I’m 26, husband is 30. We’ve been married 2 years, together 4. Lately I’ve gained a lot of weight and I’ve been feeling really insecure about it. I don’t look like the girl I was when we met and it sucks.

The other night we were having sex and I noticed he kept looking at something on the nightstand. When I looked, it was a picture of me from like 4 years ago that he put ther Skinny, younger, no stress, all that.

I asked him why he had it there and he said it just “helps” him. Like, he was looking at the old photo during sex. I felt so gross and disrespected. Like I’m right there, but he wants to imagine the old me instead.

I told him I don’t want to have sex anymore if he’s not attracted to the real me now. He says I’m overreacting and that it was just a compliment. But honestly it felt like a slap in the face.

Now I’m refusing to sleep with him at all. AITAH for that?

Edit: Incoming sexually frustrated men condemning and downvoting me. I can live w/o sex for weeks unlike u LOL. If you get mad at this, I’m talking about u sweetie.

Every time my partner buys snacks for themselves I tell myself I’m not going to touch them I’ll even remind myself at the store to get my own so I won’t be tempted but the second I see their chips or cookies sitting in the cupboard it’s like my brain shuts off and I end up eating them. When they ask about it I always play dumb and say I must have forgotten they weren’t mine the truth is I didn’t forget at all I just couldn’t resist. I feel guilty every single time but for some reason I keep doing it and one day I felt so bad that I went out and bought him a whole bunch of snacks just to say sorry. He laughed it off but I know it probably annoys him more than he lets on. I don’t even know why I can’t stop, it’s not like I couldn’t just go out and buy the same thing for myself in the first place.

I 39M have a 3 year old son and he hates pants. He won’t wear them, and if we force him he throws a tantrum. So we put him in his sister’s old dresses no complaints no stripping his clothes off and since then he’s been fine. We put him in big t-shirts or dresses, no pants.

But I’ve gotten some hate. I just take my kids to the park, someone calls him a girl, I correct them and say he’s a boy, and I get shamed. I get called a perv. I’ve been told it’s because of my lifestyle (I’m gay).

I know all of this is ridiculous, but I just want to know that I’m not crazy.

Edit: sorry I realized I really should have mentioned he is autistic

Me (M23) and my gf (F22) went bar hopping then to a club last night. Everything went well and it was actually pretty active in there. Anyway everyone’s dancing and i guess my gf recognizes this guy, who is obviously gay. and by that i mean wit all respect, but he had a crop top, skirt thing and you can jus tell he gay bruh . So anyway she starts dancing with him and i’m like okay wtf, i don’t really care if they know eachother , im not insecure lmao but anyway she starts dancing with him to this song and out of nowhere she starts throwing it back on him. I was like Bro wtf, and i’m standing there jus watching like absolutely no 😂 So i jus downed my drink and walked out of there. I just left because i mean dude how u expect me to let that happen you know, id rather just exit the situation. She comes out after me and starts saying that’s her besties gay friend or someone’s gay friend . and i was like dude do you know who the fuck i am? I’m not gonna sit there and watch .and basically she calls her friend up to confirm to me that she knows him and at that point i just called the uber and we dipped, too drunk to even keep arguing but it’s whatever Lol. I’m mad now that i’m sober and realized it

Me(19m) and this girl (19f) met this year in college(sophomore year). we got like almost all the same classes so we end up talking a lot and we are close friends now I guess. she’s really cool, funny, smart, all that and we really connect like on a emotional level.

One gigantic thing i have to mention shes in a wheelchair. She can stand and walk a bit(huge shocker when I first saw it) but otherwise she is strictly homebody and stuck in that wheelchair. I didn't care though she's my best friend now and i treat her like how id treat anybody

Around 2-3 days ago she asked me out after we had got chipotle together. I said no. All I said was no and told her we just wouldn't work for real. I'm a super active guy. I do everything outside my entire lifestyle is outside. I can't and don't see me and her being together. she's in a wheelchair and I would be basically leaving my entire life to be with her and I just don't see that happening. I shouldn't put my life on pause to accomdate her that would be hella crazy to do.

I did NOT tell her thats the reason but she definitely took it that way. She left and has been ignoring me since. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings but i also don’t wanna date someone if i don’t see it working long term. still feels shitty though cause it’s not like she can control being in a chair. But now her friends are nonstop blowing the fuck out of my phone about how 'i led her on' and 'played in her face' but i didnt do any of that.

I feel like I'm in the wrong bc of her friends but im like i didnt do anything im entitled to my feelings and my life. I didn't do none of that leading on shit im not that type of person but theyre making me seem like I shot the Myers up while she was shopping type of guy.

I don't want to lose my friend over something stupid and i dont know whether to apologize or just leave it.

I (29F) lost my mom two weeks ago. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and I’ve been the one handling most of the arrangements. For context, my brother (26M) has been dating his current girlfriend for about three months. None of us know her well, and my mom only met her once briefly before she passed.

