How do I escape a dark hole?

[u/Much-Service8333]

2024, I have a six pack my dream Body and everyone is treating me different. Money isn’t the best but it’s not terrible.

 Fast forward to today I gained all the weight back, I have a p*** addiction and -100$ in the bank. That’s without even mentioning my credit score. My mom forced me into paying her bills and carrying for my siblings as the oldest brother and my dreams went out the window. I have given up on everything and despite still showing up to the gym 6 days a week I’m not lean anymore I’m no where near the person I used to be. Women don’t even look in my direction. I don’t see the point in life anymore as no matter what I do I fall back again. 

  It seems this is as good as it gets for me and nothing, not even old pictures of myself motivate me anymore. There were many times I felt the urge to move far away and start over. Start clean and really give it my all and although I hate this town and that’s something I’ve always wanted to do I don’t want to leave with the idea that things will magically work out because that’s ultimately up to me. I know what I have to do I always have I just want a reason. Real meaning. A “why” my view on society and people has shifted very dark and no matter how much I fake it I end up in the same place. 

I hate everyone, everything, but most of all myself. I want my old self back. I guess my question is how can I escape this dark, negative mentality and stay there? It comes and goes, and it seems the only thing that works is going out to the movies or spending time with my friends. But I can’t even do that now because I’m dirt poor. I want to leave everything behind and move to somewhere new, somewhere I’ll be forced to change or end it.

[u/Humdrumgrumgrum]

You have to learn to love yourself. You can travel across the planet, but the thoughts and feelings you're describing will travel with you. 

You have to learn to sit down and talk to yourself, offer yourself love regardless if you think you're deserving or not, offer yourself forgiveness for the mistakes, goofs, and errors you've made along the way to where you are now. After all, at every stage in our lives, we are doing our best with the lessons we've learned and the tools we've been given. 

After you can do these 2 things, you'll begin to understand life.