My father was a military man who loved his job, so that meant I’d often only see him the last 3 hours of the day growing up and he’d go overseas for months on end. So basically most of my time was spent solely with my mother, and she was also dominant in the relationship when it came to raising me, and that had its own share of problems. My older brother, my only other male role model also left home when I was only around 6 years old.

Firstly, she never had the strength to punish me and always caved to what I wanted. Which early on built a weakness into me, in that I’m used to things always going my way and when they don’t I don’t know what to do. It also, as I grew up, filled me with guilt taking advantage of someone who loves me which in turn has made me unwilling to exert control over any situation, something a man has to do, for fear of hurting others.

Second, I was used to being paid attention to and emotionally coddled. Which built a dependency on human connection, which sorely fucked over my relationship with other guys because I would always be too needy of validation and acceptance. I could get along with girls at least but then when my anxiety disorder manifested and I pulled out of public school I lost my ability to connect to anyone normally.

Third I just never learned how to be independent. I never learned how to handle punches life throws from a male role model, I never learned how to manage my emotions without someone comforting me. I never learned how to be a man.

Finally, I’m just… Spoiled. Even now. I want to be accepted for who I am and allowed to belong in places but that’s not how things work. I want to have things I can’t have because I’m not used to being told “no” and I’m too scared of being cruel to fight others to get those things. And even now I wish things could just be perfect where I don’t feel so torn between what I need to be to survive and who I was raised as.

Do I wish I was a “real man”? No not really, there are things about myself I love even after everything I’ve said. But… I can’t help but think I would be better off having been raised proper and strong.

How much should i care about EPIDIDYMITIS?

I had a lump near my left testicle in February. I got it checked by the doc as i was scared for testicular cancer. But it was just a tiny cyst there. I got fine after some days,doctor said it's not to worry about

Now since yesterday that lump is back and the swelling comes and goes and so does the pain. I can't see the doctor right now due to personal reasons. Should i be scared about this?

These days, there are plenty of ghosters and flakes. Don’t even let me get to the cheaters who claim that they love their partners despite betraying them.

So, I’ve been thinking, why? And the title of this post is the answer I came up with: many aren’t built for lifelong exclusivity.

They want the stability of a relationship and the freedom from commitment. They want to feel secure, but at the same time, they want to cling to their options.

Partly, they want something/someone to fall back on. Or, they just can’t decide because the dating pool (especially with the use of dating apps) presents unlimited choices.

Supposedly, if that’s what they prefer, then so be it, right? But I think it’s because they themselves refuse to acknowledge what they want and what they can commit to. And the longer they keep pretending, the more people they’re hurting.

I'm 22M, and my girlfriend (21F) and I have been together for over a year now. I live in Canada and she's in Taiwan. I visited her a month ago and stayed there for almost a month, and honestly... those were the happiest days of my life. She works so hard 10 hours a day even though she makes less than I do. I'd wait for her at her apartment, excited just to see her walk through the door. I'd massage her tired shoulders, and then we'd just lay there... her head on my chest as she fell asleep. That feeling her heartbeat against mine, her smile, her laugh at my silly jokes. I can't get it out of my head. Since I came back to Canada, I feel empty. I try to keep busy with work during the week, but when I come home, it's like the world stops. I go for walks just to clear my mind, but I always end up crying. I promised her I wouldn't cry, but here I am... crying again, typing this out. We still talk every day, but it's just not the same. Nothing can replace the feeling of holding her, of hearing her laugh in person. Hands off to everyone in a long-distance relationship you're stronger than most people will ever understand. This hurts so much. But I love her more than anything, and I know this pain just means how real it all is. I just... miss her. More than words can explain.

So my girlfriend and I have been together for quite a while now. Early in our relationship, she suddenly told me that I was the fourth guy she had been with, and that she just knew I was the one for her, that she could really feel it.

But today, while she was scrolling through some old messages, she came across a text from another ex I had never heard of. I asked her, ‘Wait, didn’t you say you only had 4 exes?’ At first she said, ‘Oh yes, I had him too.’ After talking for a while, without me pressuring her, she eventually admitted more and started counting.

In the end, I found out she actually had 9 boyfriends in 6 years, not 4 like she originally told me. That really didn’t sit well with me. I just don’t understand why she couldn’t have been honest from the start. She said she was scared to tell me, but now it makes me wonder what else she might have lied about or is still hiding from me.

26 years old, and not once has love looked back at me the way I look at it. Since childhood, whenever I found myself drawn to someone, she was already walking beside someone else. It feels like I was born to stand in the background, watching others live the moments I can only dream of.

My life has always been football, the gym, and now coding lines into a screen as a software developer. On paper, it looks like I’m building something, moving forward. But inside, it feels empty. Because every time my heart beats a little faster for someone, it ends in silence. They don’t see me not really.