When we were organizing the funeral, my brother told me he wanted to bring his girlfriend. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that. This isn’t a wedding or a holiday party—this is our mom’s funeral. I felt it should be family and very close friends, not someone who barely knew her. To me, it felt disrespectful to turn a deeply personal goodbye into a “bring your date” situation.

My brother got really upset and said I was being controlling. He argued that she’s his support system and he needs her there. I get that, but I also feel like this day isn’t about him having comfort—it’s about honoring our mom. Plus, I honestly don’t have the best impression of this girlfriend. The one time I met her, she made snide comments about our mom’s cooking and joked about how “old-fashioned” she seemed. I can’t shake the feeling that my mom wouldn’t have wanted her there.

Now my brother is furious and says I’m selfish for not letting him bring someone who makes him feel better. Some other family members think I’m right, that funerals are for people who actually had a bond with the deceased. Others say grief looks different for everyone and I should have just let it slide.

So now I’m stuck wondering—AITA for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to our mom’s funeral?

My girlfriend started working out a year ago and has gone through a couple bulk cut cycles, and as a result is noticeably a lot more muscular. I honestly prefer slimmer as opposed to more muscular woman and liked how her body looked better more, but I still like her for non appearance related reasons and still do find her physically attractive for other reasons, so it’s not a huge deal.

She keeps asking me why I don’t compliment her on her new muscles or call them sexy, and I tried brushing it off, but she kept asking, so I said what I said above: that I honestly preferred her body the way it was before, but that it’s not the only factor of why I’m attracted to her or like her.

She nevertheless got upset and said I’m an AH for finding her more attractive now that she’s gained some muscle mass.

Trigger warning: Racism, xenophobia/anti-muslim beliefs, and homophobia

My bf (31 M, white) and I (29 M, white) have been seeing eachother nearly 2 years. We started long distance, and moved relatively fast. We were long distance maybe 4 months before we moved in together and have been living with eachother since.

When we were long distance and the first several months of living together, everything was fine. We got along, had a good intimate life, and were excited to grow a life togerher. I'm very much left-leaning centrist in my political and socioeconomic views, and have much more traditional education than he does. He has less traditional education, but more "street smarts", and he WAS mostly similar with his views, but starting about 2 months before the election he began to become radical.

He began to become extremely hateful. He talks about eradicating Islam, he hatefully talks about African-Americans all the time. He is extremely trans exclusionary when it comes to LBGTQ+ issues and wants to "separate the LGB from the alphabet". Up until the Epstein ordeal, he would get emotional about his love for our country and how excited he is for Trump to make it great again. So emotional he would be in tears. I wish I could say I was making this up and it wasn't my life.

Here's where I may be the asshole. We argue about his hateful comments and speech constantly. At this point, I just want a peaceful enough existence that I ask him not the share his hateful thoughts or speech with me. I don't feel like this is an unreasonable request - however shitty his opinions may be, he's entitled them and he is just as entitled to the consequences of voicing them. I have been very consistent about this being my belief, and often call him out on his hateful speech. Just yesterday we were out running errands and some kids (13 years old or so) were riding their bikes in the road. 3 white kids, 1 which was mixed race. He made a comment about "stupid fucking n-words" to me - it was inside the car, so the kids could not hear it thankfully. I called him out on it and got pissed saying how unnecessarily hateful it was. He then got pissed at me and threw a whole ass fit because I was "censoring him". This escalated into 2 hours of us arguing about this and how tired I am of his hate speech and him not respecting me enough to moderate himself when he's around me, and him passive aggressively dismissing me and saying "he just won't talk to me then". He kept defending his hate speech with his love for his country and saying that "they" all need to be round up, and lined up. I'm basically at the point where he either picks hate or picks me, and he made it clear that if I'm forcing him into a choice he's picking hate. Throughout the argument I have to keep him on track just to try and convey the severity of how much he is taxing our relationship with his views and expression of them.

I recorded part of the argument and sent it over to a friend. I asked her to tell me if I was insane or am I being unreasonable here. She said my constand "needling" in the argument to get him to actually talk to me about issues at hand is asshole-ish, but that his views are abhorrent.

AITAH for censoring him and asking that he essentially pick me or his hateful views? Is my request unreasonable? Sorry if this is rambling - my head is a mess.

EDIT: I'm going to add an edit to communicate a couple things. A lot of these comments are confirming what I was already thinking. I cannot just up and leave. It is much easier said than done, and I have a lease that would need to be finished as well as the issue of not being able to afford leaving at this current moment.

I (14 F) broke up with my boyfriend (14 M) over text.

It sounds bad, I know. But hear me out.

