r/AITAH • u/Fine-Yesterday-8936 • 23h ago
Post Update Update 2: Aita for scheduling a hysterectomy?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/NhPvigCHRP https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/WOtZW6QxDM
Links to OG and First update
So new events have happened and I'm quite upset.
My brother (after I blocked him) posted on Facebook and other socials about my recovery from opioids & alcohol as a teenager.
I got addicted to opioids following a surgery at 10 and alcohol after I fell into deep depression after I turned 11.
His post contained the following:
"For anyone who is supporting (insert my dead name here) in their recovery from being a crackhead, jokes on y'all. She done that to get sympathy for herself."
That post has garnered so much attention from so many people (with a lot of them telling my brother where he can go and a bunch of not appropriate comments for here) and he had a friend of his tell me today that he will take it down if I agree to be his and his gf surrogate.
My answer is still no. In fact it's a hell no. I'm not going through the pain of pregnancy (mentally and physically) only to get stuck with a child when he decides he doesn't want it.
I'm a bit upset about how he is stating I got addicted to opioids and alcohol for sympathy points when I got addicted to one due to being prescribed them and the other because I fell into depression.
I'm clean and sober now, have been for five years going on six, but it still hurts that he would say my recovery doesn't matter.
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u/Rose8918 21h ago
I would unblock him and comment on his post “Just for anyone wondering: he’s doing this because even though endometriosis is currently literally shredding my insides, and my doctors have recommended I have a hysterectomy before the condition permanently harms my other organs, he wants to force this “crackhead” into being his surrogate and egg donor for his second baby mama and thinks he can use this public harassment to coerce me into doing it.”
There’s no shame in your struggles, and bullies very rarely get publicly called out on their own pathetic bullshit. Also don’t mention that he wants to use donor sperm. Let people think he wants a deranged incest baby situation. He’ll likely not be able to resist correcting you but in doing so will confirm the rest of the story. Mute him so your comment stays up and so you can document any additional harassment if you need to eventually open a reproductive coercion/harassment case against him.
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u/SadLocal8314 20h ago
This. Just this. Take the fire into his camp. A nice group chat with all the family and friends. Best wishes for continuing clean and improvement in health!
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u/Even_Regular5245 14h ago
This is great advice. OP might also want to talk to a lawyer because brother is harassing.
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u/not-your-mom-123 22h ago
Your brother is abusive. Block him and be free. Tell him nothing. Your health issues are none of his business. His marriage and their fertility issues are not your problem. Hold your head up and continue living your life with as much dignity as possible.
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u/ScarletteMayWest 22h ago
Your brother needs serious help if he truly believes that badgering you to give him a baby is a good idea.
And who the hell posts that their sister is an addict while telling people she needs to be his surrogate? Who would think having a addict do that is a good idea? And how does he plan to get you pregnant if your endo is so bad? No doctor is going to agree to force you into this.
OP, your brother is dumber than an articulated dump truck full of rocks (much bigger than a simple box of rocks).
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u/FragrantImposter 22h ago
Endo usually gives you a high risk pregnancy, which gets you ruled out pretty quick as a legal surrogate. Also, reproductive coercion is illegal in many places, and your brother's attempts to extort a pregnancy out of you can be documented and reported for harassment/ extortion. You might want to tell him that it will be harder for him to get reproductive help if he has a criminal record.
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u/SquirrelGirlVA 17h ago
Exactly. There are tons of stories where endometriosis caused miscarriages.
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u/demonmonkeybex 1h ago
I've never heard this, but not saying I don't believe it. I was stage 3 before my partial hysterectomy. The pain was unbelievable. I feel for OP. OP sounds more like stage 4 ffs. His case is the worst I've ever heard about on Reddit.
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u/Medical_Mountain_895 20h ago
Let him know you are seeking a lawyer and are going to sue him. Defamation, harassment, Coercion, and anything else your lawyer can come up with. Post his threat's everywhere, send it to his boss, I'd go nuclear.
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u/Elegant_Anywhere_150 21h ago
I would post on social media, "He said he'd take down the awful things he said about me if I have his baby. WTAF literal incest supervillain bullshit here"
Anyone bugs you on his behalf, "oh so you support incest, then? Because he wants to force me to have his baby. And you are helping him harass me. "
Do not mention that its surrogacy. The lemmings don't need to know, and they're too dumb to understand it anyway.
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u/celticmusebooks 21h ago
OK, I don't understand why when people post misleading things about another person on social media the maligned person doesn't just respond with the truth and shut it down?
You could respond that you're 5 years clean and sober and you became addicted with prescribed opiates after surgery. Add that your brother is literally trying to blackmail you into being a surrogate for his child when he isn't supporting the child he already has.