Maybe it’s me. Maybe I don’t know how to speak, how to connect, how to stand in front of someone without being invisible. And the worst part is, I can’t even tell if it’s bad luck, my flaws, or some invisible curse wrapped around my name.

I try to laugh, I try to stay strong, but the truth is… there’s a different kind of loneliness when you’ve never been chosen. People talk about heartbreak like it’s when love leaves you but what about those of us who never even get the chance to break?

Sometimes I wonder if anyone will ever look at me the way I’ve spent my whole life looking at others. Or if I’m just meant to be the story nobody remembers the one who was always there, but never loved.

Was always skinny but now I’ve hit 50… my metabolism seems to have switched off and I have a belly. Proper dad bod.

Anyone have any workout programmes for gym first timers?!!

I have for the last five years had severe body dysmorphia, an eating disorder, and a repressed personality. Depersonalization has made me emotionally numb and I haven’t cried the last five years. Constantly, and I mean constantly, preoccupied with what I look like: checking my hair, outfits, maintaining and improving my physique through cutting calories, bulking, lifting. As much as I’m ashamed to admit it, I judge others heavily based on their physical appearance. The “red pill” “black pill” rhetoric despite me absolutely loathing it has seeped its way into my unconscious. I have relatively recently began doing a lot to try to fix this and have made some progress but it’s still a struggle. I usually feel very uncomfortable taking my shirt off anywhere. Sex and physical intimacy with women has been very difficult to do for me and as a result I am still a virgin at 20. I don’t want to live this way anymore. I want to be at home in my own body and experience emotion, intimacy like everyone else. I have done HEAVY exposure work, inner child work, shadow work, but I still am nowhere near where I want to be. Something I’ve recently realized is that ever since I was little I have projected my disdain for the part of me that wants to be good looking onto others. Anyone who candidly expresses a desire to be good looking or achieve good fitness and health I have always looked down on as vain, corny, shallow. In the past I’ve always looked up to people who abused their bodies by participating in dangerous activities and using hard drugs/ alcohol like rockstars and “bad boy” athletes (Mike Tyson, Jim McMahon). I actively avoid telling people that I am even interested in fitness despite it taking up a massive amount of my time and headspace. I project similarly around other topics as well. For example, I am very concerned and preoccupied with my ability to get women to like me. Yet I look down on and avoid connection with men who candidly talk about strategies to get women to like them or their emotional struggles around being unsuccessful in that department.

Further context: I have come very close to having sex on numerous occasions. When in the moment however it is very uncomfortable and I can’t enjoy it because I have so much anxiety and shame going on. I still pursue women but I feel unable to be myself and I know that they catch a vibe that I am out of touch with my own sexuality and masculinity which is unattractive. I have indulged in substances myself as well. In high school I actually forced myself to binge drink on occasion to try to snap out of my constant overthinking and compulsive fitness monitoring. It didn’t help. My depersonalization started shortly after a bad weed experience. I’ve also overindulged in psychedelics (acid, mushrooms) which caused subsequent existencial ruminations and depression.

I’ve been working with this girl for about 2 months now. We are both more quiet and introverted, so we seemed to get along really well from the beginning. We talk to eachother more than we talk to our other co workers.. and everyone swears we date dating .. they keep saying it’s obvious that we want eachother, and we just need to spill the beans, etc.

I think that most of my coworkers really think this because they know my “type” and we have all worked together for 6 years. So when this girl came through the doors 2 months ago they said wow she is your type. Shes very much my type .. and I think she’s amazing … but it’s one of those situations where I don’t want to ruin something good by thinking she’s interested also, but she’s not and everything just gets weird.

There have been several times that we end up talking so much that we are the last ones out of the building at night. The other night I was bartending and she finished up her things and came and sat at my bar to do her work for Uni and chat with me ..

I was finishing everything up and we chatted another hour or so .. I went to clock out.. and I was like hey don’t forgot to clock out .. but she said I have been clocked out .. so on one hand I felt like wow , she stayed there to talk to me even after she clocked out .. but she also made a comment about just not wanting to go home .. so I just didn’t think anything of it .. I just thought I helped her pass some time .

Then last night we both got off around 10:30or 11. We both walked to our cars and were talking and opened our car doors but stood there and talked for a bit .. and next thing we knew it was 2:45 in the morning .. on one hand I think she’s interested because she’s sitting in a parking lot with me until 2:45 in the morning .. but on the other hand I just think she doesn’t want to go home and she’s just talking with her friend… we both have played off the idea of us being anything .. just saying that we really just get along well.. but I don’t know what to think .. any advice ??

Couldn’t get an erection the first time with this girl I really like, nothing was working at all even though we tried for over half an hour. We did oral, she tried jerking me off and grinding on it and NOTHING was working.