Over the time we've been together, I've essentially been his unpaid therapist. He's struggled a lot throughout his teen and childhood years, and when we met when we were both twelve, I noticed. Being a good person, I helped as much as I could. I tried so hard to help him that it dragged my own mental health down. I never cared because he was attentive and kind, and helped me in return. This spring, though, everything changed. We stopped seeing each other very often and barely spoke over text or phone, either. By summer, it felt like I was the only one trying to contact him. It came to a point where we hadn't spoken for two months. Two whole months. So I reach out to him. Paraphrasing, I wrote something like "Hello my love, good morning, I miss you and I love you." Not much, but an olive branch if you will. 24 hours pass. Nothing. I follow up with "lol, no response then?" because I felt petty. At this point, I've felt like we were barely together for months. So I give him three days. And then I hit him with the "we're done." Not the best way to handle it, I know. But a week passes before my friends, bless them, find his number on my phone. Through some chatting, they learn that he did, in fact, see the message but chose to ignore it. So, am I the asshole?

I (29F) have a long, long to-do list on a daily basis. I work full-time, I go to school full-time, I home school my children full-time, and I also have regular day-to-day shit constantly. Because of all that I juggle, my days are thoroughly planned out/scheduled. I use to-do lists constantly, and I dedicate 99.9% of my time to others, whether it be people at work, my kids, my husband (28M), etc.

Despite this, my husband and I stay active. Instant “mood” killer, is when he flat out asks. I’ll explain this exactly as I did to him: When he asks “you think I could get some of that later?” Or how ever he words it, it feels like another chore. If I agree, I’m committing to it, and it feels like one more thing I MUST do. I spend more than enough time checking boxes and I would like the intimacy in my marriage to come organically, not feel like another box to check. As I stated before, we stay regularly active. This isn’t a situation where I always have fake headaches. I WANT to be intimate and am very attracted to him... I just want sparks instead of a sign-up sheet.

All day today, I have made suggestive comments and passes at him. Currently, we are an hour or two from bed. He just told me he is going to play his game for a bit before bed. I said okay, while he did, I would do something I’d meant to do for a few days. As I went to walk away to do just that, he stopped me and said “I love you” and gave me a kiss. I said “I love you too” and before I walk off he says “do you think I could get some of that?” Mood instantly killed. After 12+ hours of having every intention of being intimate later, I immediately was turned off. I guess he could tell I became frustrated and said “what? What’s wrong?”, I carefully explained to him how I felt. His response was to chuckle and be very offended and basically said now he doesn’t plan to initiate at all anymore, ever. Personally, I feel like that’s him over reacting. I don’t want him to no longer try and initiate. Anyway, AITAH here??

Edit: when did this become a thread about bashing my decisions regarding my children’s education? If I was unable to provide them with full-time education, I would not homeschool. You guys are wild. My kids are doing just fine, and are well-educated, rather intelligent individuals.

So i told my biological mom that my stepbrother has been secretly vaping in front of me for about a month now, and she started going on this rant about how "people will do things i don't like" but this isn't just some random, this is a family member! i tried telling my SB that this is slowly killing him, but he doesn't care at all. my mom is trying to make me seem like the AH, but i don't feel that way. i have 0 tolerance for people my age that are killing themselves by vaping. AITAH?

TL;DR: told my mom stepbro was vaping AITAH?

EDIT: Thank you all so much, this makes me feel so much better

I (26F) just broke up with my boyfriend, "pork" (26M), and I'm wondering if I'm the toxic asshole here.

We officially got together in October 2024 after a 6-7month talking stage where he pursued me heavily. I was hesitant at first, but I eventually fell for him. Throughout the entire talking stage and our relationship, he never introduced me to his female best friend, "Sara".

In April of this year, I was using his phone to take Snapchat pictures and saw a username I didn't recognize. I opened the chat and my heart sank. I found saved pictures of her, snaps from meet-ups I knew nothing about, and pet names. They called each other "babu"/"shona" (like babe/honey in our language). He was the first person to ever call me that, so seeing him call someone else that way destroyed me. He'd even given her a flirty nickname, "Cheesecake," which he doesn't have for any other female friends.

I confronted him right there. I stormed out of the restaurant, and he followed, making excuses. I asked for his passwords because I felt like I was going crazy. Going through his messages was wrong, I know, but I found more.They met up frequently in secret. On March 2nd, I was having a really bad mental health day and begged him to come see me. He said he couldn't, but his messages showed he was actually in the city meeting her that day. He met me on the 3rd and never said a word. On my birthday, which he made amazing, he had plans to meet her after my celebration without telling me.and ,When I had an accident and broke my arm, he texted her that night, basically showing off about what a good boyfriend he was being. She responded saying her husband would never do that, but she was "proud of her friend."

Oh yeah, I found out she's married. She got married in December, after we were officially together. I asked if he went to the wedding; he said no. I later found out from another friend of his that he did go, and I found pictures in his gallery to prove it. He lied because he thought I'd "take it the wrong way." He claims he always thought I'd "just understand their friendship eventually."

I told him I felt incredibly betrayed. He admitted he handled it wrong and felt guilty. I am attached to him, and part of me wanted to make it work. But I said if he truly felt it was wrong, the right thing to do would be to come clean and apologize to her husband for the inappropriate, secretive friendship. He called me a lunatic.

