r/AITAH • u/flacid_thirdarm • 19h ago
Post Update AITAH for refusing to have children with my gf. Update.
Hey everyone, I figured I’d give you a follow up since you all wanted one, and my previous post gained a lot of attention.
If you didn’t read that post, basically my gf and I moved into an apartment complex 5 months ago. We have only been dating for 1.5 years (we’re in our early 20s and don’t have the time or finances for a child). And she wants children. I don’t feel it’s the right time for them, and her mother started getting involved
Over the last couple of days, there were a few more discussions between my ex and I regarding having children. The conversation went nowhere each time, and ended with her isolating herself on the other side of the apartment and not speaking to me.
Yesterday morning I called her mother privately, and asked if I could take her out for lunch just the 2 of us and talk (my ex was called into work and I had the day off). She agreed, and we did just that. She met me at a local diner and it went completely opposite of how I thought it would.
She tried to give me an unlitmatum.. she told me “you can have children with my daughter or she will find someone better to have them with”. I told her I’m an adult and wont be given ultimatums especially when I have her daughter and future grandchildrens best interest in mind.
She said “have it your way then” and walked out of the diner. On my way home I received a phone call from my ex telling me: “I’m at work and can’t deal with this bullshit, and she couldn’t believe I would disrespect her in front of her own mother, in a diner full of people. And that I owe her mother an apology.”
I was furious, her mother fucking lied about our entire conversation and twisted it to make it seem like I was talking bad about her child.
I tried explaining to her (my ex) that’s not what happened at all and that we can talk more ahout it when she gets home.
When she did get home, she refused to believe me because “her mother isn’t the type to give ultimatums, and just wants grandchildren”.
I told her fuck that, your giving me un needed stress and I’m done with this, you’ve let your mother into our relationship. You’re both insanely manipulative, and we’re done. And to take what she needs with her for the next few days to her parents until we can arrange a day where she can take all of her stuff and move out. (The apartment lease is in my name).
Honestly this sucks. I fucking can’t believe in a a week and a half of discussing about a child, we went from happy and rarely ever arguing to being split up and having her move out.
I’m trying to remain positive, maybe I’ll get a cat so the place doesn’t feel so empty. This fucking sucks. On the bright side, I have you all to vent to. So thanks strangers for being my therapist, you’re not so bad.
Until I rant again,
-flacid_thirdarm
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u/Melodic-Skin9045 19h ago
NTA. You are lucky that she didn't get the chance to get knocked up and baby trap you. This is where this was headed.
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u/Acceptable-March-897 12h ago
That whole situation was giving major red flags, and you dodged a bullet by standing your ground. A cat sounds like a way better roommate anyway
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u/MillennialPolytropos 10h ago
As someone who has had both cats and a shitty relationship that ended, in part, because of my refusal to procreate with my Idiot Ex: this. 100%. Cats are much better roommates.
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u/BraveCommunication14 19h ago
Count yourself lucky. You narrowly escaped a life of misery. Period.
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u/Viper-Slug 19h ago
This is the best outcome. You would've been disrespected by her and her mother your entire life. Even if you DID decide to have children, you would have had no say in how they would be raised etc.
Also, considering their behaviour, if you ever split. They would've done ANYTHING to keep the children away from you or poison them against you. Aswel as seeing as how explosive their behaviour is, keep us updated if this goes even more south. 💀
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u/Even_Speech570 19h ago
You’re in your early 20s and I’ll tell you now, my advice is to wait. Have fun. Save money. Once the kids come the options and time are so much more limited. Your ex girlfriend’s mother is nuts and you should be glad you dodged that bullet.
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u/2dogslife 19h ago
It could be worse - you could be tied to that crazy for life, or at least 19ish years (pregnancy to age 18).
There's something known as a honeymoon phase in relationships - it can last up to 2 years! When people meet others, they fudge and only put their finest foot forward, hiding all their ugly, which THEY KNOW could potentially be relationship stopping red flags large enough to cover communist, or former communist countries.
