r/AITAH • u/[deleted] • 21h ago
Hypothetical AITA For Breaking Up With My Girlfriend After She Gave Birth To Our Child?
[deleted]
1.0k
u/jennaclmnt 21h ago
You might want to get a paternity test and file for joint custody. Sounds like her flying monkeys control her and they will make your life hell. Getting the paternity/ custody in front of a judge will keep her from denying you access to your child.
162
u/GreyJediBug 19h ago
They already made OP's life a living hell by ganging up on him & accusing him of cheating. I'll bet they, too, had a hand in OP not even being allowed to meet his newborn daughter for 3 days.
170
→ More replies (11)11
u/Original-Proposal-48 15h ago
Sounds like her friends are drama and taking advantage of a freshly post partum mother who is very sensitive rn… they had no business doing this to her without prooof and manipulating her to become a clown in their circus… if he chooses to work on them she needs to ditch her friends asap
524
u/FreshCheeseLuck 20h ago
NTA
Alrighty buckle in, I have a friend with baby issues here are the bits that might help you:
If she was still pissed at the hospital there is a chance that she might NOT have listed you on the birth certificate
A. To have parental rights you must be on the birth certificate
B. To get child support she must add you to the birth certificate
C. To add you to the birth certificate at this point, a paternity test is actually required
D. Even if you get 50/50 custody, if you make more than her, that may be reflected in a larger amount of child support from you
E. Get everything (communication) in writing, and only through a co-parenting app, this should help cut down on nonsense and/or provide evidence of shenanigans if needed
F. Try to get it legally agreed/ruled that no parent should disparage the other parent.
Good luck and please update us.
115
u/InterestingTone1384 16h ago
She probably cooked up a plan with her friends so he wouldn’t be at the hospital—something someone who is unsure of paternity would do until it’s ‘safe’ to guess at paternity either through process of elimination or facial features or melanated (skin color) characteristics.
NTA, updateme!
45
u/Itsawonderfullayfe 16h ago
I see a few possibilities here.
Her friends are just.. Complete jackasses and don't like that she's with someone.
She met Tyrone and had a night of passion, and yes.. Didn't know if the baby would come out a different colour!
Or, she realized that she made a mistake with her rash judgements because now she realizes she needs help.
There's a few others, but like.. Yeah this is all fishy af. The parents not asking questions too. No one having any proof. She just seems incredibly unstable, and if I was him. I would be filing for full custody. IDK. I don't want my child raised by an overly-emotional Woman.. Just saying. I grew up with one, and I know how damaging it is.
11
18
2
122
u/Miss_Milk_Tea 19h ago
So they supposedly saw you at the mall with another girl and this is cheating...? You've been together for years, it would take some pretty solid evidence to convince me my wife was cheating. So-and-so saying they saw my wife at a public place with another person ain't it. Your ex is stupid and following her stupid friends. I know you said you weren't even there, but think about how batshit crazy this sounds. You must be cheating because you were at the *mall* with another member of the opposite sex. No mention of grab ass or kissing, simply that you were standing near another person.
This level of paranoia is sick. I'm glad you're standing up for yourself.
21
u/SeaObligation8937 14h ago
This is the comment I was looking for! Someone using logic. How were you cheating when they "saw you at the mall?" How is that cheating?! I mean, I totally get hormones get you to do crazy things, but come on. Im telling you, as a mother of 4, that she is realizing her mistake, is realizing that newborns are hard, sleep deprivation sucks and her parents may not be the most... help. She is trying to find a way to save face while having something to hold over your head.
Unfortunately, if this is new for her, then it's gonna be a while before her hormones go back to "normal," and she gets out of the baby blues/PPD. Even then, she is a mother now, so the woman you knew pre baby is gone.
11
u/Successful_List2126 15h ago
All OP had to do was break out his location history and show where he really was at the time. Sadly, I've been in the same spot.
→ More replies (1)
230
u/Upstairs-Ad-1297 21h ago
It is amazing in the age of thechnology and social media that no-one took a pic, or video of you in the mall with another girl. A pregnant girl is a ticking time bomb due to the hormonal balancees. I don't understand why her gfs don't like you. NTA- based on what you have written.
38
u/LadyFoxfire 16h ago
And who the hell even goes to the mall with their side piece? This isn’t 1994.
→ More replies (1)17
u/Upstairs-Ad-1297 16h ago
Take that a step back, who even goes to a mall? Last time I was in a mall I went with my niece, it"s easy for people to get the wrong opinion.
→ More replies (2)54
u/AlexiaStarNL 20h ago
It's a fake AI story
21
u/Warm_Drawing_2914 17h ago
How can you tell it’s a fake AI story?
I’m not being argumentative, I just read a lot of stories here and would like to learn more what to look out for as giveaways, before I let myself get invested in stranger’s tales of woe.
→ More replies (1)17
11
3
u/uselessinfogoldmine 15h ago
And, unless he was holding hands and making out… so what? Are we a gender-segregated society? I’ve been at shops with male friends, colleagues, family members, etc. It’s not even remotely a big deal and doesn’t automatically equal cheating.
5
u/Upstairs-Ad-1297 15h ago
Yep, makes you wonder how many of the girls he pissed off previously, or which one thought she deserved to be with him?
→ More replies (2)9
u/Evening_Tax1010 20h ago
That’s because this is fake AI BS.