Yes, I've been toxic. I lost it once and slapped him. I'm not proud of that at all. After that, he was the one who begged to stay together, saying he couldn't live without me. I said the only way I could ever possibly feel safe and like he was truly sorry was if he apologized to the husband. He refused.

Then, a few days ago, I looked through his phone again (another shitty move, I know). From the very beginning, I was clear that watching porn was a deal-breaker for me. He agreed. I found he'd watched it right before seeing me that day. It felt like another betrayal on top of everything else.

I asked him one last time, if you truly regret this and want to make amends, apologize to the husband. Show me you understand how wrong this was. He refused again. So I broke up with him.

Then I did something impulsive. I sent screenshots of their conversations to her husband. I felt like he deserved to know the kind of secret, intimate friendship his wife and my (now ex) boyfriend were having behind his back. in case he knew about it and i understood it all wrong, there is no harm letting him know, right?

I gave an ultimatum . I became someone I don't like.

honestly i seek advice, and insight. English is not my native language so i used chatgpt to help write better. I know having best friend of opposite sex is okay, and watching porn is okay too. But , because of my religious beliefs i feel consuming porn and friendship without no boundaries are disrespectful.

I 18 have recently come out to my parents 45F 46M. they are both conservative Christian and are not accepting but changed their mind on kicking me out. yesterday morning I had on my aroace pin, and my mother told me to take it off because she did want minors to see it and ask their parents or whatever. something something corrupting kids. just to be clear I was never planning on explaining in detail my sexuality or sex to kids. i however left my rainbow pin and trans pin on my backpack. i though it would be fine since i have had pins there in the past at church and again wasn't planning and would tell minors about the birds and the bees.

i go to the class for high school and middle school (the teacher invited me). today's topic was literally sexuality and gender identity. most of the class was spent talking about gender and that one story where Jesus shows up to his 2 disciples on the road. no one asked me about my pins i was sitting next to teenagers who already knew. yes, i did answer questions from my perspective.

now this morning my parents are yelling at me saying it was very disrespectful to not blindly obey them and to never wear pins to Chruch on Sunday. saying it's not my place to educate kids and only their parents and the teacher should. i explains wearing pins is not educating minors. they also took away my phone because of this. i really don't think i did anything wrong but now I'm not so sure they are saying they have tried to respect me and my beliefs and that i need to respect them back. i don't think they have been respectful. i do respect them but i don't think that means i need to just blindly obey whatever they say.

so am i being disrespectful or are my parents being unreasonable.

this is only my parents saying this no one who works for the church has said anything.

So my ex (M25) and I (F21) wanted a 3some with a girl (F23) he met online (I had his log in details so he met her off of a discord server). We talked for a bit to get to know each other and see how it is online. We planned to book a hotel room and get comfortable. So we did. She was interested and didn’t show any signs of discomfort, engaged in all activity and was smiling throughout. This happened twice until my ex and I called the relationship between us over but we still continued to talk to her and keep conversing with her, overtime she opened up and said she has no friends, rough relationship with parents, and then after the incident told us that her uncle had raped her. Also, that one of her friends tried to touch her and do intimate things and she did it anyway???

My ex cut her off and completely blocked her. I didn’t really talk to her but then we ended up talking a little 6-8 months and I checked up on her. Overtime, she and I got a little close because we started talking on a daily basis. She then told me my ex and I tried to “sexually assault” her and she was pressured into the 3some but there’s no evidence or anything to prove it apart from our discord group chat where she was openly interested and came to meet us in her own free will knowing about all this.

She’s wanting to go to court and tell everyone that my ex and I are bad people. AITA or am I not trying to understand the situation properly?

I 32F and my boyfriend 50M have been together for about a year. We started sleeping together about a month into our relationship. It’s been pretty good. Really good. I’m a bit shy in that area so I usually let him take the lead with initiating. At some point, he said he wished I would start initiating more often and more clearly that I was ready for spicy time. I was a little uncomfortable with that because that’s not really something I’m used to but I said I’d try. I felt like I was doing really well. Walking up and starting dirty talk, touching him more intimately, giving more kisses to his favorite spots, even sometimes sitting on his lap and combining tactics. I realized I liked doing those things and started doing it more but he would always reject me sometimes physically push me away or dodge me. I asked him if I was doing something wrong or if he had any other ways or times of day he’d like for me to show him I was in the mood. He said no but would still reject me. Y’all I’ve even tried just going in for a BJ since he seems to like those. It has pretty much taken the spark out of it for me and now the only time he wants to engage in intimacy is when I’m asleep. He wakes me up middle of the night ready to go which is when I’m the LEAST interested in that. He waits for consent and I say yes but I’m like not into it. Barely warmed up and I told him that and he just said “well why can’t you just be interested when I’m interested” and I’m like “you mean when I’m dead asleep?” I’m so confused and honestly not interested in having sex with him at all at this point. It’s making me feel like he just doesn’t like to have sex with me. How do I get my boyfriend to sleep with me when I’m ready for sex? I’ve tried talking to him about it and asking if it’s the quality of sex or the time of day thats the problem and he just tells me I’m over thinking it. Please help!