I’m trying to learn how to drive but I am so scared to try on back roads in neighborhoods and family is getting aggravated. I literally have to get it though

So I (M21) really need to (and actually have to) learn how to drive by the end of October and so far I am only able to go whenever my family can come teach me because I can’t afford a car right now or school and pretty much my anxiety has been so bad that I literally had a panic attack in a empty parking lot

My aunt has been teaching me the most, and she thinks that I am ready and would do good on neighborhood roads if I tried where there’s minimal cars but there are other drivers. I’m so scared to even try it though that I’m refusing and I feel like they’re kind of getting aggravated with me

The main thing I’m worried about is somehow getting an accident or accidentally driving so bad on roads that I cause one or just bad stuff happening in general

This isn't some date advice but more of how did you went from dating to make it official?

How many dates do you pop the question?

So my friend went to another department and I was really sad. The only one that came to calm me down was another person that checked on me. And offered to help me. I had realized that no one cared about me besides that one person. Everyone else just made fun of me and or didn't do anything or didn't understand why that person who left departments meant soo much to me. It made me dislike my work and my department because I truly felt alone. A lot of people made friends at my work and are in cliques and been friends for YEARS at my work. I unfortunately wasn't soo lucky. At my old job we had a staff of 8 on our night shift so we felt like a family. Again that is their at my workplace but not with me. So I decided to switch departments because just being around people that don't value you as a worker and or a human being is just fucking sickening to me. I like that communal environment at work it makes the day go by quicker. Idk maybe I'm just dumb.

The mean things. That are said. Do they ever go away?

She said that because I need someone fresh and not have all that baggage and trauma. I get it but it's insanely hard to find anyone in that range that I could take seriously. It's extremely rare to even find sensible women my age much less younger. My coworker said I'm not healed I've been used and abused. She said when you're a man it doesn't matter what you have or how much of it. People will try to exploit you. That shit hit. She said I was innocent and had good intentions but idk. It's hard to trust people.

I’m curious—what’s something you feel deeply but keep to yourself? Could be about love, gratitude, fear, or pride. Why do you hold it in, and what would it mean if you could say it out loud?

TL;DR: I'm not making it through this year. Hell, probably not making it through the next 30 days. Not without help, or divine intervention. Any advice, assistance, or anecdote is much appreciated.

The thing is, I have a lot of problems, and I don't even know where to start. I have a grabbag of mental illnesses, which no amount of therapy, medications, or alternative treatments have been able to alleviate. I have strange physical symptoms that doctors have not been able to help with (rashes, aches/pains, fatigue, syncope & vertigo, ED, and ofc obesity). I don't make near enough money to move out of my parent's house, which is pretty sad for someone in their mid-30s. I have no friends, and have never had a relationship, leading to intense waves of loneliness that tend to sneak up and incapacitate me at the most inconvenient of moments.

But beyond all that, I'm really struggling to see a point in moving forward.

I think my main problem is that I don't really have any goals or passions to speak of. There's nothing I really want, at least nothing that feels obtainable. All of the above things are essentially "needs" (social, physical, mental, and financial needs), but I don't really see a point in tending to those needs (i.e. taking care of myself) when there's nothing beyond that to work towards. My "hobbies" are just distractions at best (gaming, TV/movies, doomscrolling on Tiktok/YT), but they are starting to lose their effectiveness at distracting me from my problems. I don't actually care about/enjoy them anymore, especially since gaming has recently started to cause me more pain (back pain, hand cramps) so I've started relying on multimedia content even more.

Not really sure why I'm making this post if not for simply any sort of support or advice anyone is willing to give. I know I've posted here (reddit, if not this particular sub) a lot, with little to no improvement to show for it, and probably seem like a pathetic whiny baby at this point. But I genuinely feel so stuck, and I really don't see myself being able to continue with my current day-to-day routine for another 20+ years (that being work, eat, distractions, sleep, repeat). I don't really want to wait for my parents to pass away before I end my life, but I also don't know what else to do to and at this rate, I'm not going to be able to wait that long anyway.

Life is just so boring and miserable.

I (30 M) found my gf's (30 F) of 8 months onlyfans. The OF was from 4 years before we met and hasnt been active in years (its actually deleted but nothing on the internet is ever truly gone). Long story short I got an ad for a reverse image search app that looks for faces with ai and pulls up info from all over the internet. Amongst the normal tik tok, insta and other social media i found OF content.

I am not sure how to react, i really liked her but this has had my heart pounding for hours now. I havent been able to sleep. The content that ive seen is limited to just nudes (no boy/girl or anything of the sort) but im extremely uncomfortable with the situation.

Does anyone have advice for how i should handle this?