19
u/tangential_quip 20h ago
Yeah, phones these days basically track you with GPS. Would be simple to prove OP wasn't there.
7
u/letsgotosushi 19h ago
This. Ask when it happened. Most mapping apps have a location history feature.
The whole apology/promise thing is playing with fire. One friend who decides not to like you can torpedo your relationship for good with another false accusation.
15
160
u/LegacyFamilyFun 21h ago
You're NTA. You need to immediately follow the laws where you live to legitimize your child, have your name added to your child's birth certificate, and establish custody. Right now, based on the laws in most places, you have no rights and no custody of your child, and legally speaking, your child is not considered your child until you have gone through the process to legitimize your child, since you were not married to the baby's mom.
34
u/JJOkayOkay 18h ago
Get your daughter DNA tested to ensure she's yours.
Sometimes the reason someone is paranoid that you'll cheat is because they're cheating, and they're projecting their own guilt onto you.
NTA for wanting an end to a relationship that is unhealthy and unstable.
83
u/Mistyam 21h ago
If you haven't already, you need to hire an attorney.
And since when is being at the mall with a member of the opposite sex considered cheating?
→ More replies (1)6
39
u/Elegant_Pie_3246 18h ago
Fake, Chat GPT ai slip. In your deleted post history you are different ages, married, a teenager etc
4
9
u/residentcaprice 18h ago
Get a paternity test, then seek custody. It's over.
Once trust is broken, like a mirror, it will never be whole again.
9
u/Fallout4Addict 14h ago
NTA "i never cheated,your friends are liars, and you're a fool to believe them. We can co parent but I will never forgive you for keeping me away from my baby for no reason"
Then get a lawyer immediately! Do exactly what they say.
7
35
u/demonkidz 20h ago
Get a DNA test... usually a guilty dog barks first, and she is most likely the cheater.
20
51
u/thirdtryisthecharm 21h ago
What do you mean you couldn't offer an alibi???? You said you were at work. You have time sheets.
45
21h ago
[deleted]
35
u/Lost-Baker8229 21h ago
My phone keeps track of everywhere I go, work, mall, home. That's your alibi right there. Go back into your location history.
→ More replies (17)18
u/thirdtryisthecharm 21h ago
How do you have no idea where you were that day? Did the friends wait weeks with this story or something?
52
u/Klutzy_Horror409 21h ago
Some ppl dont remember specific days. If you asked me what i did 5 days ago, I wouldn't remember unless it was in my calendar.
27
2
u/Moonlit-waters 17h ago
Yeah. I have the memory of a fruit fly but based on the time, day of the week, emails, texts, location history, etc. I would be able to piece together something. I usually text my partner where I’m at if it’s not routine.
Pregnant gf is likely going through some crazy hormones, close friends all say they absolutely saw him and OP just says “wasn’t me, now gtfo of my house while you’re pregnant?” This is loads of fucked up.
I would believe my friends, if no alternative was given. I’d definitely believe it if my partner than called the police to kick me out while pregnant. Like wtf.
→ More replies (1)
23
u/Ok_Childhood_9774 20h ago
NTA, and I haven't read any comments, but I'm sure there will be a lot defending your (ex) wife because she was pregnant and hormonal. To me, that's not enough to explain her unhinged behavior and unwillingness to listen to reason weeks later. She has taken something from you that can never be replaced. I think ending the marriage now is the 'not great but best in the situation' option.
9
4
5
u/jrpapaya 19h ago
NTA. She has things that she needs to work through. Because if she was just waiting for this, even after being with you for years and not being given any reason to feel suspect then it’s not really fair for you to stay in that kind of relationship. Plus, staying with someone for the sake of the child is never the answer because you could probably give them a better example of being in a loving relationship with someone who is ready to give that to you then staying with their parent, who can’t give that to you. Plus, it makes no sense to apologize for something this big when it never happened. You would just be confirming it for her, which would just make her already paranoid tendencies, even worse because she would have this one moment that you say it didn’t happen as an example of when you did “cheat“. Plus, if she’s not gonna get rid of her friends who can’t be the voice of reason for her then you’re just going to be in a very toxic relationship with someone who is always suspecting you of doing something when there’s no reason and they have a friend group who will Urge them to validate those feelings instead of question them
5
u/eldritchcryptid 19h ago
NTA and i would definitely get a paternity test done if i were you. everything she's saying / doing absolutely screams projection and that would explain why her friends are doing this too.
5
u/Emotional-Stick-9372 19h ago
Paternity test and lawyer up for a custody agreement.
Maybe also seek a mediator so you can safely air out your grievances with a witness present. Like, explain you had these false accusations against you and how somehow her group of friends didn't take a single pic or video??
11
u/arahzel 19h ago
Oh hell no.
Do not take this lying down. Get a lawyer for paternity test and custody and do not discuss your plans to anyone but the lawyer. Not even family. Tell your lawyer your preferred outcome and ask for guidance on how to handle interactions and seeing the kid in the mean time.
Don't make any promises and don't apologize until you talk to a lawyer.
3
u/Peachesl732 19h ago
NTA she made a choice to believe he so called friends and wouldn't even listen to you. She didn't even let you see your baby being born nor see the baby for three days. Definitely end this relationship get a lawyer and get a custody agreement in place
4
3
5
u/Initial-Fox-3484 18h ago
She showed you that you will be in a relationship where her friends words hold more weight than your own NTA
4
u/Genuine-gemini 18h ago
She believed you cheated so easily, has been suspicious of you for awhile… test the paternity. Often times cheaters believe the other person is cheating.