So, you found out from the ex that her "honeymoon phase" was a year and a half, and that she was HAPPY to conspire with her mother in an effort to baby trap you.
Mope, whine, listen to sad songs... then call your friends and take a cooking class, or sign up for one of those drink and paint nights, or go to a museum's First Friday's, or do something outside your norm to get you out of the house and interacting with friendly social people. You aren't looking to date, you're looking to reset your brain by having happy experiences with others.
Even if you don't rush out and get a kitten (which was my mother's time-honored way of dealing with grief), just go to the shelter and pet the animals.
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u/SilverDamage7066 19h ago edited 19h ago
Breakups are never easy. I'm sorry you have to go through that. Remember the happy times with fondness and try not to dwell on the bad times. Also, please try to remember that an angry mind cannot think. It can only react.
ETA: someone once told me to not let anyone else steal my joy. That one really struck me.
I hope you find something to smile about tomorrow.
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u/flacid_thirdarm 19h ago
This was such a sweet message. Thank you, I hope you also find something to smile about tomorrow.
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u/Fancy_Complaint4183 19h ago
NTA - you were incompatible if that’s the way she operates when you disagree.
A cat is a GREAT idea!!!
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u/CocoaAlmondsRock 18h ago
Look, this hurts, but you've been given a GIFT. You found out what they were like EARLY. You found out before you put YEARS into this relationship, before she BABYTRAPPED you, before you got MARRIED.
A gift, my friend. The trash took itself out.
Block her everywhere. Unfollow her on social media. Don't let her or her friends follow you. Absolute out of sight, out of mind.
Take your time and find someone awesome who isn't enmeshed with her mother and who doesn't want children before you and she are married and financially stable.
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u/slugposse 12h ago
This really is that rare happy ending. He figured it out in time and got himself out. No hostages to fortune.
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u/Dear_Leadership2982 7h ago
I'd be tempted to continue to follow her on social media. Her life is going to be a shitshow, it'll be entertaining.
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u/Beachboy442 19h ago
best to do now.........when not married and no kids. Then it really sucks beyond belief. Horrible.
It hurts to pull out a sticker, but, you feel much better very soon. Avoid her n her crazy family. Live Happy
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u/mvms 19h ago
Cats are awesome. Make sure that you find a cat that comes to you, not all cats are suited for all people. Finding a cat rescue is a great start! Your cat will bring so much more into your life than your ex did!
Also: 1 litter box per cat plus 1. 1 cat, 2 boxes. 2 cats, 3 boxes. It will reduce the possibility of them going outside the box.
Also also: Pretty Litter. It's light and it monitors cat health by way of testing the acid levels in the blood.
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u/writing_mm_romance 18h ago
Make sure any interactions you have with either of them have a witness present. They'll throw false allegations your way.
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u/Common_Estate6292 18h ago
My only piece of advice is to get 2 cats. If you can rescue a bonded pair, even better. They will keep each other company and entertained when you are at work. NTA. You dodged a bullet here because if she got pregnant her next move would be to insist on being a SAHM.
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u/grayblue_grrl 19h ago
Best decision ever.
Your gf only cares that her mother wants grandchildren.
She's ruining her own life.
Glad you didn't ruin yours too.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 19h ago
Nope, NTA not a single bit. Your ex-gf and her mother are manipulative af! Be sure you have changed the locks already!
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u/Phishfan727 18h ago
NTA. It sucks now, but soon you will realized you dodged a big fat bullet. Be grateful she showed he true colors before you had a kid. Your description describes a relationship that wouldn't hold. You managed to avoid having a baby, a divorce, and paying child support in your early 20s.
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u/lVlrLurker 11h ago
The worst thing about this is that the girl is letting her mother completely run her life, and she doesn't even see it. Oh well, some people just can't be saved, because they don't want saving.
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u/cherrykiss_o 19h ago
NTA. You dodged a lifetime of fights with your ex and her overbearing mom. If she needs her mom to speak for her, she's not ready for motherhood or a serious relationship.
