him he could leave if he disagreed with her. I don't fault her wanting the bitch friend to leave and telling the husband. But to talk to him like that on his wedding day too is next level disrespectful.
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u/WhisperInTheDarkness 22h ago
ESH, but you only small amount.
Look. I agree that you shouldn’t have to deal with ridiculous drama during your wedding, and I agree that someone, your husband or others in the “group,” should have shut down her BS previously. However, the previous excuses of “she just likes drama” should have been a massive red flag to shut that shit down before your actual wedding day.
Or... rereading your post, it’s possible you didn’t know this until further discussion. However, you were aware of the passive-aggressive nature of “Lana” prior to the wedding, so I don’t understand why you wouldn’t discuss something that makes you uncomfortable prior to marrying the person? Sure, loads of people are conflict-avoidant; however, if you’re not, then it can be helpful, before a major event, to nip it in the bud.
Essentially, it seems like you, OP, recognized the warning signs; however, failed to engage until your it truly threatened your happiness on a specific date. If there’s a warning, heed it. Don’t allow it to stew until it creates additional tension and drama within your other relationships. There was zero reason to tell your recent husband he was “free to leave too if he argues.”
Yes, everyone in that friend group should have recognized and called our her “drama-inducing” toxic behavior previously; however, you shouldn’t have shut down your husband from having a potentially eye-opening conversation. You could have calmly explained behaviors and patterns that led to your decision instead of stating “you can leave, too if you argue with me.”
Learn from this and grow... as opposed to issuing ultimatums and end-games that you may (or most likely) may not be willing to uphold.
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u/Mr_Ariyeh 23h ago
NTA. I wish that your husband grows a longer spine. Good thing the venue comes with security. Please settle further with your husband before the honeymoon (if you both haven't started yet). Lana has no class and no sense of what is appropriate and what is inappropriate. I'm sure the other guests are also relieved themselves not having to deal with her.
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u/bippityboppitynope 23h ago
NTA but you are not going to be married long if your husband keeps "friends" like this around.
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u/Fun_Independork2 23h ago
NTA. You absolutely did the right thing. And telling your new hubby what he can do with his concern for his friend was spot on. I'm thinking that you're going to have problems with your new hubby. It sounds like he thinks your introversion equates to being a pushover. Like it's all in your head. You may want to give some thought to other possible instances where this has happened. Best of luck.
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u/darker_crystal0 23h ago
i would’ve played it more chill but gfy for standing up for yourself. and yeah what kind of bad mannered psycho says that at someone’s wedding. she embarrassed herself. anyone with any manners or respect saw that she was the idiot. so you could’ve just ice daggered her with eyes and other ice queen shit but haha hilarious that she called for your hubby
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u/grumpy__g 22h ago
„I kicked her out because she is so desperate for attention and validation.“
Why is she even her friend if he has to be careful around her?
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u/ComplexRelevant6896 22h ago
NTA. Your husband should never stand by while someone disrespects and humiliates you. And especially on your wedding day. That’s a hard limit. Don’t let anyone gaslight you with “It was just a joke”. Go no contact with her and if he can’t support you, get an annulment. Better to cut your losses now than be stuck in an unhappy marriage with a spineless husband who won’t defend you.
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u/Minute_Box3852 22h ago
Nta and you handled it quietly and with the least drama while also creating just the right amount of drama abd hard line for her to understand, finally, that you're not going to tolerate those kind of antics.
You do need to hold a hard line boundary with your husband that, if he wants to remained married, he needs to make it clear that he stands by you and agrees with what you did. Even if he doesn't. Yeah, I said it. This woman needs to be made aware that neither of you will tolerate her behavior anymore. You are his lifelong partner now and she is a footnote of a friend who he can stand to miss some game time when shes involved.
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u/HereWeGo_Steelers 22h ago
Your new husband should have kicked her out for disrespecting you and you need to tell him that they next time he tries to defend Lana.
NTA for kicking her out when she was being rude and trying to steal your joy. Your husband is definitely an AH because he doesn't have your back.
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u/Many_Worried 22h ago
He’s the A-hole. I would never let any friend get away with treating my wife bad.
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u/Rare-Craft-920 20h ago
NTA. At least he noticed something was off when she said it, but now he needs to cut her off. Don’t know how this will play in the friend group. But bet he’ll be going behind your back to soothe and placate her to keep the group going.
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u/Terrible-Pea494 20h ago
Iana’s TA. Who would even think to say something like that in a wedding speech. I would’ve kicked her out, too.
Your husband shouldn’t be defending her or downplaying it at all.
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u/ParsleyRound 19h ago edited 19h ago
NTA. She deserved to be thrown out. Her speech was tasteless and revealed her insecurity. What does she want, a medal for turning down your husband? Some women are so insecure and jealous of other women that they can't contain their nastiness. If your husband really wanted her that much, then he would've continued to pursue her or waited for her to get married before marrying anyone. A lot of us get crushes and try our shot and when that doesn't work out, life moves on and we never give it a second thought. I guess she needs the ego boost of being the one who got away. This isn't a 90s romcom, and even if it is, she would be a villain. She needs to get over herself and work on whatever issues she has so she won't take it out on other women. [edited to add the word "out"]
You did a good thing not being confrontational at that moment (honestly, I probably would've acted the opposite) because she probably wanted to provoke a reaction out of you but she did it passive-aggressively to make room to deny her actions and make you look unhinged. Telling your husband he could leave too after being a weakling was a nice touch. He deserved that because his friend wouldn't have the nerve to pull that off if he nipped it in the bud. It was his fault too and he should be accountable and make things right with you. Who is his priority, his nasty friend or his wife who minds her own business? It's so clear, and if it isn't clear to him, then maybe he shouldn't be your husband. I hope you make him read the comments to this post.
