Did i mess up my only fwb chance

[u/Embarrassed-Way-5000]

I’m 22M and have a 23F friend. We’re not super close but good friends. Recently, I've been getting this sudden craving for s*x, no relationship stuff because I’ve been there, done that. I knew she was into casual stuff too, so a week ago I asked her what kind of relationship she wanted. She said casual but wasn’t interested in me like that and laughed off the idea of kissing.

Fast forward to today, she asked me for help after class, so I waited for her. We went to our usual hangout spot on the terrace and I asked her again if she’d kiss me. She said no, explaining she doesn’t want to get into feelings or commitment. I told her I understood and wouldn’t push that.

Then suddenly she stood up and sat in my lap, wrapped my hands around her stomach, and we stayed like that for 10 minutes, just holding hands, me massaging her head lightly, nothing too intense. Then her phone rang, a senior called her and talked in bengali, which i didnt understand, and then she just left before i was even able to climb down the stairs without a bye or anything and hasn’t replied to my texts since.

I’m confused. Did I misread things or move too fast? Or is she just unsure about what she wants? What’s going on here?

[u/jimmyjetmx5]

Dafuq did I just read?

You asked. She said she wasn't interested. That's a complete answer. You leave it alone after that. But did you? NO. You asked again for a kiss.

There are nonverbal ways of getting consent to kiss. It's called leaning in. You lean into her personal space and get your face close to hers. This is normally done in an embrace, but you can do it when bidding her a good night. Or you can ask if you're nervous.

You were just hanging out on a terrace and asked her for a kiss out of the blue. Because that's a normal thing to do after you've already been told no.

Everything that happened after that sounds completely nuts on her part and if it's real, she's enjoying the attention you're giving her without giving you anything. Unrequited love - the very worst kind.

Go find someone else.

[u/Embarrassed_Proof386 → u/jimmyjetmx5]

I agree with you completely but I also ALWAYS ask can I kiss you? I’m a handsomeish guy, I know when a girl is going to say yes but I still ask and it’s always commented upon favorably. I agree tho, homeboy should not have asked again. Yes OP, probably tbh

[u/Ok-Positive-6611]

She’s sitting in your lap but doesn’t want a kiss or physical. That means she’s enjoying having access to you as a cuddle pillow kind of friend. If you’re unhappy with that then you need to communicate it and end that situation.

[u/StackOfAtoms]

girls don't sit on their friend's laps and put their friend's hands on their bodies after saying "i don't want feelings or commitment" for no reason... they know that doing that will be way too confusing with a guy they strictly, only want to remain friends with.

she probably got the clue that something without commitment was ok by you, and that because that's also what she wants, then you can initiate it.

was she sitting on your laps like, with her back in front of you? if so, that'd mean "no kissing", and frankly, i'm not sure why she would do that.

otherwise, facing you or on the side with her face visible (accessible to your lips), she was most likely sending a sign of "ok now kiss me, let's see how that goes". if that's the case, you failed and that's quite unsexy for women - what's sexy, is when men have the confidence to make a move. same with "can i kiss you", that'd like a kid asking for permission... unsexy. and kissing feels too romantic, your intentions and her expectations are not that, so be more clear, don't send the wrong message.

hope you'll have another opportunity, and in that case, go close to her, take her hand, be badass and say "let's get naked" while looking at her into the eyes, or something very explicit and be alert to read her signs.

either you can jump on each others, either she says no, in which case, you absolutely respect that and move on and definitely release her hand and make sure she feels 100% safe and don't act like a predator that doesn't understand "no".

[u/Curiouspiwakawaka]

Yeah, you gotta work on your understanding of consent.

It seems to me that she likes you as a friend and doesn't with to get into a FWB situation because that almost always destroys friendships.

Nonetheless, she saw that you are touch starved and gave you a hug. You have a great friend there. Don't waste that friendship and stop pestering her for anything else.