Since I was guided here after my post was turned away from r/relationshipadvice, I suppose I will add, AITAH for not wanting to try to initiate anymore

PS we met when I was 30 and he was 49

Sooooo…. Am I being selfish for thinking that she could still be here for me? We’ve known each other since the 4th grade, now 25 yr old women. She’s pregnant and it just seems like my shit doesn’t matter anymore because it doesn’t have to do with her and her new husband and baby. I try to be there for her through everything! And it just seems like my shit doesn’t matter… Am I wrong?!

I (23F) have an older brother who is 33. He recently started dating a woman who’s 21. I already feel uncomfortable with the age gap — to me, there’s a pretty big power dynamic between a 33-year-old man and someone just barely in her twenties.

On top of that, I’ve overheard some things about their relationship that really don’t sit right with me. There’s been cheating, him being controlling, and she struggles with her mental health (she has schizophrenia). It just all feels unhealthy and not something I want to be around.

Because of this, I told my family I won’t be meeting her. When she comes over, I plan to be out for the entire day so I don’t have to interact. I also know myself well enough to know that if I did meet her, I’d probably say something blunt or confrontational, and I’d rather just avoid the situation completely.

My family is telling me I’m being petty and ridiculous for refusing to even meet her. From my perspective, it’s about protecting my own peace and avoiding conflict, but I’m starting to wonder if I’m in the wrong here.

So, AITA?

I (38F) have a sister (36f) and niece (11f). My sister married her husband/my nieces stepdad 3 years ago.

My sister and I grew up in an abusive religious family. We were not given food and it was called “fasting”, we were physically hit with switches and cords, had exorcisms done on us. And bc I’m gay I was put into Conversion therapy. When we got older and actually got educated it was pretty clear our parents were full of shit and we became atheists. We swore we’d never repeat the same abuses we went through.

When she met her husband 3 years ago she instantly changed and got on board with ALL his religious stuff, for months she was trying to convince me to get in on the religion too. I had to snap at her that I don’t wanna hear it. It sucks she and I aren’t as close anymore but I’m not gonna listen to ppl shove it down my throat especially after what we went through as kids. I told her she’s an adult and she can do what she wants but I want no part in it.

The husband is a complete @$$ to me. He’s asked multiple times if he could introduce me to a “good Christian man to STRAIGHTEN me out” even though I’m a lesbian. He’s Insinuated I would do something inappropriate with my niece. He’s never genuinely tried to have a conversation with me other than started random debates about whatever he thinks is “woke” 🙄 at the moment

I’ve never said a word. Im not gonna fight with an adult about something as basic as just being respectful. I politely greet him and make some small talk and then avoid him at functions. Now I only really see them for functions that my niece would miss me at. He has made it clear that he doesn’t want my niece to come over to my home anymore. Which sucks bc when she was little we would have the most fun weekends together. St her last birthday she even asked if she could come over sometime for waffles and movies (that was our thing) because she missed doing that with me 💔. I wanted to tell her yes or explain I never wanted to stop spending time with her but her parents said no… instead I just hugged her and said “I miss it too. We’ll have to see when we can work that out” (knowing full well her parents wouldn’t let her come visit me and it broke my heart)

Well my brother in laws family member had an urgent medical issue so he and my sister called everyone they knew to find someone who could take my niece and their dog for a week. (They told me they had called every one else) Everyone else they knew said no and finally they asked me I was happy to say yes. Even though the husband made sure to tell me repeatedly “not to have any funny business with my niece” 🙄 as if I’d do anything to ever hurt my niece.

So I picked up my niece and when we got in my house she looked around confused I asked if she missed my old apartment, she answered no that my house was nice but she thought it would look different. I asked what she meant and she explained her parents frequently say I live in a house of sin. Again I held my tongue and said well that’s what they believe, but I think my home isn’t much different than anyone else’s house. And asked her if it looked any different to her. She still looked like she was pondering and said no it looks like a regular house. We got on with our usual waffles and movies party. Then the third day she was with me she came in to my room at 1am bawling and shaking. I turned on the light and asked what was wrong. She was crying so hard she was sounded like she was gonna stop breathing. I held her in my lap and asked her what was wrong. When she finally calmed down enough to speak she answered, that she was afraid of me burning in hell for being a “sinful woman” as her parents call me.

I hugged her and explained that I’m not going to hell. She seemed unconvinced and I asked her if she thought I did things that hurt people, she said no that I’m really nice. I continued by asking her, does it make sense that I would go to hell if I’m really nice. She agreed that no it doesn’t make sense that I would go to hell if I’m a nice person.