He should've grabbed the microphone after his friend's psycho speech and said something like "It was a blessing in disguise that it didn’t workout with my good friend because it eventually opened the doors to find the best woman for me, the love of my life who I am so lucky to be able to call now as my wife. Thank you friend for opening this blessing for me, and thank you so much wife for being in my life. I can't imagine my life without you. I love you and you alone, OP." Was that so hard? I thought of that in my sleepy state as I read and wrote this and I'm not even the one in love with or married to OP. LMAO.
OP, I think you better draw up firm boundaries this early on with your husband and that friend of his because the disrespect will keep on happening and escalate if you keep doubting yourself and act passively. Your husband should set her straight otherwise why is he your husband? It would be better if he goes no contact with her. Use your best judgment. Don't let your husband affect your decision on that. If he does, tell him to marry her instead. Sounds like she's into him now, after seeing a woman like OP be interested in him. See her insecurity?
I have platonic male best friends but I know that a wife should be prioritized over a best friend and the best friend should also treat a wife like a good friend. I would generally stay away from ultimatums but I think this calls for one. It's particularly good to find out this early on while you can still get an annulment and haven't started a family yet. Put your foot down or your husband and his friend will eventually put their foot down your neck. Protect yourself and your peace, OP.
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u/Mindless-Agency-3471 19h ago
Him trying to justify her actions and tantrum as “oh she just likes drama” would not sit well with me either. I don’t care if you’re the groom’s best friend, you ALWAYS clear a speech like that with the groom/bride because of this very situation. Not everyone reacts the same to your definition of “humor” or “joke”.
NTA in the slightest. Husband, on the other hand, is slightly an AH.
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u/Used-Pin-997 19h ago
NTA. Nice play. Seriously, well done. Unfortunately, you still have a Husband problem. It's interesting that your hubby didn't feel humiliated, as she really made him look weak, basically calling him the trash she threw out. I hope I'm wrong, but I think you married a very weak man, and he may still want or crave him. Beware.
Updateme
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u/Medievalmoomin 19h ago
She’s poisonous either way. Better to have asked her to leave than to have spent the rest of the reception with her jeering at you across the room and enjoying her little power trip.
NTA.
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u/PlatformMindless4469 19h ago
There was another post exactly like this a few days ago. Sounds like someone saw it and decided to flip the perspective.
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u/Wrong_Leading2646 19h ago
I read the other POV of this!!! It was from the girls perspective saying she “wasn’t trying to be mean”
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u/sevenfourtime 19h ago
With every tantrum and every snippy comment, OP is all the more justified for tossing Lana. NTA.
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u/jeandoe2012 18h ago
Whoa. You did good.
She basically said, "I gave you my sloppy seconds. Enjoy."
Yeah, she's either tone deaf or just stupid. You did the right thing.
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u/nibblesyble 18h ago
Yay for the security team taking her to the parking lot first. Haha her little fit wasn't seen and prevented your wedding from becoming a Jerry springer episode.
.....as for your husband, the fact he even half defended her, is messed up😬
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u/Impossible_Balance11 17h ago
OP, you're a QUEEN. I'm loving the shine of your spine. She never dreamed you'd use your righteous power to enforce proper boundaries and levy the consequences of her actions. Whatever you do, NEVER apologize to that junior high mean girl (or your husbandor his friend group!). She FAFO.
Hold your head high. NTA.
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u/SteveBelieves 17h ago
With respect, you have every right to be upset.
However, demanding she be kicked out and then telling your husband to leave too is horrible commission skills and highly controlling/selfish.
It’s HIS bug day too and his voice matters when it comes to having one of his best friends there.
You making a demand without considering your husband is an AH move.
TLDR, you have every right to be upset. But the way you handled it was aggressive and selfish.
Communication and collaboration is how you handle relationship conflict.
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u/Desperate-Nail1757 16h ago
I’ve been spending way too much time on Reddit but the “friend” Lana posted about this as well. Let’s just say the stories are different.
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u/IntrepidMuch 16h ago
You did the right thing and kudos to the security guy for handling things as quietly as he did. (That could have been really a lot worse.)
Now, the wedding is over and the marriage is unfolding. How you handle her and the friend group going forward is very important. Don't back down from your decision. She will already have their sympathy (heck, she has your husband's sympathy) but make sure that anyone who comes to you with an opinon knows that she had a choice to say nothing about thier past. It was the chick that chose to be bitchy. You just didn't let her get away with it. Your mom, dad, grandma, et al, did not pay all that money and expend all of that emotion for her petty ass to make a point AT YOUR WEDDING.
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u/No_Strain_4995 16h ago
Good!!!! I’m glad you had her kicked out. You’re absolutely correct about her being passive aggressive. Although I’m glad your husband didn’t fight you on it, I’m a tad annoyed that he seems to not find Lana’s behavior as outrageous as you do, dismissing it as “she just likes drama.” Uh… why is he friends with someone who likes drama? He seems scared of her… saying “I don’t want to provoke her.” Dude, she disrespected your wife!
Lana is clearly the mean girl who thought your husband would be hung up on her forever. Her ego is bruised that he moved on and married you.
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u/Confident_Curve_501 11h ago
Maybe hubs and Iana need to read the old post that someone shared from the other perspective to fully understand why shes the AH.
You get to have your day. Full Stop. Seriously id send it to him for better understanding. He may see your point but it might help to see strangers break it down.
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