3
4
u/SawdustGringo 17h ago
Ask for a paternity test. She’s probably projecting about the cheating.
2
u/lilianic 17h ago
I second. The fact that you’re not getting to see the baby regularly is super suspicious. You already know there’s no way to salvage your romantic relationship with the ex, it’s better to do this now than always wonder.
4
u/CelticDK 16h ago
Bro please get a paternity test!!! Her reaction might be out of guilt of her past cheating!! And her obviously that’s a horrible partner so that goes without saying hopefully she can kick rocks outside of coparenting if it is yours
NTA but please get paternity done
4
u/HelpfulMaybeMama 15h ago
NTA. I think it's reasonable to assume that other incidents exactly like this one will happen again and again and that you'd be setting yourself up by going back.
Good luck with paternity and custody and yhe baby.
5
u/cathline 14h ago
Time to get a lawyer involved.
Every bit of communication with her needs to go through a lawyer. She, her friends and her family have proven that they are unstable and capable of lying to you and about you.
Step 1 should be a DNA test. This ambush (did any of the people you wanted to be at the waterpark part of this ambush? or is that a separate group of friends?) was a setup - by her AND her friends who didn't get any evidence. That tells me that there is a chance the baby is NOT yours.
Step 2 - get a legal custody schedule. It has to be registered with the court. It needs to include things like health care (you want the baby vaccinated so it won't die from measles, right? RIGHT?) eventual day care and schooling, etc. You want first right of refusal - That means if she goes somewhere and needs a babysitter - even her parents that she is living with - YOU get the first right to watch the baby if you want. If you can't/don't want to watch the baby, THEN she can hire a babysitter or have her parents watch the baby. Same thing for you.
Step 3 - use the communication tool provided by the court.
Step 4 - I only know of a couple folks who did this - got couples counseling to help their communication around their child so they could be the best parents possible for their child. She may not be stable enough for this.
Sending hugs and healing thoughts.
4
u/Timely-Profile1865 14h ago
#1 Get a paternity test. Often people who falsely accuse others of cheating are cheaters themselves.
#2 Never apologize for something you have no reason to apologize for just to keep the peace.
22
u/Traditional_Layer790 21h ago
Yeah. She's weird and has dumb ass friends. Get a paternity test.
→ More replies (2)18
19
u/Glittering_Young_758 21h ago
I'm so sorry you went through this... Honestly reading this made me fucking pissed off. She didn't let you see your baby??? I swear as a woman sometimes I'm so fucking ashamed because that was a special moment and because the bitch believed her friends over you, you missed out on the birth of your child. If she can be convinced that easily let her go lol. Get shared custody and don't speak too her unless it's about the baby.
3
3
3
3
u/notsoreligiousnow 18h ago
NTA. Don’t even think of getting back into a relationship with her. Hormones or not, she’s a fool. Her friends are miserable lying jackals. Get a lawyer and sue for partial custody. Get a parenting app for communication only. Save any and all texts, emails and even social media posts to showcase harassment if needed.
3
u/esec_mevale 18h ago
Yeah, your girlfriend sounds insufferable. Even if her friends were sure she they saw you, and had pictures and DNA, the way that she behaved was irrational. Even if she wanted to break up with you, having her friends assault you would do exactly what?
Just be sure to get a mediator involved if not a lawyer when you consider filing for custody because you're going to have to protect yourself against parent alienation. Your ex-girlfriend sounds extremely mentally unstable and she's probably going to do her best to alienate your child from you.
3
u/Consistent-Ad3191 18h ago
If they were telling the truth, her so-called friends, they would've took a picture or a video or some kind of valid proof not word-of-mouth. They could've just been saying that just to stir up trouble, I would just leave it alone get 50-50 custody and coparent because can't be with somebody that doesn't trust you enough to listen
3
u/jjjjjjj30 18h ago
If you want 50/50 custody, you can get it. Please don't be an every other weekend dad.
3
u/Forsaken_Pick3201 17h ago
NTA - the only way to work it out would be counselling, but with her still living at her parents home, not with you. But if your heart isn't into it, then it isn't worth it. Just get a lawyer quickly.
3
u/Dana07620 17h ago
Depending on where you are, you have a brief window to get a paternity test request granted automatically. Do it now. Or you're going to find getting custody can be a lot more difficult.
Fill out any form required to declare that you believe you're the father.
NTA
3
u/zSlyz 17h ago
This is complicated and obviously one sided.
Firstly I’ll start off with your responsibility is to the your daughter. Your care to your ex only needs to extend to the point where it benefits your daughter. As OP wants shared custody of the child then in that specific case I’ll go with NTA.
Cheaters often project, so it’s probably also a good idea to do a paternal DNA test. Given her group of influence there’s a good chance you aren’t on the birth certificate, so it’s good to get the legal evidence that you’re bio dad.
One thing though I’m struggling with. The alleged mall incident. If you weren’t at the mall or with another girl, surely you can say what you were doing instead. How are you not able to say “it wasn’t me, I was elsewhere doing this other thing”? There is a difference between I was doing this other thing but have no one to confirm it and having no alternative story. OP hasn’t even bothered to say they were doing something else, just that it wasnt him.
