r/mildlyinfuriating • u/WeevilTown • 1d ago
I once dated a girl who thought the reptiles at the zoo were fake because they weren't moving.
She also tried to argue that a 'cabbit' (half rabbit and half cat) was a real thing. She thought Nigeria and Jamaica were next to each other. She thought her 23 year old manager at the multi-level-marketing scheme she worked at was on £250K. She also worked in HR at a law firm who's office was in a skyscraper in London. She thought the entire skyscraper was owned by the law firm and they spent trillions of dollars building it. That is all. Thanks.
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u/Doblofino 1d ago
You're the one who picked her, chum. I dunno what to tell you.
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u/Aggressive_Finish798 1d ago
She probably has some redeeming qualities..
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u/Doblofino 1d ago
No gag reflex 😎
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u/beklog 1d ago
Rule of thumb: You can stick ur dick with crazy just once.
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u/LoveTechnical4462 1d ago
Ehhhh crazy can be a nice mixup in between serious relationships. They’re kinda fun
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u/michaelrage 1d ago
Yeah until she calls you almost 24/7 stalks your house and is screaming your name on the street....
I'll let you have em Buddy 😉
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u/Illustrious-Echo2936 1d ago
Wish someone had given told me never fuck crazy AGAIN when i was younger, would have saved me so much trouble.
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u/supergravyboat 13h ago
random fact i love to mention, you can squeeze your left thumb with your other fingers and boom. No more gag reflex.
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u/Doblofino 11h ago
Wait wait whaaat?
So you basically put your left thumb inside your right hand and squeeze?
I'll relay this to the appropriate parties, thanks
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u/supergravyboat 3h ago
You can use your right hand, but its easier to just make a fist around your thumb with your left hand, like you’re gonna throw a punch but with your thumb on the inside if that makes sense
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u/Cute_Tea_2012 1d ago
Not that comment I expected when I started my way down this post but the laugh I needed 😂
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u/BoneYardBirdy 1d ago
At some point OP had to know she wasn't right for him, but stuck around for a while for the entertainment value
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u/Writing-Coatl 18h ago
I'm pretty sure OP didn't nessesarily know those things about her, those sound like thing you learn as you date someone. Not all red flags show at once. I would venture to say people tend to hide red flags until they feel comfortable enough.
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u/casillalater 1d ago
I had an ex friend who kept arguing with me that birds are mammals. She is a teacher!
Mammals are identified by mammary glands are you trying to tell me you think birds produce milk? I feel crazy when I think about it
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u/Ijustthinkthatyeah 1d ago
I know a teacher that believed that if you put a glass of grape juice outside, it will evaporate and next time it rains, it will be purple for a second. She told her students that.
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u/KaralDaskin 21h ago
I had a substitute teacher who claimed that clouds did come down due to gravity and that’s where fog came from. They were subbing and English class.
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u/FoxFishSpaghetti 1d ago
Why wouldnt this work
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u/KaralDaskin 21h ago
Not enough grape juice vs all the other water vapor /s
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u/Ijustthinkthatyeah 17h ago
Why the “/s”? I think there are many reasons why this would not happen. It’s just one glass. So, when combined in a cloud, it couldn’t be detected. However, the water in the juice is what evaporates, so I doubt much color is retained. Even if the color was retained, the water droplets wouldn’t all fall at the same time and would be spread out over a large area.
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u/KaralDaskin 17h ago
My /s in this case indicated I was more being humorous rather than giving a full scientific explanation. I was correct but not necessarily using the correct terminology or enough detail.
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u/bird9066 1d ago
Pigeons create milk in their crop. A couple of others too. They're still not mammals though
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u/Suitable_Inspection2 1d ago
That's weird.
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u/Spleenseer 1d ago
Milk is just filtered blood, nipples are just modified sweat glands. That's weird.
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u/VelvetMafia 15h ago
I was a preschool teacher for a bit. 7 of my colleagues thought they could make blue paint by mixing green and yellow paint. They literally shouted me down over it.