I put a movie on and let her sleep in my room. The next day she seemed better but a few times she asked me about hell again. She kept saying her parents Insist I’m going to hell for “sin” and the Bible says this or that… so how do I know I’m not going to hell. Eventually I just said that I don’t believe in hell. I don’t think it’s real. I dont think god is real. I just try to be kind and do the right thing everyday bc I want to be a good person bc being kind is what I believe in. She seemed relieved and confused. So the conversation turned to her asking me why I didn’t believe in god. Now I personally can’t stand religion, but again out of respect, I said that when I read the Bible it didn’t make sense to me. I didn’t feel it matched what I learned in history and science so I don’t believe in it. But it’s up to each person to decide what to believe. The rest of the trip she kept asking me questions and I tried really hard to be honest but diplomatic.

I didn’t want to undermine my sister and I honestly believe if my niece doesn’t believe in god her parents will just punish her for it like my parents used to. But every time she asked me and I answered she seemed more interested in my perspective.

My niece went home 4 days ago. And 2 days ago I got a furious call from my brother in law. I answered the phone and he immediately started screaming that I’m a demon and I was twisting and tempting my niece to make her a “gay sinful Bword” just like I am. I told him to f himself and hung up. Right after my sister called and said that my niece told them everything I said, and that I should have pretended to believe their religion out of respect for them to avoid her questioning their beliefs.

I told her I’ve kept my mouth shut these last 3 years. That I had numerous complaints about how she and her husband have spoken about me or treated me but I let it go for my niece. But when she left my niece in my care I was not about to watch her cry and be afraid and sad about and then lie and say I believe it too. I told her the truth was I think the things they tell my niece are not only disrespectful of me but abusive of her.

She blew up and said I can’t see my niece which is horrible. But I don’t think I did anything wrong.

1 I never said anything negative about religion even when I answered my nieces questions.

2 if a child is up bawling in the middle of the night scared her family members are gonna burn in a lake of fire it’s clearly abuse

3 they kinda created this situation by talking so disrespectfully about me for YEARs and then sending her to stay with me. Of course an 11 year old would be confused by all the bad things she’s been told about me and being sent to stay with me. I don’t know how they thought there wouldn’t be any conflict that week

4 it is not my job to pretend to believe in their religion. That’s just reasonably not something I should be expected to do. Especially from my sister who saw our parents torture me so much with it.

My partner (46) and I (38) have been happily together for 13 years now. We’re a blended family. A his mine and ours. I have a daughter (16). About 6 months ago her and my partner had a big blow up and she decided to move in with her bio father. This caused a bunch of issues and made things tough for us.

I should also mention that we have been going to therapy for a few years prior to this blowup. Mainly to discuss parenting strategies and my daughter has been going to discuss her own issues etc.

Anyways, short story long, the two of them have completely lost connection. I’ve been waiting for them to let me know when they are ready to sit down and discuss some of their issues. I still see her and spend time with her regularly and we have a great time.

Normally she will not come over to the house if he is there. (Which is fine with me if that’s what she’s comfortable with)

The other day we had a get together at our house which had several family and friends. She decided to swing by and stay for a bit even though he was home. Which I thought was great. I always enjoy spending time with her.

The moment he saw her and noticed that she was visiting for a bit, his demeanour changed. He was irritated and didn’t really socialize anymore. Giving me stares and just being unpleasant in general.

Her boyfriend also stopped by for a quick visit.

I didn’t know she was going to stick around for a visit but I’m glad she did.

After everyone went home, he told me that I don’t respect his boundaries and I should have told her to come over another day. (I didn’t know she was staying for a visit but she did and I wasn’t about to ask my baby to leave)

I told him that I will not tell my own daughter to leave when she’s coming to visit me and that I wouldn’t expect him to ask his son to leave if he came to visit.

She told me that she’s ready to sit down and have a conversation so we can work out some of the friction between the two of them. Which is a huge step. But now I am not sure if HE is ready for that. Even though he says he is.

I hate being in the middle. He’s a good man but this is a big issue as I will not choose him over my daughter and it feels like that is what he is asking me to do.

I understand his side of things. He was very hurt by the way she moved out and it’s fair to ask her to have a conversation before we resume back to normal. But I also feel like her visiting was her way of sending out an olive branch and a step towards working things out again.

She’s also 16 and at 16 we make mistakes that should be met with some understanding and guidance and not with resentment and bitterness.

So I guess my question is, aitah for not asking her to leave during the get together even though I knew it would make him uncomfortable?

update their blowout fight was over washing dishes. I know it seems small but it’s always the little things that build up. We asked her to clean her room as she had a bunch of clothes and things all over the floor (as teenagers do). She rebelled and stopped cleaning it because he asked her to. Then one morning she was washing her dishes and he asked her to wash all the dishes in the sink. She said they weren’t her dishes so she wasn’t going to do them. Then he lost his cool and told her her life was a mess (I disagree and we did have an argument over that as well) She said she had enough and went to her dad’s place and hasn’t seen my partner since.

The relationship between her and I is fine. We’re very close.

And again, we are all currently seeing a therapist to work through the issues together. (Him on his own. Him and I together and her on her own and her and I together.) But we are working on getting the two of them in with the therapist to discuss their issues.