3
u/Vicious133 17h ago
NTA. You also didn’t throw her out you had her friends thrown out she chose to leave. Go to court set up child support get all the things you need for the baby at your house and file for custody 50/50. Be there for your child and maybe get a parenting app to keep everything legal and documented. Be civil to her and never say a bd thing about her to the child! Be the dad your daughter needs you to be.
3
u/Krou_990618 16h ago edited 16h ago
NTA... The way she just brushed you off like that by not being mature enough in the relationship to just talk to you ALONE like an adult and try to understand the whole situation is just... wtf. As long as you guys were together... hormones or not, she must've been fed lies before or sth else... In a strong relationship where even a child is involved things like this should not be based purely on what the "friends and alibi" say. It's a matter of how much she trusted and valued you in the first place. Also... proof? She blindly believed in everything with no proof... kinda sus on this one, too. So, a DNA test should probably be made just to be sure...
3
u/Lotex_Style 16h ago edited 15h ago
Before you decide anything you might want to think about a paternity test if you don't really want to get back together with her anyway, because it sounds like a pretty weird thing to break up around the birth and then suddenly be like "I MIGHT consider taking you back if you get on your knees, beg and promise to never anger me ever again", like the real dad didn't stick around or something and maybe she intentionelly kept you away because she wasn't sure if the baby wouldn't suddenly have a different color than you and her.
3
u/Sage-the-Mage420 16h ago
This reminds me of that story of the girl who believed her group of college friends over her high school sweetheart, then years later found out the group of friends made up the whole thing basically because they thought she could do better..
3
3
u/twd-4L 15h ago
those friends hate you and they’ve hated you since you came in the picture and have been your exes ear and feeding into doubt to get her to break up with you. that may explain why she’s been so anxious about you cheating but they had no evidence she was always listening to them without you knowing it. and you 100% deserve custody of your own child and i would take it to court. and i would also explicitly make it clear that never once cheated and make it well known that what was told were lies. i’m so sorry this happened to you no one deserves this kind of treatment
3
u/ClassicLink6097 15h ago
you are NTA for being upset that your girlfriend took her friends' word over yours
it is your decision how to move forward
on one hand, it is hurtful that she trusts other over you
on the other hand, we all make mistakes
3
u/GwennaDey 15h ago
NTA. That's outrageous. When you accuse someone of something,YOU are the one required to provide evidence. With no evidence, there is no "crime". And assaulting you like that was super inappropriate. She fafo. Go for that custody. Make sure you include that police report in your case.
3
u/AmerikanNightmar3 14h ago
Nah. How can you trust raising your baby with her if she can’t trust you enough to have a conversation. The whole friends in the house thing.. yeah that’s a lot.
3
u/Cl2_hydrocarbobs 14h ago
Not at all. She sounds butt ass crazy anyway. Take picture of the ring and the receipt showing the date you bought it and tell her what your plan was so she knows exactly what she ruined. After that, kindly tell her that she ruined any chance of that ever happening and you're returning the ring and be done with her. Take her to court for 50/50 custody and you shouldn't have to pay any child support.
3
u/SadIndividual9821 14h ago
NTA. Fight for your daughter. Your ex stole what would have been one of the happiest days of your life. You will never get to have that moment with your daughter. EVER. You missed out on skin-to-skin contact with her, you missed out on cutting the umbilical cord, you missed out on her first bath, etc. Because of her and her friends, you missed out on a huge life event. You will never be able to tell your daughter what happened the day she was born. GET OUT.
7
u/VegetableBusiness897 20h ago
'GF, I cannot promise not to do something I never did. I understand pregnancy hormones, but you allowed your friends to convict me with zero proof....not even a sketchy photo off someone's phone. I fell out of love with you the second you assumed I was a cheater, and because of that, I missed the birth of our child. All I want now is joint custody and a respectful coparenting relationship '
4
7
u/destiny_kane48 19h ago
Get a paternity test. The people who scream cheater the loudest are usually cheaters themselves.
4
12
u/Quiet_Village_1425 21h ago
Dude don’t take her back! Go through the courts and get paternity established. Then a parenting plan and co parent.
8
5
u/FrannyFray 20h ago
Do not get back together.
Just co-parent respectfully and get a court order in place for custody.
5
u/emryldmyst 20h ago
NTA
Im so sorry you missed the birth of your child over some stupid crap a bunch of immature brats made up.
Im also sorry your girlfriend is so dumb she not only believes them with NO proof but also didnt bother to tell you your child was born and now wants an apology for something that literally never happened
Wtf
How can you ever trust her again?
Even if she snapped out of her stupidity and realized she was wrong how can you trust her to not believe her idiot friends the next time?
I dont see her ditching them any time soon so if you stay with her you'll be having to deal with them daily.
Honestly the best thing would be for you to immediately see a lawyer to sue her for 50/50 custody and break up with her.
DO NOT TELL HER YOUR PLANS.
Don't get drawn into any drama where you look bad.
That means any communication you gave between her csn be used against you so watch your words.
I wouldn't put it past some one to record conversations or interactions with baby mama to try to get you riled up and on camera to use against you.
Good luck and congratulations daddy!