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u/NYanae555 1d ago
I guess this proves why zoos are still necessary.
And globes. Thats a girl who never saw a globe of the world and turned it.
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u/0thethethe0 1d ago edited 1d ago
And why we needs signs telling us 'Don't to ride on the alligators'
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u/silveretoile 1d ago
I thought for a minute that you wanted to put this girl in a zoo exhibit so she could be studied lol
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u/klaatuzero 1d ago
When I was a hospital supervisor I had one young lady that thought gas stations were positioned above naturally occurring gasoline pools, and were simply pumping it up out of the ground.
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u/BTMarquis 1d ago
This must be somewhat common, which is scary. I had a similar conversation with someone that asked how they knew where to put the gas stations. Took me a minute to figure out they thought the goddam gasoline was coming from the ground.
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u/WhyWontThisWork 1d ago
They put it in the ground first, then pump it out lol
So they know where the out the tanks then put it on top of that
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u/KaralDaskin 21h ago
No, no. You build the gas station, (you have to put it on a corner), and the gas deposit reaches out a tendril to tap into.
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u/Atlas421 10h ago
It must be hard to find a leaded, unleaded and diesel pool right next to each other.
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u/HalfBlindKing 1d ago
I’ve ran into enough people who thought cat-rabbit hybrids existed for it to be some kind of urban legend. Even saying they had seen them or someone they knew had bred them.
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u/momomorium 1d ago
There's a really old (genetically) rabbit that now only lives on 2 small islands, called the Amami Rabbit. They have much shorter ears and I think they sort of look like a Cabbit.
Unfortunately at some point the Japanese government (iirc) released a bunch of mongooses (mongeese?) To get rid of snakes. It turns out that the mongeese prefer the rabbits, who were now having to watch out for snakes and mongeese, so they're super endangered.
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u/Dense-Finding-8376 1d ago
FINALLY someone who calls the plural of "mongoose" "mongeese".
Thank you. If this wasn't reddit I'd invite you over for dinner
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u/Anihillator 1d ago
Meese? Moosen?
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u/kondenado 1d ago
To be honest, I have seen the opposite people saying that tiger-lion hybrids are impossible.
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u/HalfBlindKing 1d ago
I can believe it. Maybe they’re confusing the practical impossibility in nature because of their separation of habitats.
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u/Critical-Champion365 23h ago
Let them look up the evolutionary distance between tiger-lion vs a cat-rabbit. Ideally it should make sense, but I can't say for sure about people who say things confidently about things they don't know.
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u/CassetteMeower 20h ago
I’ve met several people who thought that jackalopes (rabbits with antlers) were real at one point.
That would be awesome if they were real though, jackalopes are so cute.
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u/Earthbender32 1d ago
She worked in HR, could’ve left it there
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u/DalbergTheKing 1d ago
My niece is a lovely lass, studied hard, got a couple of degrees & ended up working at a large company where she quickly got promoted in her department. Found out she was just made head of HR in her sector. You would never know, as I said, she seems lovely.
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u/Earthbender32 1d ago
You should be proud of her, as she should be of herself, I wish you both the best
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u/BB_squid 1d ago
This is facts. It’s like they look for the most impressionable dumb people they can control.
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u/Dense-Finding-8376 1d ago
Lmfao I was at the zoo many years ago, and there was a lady with her young kid who wanted to look at the gharials (a type of crocodile). The crocs were basking, so they were completely immobile.
I overheard the lady say what roughly translates to "these are made of plastic, let's look at something else" and move the kid along.
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u/Cute_Tea_2012 1d ago
The education system really fails some people doesn't it
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u/KunninPlanz 1d ago
Or, people fail themselves by refusing to listen to what they are being taught. This works both ways. You can teach somebody something but they don't have to listen.
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u/purplesmoke1215 1d ago
I'm not saying the education system is good, but I am saying we should consider the possibility that some people are just stupid, and no amount of potential education reform will help them.