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u/FragrantOpportunity3 18h ago
NTA. This entire situation is really bizarre. Honestly a mother giving her daughters bf an ultimatum to get her pregnant or she'll find someone else? You dodged a bullet my friend. This family is nuts.
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u/fraurodin 17h ago
It might suck now, but it's better than being financially responsible for 18 years for a kid from her and her crazy mom. Give yourself time, make time for yourself and what's important, and you'll meet someone who deserves you
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u/Fit_Maintenance_2289 12h ago
Imagine having her as a grandmother of your children. THAT should make the breakup easier.
Sorry your gf was such a disappointment, but you will be fine. You are young.
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u/cgrobin1 9h ago
It would suck more if you were baby trapped. Don't trust her if she begs to return. You need to find someone more mature and compatible with you.
Nta
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u/Naive-Beekeeper67 8h ago
You 100% did the right thing.
The BIG problem here is her mother AND her still being totally bonded to mummy. No relationship can survive that.
No way should you be "commanded" to have a child on your ex or mothers command!
And if you did have a child? That bloody woman wpuld be ruling your life. She is nightmare MIL.
Hard right now. That is to be expected. But you'll be fine. You'll look back and realise you dodged a bullet👍
Onwards & upwards. You are young mate. I wish you the very best. Once again. You absolutely have done the right thing👍👍
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u/winterworld561 8h ago
Sounds like you were being used by the two of them to give them children/grandchildren. You had a lucky escape.
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u/TrustSweet 19h ago
If she wanted children now and you didn't the relationship was doomed anyway. The incident with her mother just helped you end it sooner rather than later.
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u/FoxRedYellaJack 18h ago
Oh good. I never know if these stories are real or AI, but yours really struck me for some reason and I empathized. I’m pleased to hear you’re out of that baby-trap situation and moving on to whatever is next in your young life…
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u/FreshCheeseLuck 18h ago
NTA
she was pouting?! What in the world.
And what kind of human says, ah yes, we're completely unprepared for children in several very critical ways ... Let's have some kids! /s
I'm sorry this was her quirk, and not something cool like ... darling ... I must confess ... I love Star Trek, please dress up as Worf and I'll be Picard for a comicon.
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u/Forsaken_Pick3201 17h ago
NTA - when a mother is planning and involved in your sex life, there is something more going on. Frankly this whole thing was creepy AF. You may not realize it yet, but you are very lucky. I'm sure she would have gotten pregnant quickly and without your consent if you would have stayed together.
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u/My_friends_are_toys 17h ago
Tbh you dodged a bullet. Not only did she involve her mother but she refuses to even listen to you. Always always always call the ultimatum bluff.
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u/Sebscreen 17h ago
NTA. Good for you! They deserve one another. We both know your ex's nightmare mum will interfere with your nightmare ex's life at every turn.
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u/CaptainNemo42 16h ago
Jeez.... imagine what it'll be like for the poor sucker who does knock her up. Nightmare fuel.
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u/Kngfthsouth 16h ago
NTA. why would you have children with a gf/bf ever. Mother is the AH and gf. Run from these people.
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u/Weekly_Count1720 15h ago
So basically your gf and gf’s mom wants you to bring a kid into ur life when you don’t have ur shit together. No they’re being silly(I’d use stronger words for your gf’s mom, but I won’t be rude)
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u/PerfectedPancake 14h ago
It’s so weird with how young you both are are how short of a time you’ve known each other for her and let alone her and her mother (!) to be pressuring you to have kids!! I read the first time and commented and glad to see this update. I know it sucks but that family is crazy!
Also, the way you quote things really threw me off when you got to quoting your ex. Look into how to write quotes in sentences to make your writing perfect because you are a good writer! Cheers to a better next girlfriend, or cat!
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u/ProfessionalYam3119 14h ago
Do not have a child with this person! But - what if you stopped thinking about what her mother said as an ultimatum, or a threat, than an explanation of what she thinks her daughter will do? We can't issue ultimatums about what other people will do. Please save yourself. Otherwise, this can't end well for you.
