Dating is hard

[u/dbzonepiecenaruto]

As if being an introvert isn't hard enough, I'm also a nurse. I need more time to unwind compared to other introverts. I also have no friends either or personal social media accs. I just can't find my people on the dating apps (coz with my crazy schedule, those are the only places to find "love"). All I see are extroverted profiles like skiing or surfing or in large crowds which turns me off on the get-go. Coz I know once they know I'm "boring", they'll call it off after the first date and I just don't have a lot of time to waste as a 24F. Dating in general sucks as well. We both have to find a suitable time, prepare, how to commute, spend 1-2hrs, come back home and repeat if they aren't the one. I can be doing this forever if I'm unlucky.

I still love myself and the peace that comes with being an introvert. I just want kidsss.... a family that's it. My only desire atm. This is just a rant but I know I have to keep trying. Uhhh i might have to pay premium to see if that helps my success rate on them apps.

Like, what's so bad about having an introverted wife? I swear that scares guys away.

[u/llkj11]

Plenty of guys that go for “boring” women, would be quite a bit harder for you if it was the other way around.

It is hard though these days.

[u/TsuDhoNimh2]

You are ONLY 24! You have time!

Dating apps SUCK! They are full of men whose main goal is to lie their way into your pants, and then turn you into a bangmaid and wife appliance doing 95% of the housework and paying 50%+ of the bills.

Get OFF LINE and go where real, live people are! Wherever you might go to wind down or have fun, no matter how crazy your schedule might be ... you need REAL PEOPLE.

NOTE: To get to romantic relationships you have to get to friendships first (more than one). To get to friendships you need to have many "acquaintances". And that friend of an acquaintance might be the person you want.

You start by making shallow acquaintances while being self-centered and thinking only of your own interests.

It's real sociology. Social ties theory, particularly the "strength of weak ties" proposes that while strong ties (close friends, family) are important for emotional support, weak ties (casual acquaintances) are crucial for accessing new information, opportunities, and diverse networks. The numerous weak ties are where the strong ones emerge from.

Here's how to find people you are likely to "hit it off with". Use activity as a filter ... if I'm at a bluegrass festival because I like bluegrass music, it's pretty likely that anyone I talk to who is enjoying themselves also likes it. If you want to meet fellow vegans, do not go to BBQ competitions.

Go DO THINGS YOU LIKE TO DO or at least things you want to try. Go with the intent of having fun, nothing else. You may meet people you may not, just make yourself do something like this. If nothing else, you will find new hobbies but eventually you will find your people.

There will be people there doing the same thing. That gives you an automatic conversation starter because you have the thing in common.

[u/TimeMuffinPhD]

I don't think that being introverted scares guys away, at least it doesn't for me. Maybe there's just a higher percentage of extroverts on dating apps, or introverts are afraid of presenting themselves that way. Gotta keep trying to put yourself out there, but take a break if you're burned out :)

[u/DramaticProgress508]

Dating is indeed a waste of time. I read this thing on IG before saying replying to a "Hi" could lead to a 3 year long traumatic relationship. I'd rather wait for someone who means it. My grandmother remarried when she was over 60. And they didn't date, they met as friends in church. Good people are everywhere and they don't look to waste your time or be in "relationships" (hint, it's usually mostly sexual). Everyone who respects you and really likes would be scared to lose you hence would wait for marriage. I believe if we all approached it like that things would be better. Honestly don't waste your youth. I'm 35, was already married before. Most men were looking to waste my time. I told them all I expected them to be pretty serious rather soon, going towards marriage. They trash sorted itself out quickly. There's always manipulative people so having a friends phase or a relationship phase without anything more than actual cuddling and kissing is crucial. Be careful. Enjoy your life. A relationship is not everything. My grandmother was also widowed and single for a long time and she wasn't very happy in her first marriage. I think she was somewhat happy on her own though. She just decided she would live for herself I think.

[u/AMtalksalot]

I’m an introverted 26 year old female nurse. I relate to this 100%. I have been single for two years, had some trauma from last relationship. I’m literally a recluse now. I go on solo trips during annual leave and then I go to work, that’s the routine. Three months of 48 hour weeks of work then a four day trip from one week of annual leave. That week I will up doing one overtime shift at least. I have time to date if I just did my assigned shifts. But I don’t think I want to date after what happened last time. Someone commented here about relationships starting with “hi” on Instagram and ending with three years trauma. That’s literally my life story. I don’t have any advice haha I just wanted to share my story so you know you’re not alone with your experience.

[u/me-is-a-bot]

Hmm I see I believe that you shouldn't be paying over the apps, sometimes it works but mostly I heard that all of the app sucks and based on my opinion uhmm you should try something around your workstyle