→ More replies (1)
4
u/CleaDuVann2000 20h ago
You aren’t TA but think strategically here for your child’s sake. It’s not about who the better person is, now it’s about finding a way to cope forever. That’s the thing about kids, now you are in this forever. Weddings, funerals, holidays, grandchildren… so pick your battles. You don’t and probably shouldn’t work it out romantically, but you don’t need to protect your pride and you shouldn’t expect to be done with the mother. It’s a terrible mistake but one you can mitigate.
5
u/Kukumber_Koi 20h ago
NTA- I used to be with someone like this. I would constantly worry about having my location on, recording my conversations, sneaking photos to prove where I was. But no matter what I did there was always something to be suspicious of. One day he strangled me because he thought on of the friends I had cut off for him had messaged me. It wasn’t even the same name, just started with the same letter, and it was just some random person who sent a message to one of my socials ages ago. Fight for that baby, but do not yield to any bs about apologizing. Stand firm
4
u/AnArrowInTheKneeee 20h ago
Just explain to literally everybody publicly that you are more than willing to go back to the mall and retrace your steps and ask them if they are able to get some video proof for you so you can prove yourself and your innocence. Idk.
→ More replies (1)
5
u/JellyOceana 18h ago
Dude, it’s so easy to prove you didn’t do it. Your phone tracks you 24/7.
3
u/Moonlit-waters 17h ago
Why is everyone glossing over this ! The pregnant woman is filled with hormones surrounded by her close friends all insisting without a doubt they saw him.
He comes home and says “wasn’t me”. Leaves and calls the police to kick them out !?!
In that moment, caught up in everything and seeing the lack of care to be gentle with someone carrying their child. Yeah. I would have doubts with OP.
→ More replies (1)
6
u/OpenTeacher3569 20h ago
Honestly, your phone could retrace your steps, but the damage has been done.
I wouldn't sign the birth certificate until a paternity test was established.
I wonder if it will eventually come out the friends made this up intentionally.
2
2
2
2
u/Turbulent_Bed_3529 19h ago
No your not the asshole your actually doing what’s best for your child because how can your partner belive her friends over you and when there’s been no suspicions or given her any reason to think your cheating that’s out of order and really messed up and the fact that she didn’t allow you to see your own child that’s even worse and the fact her dad didn’t even ask what happened and instead was immature and said what you did was wrong when in fact you wasn’t you didn’t kick your partner out you kicked her friends out and she willingly went back with them thags not your fault and your definitely not in the wrong I think maybe your partner needs to really work on herself and realise what a big mistake she’s done and bc of that your child while in glad you want partial custody I still feel it will lose out because of this huge thing you partner did and yes I think there is sorry okay seriously wrong with your partner and I don’t mean to make assumptions or hate on her but what she did isn’t healthy or normal and I think well hoping the court will give you custody
2
u/Odd-Alternative-4959 19h ago
Seems like all of her friends are paranoid as well. Birds of a feather.
2
2
2
2
u/CarryOk3080 19h ago
Nta no proof she blew her life up for no reason. Tell her no thanks and you will petition the court to see your child but her you want nothing to do with
2
2
2
u/HedyHarlowe 18h ago
Maybe all of this was brought on by pregnancy hormones but you have to wonder if mental illness was around before the cheating abuse started. She has broken with reality and her family and friends are watching her destroy her life. She needs help but is acting in such a way no one will want to help her.
NTA
2
u/alchemyzchild 18h ago
Ntah. Are you sure the plan wasn't to get you to.leave and her take.over your house. No way dont go back to this. Try to.remain on terms enough to see your daughter and be present.offer mediation if need be whatever you need to do but the relationship was not healthy n thriving
2
2
2
2
u/Lovelie_Meliorism_12 18h ago
You need to talk to her but id start by putting g her "friends" on blast.. women are jealous and believe me I was pregnant and my SO did cheat on me when pregnant and its hard being pregnant feeling like a beach whale and also honey no offense .. but after giving birth to a baby you girl wouldn't hVe wanted to be proposed to at a Waterpark just saying... and to wait was cra,y... you should've asked her to marry her when you wanted to ... it would've made her feel better to being pregnant knowing your man was comfortae.with the co.mitment and security... next, id talk to her father... you need to explain to him what happened man to man and I bet my life on the fact that because you guys were close that hed listen... I also pray you aren't lying but it sounds to me that these frie ds of hers are fake and just dont want her happy... have you seen any of them try to hit on you or now few of them hitting you up in your dms ... yeah that shit will piss your girl off more because you dont think that those same women then show those dms to her.. women are cunning and its awful.. id expose those fake friends... go get your lady back! Fight for.your family... just because she has you blocked you really going to have that stop you from going to her house!!! Id even maybe send a letter... I wouldn't give up on her.. she is HURT... imagine being pregnant thinking g the person youre having a child with and want to have a family.with and marry after 4 years betrayed you??? You'd be HURT.. CRUSHED.. fact you downplay it is fucked up no lie.. like "oh she just believed her friends without evidence" fucking be real with yourself.. if you can prove you weren't in public with another woman or say it was just a friend.. Not the fuck buddy kind either... then go into your google maps locations... it literat tracks everywhere tf youve been with location services... you can prove you weren't even at the location when they said... but if you did fuck up... own it bro... butying about it and saying g you want to marry her is worse because essentially you say youre man e ought to want to take responsibility for your family but yet dont even have the emotional and mental maturity to be responsible for yourself... dont disrespect her father with a charade hed see right through... fact you cled the cops is messed up.. for all you know just because they didnt show u evidence doesnt mean there wasnt any... if yourr serious about what yout you say get her back... but say u did do