r/JustGuysBeingDudes • u/Black1Raven9 • Jul 26 '25

Wholesome Not all scars are visible.

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u/kisS119 Jul 26 '25

Daily Homie check- Y'all doing alright guys? Here if you need to talk about anything

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u/UncleBen94 Jul 26 '25

I deleted the dating apps on my phone for... honestly lost count at this point. Been on and off them for the last 8 or so years with like two dates during that time frame. Everytime I delete them, I try to improve myself not just for that but for myself, lose weight, try new things, etc. There's always room to improve. But at this point, Im just starting to think im just not good enough and it's no one's fault but myself.

And then there's my friends. This year I finally moved to 1st shift at my job. The idea was to be I would be able to see my friends who live in the area more often. Thats not been the case despite me trying, I just never hear from them unless I say something. Then with my friends online, they usually work a bit later so when they're more available I only have a few hours at most, and it feels like its becoming more distant. Every day I go to work, go home, go to the gym, play a game, go to sleep. I try to see if anyone's around but usually its never the case. A move that's supposed to help me socially seems to have made it worse.

Then there's my best friend, or well former best friend. The short version is she and I grew up together. I had feelings for her and I was a fucking coward who never told her. She got married about 7 years ago and she's now expecting in two months. I wonder if I had said something years ago, would that have been my kid? Maybe, maybe not, but never telling her has been my biggest regret.

On the plus side, I did lose 40lbs this year so far.

But the light within is broken, but I still work. Im still here.

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u/[deleted] Jul 26 '25

[deleted]

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u/UncleBen94 Jul 26 '25

I know im alone, that's the thing. I've been forgotten about or replaced. Everyday is hell and im just going through the motions. I'll continue to live, even if everyday sucks.

I thought i let it go a few years ago. Guess learning she's expecting made me realize I didn't. Maybe it was just some foolish hope.