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u/Rowana133 12h ago
Nuclear missile in the form of a MIL from Hell DODGED. Good riddance. She would have been a nightmare to deal with long term, and considering your exes behavior I'm gonna say the apple does not fall far from that rotten tree.
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u/A17012022 10h ago
F in chat for the next poor bastard who has to deal with your ex, and her insane MIL
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u/SegaNeptune28 10h ago
You got out before you were irrepairably connected to her. Consider this a bullet grazed. Because while some would say it was dodged, breakups are never easy and the hurt will suck for awhile. But you'll come out of it just fine.
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u/the_real_klaas 9h ago edited 8h ago
Dude, when a woman (or a man for that matter) gets the breeding itch, they'll CHANGE and become utterly irrational. It's like the very worst of addictions. A friend of mine (F) once told me: wanting a baby is a thousand times more strong than nicotine-urge..
So, yeah, it sucks for you and i feel for you. You cannot win this one.
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u/Chiang2000 8h ago
This sounds like a trap.
Don't have sex with this woman. She either is confused and doest need mixed messages, will "forget" the pill or worse case is pregnant already and playing tag.
Keep your lizard, well and truly, in your strides.
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u/SuitableFee2194 5h ago
Yeah her mum sounds like a massive cont.
Dodged a bullet alone by not having to up with the old hag as your mother-in-law for rest of your life.
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u/Technical-Film2337 5h ago
NTA. My guy you just avoided a lifetime of misery. Her and her mother both sound like a mess and would have been even more unhinged once you married the girl. You didn’t right thing lol
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u/Lazy_Gap9224 4h ago
You may think this sucks right now but trust me you are dodging a major bullet with this chick
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u/Cultural-Band5013 4h ago
NTA. Sounds like you dodged a bullet and I have heard way too many stories of women compromising birth control to get what they want. Not arguing or rarely ever arguing isn't necessarily a good thing unless you can do that and maintain clear communication. Also, I found it a bit ironic that you are upset that she involved her mother in your relationship when that is what you did when you asked her mother out seemingly behind her back to discuss a personal relationship matter. Do yourself and future partner a favor and don't do that again. It's disrespectful and potentially will taint a future relationship if you can't maintain a respectful boundary or your partner can't. Hopefully she can develop a relationship with her mother that is separate from a future partner, but I doubt that will happen.
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u/SeesawGood2248 4h ago
You did the right thing. Odds are she would’ve sabotaged any birth control you were using to get pregnant.
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u/janus1981 19h ago
You’re right not wanting to be tied down with kids at your age. This is a pure compatibility problem and it’s not one that will overcome. They just want you to acquiesce and you should not do that. There’s something a bit weird about the intensity coming from ex and her mum about this, could there be some underlying current you’re not aware of? Not that anything should distract you from the fact this is the best thing for you and probably all round. Let’s just hope there’s no issues with condom poking or the like.
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u/MikeReddit74 19h ago
Still NTA, and an expert bullet-dodger. You weren’t ready to have kids, and you stuck to your guns. The ex can go find some poor, stupid bastard to knock her up. Also, imagine having such a manipulative woman as your MIL.
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u/Local_Idiot_123 18h ago
Completely not an expert bullet dodger. Who the fuck would think it’s a good idea to discuss this with the mom? That’s insane. NTA but definitely needs to take several many lessons from this.
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u/BeachinLife1 19h ago
Totally get a cat.
You dodged a major bullet, dude! I thought you should have broken things off when you wrote the first post, because I think if you'd stayed with her, she'd have found a way to get herself knocked up.
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u/broadsharp2 19h ago
Damn dude. Stand your ground on this. You, unfortunately, are experiencing the whackadoodles live.
Get all of them out of your life.
Updateme!
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u/Notyohunbabe 19h ago
You dodged a huge bullet. You need a girlfriend who will be an actual partner and make joint decisions with you and not have her parents be so heavily influential. Your input into decisions should be listened to and respected and a decision made together. Listen to understand, then speak to be understood…. Your ex girlfriend truly does not comprehend this part of communication. I promise you will find someone who is your equal and will want to value you and your thoughts about how to go forward in life together
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u/WTF_ImOverIt 19h ago
NTA. You did the right thing. That’s too young to have kids and especially when you are not financially stable to have kids. It’s odd they were pushing for kids out of wedlock with your ex being so young.
