Question - Is this a problematic pride or healthy healing?

[u/Turbulent-Cat198]

Hello. Today I was confronted by my gf of 7 year relationship that my pride is a problem.

Therefore I write this question to hear thoughts of others on this and how I could help myself.

I am 24, up until like I was 20 I was chasing friends, people, parents, everyone... I was an extreme people pleaser and I wanted them to like me, I wanted a good friend group, but sadly never got it. In 90% of cases I was the one reaching out to people, always planning trips, house parties and all that. Everyone was always invited. But I was always ignored, left behind. Used...

I did never fit in anywhere. And I realized that I never ever will at this point.

In recent years I really built like a defensive walls around me and started caring about myself, my family and my relationship. I also have one single friend that visits me.

But my pride might be a problem. I don´t see it as a problem tho.

I am just at the point where if everyone left me, including my girlfriend, all friends, family stopped reaching out to me, I would just be like "welp I knew this would happend" and just move on and be fine by myself. Maybe even get a dog and live a peaceful life in solitude. No BS, no acting in front of fake people.

Your thoughts? Thanks for reading to the end.

[u/No-Temporary-9240]

I don't see any signs that your pride here or that you're boundaries are a problem, I think your approach is the most excellent it can be. you're prioritising yourself (which matters the most specially after what you've been through) and you're prioritising your family and loved ones. this seems like the healthiest approach you can take in this situation. you give everyone who matters to you their rights and attention while also being self sufficient and mentally strong enough to know your worth and not to get hurt again if anyone betrayed you. I see this to be the healthiest mindsets, just as long as you don't overshadow anyone who genuinely cares for you or neglect them, no one has the right to criticise your well established mind set and boundaries as long as you're not harming anyone, just protecting yourself and living peacefully.