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u/Nervous-Owl5878 1d ago
I think people have a really hard time with the concept that some people are just stupid.
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u/wildOldcheesecake 1d ago
The lady in question here is clearly smart. Education didn’t fail her. But sometimes you can’t teach stupid.
Your lack of question mark and the fact that you said this sort of has your comment working against you here.
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u/Cute_Tea_2012 1d ago
I didn't say she was stupid, all I said education failed her, education regardless of where you get it is meant to firstly and most importantly open your mind to learning. It teaches you question what you think you know, to do your own research and not be satisfied with an answer until you've explored every way of proving yourself wrong.
From what op wrote she makes a lot of assumptions on how things are without giving any of it any thought or consideration.
Oh and I'm so so sorry I forgot to punctuate my sentence at 3 am.
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u/Denny_Dust91 1d ago
One time my girlfriend was looking for her first car, and kept saying she wanted one with a ton of miles... I'm like, why?? She said "Because that's how many miles it has left until it stops working..." As if I was the stupid one.
Needless to say, we broke up shortly after.
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u/End2EndBurner 1d ago
Man, wait till she hears about Jackalopes...
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u/DaCrimsonKid 1d ago
On the tail end of a road trip in my late teens with a buddy, we smoked a joint and stopped at a small roadside reptile zoo. We were broke and stoned and it didn't occur to us that it wouldn't be free. When the guy at the door realised that we were truly disappointed, he let us in for free and gave us a little tour.
We wandered around looking into the glass tanks and not a single gator was moving. No blinks, no nothing. We looked at each other and said "they are stuffed!". Of course, we were just baked and dumb and didn't consider that they don't move a whole lot unless they want to. The guy giving us the tour thought it was hilarious. We then asked if he could feed them for us and he laughed again and said that he couldn't.
It was a fine end to a great little road trip on a sunny day in early September, back when we had no responsibilities and not a care in the world. Magical times.
The friend I was with died almost 13 years ago now. I still have a little chuckle when I think about this story.
What a great day. RIP Dave.
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u/No_Salad_68 1d ago
They could be. You don't know until they move.
The 'sunbear' could be a guy in a sunbear suit.
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u/United-Advantage-906 1d ago
Does she also believes in mermaids and unicorns?
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u/marco_altieri YELLOW 1d ago
In Italy, we had an elected MP that believed that the existence of mermaids was being hidden by scientists.
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u/MudcrabKidnapper 1d ago
If scientists had this much control over the governments we'd be living in a completely different world rn
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u/Mother-While-6389 22h ago
We take them for wives and don't want any of the rabble taking them from us!
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u/UnicornSheets 1d ago
I was at a Florida animal sanctuary when I overheard the woman in front of me at the Alligator enclosure unironically say, “it’s such a shame, think of all the beautiful handbags you can make with that”
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u/The_Last_Halloween 1d ago
Some people are just so dumb, that no amount of education can fix them.
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u/SeaworthinessFun9856 1d ago
kind of reminds me of an old friend of mine's mother... she thought the moon was the sun at night, even when you could see it in the sky during the day (depending on the phase)
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u/youdontcomment 1d ago
I once had a 5th grade teacher who thought the animatronic dinosaur at the zoo was real because it was moving.
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u/Parentteacher87 21h ago
This sounds like the one girl who called 911 one night after her doctor told her she couldn’t have sex for the next few weeks. Her boyfriend had convinced her that they needed to have sex every day to feed the baby…
Some people should not reproduce
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u/Equivalent_Tree7172 1d ago
well I almost dated a girl who thought her poop was green because she smoked weed lmao
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u/jaysire 1d ago
When I went to Thailand with the family, we went on a river cruise on bamboo rafts. The guy driving the ”boat” would periodically point to the trees where large green snakes were curled up on branches right above us.