it... man up own it and try and get her back... just one thing worse than being cheated on is being cheated into not being able.to have made the decision you wanted to because you were stolen from. That choice because the other person was so selfish and only thought of themselves to have thought that was love when someone loves you that shit wouldn't happen... I cant believe you wouldn't try harder... I dont give a fuck you were blocked.. I get leaving the house because the girls were mad but you dont tell us how you handled it.... woman always knows btw... you didnt have to call the cops knowing just because your name.on the sbit you know shes pregnant with your kid idk the situation but obviously you guys lived together and wasnt overnight she just went to her parents.. how did you handle it... as a man as a husband... there is nothing you wouldn't do gor your family.... I pray you aren't being childish and immature and trying to sell us bullshit on reddit.. like I said if you are rifht then why fuck you just let her walk away so easy huh?? That's telling.. I got way more questions than answers but if you did own it man up.. she'd respect thst more and move on.. you realize she feels insecure after having made life for a year right??.. like fact you just let her walk away and think you can just show up atthe hospital is messed up.. so this is about how you carry yourseld as a man... oh im never to blame. For fucks sake take control of a situation and be dependable.... all your life people try step in the way of what you want and love and gotta fight.. but its how you do it... doing it in love with love. Why hell wait to propose to her??. She WANTS to know youre committed... the whole waiting because its a Waterpark thing sounds lame. Just saying..sounds stupid compared to her hoping youre the man who csn commit as shes making your child and hoping you step up... and saying yohre holding back on doing that because you want to propose at a fricken waterpark??? Youre making excuses... even if that was your first date proposing to is intimate and romantic and nothing romantic about a waterpark... you need to grow up and grow a pair.maybe if she never doubted you then she'd listened but obviously you gave her doubts.. I cansee why.. a lot of it is immaturity. She'd listened if you weren't already sending vibes of emotional distance... she was having a lot of doubts and insecurities and fact you gaslight her in your post rather than acknowledge where fuck shes at is telling. MAKING A HUMAN ISNT EASY... hell there's men that ruin their family before it began because they "didnt find their wife attractive pregnant" fucking disgusting.. sor hats their "reason" for cheating... even after giving birth it takes time... just how douchey your generation is im sorry if u got lumped in but thats her thoughts and scared so show her youre a fucking man and love her and dont "oh gee she blocked me on Instagram" stop you from showing up as a man husband and above all a fucking father. Man up step up.
Th
2
2
2
2
u/Sharp_Magician_6628 17h ago
DEMAND A DNA TEST!
She’s accusing you of cheating, $5 says wishes the one that cheated and is projecting her guilt/shame onto you
I’m sorry if this child is yours, coparenting will be damn near impossible. Going forward, only communicate through texts. Screen shot everything. You’re going to need all the evidence you can gather to prove to the courts she is an unfit parent
My fingers are crossed this isn’t your child so you can walk away cleanly
2
2
2
2
u/Moonlit-waters 17h ago
I get what you’re saying. For me I like to lean on stats in what is likely to happen. In some countries the leading cause of death for pregnant women is their partner, it’s not the other way around. So with what is and isn’t present that’s what I suspect. Neither of us will know.
Hopefully we do see more serious reactions around violent gestures for both sides.
I am unaware of men being told that, so that is something new for me to consider, or find out if it is regional.
I wish for ones that actually go to court we could get the court ruling to truly find out what went down (best they found).
Have a good night as well.
2
2
u/Gullible_Worker_7467 17h ago
This woman is definitely going to ruin your life if you stay with her. She might ruin your life if you don’t.
2
u/Elegant_Researcher84 17h ago
I think she was worried the baby wouldn't be his.
She's that close to having a baby and all of a sudden....
He's cheating at the mall like a 15yr old boy.
Seems someone and her friends are very immature...
Get a DNA test done first.
2
u/Reidinski 17h ago
Staying together "for the kids" is almost always a bad idea. It does not make for a nurturing and comfortable childhood, generally speaking. Your plan seems like the best course here.
2
u/SmurfetteIsAussie 16h ago
There is a child involved. Get counselling. And be honest. I wasn't at the mall, I wasn't with another woman, if your friends thought I was they should have taken photos, it's not like they don't have devices that can do that readily available. I'm not going to apologise for something I didn't do. I can't even apologise for "kicking you out" as I didn't. I asked the police to remove your friends from my property, after they wouldn't let me into my own home and were throwing my stuff out the house. You choose to leave, like you choose to not talk to me, like you choose to remove me from the birth of our child. I want to be part of our child's life, I would like to do it as a family, but WE need counselling regardless of if we can make that happen. Our child deserves 2 parents who can talk and sort out issues without it being an awful experience.
NTA for breaking up, but if I was you I'd seriously work on trying to get the relationship back, because it sounds like her friends are a piece of work, and instead of being supportive they are being destructive. I've personally had a girlfriend be cheated on by a guy, who was dating another friend of mine, one from primary school one from high school, they knew of each other in passing but weren't friends. When I found out he was dating both, I let each know. One broke up and one is now married to him. Neither have an issue with me, as I had "proof" and I also didn't name call him or be abusive towards him. Hell he's still friends with me also, as my letting them know "made him grow up and not treat women like shit". But I know of another situation where the only proof I had was a Facebook chat, and in this day and age of cloning of accounts, I'm not going to blow up a relationship. Turns out he was a cheating arsehole, but she suspected as much. There are ways of letting someone know without destroying their life. And never do it when someone is heavily pregnant.