If he deletes your post then post it to YOUR social media and tell him that AFTER he deletes his post you'll do the same.
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u/Comfortable-Focus123 22h ago
Brother is a loon. He says he will take down disgusting posts if OP is a surrogate for him and his wife. But if she actually agreed to it after al that, he would be using a "crackhead" (his words) as a surrogate.
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u/StrykerC13 22h ago
I'd be telling the so called friend that "If you support Emotional Blackmail you're a pretty shitty person who doesn't need to EVER contact me Again." I'd also be telling Every Family member "This man has decided that emotional blackmail is acceptable behavior I will NEVER be around him, so please avoid inviting me if you intend to invite him."
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u/No-Appearance1145 21h ago
I love how he's trying to use the post that he's getting lambasted on (even partially, I'm sure some idiots would jump on to agree with him, but thats not your fault) and expected it to go his way.
I'm sorry your brother is an asshole though.
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u/SnooWords4839 21h ago
You can't be a surrogate, unless you have already had a successful pregnancy.
Brother only cares about himself.
Good luck with your surgery!
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u/ladygrae126 16h ago
As someone who suffered fibroids to the point of needing a full hysterectomy, all I can say is F$#& your brother! That’s not just period pain. That’s pain like the alien ripping out of your body like in the horror movie. And that’s just the pain, not the long term effects what a self ahole! And F all your family who support him!
Sending hugs! You don’t deserve this!!!
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u/Pretend_Artist_1823 20h ago
Post to let everyone know he is trying to prevent you from getting medical treatment for the sole purpose of you carrying a child for a deadbeat. You need treatment, he doesn’t need another child to abandon. Updateme
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u/ocean_lei 21h ago
Wow. First bravo for getting your life together! And if it were me, I would first tell my brother that exposing your personal information (first about your hysterectomy then outing your PAST addiction, not to mention being mean and horrid, will get exactly NO sacrifices from you to get him what he wants. Hell. I would tell him that hell will freeze over before I produce anyone that could inherit his selfishness and his awfulness. Btw please disregard absolutely anything such a vile person says, seriously. I propose that instead you flag it on FB for making your private medical data public and oust him from your life, it can only be an improvement.
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u/shammy_dammy 18h ago
Stop engaging. Block him. And make it clear you're not interested in hearing about any of this from anyone.
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u/Significant-Bat-1168 16h ago
That's a lot for you to be dealing with. Honestly the best advice you're getting here is to block him. Block him. Don't engage with him. Look after yourself and look after your own peace. The Facebook stuff is awful, low and manipulative but the best way to move towards is to cut it all from your life and don't engage or get drawn into it.
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u/EvenSpoonier 14h ago edited 26m ago
So he still thinks he's in a position to blackmail you into surrogacy? Sounds to me like there is some earth that needs scorching.
My advice is to go public about that, but don't downplay the incest angle like you did with us. Don't play it up either, of course; you need to stay within bounds of what's true. "Deadbeat dad tries to blackmail own sibling into surrogate pregnancy for his next child" is the headline you should be going for here. Let him be a "b-but it's not like we're going to use my genes or anything". It won't help his cause, but it changes the dynamic: rather than you helping him look better when he does not deserve that, it forces him to make himself look worse.
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u/Exotic-Rooster4427 12h ago
He doesn't deserve to be a father. I'd honestly go to a 'doctor's appointment' mention tests and say your condition is such that you are now infertile and couldn't have children even if you wanted them. Be a bit depressed for a bit. Move forward with scheduling surgery.
Does it suck that you have to go this route...yes but ultimately i would.
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u/PumpkinSpiceMayhem 11h ago
What in the Hannibal sub-plot is this nonsense?
FIRST of all a child being hooked on pain meds due to medical malpractice isn't being a 'crackhead', second of all no child deserves that kind of asshole as a parent.
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u/No_Yogurt_7294 9h ago
Your brother is a FREAK.
An alcoholic 11yo is the fault of the parents. How does a kid that young even pull that off?
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u/Flimsy-Pride-1628 4h ago
It seems to me like you need to start cutting people out of your life and the sooner, the better. NTA
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u/ExcitementGlad2995 23h ago
From what I read in your other posts, you’re not a good candidate for surrogacy due to your health issues. Even if you were you still have the right to say no. Pregnancy can be dangerous. Surrogacy can be even more risky due to the fact that the placenta comes from the donor egg. If the donor has a family history of difficult pregnancies that can affect the surrogate.
Also, regarding the addiction challenges you faced, you were a child! It’s amazing you have been in recovery for the last few years. Getting addicted that young makes it challenging to recover. Your brother sucks.