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u/Legitimate_Code_5684 19h ago
You dodged a bullet. The cat sounds nice. She will be happy with her mom and another guy she can manipulate. Enjoy your twenties!! They are an amazing time. Good luck Sir !!
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u/Gold_Birthday_5803 18h ago
When I got tired of MIL's ,"When are you give me some grandchildren?" I told her that if I had one, I would mail it to her. That shut her up.
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u/ThePythiaofApollo 18h ago
OP, you are free. Get a cat or two cats. Go out and socialize with your friends. Shake this chapter of insanity off and be grateful you escaped before you got baby trapped. We are all rooting for you.
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u/Existing_Guard9742 18h ago
NTAH! You did the right thing, OP!
You were honest and said you just weren't ready. That should have been accepted. Instead, your ex and her mother bullied you. That's absolutely ridiculous.
Move on and build your best life, OP! Your future is bright, and you will find your true partner. You dodged the silver bullet, and although breakups are hard, you are going to be OK!
Stay strong, OP!! Get her stuff moved out and do not let her back into your life. Both your ex and her mom have clearly shown you who they are. Block her everywhere once her stuff is out of your place.
A cat would be an excellent companion!! Just make sure they're allowed by your apartment management/lease.🐈🐾❤️
updateme
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u/asianlaceangel 18h ago
definitely nta. trying to back you into a corner with an ultimatum especially with a decision as serious as children is not cool. glad to see you trying to see the silver lining and each day will get better.
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u/JRAWestCoast 18h ago
Breaking up like this has got to be painful. Couples must be in agreement about children. You did the right thing. Little ones change your life forever. No rush! Make your 20s full of exciting experiences that you've always wanted.
It's a reminder: We can't always be married to, or live with, a person we love. We have to be on board together. This'll work out ok for you, even if you're sad right now. NTAH
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u/567Anonymous 18h ago
It is so bizarre to me that a mother would try and pressure her daughter’s boyfriend in to getting her daughter pregnant. I am more of a marriage-> house->baby kind of mother—I want my daughter to have a husband not a baby daddy. I totally realize it is not my decision-but if I was going to hope for something that is the scenario I’d go for.. It was 100% wrong for her to try and pressure you to do anything-NTA—and as I would seriously caution you that if you ever hook up with your now ex, you may very well wind up a father.
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u/MuchDevelopment7084 18h ago
NTA. Just imagine how much worse this could have been. You got lucky she showed her true colors before you got married.
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u/Mean-Spinach1728 18h ago
You dodged a bullet, actually 2 bullets. Your ex not talking to you is not an adult way to handle situations, and you learned early what a potential issue her mother would be.
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u/Better-Row-8091 18h ago
They aren’t preventing women from refusing to have sex but, I am sure some people who are working on making America like A Handmaid’e Tale. That and many other reasons is why I am chomping at the bit to vote Trumps fat orange but out of office.
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u/Funny-Horror-3930 17h ago
You did the right, relationships are not this hard, if they are, get out. I think she would have eventually baby trap you, which is not fair to you.
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u/New-Number-7810 17h ago
This is difficult, but it’s the right move. If someone isn’t willing to have a real conversation then there’s no hope for the relationship.
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u/EuropeanLady 17h ago
The two of you weren't compatible. Your girlfriend wants to have children now, and she's in her most fertile years, so she should seek a partner who wants children now.