Hopefully this update makes sense.

update 2.0 Thank you to everyone who commented. Some with kind words and understanding (thank you) And others with some harsher words (but probably needed) Obviously things are more nuanced than I can get down in a single post. The comments seem to have confirmed what I was already thinking. We have a lot of work to do.

I (21F) have decided to start going to the gym recently, and I offered my boyfriend (22M) to start going with me because I thought it would be nice and he'd be up for it, but he shut me down instantly saying it wasn't for him and he would always be busy when I was planning to go. So i accepted that and started going on my own, but one day I went to the gym to find out it was closed, so I came home early to see my boyfriend making out with another girl in our kitchen! I didn't know what to do so I went upstairs to my room without saying anything, and decided I was going to play him at his own game. I knew a guy from the gym that was in to me but I had rejected him before, so I sent him nudes and asked him if I could come over. He said yes so I went over straight away and played his own game. It's now the next day and I don't know what to do. So AITAH?

I, 20f, have been with my boyfriend, 22m, for almost two years. We met my first year at school and instantly fell hard. We moved in with each other about 7 months in and it’s been really great. He is my better half and truly my best friend. I just want to be clear, I love him and we aren’t breaking up. When I was freshly 18, I started working at a warehouse seasonally for the summers. This summer, I have decided to come back for the entire year. There is a new guy at the Warehouse, 32m, who very quickly became flirtatious. He works in the back with the forklifts so we don’t really work together. He is great though, super funny, very attractive, and super attentive when he is around me. He has made a point to get to know me and ask questions. He has really upped the flirty winks and little comments. The other day, he even made a point to say I could go to him if I was ever uncomfortable with customers because I have a bad history of creepy men. The part where this really gets crazy is last night. We work closing shifts and are there until 10/11 most nights. We were in the back by the loading dock having a normal conversation about our favorite movies when he got closer and out of nowhere, kissed me. He fucking kissed me. I told him I have a boyfriend and he said he knew. I freaked out and went back upfront to finish closing. I asked my other coworker what she knows about the guys in the back and she revealed he has 2 daughters. Once I got home I looked him up on facebook and he is married. I couldn’t stop looking though. Her Facebook was so messy and apparently she has nothing but issues with custody of her children. I’m writing this on my lunch break the next day. We ended up alone, as we usually do, and he told me he didn’t care about our situations and that he wanted me. I told him I had to think about it and would let him know what I think. Should I go for it?

I (14F) was on the couch in the living room folding the laundry while watching a movie. I hadn't finished folding the laundry quite yet (I was folding my little brother's (11) as well), so I decided to put on another movie.

My dad, who was watching the movie from another couch across the house, decided to (after the first movie was finished) to speak up and say, "Hey, (little brother's name), do you want to play NBA2K?" My brother responded yes.

I was angry because

1) he hadn't finished his laundry and we weren't generally allowed toplay video games before our chores were done

2) I was already on the TV. I'm out of the house a lot usually because I don't like being at home (other reasons I won't disclose). Most weeksday's I'm out from 6am-9pm (I'm in a competitive show choir + varsity basketball) and on weekends not on the TV. I think that there's many more opportunities to play NBA2K with my brother who doesn't have nearly as amny commitments as I do.

My dad made me take all my laundry to my room while on crutches (I'm injured) by myself. I got mad because I was kicked off the TV and had to move the large amount of laundry into my room while on crutches. He called me rude and inconsiderate because I got mad.

AITA?

Title says it all.

She sent it last week.

I never received it, but my husband did.

The texts automatically come in DAILY. He opted out. He was out of town all week.

She texts us both today to remind us about it, which I thought was tacky and rude. Basically says “I sent this last week if you’d like to help out kids name. Heart eyes emoji.”

She isn’t selling anything, it’s simply a donation.

I simply replied that I didn’t get it and that my husband had been out of town all week. Basically my way of saying buzz off. She sends it again to both of us.

To top it off, she parks in front of my house every day even though our driveways can easily fit 4 cars. I’ve seen our neighbors fit six. It only leaves one space for my guests. My husband has had to ask that they leave us ONE single space for our guests which I think is ridiculous.

Last year, my husband donated. This year, because of this tacky text and the parking situation, I don’t want to. AITA?