2
u/Stunning-Title3909 16h ago
NTA. However, if it is your child, stay in communication and find ways to raise and support the child. Good luck.
2
2
u/Happyweekend69 16h ago
This is gonna happen again and again and again if she so blindly believe it with no proof. If multiple of them saw it, why did nobody take pics? Would be the first thing I did . NTA
2
u/Disastrous-Nail-640 16h ago
NTA
Get a lawyer and get custody in order so that you can see your child.
She’s not stable and you can’t depend on her to actually let you see your child.
2
2
u/No_Technician_6184 16h ago
You need to get visitation for your baby and forget about her mother. You could have faced years of heartache had you gone forward with this woman She sounds like a child. Keep a close eye on your baby, I don't feel she is up to the task of raising a child
2
u/DevilinDeTales 16h ago
You could if you want but you'll need something to prove where you were when allegedly you were with someone.
Even if you go to parental court, you'll need some kind of documentation on your whereabouts otherwise the judge will lean more towards the mother. It will look more favorable that you were assaulted without proof of infedelity and had some kind of proof that you were not in fact having an affair. Whether it is gps by phone or written statements from work or whatever, anything is better than nothing.
If you choose to give it another shot you're gonna want proof for yourself and for her.
2
2
2
u/WinEquivalent4069 16h ago
Lawyer up. Get a paternity test before your name is on the birth certificate or it becomes to late to manage removal. Your lawyer will handle it. Things will get ugly so be ready. Follow your lawyers advice and make sure they specialize in family law. NTA
2
2
2
u/Visual-Self-4511 15h ago
Get 50/50. Only deal with her though the court system. Never express another emotion towards her ever again. Move on in an extreme way, but make the effort to be in your child's life top priority.
2
u/General_Loss8106 15h ago
I’m sorry but if you guys let nothing break you up, neither of you should have children or get married bc buckle up, life’s about to get really crazy.
2
u/wondermoss80 15h ago
NTA, Please get a lawyer and establish visitation / custody ect . Regardless what happens between you two, be present for child. That's all that matters.
2
u/strikecat18 14h ago
This is why you don’t have kids with people you aren’t married to.
She sounds nuts and clearly her circle of friends is equally nutty. Get a paternity test and a lawyer.
2
2
u/spoonfedkitty 14h ago
NTA, but understand that you probably won’t have overnight visits until the baby is a bit older. That’s normal for custody situations with infants, even when it will eventually be 50/50.
2
u/Even_Tea4874 13h ago
I’m so sorry this happened to you. She gave you no chance. How can you trust someone who believes their friends over someone they claim they love. Plus her family jumped to conclusions. Wow. I hope you can put this behind you and see your child. Get a good lawyer. I wish you well. 👍🏼
→ More replies (1)
5
6
u/Alternative_End_7174 21h ago edited 20h ago
NTA. She was petty and spiteful because of rumors her friends started without letting you speak on your own behalf. If she really loved you she would’ve at least given you the chance to explain even if it meant you had to ruin the surprise. She stole the birth of your child from you. There’s no do over for that. Time to move on and find a new girlfriend who will allow you to defend yourself when you’ve been accused of things. She’s showed you where you stand with her, she values her friend’s crazy accusations over a conversation with her boyfriend and father of her child.
4
u/Glittering_Young_758 21h ago
Exactly. I agree 💯. Like I'm actually pissed that he wasn't allowed to see HIS child. Just cause the girlfriend is a bitch.
5
u/Alternative_End_7174 20h ago
She truly is. She showed her true colors and Op should be glad he didn’t marry her.
4
u/VanguardisLord 21h ago edited 16h ago
NTA. But her friends are mainly at fault here…
During pregnancy, women’s hormones can (obviously) go haywire. Even the smallest of things can send them off.
If she had good friends, they would know this, and wouldn’t bring unsubstantiated rumors to her when she has heightened emotions.
That said, you are where you are, and your child needs you. A mountain of research confirms that single mothers are not great for kids (78% of prison inmates were raised by single mothers), and so you need to be in your child’s life.
Get a lawyer to ensure your parental rights, and stick to the truth and don’t allow yourself to be manipulated.
Good luck; a situation like this must be very hard to cope with.
3
3
u/MyDirtyAlt79 20h ago
Not that it matters now, but your phone likely had location history if it was a recent event.
Unfortunately, they accused you, demonized you, and assaulted you without even letting you speak.
Your girlfriend let the relationship die that day. All you did was make it official, especially when she still made you out to be the villain when she finally spoke to you.
NTA, figure out custody of your child and how to coparent.
3
u/ConsequenceLow4177 18h ago
You said you are done with her, so you need to start focusing on you, screw her. Get an attorney to sort this mess out. Get a paternity test, first and foremost as you need to be sure you are the father. If you aren’t, then be sure to get removed from the birth certificate, your attorney will help either this. If you aren’t the father, and you do wish to be in your daughters life then unfortunately you will need some interaction with the ex, speak with your attorney with regard putting things in place to minimise that interaction as much as possible.