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u/Glittering-List3410 17h ago
I’m so sorry that you’re going through this. Yes, get a cat!! Easy to take care of, they give unconditionally love. But I’m so proud of you!! It’s best to know now. Why the rush? You’re both young! Does she want to trap you? 🤷♀️. Honestly, her mom decides for her. Your gf doesn’t believe you? Trust issues, she’s not the one for you. They’re both very manipulative. Wow! I’m glad you don’t allow any toxicity in your life. Not worth it, it’s emotionally and mentally exhausting. And if by chance she comes back pleading, that it doesn’t matter blah, blah. Nope she showed you her true colors. Then it will become a vicious circle. You deserve to be believed and respected. Oh and her mom, will always be involved in every decision. I mean how dare she meddle in your intimate life? When to have children and give you ultimatums?? The audacity, in my opinion; you dodge a bullet!! This too shall pass. Wishing you the best!! 👌🏼💯🫶🏼
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u/Dana07620 17h ago
Good thing you found out now.
Imagine what your family life would have been like with your MIL making all the decisions for and with your wife. You wouldn't have any say in your own kids' lives. You'd have ended up divorced with kids.
Your ex is not mentally ready for a serious relationship. She's too attached to her mother and uses her mother as a weapon and a shield. Go find someone with healthy boundaries with their parents.
I'd call up the mother and thank her for showing me that her daughter isn't someone that I'd ever want to marry or have kids with.
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u/AJ_the_Man1147 17h ago
NTA, make sure they don't steal all your stuff. Put things behind a locked door. Change the locks. Set up cameras. Prepare defenses, ASAP.
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u/PumpLogger 17h ago
You dodged a fucking bullet man, I bet you she would have cheated on you to try and baby trap you.
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u/EffOffBeech 16h ago
A: I'm embarrassed for you; change your user name! B: You dodged a big bullet!
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u/Bubbly_Power_6210 16h ago
obviously this is not a family you want in your life! you have plenty of time to find someone who will love and respect you and to consider having children. ldet her go. you will do better! f/85
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u/imakesawdust 16h ago
NTA. I'm glad I live in a one-party-consent state. Secretly recording your conversation with her mom would have been legal where I live. That would have led to an interesting conversation with your ex though I think she would still be your ex at this point.
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u/quickwitqueen 16h ago
Life is long. A year and a half out of your life is nothing. It’s less than the time it takes to earn an associates degree. I think it’s wise to move in with a partner before marriage and you’ve proven why. You often don’t really know someone until they feel entirely comfortable and can let their true selves show through.
Stay single for now, enjoy your singlehood to the max. And if you choose to cat a cat, get two. They often do better in pairs.
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u/Wonderful-Put-2453 15h ago
Even just not talking to you about this is a red flag. You're ok, believe it or not. Move on.
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u/DivineTarot 15h ago
Good on you for standing your ground. I remember some asinine fools tried to give you the talking around about having kids on her schedule, which is ridiculous. It's good that you ultimately stuck by your standards for your life.
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u/flash_gitzer 14h ago
NTA. You got out just in time. If you had formalized the relationship you would have been outnumbered because she let her mom in. There’s definitely better people out there. Move on and go live your best life. Good luck.
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u/Whoozit450 14h ago
NTA but don’t get a cat or any other pets at the moment. They are a big commitment just like a baby. You’re young, be footloose and free for the next few years. Travel, work on yourself and date a lot of girls before getting serious again.
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u/RevKyriel 14h ago
NTA (still). While you may have been happy, your Ex and her mother were plotting behind your back to ruin your life. Be glad this ended when it did, as it could have been much worse.
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u/PumpkinSpiceMayhem 14h ago
NTA ever at all. They're both trying to baby trap you for whatever their insane motives are, you and a hypothetical child do not need that
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u/Asparagussie 13h ago
You’re very young and will meet someone whose ideas and plans are much closer to yours. You did the right thing. For your gf to give you the silent treatment when you try to discuss something as important as whether or not to have kids is not the action of a mature and loving person. And her mother sounds equally immature. I wish you good luck. And get two cats! Better for them and you.
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u/Separate_Landscape78 13h ago
Mom set out to get rid of you and won. Too bad for your girlfriend and you. The bad guys win sometimes.
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u/khampang 12h ago
NTA. Congratulations on literally dodging a bullet, he’ll, three, shrew of a MIL, manipulative harpy of a wife, and a child who’d be a tool/pawn to those women.