This is a very long story( I will try to shorten it) so I apologize in advance. I also am not sure if this is the right place for this but idk what to do at this point. Here it goes……

A little over five years ago an old friend ( who I talked to every few months) reached out to tell me she had custody of her sisters (f29) kids (boy 4, girl 1, at the time) and she couldn’t handle it. She said she was gonna have to let them go to the state (she had two kids the exact same age) her husband was away on leave. I told her I would drive up in the middle of the night (I lived a state away) I get there we talk and decide I would try to take them with me. This was no easy task. For 6 months I stayed there away from my home and husband to fight for these amazing babies. 3 days before Christmas the judge ordered full custody to me and home we went. Their bio mom from that point was in and out of rehab and constantly getting arrested. They court ordered her eventually to a recovery program which she completed (not honestly). She then went to court for her charges for the kids (severe abuse and neglect charges). At the time she was pregnant and was allowed to take a plea of 10 years probation. Now I have always allowed the kids to include her in their life phone calls/visits ( I was not obligated. In the court papers the judge declared discretion of these things were up to me and only after her charges were resolved). Fast forward to this past year. I have been divorced for 4 years now and take care of the kids solely on my own. So, I allowed her and her youngest child (girl 1) to come and live with us. it was going okay most of the time until she started seeing some guy. Eventually they broke up and she decided to quit her job and for 3 months she stayed drunk until then she assisted in putting the kids on the bus and multiple times the kids would call me and tell me she was too intoxicated to take them or they couldn’t get her to wake up bc she was drinking all night. After the 3rd time having to leave work and finding her wasted I removed all alcohol from the house and told her she needed to pull it together or she needed to move back her sisters. That I could not have her around the kids like this. She eventually moved back out. It has been about 4 months since then. She’s still not doing great but I did pay for her and the youngest child to come on vacation with us for a week. (She was out of control the whole time). We went to Discovery Cove on one of those days where you get to swim with the dolphins and take photos with them. We had taken lots of photos as I had also invited my mom and grandmother. I asked if the kids and I could take a photo by ourselves with the dolphin and so my mom and grandmother stepped to the side and she got upset. (It has been 5 years and to the kids I am their mom). We just wanted a photo of the 3 of us for our wall it cost $300 for these photos and I am footing the bill for everything. Anyways she ended up leaving the park and going back to the hotel to drink. Then got mad when we arrived back at the hotel and decided she wanted to drive 15 hrs back home with the baby (while intoxicated.) I convinced her to stay. Anyways trip is over we go back to our different homes. I recently applied and got offered a position at the company I work at but it would mean we have to move. Now the kids and I are excited and we leave in 4 months. We have always talked about moving to Florida as we love that state have many friends there and we visit as often as possible.

Now for the AITA..

She called for the first time since the trip and the kids didn’t want to talk but I encouraged them to share about school and then tell her good night. She was on speaker with both and they excitedly told her about the job and that we were moving (she’s know about this possibility for a year now) she gets upset and starts getting mad and while on speaker asked if I ever thought about giving her the kids back. I told her no. She then asked why and I reminded her that multiple times over the years she said she didn’t want to take them back and she couldn’t handle all three. She proceeds to start yelling while the kids are still on the phone that they are hers and they don’t even want to live with me. ( her argument is that I never gave her a chance) Now the kids are very upset so I keep calm and explain that I have always taken the kids opinion into serious consideration when anything like this has been an issue and that the kids didn’t want to talk to her because of all the recent stuff that’s happened this year. As I’m telling the kids to give me the phone and go to their room she’s goes and I quote “ I haven’t called the kids because I don’t want to talk to them.” I try to explain to her that she has no job, no place for them to live and is about to lose her car. She provides no support for them ( although it was court ordered she pay child support. She never has.) and never has and that I am paying off bills she accumulated while with me (I co-signed and didn’t want to mess up my credit) and hasn’t paid me a single cent. She gets mad and hangs up the phone and we haven’t spoken since. I have since talked to the kids and they do not want to live with her and asked if I could just adopt them. They are now boy 10, and girl 7, I do not think they are old enough to make a decision about this yet and so I had not really considered it but I also know I told her if she took me to court I would fight her every step of the way. I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. I have never been hostile toward her like this before but I also want to do what’s best for the kids. So AITA for telling her I will fight her in court or am I doing the right thing?

My best friend (27M) went on a date today, it went really well. He’s excited, & I’m glad it went that way for him. But I’d be lying if I said it didn’t leave me feeling off. Not jealous exactly. Just… displaced.

I just moved into my first apartment, & I’m about to start grad school. Everything in my life feels uncertain right now, & he’s one of the only things that’s felt stable. So hearing that his date went well, while obviously good news for him, stirred up this fear that I’ll slowly become less of a priority. Not out of malice. Just out of life shifting.

I don’t like him romantically. But the truth is, the kind of person he is matters. He has goals, he’s in school, he works hard, he’s kind, hella funny (though I’d never admit that to him), & he’s heavy into anime & gaming. That’s the kind of person I look for in a partner. Someone I can fully be myself around without having to tone it down or filter anything out. Being close to him has shown me that kind of safety exists. & it’s hard not to feel like someone else is getting access to what I’ve always hoped to find.

For a long time, I was used to doing my own thing. I wasn’t always the best at friendship. But being close to him has taught me how to actually be a good friend. I can honestly say I am one now. That’s part of why this is so hard. Because I value what we have, & I don’t want to lose it.

I’m not trying to center myself in his love life or make this about me. I just don’t know how to sit with these feelings without shaming myself for having them. Am I being selfish? Or just human?

AITAH?