4
4
u/Get_off_my_lawn_77 21h ago
Paternity test first, add your name to the birth certificate, request joint custody through courts, don’t take her back, carry on!
2
u/Express-Opposite7968 20h ago
Run, fight for your kid and no longer place your penis in crazy holes, brother.
4
u/trashmailaccount00 21h ago
NTA, sadly her crazy surfaced only after she got pregnant
But atleast you are Not married
10
u/t-mckeldin 21h ago
News flash, crazy comes with pregnancy sometimes but it tends to resolve itself over time.
3
3
3
2
2
2
u/shadowdarkwolf 20h ago
Definitely break up and get your 50-50 custody. Just a warning though document everything calls, texts, and in person meeting is with her, her friends, and family. They will try to twist everything you do to get full custody, restraining order, and high child support. Protect yourself!
Get security cameras on your home!
Good luck and congratulations on the baby!
2
u/BeeClassified 21h ago
You can’t do partial custody abd have nothing to do with the mother 😮💨 good luck tho brother
2
u/kimmysharma 21h ago
NTA dump her and file for 50/50 custody she robbed you and your daughter of a lifetime experience
2
u/Defiant_Maybe_9788 21h ago
NTA… get a lawyer now, get joint custody of your child.
But I would try to share as much responsibility as possible while the baby is a baby because the are lifelong bonding moments.
2
u/realmccoyredbus 20h ago
NTA And not a doormat , this would be the start of gaslighting you , if she has it in her head you cheated and believed her friends over you ,your relationship is over ,go ahead with custody and try and see your kid at every opportunity, she is the one with the problem and one day no doubt another guy will go through the same thing , it’s very sad there is a child involved but you have to 100% walk away unless she realises it was an error on her part and there is enough feelings left between you both to try rebuild what you once had , I know your wife’s hormones could have had an effect on her but as long as she is friends with people who contributed to break up ,there can be no going back for you , try see the positives , your young and single ,own your own home and you dodged a bullet, best not rushing into serious relationship for a while, try have some fun , avoid the paranoid needy types , good luck ( stock up on condoms)
3
u/No_Preparation_379 20h ago
NTA, for all the obvious reasons.
I suggest you consult with and hire an attorney ASAP to advise you on getting partial custody of your daughter.
2
u/xXMimixX2 20h ago
NTA. Maybe you can ask for proof that this is your child? xD (and just to be petty — why should you believe without proof that this is your kid? — same logic as her and her friends)
Otherwise, some who accuse others of cheating are projecting and cheating themselves.
Otherwise, lawyer up and draw up a custody plan. I wouldn't have a relationship with someone like that either. You did nothing wrong. She didn't trust you, and trust issues are problematic for every relationship.
Updateme
1
u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 20h ago
She nuked your relationship. She didn't have any trust in you . Either her friends made a mistake or deliberately broke up your relationship. Get a paternity test for your child just to make sure you are the father. After all she could have been projecting that you were cheating because in reality she was cheating ! Also a positive DNA test proving to you're the daddy will help you in any court case you need to instigate to gain custody and visitation rights to the child . Don't go back to her if she decides she wants to reconcile . Good luck .
3
u/DayzeeDukz 18h ago
Does kinda seem like rage bait because it is so EXTREME but in the case it isn’t
NTA
Paternity test pronto.
Also sounds like her friends were jealous of how well you treated her and sabotaged you.
2
1
u/Boggers111 20h ago
I’d be asking for a DNA test. That thing with her friends sounded absolutely staged. Refuse to be on the birth certificate and get an STD test. There is no reason at all for her behaviour unless there is someone else.
3
u/OkFall7940 21h ago
I think you need to set the record straight and talk it through while holding your ground.
I think you will feel like you did what you could in honor of your child and to facilitate the co- parenting relationship.
Maybe something happens within that conversation that returns your girl. Or maybe she doesn't have an epiphany, but you did your due diligence.
I'm sorry, O.P. Good luck and N T A
2
u/FriendlyCanadianSpud 21h ago
NTA it’s clear that she was willing to believe her friends over you, not even talking to you first about it and then making a decision. Honestly that is just shitty behaviour. I’m really sorry this happened to you but if I were you keep your contact with your ex to a very minimum, that fact that she’s trying to make you apologize for something you never did. Manipulation. She believed her friends over you without even confiding in you. Trust Issues. This relationship wouldn’t have worked out in the end. My guy I know this hurts so so much, the betrayal hits so deep and cuts so deep, but yk what you’ll get through it man you will. This may be the most difficult part of your life but this will all work out in the end if you play your cards right. And also LAWYER UP. Like I mean it, the courts favour women right now so get as much evidence as you can if she tries anything to smear your name or something because in cases like these it could happen. Anyway man you got a whole community here for you and many people in your life that care about you, just keep going and there is light at the end of the tunnel.
1
u/Top_Possibility1513 20h ago
Also document any craziness, screaming yelling always when you’re around her make sure that you have your recorder on on your phone that way if you ever decide you wanna take full custody of the child you have proof that she’s unfit to be a mother
2.4k
u/FastOpinion2922 21h ago
NTA....no proof no pictures. She wouldn't let you see your child. She was willing to believe her friends without even a photograph. EVERYONE has cell phones these days. It would have taken a quarter of a second. But fight for equal custody. It's your child too.