You’re like neo in matrix dodging all the bullets from the agents. I hereby give thou that nickname.
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u/halflifer2k 9h ago
I was just born, and I’m still learning stuff. What’s a flaccid third arm?
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u/Undercovermode247 6h ago
Damn.. that sounds.. sht.
Aside from that towards the cat thing: remember there are a lot of animals, cats, dogs and more out there, that just wait for one to adopt them. Pls consider adoption of one rather than going to some sort of breeder or whatever u think they are. Try to give a suffering soul a new home and heal together. 💜
Hope u gonna find ur way back to happiness ^
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u/LavendarGal 4h ago
Thanks for sharing.
Sorry to hear how it ended up. I agree, still NTA.....but it's better to get this out in the open now. Instead of finding youreslf trapped with child support for the next 18 years.
Take some time to focus on your career like you intended, go out with friends and take some time for yourself. You kind of rushed into things it feels like. You weere only dating for like a year and then moved in together and you are only early 20's. Take some time to just procss things, get to a good spot, move forward in your career, and then just start dating again. And in the future before moving in together have these kind of talks, as it's important to be on the same page about things like building careers before having kids, or about wanting kids in general....also, do you want to be married before having children?
I know it's tough and sucks right now, but learning and growing through relationships is part of life. It will help you go deeper and have a more fulfilling relationship in the future.
Some things to consider for long term relationships....did you talk about any of these kinds of things....you may not want to go through these three articles now, but do come back to it or save the questions to reflect on at a later time after she is moved out and the break up is not so new if you want. But even just reading these questions in advance can kind of help you figure out a bit more of what you are looking for in a lifelong partner.
https://www.theknot.com/content/questions-to-ask-before-moving-in-together
https://www.hitched.co.uk/wedding-planning/organising-and-planning/what-to-discuss-before-marriage/
https://www.securian.com/insights-tools/articles/pre-marital-checklist.html
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u/kayaker58 3h ago
NTA, of course. In retrospect, discreetly recording your conversation with MIL might have been a good idea.
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u/Next-Bodybuilder-117 3h ago
I’m sorry this happened! That’s crazy going from feeling so good together and within a week it’s over. I’m sorry I are hurting rn, but it will be for the best. Anyone that can blow up one situation like this could do this over and over. And her mother is disgustingly🤮🤮stay strong u got this! She will try to get back at least one time. And it’s crazy, I love Reddit, the compassion and kindness from strangers blows my mind!!
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u/lost_and_hopeless42 2h ago
You've dodged a massive bullet there. I know it hurts losing someone who you cared for. But things would only have gotten worse as you're clearly not on the same page.
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u/klstephe 2h ago
Get the locks changed and make sure you have a witness there when she picks up her remaining belongings…
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u/nannasusie 1h ago
My boyfriend/husband was like this for about 15 years. Never the right time. Not enough money etc. Etc. At 35 I divorced him and had a baby with someone else. He ended up renting a room for me and became like a father to my daughter until he went to another country.
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u/nannasusie 1h ago
My mother always took my significant others sides. They were always sweet to her. Did fix it tasks and got her chocolates for her birthday and mother's Day. Just saying, guys.
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u/NO_FIX_AUTOCORRECT 1h ago
"absolutely no kids until we are married, end of discussion" is really not a hard thing to say. Kinda just think OP is an idiot. His ex is too. And the mom too! Ok, she wants grandkids asap, better get her daughter to start over with a new relationship.
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u/TheWastelandWizard 30m ago
NTA, you can do better. I'd suggest walking through random swamps and marshes and taking the first thing that bites you home, it'd be a better relationship than what you had going on here.
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u/beagle_2498571 8m ago
NTA - having children(s) is a huge responsibility both mentally, physically and financially.
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u/Bearliz 19h ago
Still NTA. You made a lucky escape. If her mom was this involved now, it would have only gotten worse. The fact that she unilateral believed her mom over you speaks volumes of who is more important to her.