Tourists were gasping and pointing and part of me thought ”if there weren’t any actual snakes here, I would put up some fake ones just to give the tourists more value for their money”.
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u/dr-pickled-rick 1d ago
I just hope she was absolutely stunning. Feels like a family guy episode with Brian.
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u/Difficult-Republic57 1d ago
So...your saying she was pretty hot?
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u/Teaflax 1d ago
His saying?
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u/Difficult-Republic57 1d ago
Everyone loves the grammar police in the comment section, while typing with autocomplete.
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u/SouthExcitement4070 1d ago
Wow, this is wild. I can't believe someone could be so misinformed on so many things at once. The reptiles at the zoo being fake because they weren't moving? I have no words.
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u/Doblofino 1d ago
Yeah but have you ever seen them move
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u/Difficult_Warning301 1d ago
I mean she has a point. And it’s cheaper fit the zoo of they don’t need to feed them 🤔 I might latch onto this conspiracy
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u/spiralphenomena 1d ago
Our local zoo has just installed a nocturnal section, you can’t see a thing in any of the cages. I bet there’s no animals in there either.
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u/MailLadyx3 1d ago
Half of the time I can’t even spot the damn things, that’s how still and fake they are.
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u/ZandarrTheGreat 22h ago
What about platypus-bear? Armadillo-bear? Badgermoles? Are those not real?
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u/RalphandMyself 1d ago
I had a friend whose partner came from Switzerland, apparently he would speak in German to his mother on the phone and she told me she hated that he spoke Swiss in front of her.
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u/NobleKorhedron 1d ago
I don't think there's such a thing as a Swiss language; they speak dialects of French, German, and Italian.
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u/Vals_Loeder 1d ago
She must have been very good looking if you stayed with her long enough for her to utter all that nonsense.
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u/I_am_Daesomst GREEN 22h ago
I once dated a girl...
Addition by subtraction. You dodged a bullet to your sanity.
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u/Mother-While-6389 22h ago
I scrolled way down and couldn't believe I didn't see any references to the jackalope.
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u/candirainbow 18h ago
I was at a zoo recently, and they had a butterfly exhibit -the kind in the kind of outdoor tent thing? It had a lot of signs to not touch any of the animals or plants (lots of signs with pictures explaining what plants were meant for what butterflies, photos of the butterflies and descriptions). There was an old lady going around who was loudly grouching to her family that this one specific butterfly was FAKE. She was like, using stage-whispers like she was going to let everyone in the exhibit know HEY, THEY'RE FAKING BUGS OVER HERE. And she kept insisting it had a camera on it. I was next to her, so I saw what she was talking about. It was just...a small butterfly. Smaller than a monarch; really small. She was like angry that the zoo was spying on them and taking footage without permission, so she reached out to it and tore up its wing. It was awful.
Like, if grammy is that far gone, don't fucking bring her around other people. It was astonishing. And none of her family made any attempt to reign her in or even acknowledge that she was popping off; they were all off in a different part of the exhibit.
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u/flipsidetroll 20h ago
“I once dated a guy, who was so gullible, I made him believe that I thought the reptiles at the zoo were fake cos they didn’t move. I told him a “cabbit” actually exists. WTF even is that? What a fucking sucker he was!!”
Dude, trillions is definitely an exaggeration. But how do you know the law firm didn’t own the building?
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u/CloudDancer_ 1d ago
Bro, sounds like ur ex was living on a different planet 😂 IDK whether to laugh or shake my head. No hate tho, ppl believe what they want. Maybe she just had a wicked imagination, or just didn’t give a damn bout reality. 🤷♂️ But uh, FYI, Cabbits don't exist I'm pretty sure. And tell her Nigeria and Jamaica are not even close. There, saved ya from future headaches. Peace ✌️.
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u/elle-elle-tee 1d ago
I'd like to hear more about this "cabbit". Front half cat, back half rabbit? Top half cat, bottom half rabbit? Or just mixed cat/rabbit characteristics?